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The table below shows the production of milk annually in four countries in 1990, 2000 and 2010. Write at least 150 words.

The table below shows the production of milk annually in four countries in 1990, 2000 and 2010. Write at least 150 words.

The bar chart compares the figure for milk annually in four different countries: the Netherlands, Australia, Tanzania and Guatemala at 10-year intervals from 1990 to 2010.
Overall, while there recorded an increase in the data of milk in the Netherlands, Tanzania and Guatemala, the figure for Australia witnessed a decline. Notably, the amount of milk in the Netherlands consistently dominated the category, while these figures in Guatemala remained lowest throughout the period.

The amount of milk in the Netherlands started highest at roughly 11 million litres, which had a small difference with the figure in Australia. This data then reduced minimally in 2000, before rising gradually and reached a peak at 11,5 million litres 10 years later. In contrast, those in Australia hit a low of about 9 million litres after 20 years in 2010.

Regarding the remaining – countries, it had an increase which started at 87 thousands litres in Tanzania, three as higher as the figure in Guatemala – 26 thousands litres in 1995. The amount of milk in Tanzania saw a noticeable growth two times to 84 thousands litres in 2010. Similarly, this data had a surge from 26 thousands litres to 55 litres in Guatemala in the first 10 years, then climbing slightly to 84 thousands litres in 2010.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "there recorded an increase" -> "there was a recorded increase"
    Explanation: The original phrase lacks a proper subject-verb structure. Adding "was" creates a grammatically correct sentence structure.

  2. "figure for Australia witnessed a decline" -> "figure for Australia experienced a decline"
    Explanation: "Experienced" provides a more dynamic and descriptive verb choice compared to "witnessed."

  3. "amount of milk in the Netherlands consistently dominated the category" -> "quantity of milk in the Netherlands consistently led the category"
    Explanation: "Led" implies a stronger position than "dominated" and offers a more assertive term for the Netherlands’ position in the category.

  4. "started highest at roughly" -> "began at approximately its highest point of"
    Explanation: Replacing "started highest at roughly" with "began at approximately its highest point of" creates a clearer and more precise description of the initial value.

  5. "reduced minimally" -> "decreased slightly"
    Explanation: "Decreased slightly" is a clearer and more commonly used phrase to convey a small reduction.

  6. "hit a low of about 9 million litres after 20 years" -> "reached a low point of approximately 9 million litres after 20 years"
    Explanation: "Reached a low point" provides a more explicit description of the decline in the amount of milk in Australia.

  7. "Regarding the remaining – countries" -> "Concerning the other countries"
    Explanation: The original phrase is unclear and incomplete. "Concerning the other countries" provides a clearer introduction to the discussion of the remaining countries.

  8. "three as higher as the figure" -> "three times higher than the figure"
    Explanation: The corrected phrase utilizes proper comparative language by using "times higher than" instead of "three as higher as."

  9. "this data had a surge from 26 thousands litres to 55 litres" -> "the volume surged from 26 thousand litres to 55 thousand litres"
    Explanation: Replacing "this data had a surge from 26 thousands litres to 55 litres" with "the volume surged from 26 thousand litres to 55 thousand litres" provides a more accurate and clearer representation of the increase in milk volume in Guatemala.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay effectively addresses the requirements of the task by providing a clear overview of the main trends in milk production in the four countries over the specified period. Key features and bullet points are presented, and the information is appropriately selected.

The introduction introduces the topic and outlines the overall trend, setting the stage for the subsequent analysis. The body paragraphs provide a detailed comparison of milk production in the Netherlands, Australia, Tanzania, and Guatemala, highlighting the variations over the three decades.

The essay contains accurate data and effectively illustrates the key features, such as the dominance of the Netherlands in milk production, the decline in Australia, and the growth in Tanzania and Guatemala. The temporal progression is well-captured, with comparisons made between the countries at different time points.

How to improve:
To enhance the essay and move it to a higher band score, consider further extending the analysis. Provide additional details, such as specific figures and percentages, to support the key features. Ensure that the language used is precise and varied, and be cautious of grammatical errors for a more polished presentation. Additionally, a more in-depth examination of trends and comparisons could strengthen the essay further.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay logically organizes information and ideas with a clear progression throughout. It effectively uses a range of cohesive devices, such as transition words, to connect sentences and paragraphs. The central topic within each paragraph is clear, aiding overall coherence. Paragraphing is generally logical, contributing to the essay’s flow.
How to improve: While the essay demonstrates good coherence and cohesion, minor improvements can be made. Pay attention to the accuracy of data representation, and ensure that referencing and substitution are consistently clear. Additionally, consider refining the use of cohesive devices to avoid any potential under-/over-use.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, allowing for flexibility and precision in conveying information. There is an attempt to use less common lexical items, and the writer shows some awareness of style and collocation. However, occasional errors in word choice, spelling, and word formation are present, such as "there recorded" (should be "there was a recorded") and "hit a low of about 9 million litres after 20 years in 2010" (awkward phrasing, it should be clearer, such as "reaching a low of about 9 million litres in 2010 after a 20-year period").

How to improve: To enhance the Lexical Resource, the writer should focus on using more accurate and precise vocabulary, avoiding awkward phrasing. Proofreading is crucial to eliminate errors in word choice, spelling, and word formation, ensuring a smoother and more polished expression of ideas. Additionally, incorporating a wider range of less common lexical items will further elevate the lexical quality of the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms. There is a good attempt at presenting a variety of sentence structures, but occasional errors in grammar and punctuation are noticeable. The overall communication is not significantly hindered by these errors, allowing the reader to comprehend the information. The essay provides a clear overview of the data and effectively describes the trends in milk production for the specified countries and time periods.

How to improve:
To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on refining sentence structures and paying closer attention to grammar and punctuation. While complex sentences are attempted, ensuring their accuracy would contribute to a higher band score. Additionally, proofreading the essay to eliminate minor errors would further improve the overall quality of the language used.

Bài sửa mẫu

Certainly! Here’s an improved version of the original report:


The given bar chart delineates the annual milk production in four distinct countries—the Netherlands, Australia, Tanzania, and Guatemala—over the span of two decades from 1990 to 2010.

Overall, a discernible pattern emerges wherein the Netherlands, Tanzania, and Guatemala experienced an upward trajectory in milk production, whereas Australia witnessed a decline. Notably, the Netherlands consistently maintained the highest production, whereas Guatemala consistently held the lowest production throughout the period.

Commencing with the Netherlands, the production started at a pinnacle of approximately 11 million litres, exhibiting a marginal decrease in 2000, followed by a gradual ascent to a peak of 11.5 million litres by 2010. Conversely, Australia experienced a notable decrease, plummeting to approximately 9 million litres by 2010 after an initial proximity to the Netherlands at the outset in 1990.

Turning to Tanzania and Guatemala, the former began at 87 thousand litres, thrice as much as Guatemala’s initial production of 26 thousand litres in 1990. Tanzania’s production experienced a conspicuous surge, doubling to 84 thousand litres by 2010. Similarly, Guatemala exhibited substantial growth, escalating from 26 thousand litres to 55 thousand litres in the first decade, followed by a modest rise to 84 thousand litres by 2010.

In conclusion, while the Netherlands maintained a consistent lead in milk production, Tanzania and Guatemala showcased significant increases, whereas Australia demonstrated a notable decline in output over the two decades.


Feel free to refer to this revised version for improvements in grammar, clarity, and structure!

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