The tendency of news reports in the media to focus more on problems and emergencies rather than on positive developments is harmful to the individuals and the society as a whole. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
The tendency of news reports in the media to focus more on problems and emergencies rather than on positive developments is harmful to the individuals and the society as a whole. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
There is no denying that these days news mentions various issues and emergencies more than the positive does. Although some people think that this phenomena may lead to a negative impact on society. I still believe that bad news can bring more benefits than harms.
On the one hand, bringing up bad news in an overwhelming way might harm individuals and society to some extent. Looking from a social perspective, people tend to become pessimistic about life and less friendly after long contact with negative social issues. For example, many tabloids just focus on the entertainment industry’s topic, where they can take advantage of famous people’s drama to attract the public’s attention. The result is many people have a negative perception about individuals who operate in the entertainment field but then forget their contributions to social life.
However, bad news still plays an important role in social improvement, especially in raising people’s awareness. For instance, in the period of covid 19 pandemic, reports and bulletins about the amount of people who died because of this disease appeared heavily in broadsheets and media. Thanks to the widespread of this bad news, as a warning for the world, people become cautious and willing to avoid the spread of disease. Furthermore, in fact, there is always a dark side existing in many social aspects. If every news story just focuses on the positive side, without the bad news, people might have a misunderstanding about social reality. From that, many hidden risks and problems might not be solved just because of people's ignorance.
In conclusion, although the widespread of bad news might be harmful for individuals and society in some ways. I still believe that it brings more benefits than negative impacts and the key also lies on the way we approach this source of news.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"There is no denying that" -> "It is undeniable that"
Explanation: "It is undeniable that" is a more formal and concise way to introduce a statement that is widely accepted as true, enhancing the academic tone of the sentence. -
"news mentions various issues and emergencies more than the positive does" -> "news reports on various issues and emergencies more frequently than positive news"
Explanation: The original phrase is awkwardly constructed and vague. The revised version clarifies the comparison and uses more precise language suitable for academic writing. -
"this phenomena" -> "this phenomenon"
Explanation: "Phenomenon" is the singular form of "phenomena," which is the correct usage when referring to a single instance or occurrence. -
"may lead to a negative impact on society" -> "may have a negative impact on society"
Explanation: "Have" is more appropriate than "lead to" in this context, as it directly states the effect of the phenomenon on society, which is more precise and formal. -
"bad news can bring more benefits than harms" -> "bad news can yield more benefits than drawbacks"
Explanation: "Yield" is a more formal synonym for "bring," and "drawbacks" is a more precise term than "harms" in this context, enhancing the academic tone. -
"bringing up bad news in an overwhelming way" -> "the pervasive reporting of bad news"
Explanation: "The pervasive reporting of bad news" is more specific and formal, avoiding the colloquial "bringing up" and "overwhelming way," which are too informal for academic writing. -
"harm individuals and society to some extent" -> "adversely affect individuals and society"
Explanation: "Adversely affect" is a more precise and formal way to describe the negative impact, replacing the vague "harm to some extent." -
"people tend to become pessimistic about life and less friendly" -> "people tend to become pessimistic and less sociable"
Explanation: "Less friendly" is vague and informal; "less sociable" is more specific and appropriate for academic writing, focusing on social behavior rather than a general attitude. -
"many tabloids just focus on the entertainment industry’s topic" -> "many tabloids primarily focus on entertainment industry topics"
Explanation: "Primarily focus on" is more formal and precise than "just focus on," and "entertainment industry topics" is grammatically correct and clearer than "the entertainment industry’s topic." -
"bad news still plays an important role in social improvement" -> "bad news continues to play a significant role in social improvement"
Explanation: "Continues to play a significant role" is more formal and emphasizes the ongoing nature of the role, enhancing the academic tone. -
"widespread of this bad news" -> "widespread dissemination of this bad news"
Explanation: "Dissemination" is a more precise term than "widespread," which is too vague and informal for academic writing. -
"people become cautious and willing to avoid the spread of disease" -> "people become cautious and proactive in avoiding the spread of disease"
Explanation: "Proactive" is a more precise and formal term than "willing," which is somewhat informal and vague in this context. -
"there is always a dark side existing in many social aspects" -> "there is always a darker side to many social aspects"
Explanation: "Darker side to" is a more idiomatic and formal expression than "dark side existing in," which is awkward and unclear. -
"many hidden risks and problems might not be solved just because of people’s ignorance" -> "many hidden risks and problems may not be addressed solely due to public ignorance"
Explanation: "May not be addressed solely due to public ignorance" is more formal and precise, replacing the informal "might not be solved just because of people’s ignorance."
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Task Response: 7
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Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the negative impacts of focusing on bad news and the benefits it can bring. The writer acknowledges the harmful effects of negative news on individuals and society, which aligns with the prompt’s assertion. However, the essay could have more explicitly stated the extent to which the writer agrees or disagrees with the statement, as it primarily presents a balanced view without a strong definitive stance.
- How to improve: To enhance this aspect, the writer should clearly state their position in the introduction and reiterate it in the conclusion. For example, instead of saying "I still believe that bad news can bring more benefits than harms," the writer could explicitly state, "I strongly disagree with the notion that the focus on bad news is entirely harmful; rather, it serves essential functions in society."
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Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a somewhat clear position that bad news can be beneficial, but the argument is not consistently reinforced throughout. The initial acknowledgment of the negative effects creates a slight ambiguity regarding the writer’s overall stance. The phrase "I still believe" suggests some hesitation, which detracts from the clarity of the position.
- How to improve: The writer should maintain a more assertive tone throughout the essay. Using phrases like "I firmly believe" or "It is crucial to recognize" can help solidify the position. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph ties back to the main argument would enhance the consistency of the stance.
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Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the impact of bad news on societal perception and the role of bad news in raising awareness. However, some points lack depth and could benefit from further elaboration. For instance, the example regarding the COVID-19 pandemic is relevant but could be expanded with more specific details or statistics to strengthen the argument.
- How to improve: To improve the development of ideas, the writer should aim to provide more detailed examples and explanations. Incorporating statistics, studies, or expert opinions can lend more credibility to the arguments. Additionally, ensuring that each idea is clearly linked to the main thesis will help in presenting a more cohesive argument.
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Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the implications of bad news in the media. However, the mention of tabloids focusing on entertainment could be seen as slightly tangential, as it does not directly relate to the broader societal impacts of negative news reporting.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every example directly supports the main argument about the effects of bad news on society. Avoiding examples that stray from the central theme will help keep the essay tightly aligned with the prompt. Instead of discussing entertainment tabloids, the writer could focus on news related to social issues, crime, or health crises that directly illustrate the impact of bad news on public awareness and behavior.
By addressing these areas, the writer can enhance the overall effectiveness of the essay, potentially raising the band score in Task Response.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7
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Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument with a discernible structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the writer’s stance. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, with the first paragraph discussing the negative impacts of bad news and the second highlighting its benefits. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother. For instance, the shift from discussing the negative effects of bad news to the positive aspects could benefit from a clearer linking sentence to guide the reader.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect ideas between paragraphs. For example, at the end of the first paragraph, a sentence like, "Despite these drawbacks, it is important to recognize the potential benefits that bad news can bring," would provide a clearer transition to the next point.
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Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which aids readability. Each paragraph has a main idea, but some paragraphs could be further developed. The first paragraph could benefit from more examples or elaboration on the negative effects of bad news, while the second paragraph could delve deeper into specific instances where bad news has led to positive societal changes.
- How to improve: To strengthen paragraph structure, ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea. Additionally, consider expanding on key points with more examples or explanations. For instance, in the second paragraph, you could include more specific examples of how bad news has led to social change or awareness, which would provide more depth to your argument.
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Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "on the one hand" and "however," to contrast ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be strengthened. For example, the phrase "thanks to the widespread of this bad news" could be rephrased for clarity and cohesion, as it feels slightly awkward.
- How to improve: To diversify and effectively use cohesive devices, incorporate a variety of linking words and phrases throughout the essay. For instance, you could use "in addition," "moreover," or "conversely" to provide clearer connections between ideas. Additionally, consider using pronouns or synonyms to avoid repetition and enhance flow. For example, instead of repeating "bad news," you could use "such reports" or "negative coverage" in subsequent references.
By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, ultimately enhancing the overall clarity and effectiveness of the argument presented.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
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Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, with some effective word choices such as "pessimistic," "awareness," and "misunderstanding." However, there are instances where the vocabulary could be more varied. For example, the phrase "bad news" is repeated multiple times without synonyms or alternatives, which limits the lexical diversity.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, consider using synonyms or related terms. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "bad news," alternatives like "negative reports," "adverse news," or "unfavorable developments" could be employed. Additionally, incorporating more advanced vocabulary related to the topic, such as "detrimental," "adverse effects," or "social discourse," would elevate the essay.
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Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay generally conveys meaning, there are moments of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "the entertainment industry’s topic" is vague and could be more clearly articulated. The term "phenomena" is also misused in the context; the singular form "phenomenon" would be more appropriate here.
- How to improve: Focus on using vocabulary that accurately reflects the intended meaning. For instance, clarify phrases like "the entertainment industry’s topic" by specifying "issues within the entertainment industry." Additionally, ensure that singular and plural forms are used correctly; in this case, "phenomenon" should replace "phenomena" when referring to a singular concept.
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Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains a few spelling errors, such as "widespread" which is incorrectly written as "widespread of" in the conclusion. The phrase "covid 19 pandemic" should be capitalized as "COVID-19 pandemic." These errors can detract from the overall professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider implementing a proofreading strategy. After writing the essay, take a moment to read it aloud or use spell-check tools to catch errors. Additionally, familiarize yourself with common spelling rules and the correct formatting of terms, such as proper nouns and acronyms, to avoid mistakes in future essays.
By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher band score in Lexical Resource. Focus on expanding vocabulary, ensuring precise usage, and maintaining spelling accuracy to enhance overall clarity and effectiveness in writing.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7
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Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, the use of complex sentences such as "Although some people think that this phenomena may lead to a negative impact on society" effectively conveys nuanced ideas. However, there are instances where sentence structures could be more varied. For example, the phrase "the widespread of bad news might be harmful for individuals and society in some ways" could be restructured for improved clarity and engagement.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating more conditional sentences (e.g., "If news reports focused more on positive developments, people might feel more optimistic") and using different introductory phrases (e.g., "Despite the negative aspects, it is essential to recognize…"). Additionally, varying the length of sentences can create a more dynamic rhythm in writing.
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Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The overall grammatical accuracy is commendable, but there are several errors that detract from the overall quality. For instance, "this phenomena" should be corrected to "this phenomenon" as "phenomena" is the plural form. Additionally, the phrase "the widespread of this bad news" should be revised to "the widespread nature of this bad news" for grammatical correctness. Punctuation is generally used correctly, but there are instances where commas could enhance clarity, such as after introductory phrases.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, it is crucial to review subject-verb agreement and singular/plural forms. Regular practice with grammar exercises focusing on common errors can be beneficial. For punctuation, consider studying the rules for comma usage, especially in complex sentences. Reading more academic texts can also help internalize correct grammatical structures and punctuation usage.
In summary, while the essay demonstrates a good command of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and correcting specific grammatical errors will help elevate the score further. Regular practice and careful proofreading can significantly enhance the overall quality of writing.
Bài sửa mẫu
There is no denying that these days news reports mention various issues and emergencies more frequently than positive developments. Although some people argue that this phenomenon may have a negative impact on society, I still believe that bad news can yield more benefits than drawbacks.
On the one hand, the pervasive reporting of bad news might adversely affect individuals and society to some extent. From a social perspective, people tend to become pessimistic about life and less sociable after prolonged exposure to negative social issues. For example, many tabloids primarily focus on topics from the entertainment industry, where they exploit famous people’s dramas to attract public attention. As a result, many individuals develop a negative perception of those in the entertainment field, forgetting their contributions to social life.
However, bad news still plays an important role in social improvement, particularly in raising awareness. For instance, during the COVID-19 pandemic, reports and bulletins about the number of people who died from this disease were heavily featured in broadsheets and media outlets. Thanks to the widespread dissemination of this bad news, which served as a warning for the world, people became cautious and proactive in avoiding the spread of disease. Furthermore, there is always a darker side to many social aspects. If every news story focused solely on the positive, without addressing the bad news, people might develop misunderstandings about social reality. Consequently, many hidden risks and problems may remain unaddressed due to public ignorance.
In conclusion, although the pervasive reporting of bad news may be harmful to individuals and society in some ways, I still believe that it brings more benefits than negative impacts. The key lies in how we approach and interpret this source of news.