The table describes the changes of people who went for international travel in 1990, 1995, 2000 and 2005 (in millions).

The table illustrates how international travelers in some specific areas changed in 1990, 1995, 2000 and 2005. Units are measured in millions.

The initial impression from the chart is that the figure for people traveling abroad in all areas enjoyed an upswing, except for American ones in the last 5 years over the given period. It is also clear that over the examined period, international travelers from Europe were noticeably higher compared to the other areas.

Around 280.2 million European visitors traveled abroad in 1990. The figure for international visitors from Europe, thereafter, saw a sharp rise to 390.3 million before incrementally growing by approximately 3 million and 7 million, respectively every 5 years. Visitors from the Middle East, similarly, experienced a gradual increase from 9.8 million in 1990 to 11.3 million in 1995, then continuously went up by around 2 million per five years. The upward trend was also true for the African international travel-makers with the starting point at 18.2 million, then rose to 28.7 million over the given period.

In the first five years, the number of foreign visitors from America and some from Asia and the Pacific both climbed up from 80.5 to 112.5 million and from 60.2 to 80.3 million, respectively. The former reached its peak, at 118.2 before undergoing a downward trend to 113.2 in 2005. In contrast, the latter kept considerably increasing in the next 10 years, to 117.4 million in 2000 before ending the period with 135.8 million visitors. The total number of international tourists in all five areas significantly rose from 448.9 to 615.2 million between 1990 and 1995, afterwards increasing yet more slightly by 54 million and around 24.5 million in every next five years.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The table illustrates how international travelers in some specific areas changed" -> "The table depicts the changes in international travel patterns in certain regions"
Explanation: "Depicts the changes" is more precise and formal than "illustrates how changed," and "certain regions" is more specific than "some specific areas," enhancing the academic tone.
"Units are measured in millions" -> "The units of measurement are millions"
Explanation: Adding "of measurement" clarifies the context, specifying that the units being measured are millions, which enhances clarity and formality.
"The initial impression from the chart is" -> "The initial observation from the data suggests"
Explanation: "The initial observation from the data suggests" is a more formal and precise way to introduce an analysis of the data, replacing the more casual "The initial impression from the chart is."
"enjoyed an upswing" -> "experienced a significant increase"
Explanation: "Experienced a significant increase" is more formal and precise than "enjoyed an upswing," which can imply a more positive connotation that may not be appropriate in an academic context.
"except for American ones" -> "except for those from the United States"
Explanation: "Those from the United States" is more specific and formal than "American ones," which is vague and informal.
"notably higher" -> "significantly higher"
Explanation: "Significantly higher" is a more precise and formal term than "notably higher," which is somewhat colloquial.
"incrementally growing by approximately 3 million and 7 million, respectively" -> "increasing by approximately 3 million and 7 million each"
Explanation: "Increasing by approximately 3 million and 7 million each" is more concise and avoids the redundancy of "incrementally growing."
"similarly, experienced a gradual increase" -> "similarly, exhibited a gradual increase"
Explanation: "Exhibited" is more formal and appropriate for academic writing than "experienced," which can be less precise in this context.
"went up by around 2 million per five years" -> "increased by approximately 2 million annually"
Explanation: "Increased by approximately 2 million annually" is more precise and formal, replacing the less formal "went up by around."
"The upward trend was also true for the African international travel-makers" -> "The upward trend also applied to African international travelers"
Explanation: "The upward trend also applied to African international travelers" is more formal and avoids the awkward construction "travel-makers."
"climbed up from 80.5 to 112.5 million" -> "rose from 80.5 to 112.5 million"
Explanation: "Rose" is a more formal synonym for "climbed up," fitting better in an academic context.
"kept considerably increasing" -> "continued to increase significantly"
Explanation: "Continued to increase significantly" is more formal and precise than "kept considerably increasing," which is somewhat informal and vague.
"significantly rose from 448.9 to 615.2 million" -> "increased significantly from 448.9 to 615.2 million"
Explanation: "Increased significantly" is more direct and formal than "significantly rose," aligning better with academic style.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay addresses all the requirements of the task and presents an overview of the information in the table. The essay highlights the key features of the data, but some details are irrelevant or inaccurate. For example, the essay states that the number of international visitors from America reached its peak in 2000, but the table shows that the peak was in 2000.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by focusing on the most important trends and providing more accurate information. The essay could also be made more concise by removing unnecessary details. For example, the essay could be shortened by removing the sentence "Units are measured in millions."

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay logically organizes information and ideas, demonstrating clear progression throughout. Each paragraph presents a central topic, with the first paragraph introducing the overall trends and subsequent paragraphs detailing specific regions. The use of cohesive devices is appropriate, although there are instances of slight under-use, particularly in transitions between some ideas. Overall, the essay maintains coherence, but could benefit from a more varied use of cohesive devices to enhance flow.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on using a wider range of cohesive devices to connect ideas more fluidly. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph clearly relates back to the overall theme of international travel trends would strengthen coherence. More explicit referencing and summarizing at the end of paragraphs could also improve clarity and cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary that allows for some flexibility and precision in conveying the information from the table. The use of terms like "upswing," "notably higher," and "gradual increase" indicates an awareness of less common lexical items. However, there are occasional errors in word choice and collocation, such as "foreign visitors from America and some from Asia and the Pacific," which could be more clearly articulated. Overall, while the vocabulary is adequate and mostly appropriate, it lacks the sophistication and precision required for a higher band score.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should aim to incorporate a wider variety of sophisticated vocabulary and ensure precise usage of terms. Additionally, minimizing errors in word choice and collocation will improve clarity. Practicing the use of synonyms and advanced vocabulary related to travel and statistics could also elevate the essay’s lexical quality.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of a Band 6. While the writer attempts to use a variety of structures, there are noticeable grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that occasionally hinder clarity. For instance, phrases like "the figure for people traveling abroad in all areas enjoyed an upswing" could be more clearly expressed. Additionally, some sentences are overly complex, leading to minor confusion in meaning. Overall, while communication is generally effective, the presence of errors in grammar and punctuation detracts from the overall quality.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on the following areas:

Increase Sentence Variety: Incorporate a wider range of complex sentence structures while ensuring clarity.
Proofreading: Carefully check for grammatical errors and awkward phrasing to enhance accuracy.
Clarity and Cohesion: Ensure that each sentence flows logically into the next, maintaining coherence throughout the essay.
Punctuation: Pay attention to punctuation rules to avoid errors that may confuse the reader.

Bài sửa mẫu

The table illustrates how international travelers from specific regions changed in 1990, 1995, 2000, and 2005, with figures measured in millions.

The initial impression from the chart is that the number of people traveling abroad from all regions experienced an upswing, except for those from America in the last five years of the given period. It is also evident that, throughout the examined timeframe, international travelers from Europe were significantly higher compared to the other regions.

In 1990, approximately 280.2 million European visitors traveled abroad. This figure then saw a sharp rise to 390.3 million before incrementally increasing by around 3 million and 7 million, respectively, every five years. Similarly, visitors from the Middle East experienced a gradual increase from 9.8 million in 1990 to 11.3 million in 1995, followed by a continuous rise of about 2 million every five years. The upward trend also applied to African international travelers, starting at 18.2 million and rising to 28.7 million over the given period.

In the first five years, the number of foreign visitors from America and those from Asia and the Pacific both climbed from 80.5 million to 112.5 million and from 60.2 million to 80.3 million, respectively. The former reached its peak at 118.2 million before undergoing a downward trend to 113.2 million in 2005. In contrast, the latter continued to increase significantly over the next ten years, reaching 117.4 million in 2000 and ending the period with 135.8 million visitors. The total number of international tourists across all five regions rose substantially from 448.9 million to 615.2 million between 1990 and 1995, followed by a more modest increase of 54 million and approximately 24.5 million in the subsequent five years.