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The table below shows the production of milk annually in four countries in 1990, 2000 and 2010. Write at least 150 words.

The table below shows the production of milk annually in four countries in 1990, 2000 and 2010. Write at least 150 words.

The provided table demonstrates the annual milk yield in four countries namely the Netherlands, Australia, Tanzania, and Guatemala every ten years from 1990 to 2010, measured in litres.

Overall, whilst the Netherlands had the largest milk production throughout the recorded period, the opposite was true for Guatemala. It is also evident that except for Australia, the remainders’ milk quantity increased to varying degrees.

On the outset, annual milk production in the Netherlands ranked first with 11.262.000 litres in 1990, slightly exceeding that of Australia by around 16.000 units. It then decreased moderately by about 100.000 units in 2000 before a sharp recovery to 11.466.000 litres in 2010. Meanwhile, after a slight fall of over 100.000 litres of milk in 2000, Australia’s milk manufacture continued to witness a plummet of nearly 2 million units ten years later.

Turning to Tanzania, its produced amount of milk in the beginning of the recorded period was 87.000 litres gross, which was threefold Guatemala’ number in the same year. After a mild increase of nearly 60.000 units, the figure for Tanzania finally reached 155.000 in 2010. Similarly, Guatemala’s milk production grew by 29.000 units every 10 years.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "whilst" -> "while"
    Explanation: Replacing "whilst" with "while" is a more formal and traditional choice, contributing to a higher level of linguistic precision.
  2. "remainders’" -> "other countries’"
    Explanation: Using "other countries’" instead of "remainders’" is more specific and clear in referring to the countries aside from the Netherlands, Australia, Tanzania, and Guatemala.
  3. "on the outset" -> "initially"
    Explanation: Substituting "on the outset" with "initially" improves the precision of the expression, conveying the idea of the starting point more directly.
  4. "ranked first" -> "held the top position"
    Explanation: Changing "ranked first" to "held the top position" adds sophistication and specificity, offering a nuanced description of the Netherlands’ dominance in milk production.
  5. "slightly exceeding" -> "marginally surpassing"
    Explanation: Replacing "slightly exceeding" with "marginally surpassing" introduces a more nuanced and precise description, conveying a subtle degree of superiority.
  6. "moderately" -> "marginally"
    Explanation: Substituting "moderately" with "marginally" refines the description, suggesting a slight decrease rather than a moderate one.
  7. "witness a plummet" -> "experience a sharp decline"
    Explanation: Changing "witness a plummet" to "experience a sharp decline" enhances the descriptive quality, providing a more vivid picture of the decline in Australia’s milk production.
  8. "Turning to" -> "Regarding"
    Explanation: Replacing "Turning to" with "Regarding" maintains formality and adds variety to the transitional phrases used in the essay.
  9. "threefold" -> "three times"
    Explanation: Using "three times" instead of "threefold" is more straightforward and widely understood, contributing to better clarity in conveying the magnitude of the difference in milk production.
  10. "produced amount" -> "quantity produced"
    Explanation: Changing "produced amount" to "quantity produced" improves the phrasing and aligns with a more standard usage, enhancing the overall fluency of the sentence.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
This essay broadly fulfills the requirements for a Band 7. It adequately covers the overall trends and main points presented in the table, discussing the production of milk in four countries over the given years. The essay starts with a clear introduction that outlines the key information from the table and provides an overall trend. It effectively presents an overview of the data and compares the milk production among the mentioned countries over the three recorded periods.

The overview comprehensively discusses the trends in milk production for each country, identifying the significant changes and differences over the years. The essay effectively highlights key figures and trends, such as the variations in milk production for the Netherlands, Australia, Tanzania, and Guatemala over the given years.

How to improve:
To enhance this essay towards a higher band score, consider providing more specific details and comparisons, focusing on additional trends, if any, within each country’s milk production. Moreover, strive for more precise language and analysis to offer a deeper exploration of the data. Additionally, aim to include a concluding paragraph that summarizes the main trends or patterns observed across all countries to further strengthen the response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay achieves a Band 7 score for Coherence and Cohesion. It logically organizes information, maintaining clear progression throughout the essay. The introduction provides a concise overview of the topic and countries involved, setting the stage for the subsequent paragraphs. The body paragraphs follow a logical sequence, discussing each country’s milk production in a structured manner. The use of transitional phrases, such as "Turning to Tanzania" and "Meanwhile," contributes to the overall coherence. The essay also uses a range of cohesive devices effectively, aiding in the smooth flow of ideas. Each paragraph centers on a clear central topic, contributing to the overall coherence.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion further, consider refining the use of cohesive devices. While the essay generally uses them appropriately, there are instances where a more varied and precise choice of linking words could strengthen the connections between ideas. Additionally, paying attention to sentence-level cohesion, ensuring a seamless flow within and between sentences, will contribute to an even more polished essay. Lastly, while the essay utilizes paragraphing appropriately, minor adjustments could be made for an even more logical flow between paragraphs.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a solid command of vocabulary, utilizing a range of words and expressions to describe the information presented in the table. There is an attempt to use less common vocabulary, and the writer shows awareness of style and collocation. For example, phrases like "plummet of nearly 2 million units" and "sharp recovery" showcase a good range of vocabulary. The overall flow is coherent, allowing for flexibility and precision in conveying information. However, there are occasional errors in word choice and collocation, such as the use of "remainders" instead of "others" and "witness a plummet" which could be improved for accuracy.

How to improve:
To enhance the Lexical Resource, strive for greater accuracy in word choice and collocation. For instance, instead of "remainders," use "other countries" or a similar phrase. Additionally, consider refining expressions like "witness a plummet" for more precise wording. The essay could benefit from a more consistent application of sophisticated vocabulary to elevate the overall lexical quality. Proofreading for minor errors, such as typographical mistakes ("Guatemala’" should be "Guatemala’s"), will contribute to a smoother presentation.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.5

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a commendable command of grammatical structures and accuracy throughout. There’s a proficient use of varied sentence structures, employing different types of clauses and phrases. The essay maintains a consistent level of accuracy with occasional minor errors. Complex structures are well-utilized, contributing to the overall coherence and sophistication of the content. Sentences are generally error-free, enhancing the clarity of communication.

How to improve:
To push towards a higher band score, focus on refining the accuracy further. While the essay showcases a wide range of structures, aim for greater precision in the use of complex sentence constructions. Proofreading for occasional minor errors can enhance the already strong foundation of grammatical accuracy. Keep practicing to ensure consistent and polished usage of diverse sentence structures.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided table illustrates the annual milk production in four countries, namely the Netherlands, Australia, Tanzania, and Guatemala, for the years 1990, 2000, and 2010, measured in litres.

Overall, the Netherlands consistently led in milk production throughout the recorded period, while Guatemala consistently had the lowest yield. It is also notable that, with the exception of Australia, the remaining countries experienced varying degrees of increase in milk quantity.

To begin with, the Netherlands topped the list in 1990 with a production of 11,262,000 litres, slightly surpassing Australia by approximately 16,000 units. Subsequently, there was a moderate decline of about 100,000 units in 2000, followed by a notable recovery to 11,466,000 litres in 2010. In contrast, Australia’s milk production, after a slight dip of over 100,000 litres in 2000, witnessed a substantial decrease of almost 2 million units a decade later.

Shifting focus to Tanzania, its initial milk production in 1990 was 87,000 litres, which was three times that of Guatemala in the same year. Following a mild increase of nearly 60,000 units, Tanzania’s milk output reached 155,000 in 2010. Similarly, Guatemala experienced an annual growth of 29,000 units over the 10-year intervals.

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