the two maps below show an island, before and after the construction of some tourist facilities

The provided plans illustrate the changes of an island with the number of facilities added for tourism development.

Overall, it is clear that the dramatic changes from the island was surrounded by sea to a redevelop into a commercial full of facilities.

In the left side of both maps, a number of adaptions had been built for visitors on the island. In every accommodation have footpath and travellers can follow them to go to a beach which used for swimming. However, in the right side, do not have any changes at this place which was perdominantly bare, and only a few scattered trees

At the middle of the plans, reception was built to carry out the procedures at this commercial establisment. This place also connected with the restaurant by the vehicle track, it can easily for tourist if they have an demand of feeding. At the bottom of the maps, the pier design to accommodate for boats. In addition, some huts had been bulit in the right side of the reception to variety the places in construct for travellers to explore the island.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The provided plans illustrate the changes of an island" -> "The provided plans depict the transformations of an island"
Explanation: "Depict" is a more precise and formal term than "illustrate" in this context, and "transformations" is more specific than "changes," which is vague.
"with the number of facilities added for tourism development" -> "with the addition of various facilities for tourism development"
Explanation: "With the addition of various facilities" is more specific and formal than "with the number of facilities added," which is somewhat redundant and informal.
"the island was surrounded by sea" -> "the island was surrounded by the sea"
Explanation: Adding "the" before "sea" corrects the grammatical error and enhances the formality of the sentence.
"redevelop into a commercial full of facilities" -> "redeveloped into a commercial center with numerous facilities"
Explanation: "Redeveloped" is the correct past participle form needed here, and "commercial center" is a more precise term than "commercial full of facilities," which is awkward and informal.
"a number of adaptions had been built" -> "several adaptations had been constructed"
Explanation: "Several" is more specific than "a number of," and "constructed" is a more formal verb than "built" in this context.
"In every accommodation have footpath" -> "Each accommodation features footpaths"
Explanation: "Features" is more formal and precise than "have," and "footpaths" is the plural form needed to match the context.
"travellers can follow them to go to a beach which used for swimming" -> "visitors can follow these paths to access a swimming beach"
Explanation: "Visitors" is more formal than "travellers," and "access a swimming beach" is clearer and more specific than "go to a beach which used for swimming."
"do not have any changes at this place" -> "no changes have been made to this site"
Explanation: "No changes have been made" is a more formal and precise expression than "do not have any changes at this place."
"which was perdominantly bare" -> "which was predominantly bare"
Explanation: Corrects the spelling of "predominantly."
"only a few scattered trees" -> "only a few scattered trees remained"
Explanation: Adding "remained" clarifies that the trees were previously present and still exist.
"reception was built to carry out the procedures at this commercial establisment" -> "the reception was constructed to facilitate procedures at this commercial establishment"
Explanation: "Constructed" is more formal than "built," and "facilitate procedures" is more precise than "carry out the procedures."
"This place also connected with the restaurant by the vehicle track, it can easily for tourist if they have an demand of feeding" -> "This location is also connected to the restaurant via a vehicle track, making it easily accessible for tourists who may require dining facilities"
Explanation: "Location" is more formal than "place," and "making it easily accessible" is clearer and more formal than "it can easily for tourist if they have an demand of feeding." Additionally, "require dining facilities" is more precise than "have an demand of feeding."
"the pier design to accommodate for boats" -> "the pier was designed to accommodate boats"
Explanation: "Was designed" is the correct past tense for the passive voice, and "accommodate boats" is grammatically correct.
"some huts had been bulit in the right side of the reception" -> "some huts were built on the right side of the reception"
Explanation: "Were built" corrects the verb tense, and "on the right side" is more precise than "in the right side."
"to variety the places in construct for travellers to explore the island" -> "to enhance the variety of facilities for travelers to explore the island"
Explanation: "Enhance the variety of facilities" is more specific and formal than "to variety the places in construct," which is awkward and unclear.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5

Explanation: The essay generally addresses the task, but the format is inappropriate in places. The essay does not provide a clear overview of the changes to the island. Instead, it recounts details mechanically, focusing on individual features rather than presenting a broader picture of the transformation. The essay also lacks data to support the description, making it difficult for the reader to understand the extent of the changes.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clear overview of the changes to the island, highlighting the key features and the overall impact of the development. The essay should also include more specific details about the changes, such as the number of accommodation units built or the length of the pier. The essay should also avoid using vague language, such as "a number of adaptions" or "a few scattered trees." Instead, the essay should use precise language to describe the changes. For example, instead of saying "a number of adaptions," the essay could say "ten accommodation units."

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, but there are noticeable issues with overall progression and clarity. While there are attempts to describe the changes on the island, the logical flow of ideas is often disrupted by awkward phrasing and grammatical errors. The use of cohesive devices is inconsistent, leading to a lack of clarity in some areas. Paragraphing is attempted but not always effective, which detracts from the overall coherence of the essay.
How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on improving the logical flow of ideas by clearly linking sentences and paragraphs. Using a wider range of cohesive devices appropriately will help in creating smoother transitions between points. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph has a clear central topic and is well-structured will improve overall organization. Proofreading for grammatical accuracy and clarity will also strengthen the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While it attempts to describe the changes to the island, the vocabulary used is often basic and repetitive, which detracts from the overall clarity and effectiveness of the description. There are noticeable errors in word choice, spelling, and word formation (e.g., "perdominantly," "bulit," "establisment"), which may cause some difficulty for the reader. Additionally, the use of phrases like "the dramatic changes from the island was surrounded by sea" indicates a lack of grammatical control and precision in vocabulary usage.
How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should aim to incorporate a wider range of vocabulary, including less common lexical items that are relevant to the topic. Practicing synonyms and varying sentence structures can help avoid repetition. Additionally, focusing on correct spelling and word formation will improve clarity. Engaging with more complex sentence structures and ensuring accurate collocations will also contribute to a more sophisticated use of language.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, primarily using simple sentences with some attempts at complex forms. However, there are frequent grammatical errors, such as incorrect verb forms, missing articles, and issues with subject-verb agreement, which can cause difficulty for the reader. While the overall meaning is conveyed, the errors detract from the clarity and fluency of the writing.

How to improve:

Expand Sentence Variety: Incorporate a wider range of sentence structures, including more complex sentences with subordinate clauses. This will enhance the grammatical range.
Focus on Accuracy: Review and practice common grammatical rules, particularly verb forms and subject-verb agreement, to reduce errors.
Proofreading: Allocate time to proofread the essay for punctuation and grammatical mistakes before submission. This can help catch errors that may distort meaning.
Use of Articles: Pay attention to the use of definite and indefinite articles, as their correct usage can improve sentence clarity and correctness.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided plans illustrate the changes to an island with the addition of facilities for tourism development.

Overall, it is clear that there have been dramatic changes, transforming the island from a location surrounded by sea to a commercial area full of facilities.

On the left side of both maps, several adaptations have been made for visitors on the island. Each accommodation has a footpath, allowing travelers to follow them to a beach designated for swimming. However, on the right side, there have been no changes in this area, which remains predominantly bare, with only a few scattered trees.

In the middle of the plans, a reception area has been built to manage procedures at this commercial establishment. This area is also connected to the restaurant by a vehicle track, making it easily accessible for tourists who have a demand for food. At the bottom of the maps, the pier is designed to accommodate boats. In addition, some huts have been built on the right side of the reception to diversify the options available for travelers to explore the island.