the two maps given show the changes in a town of Westley since 1815

The two pictures describe how an area in Westley has changed from 1815.
On the whole, this town underwent several dramatic changes, the most important of which are the rearrangement of housing complexes and the construction of new railway station.
In the northwest of the map, the path across the Twine Toll bridge was cleared to make way for the new railway station going along the left side of the area, which was accompanied by the demolishment of vast land of fields. There used to be a coach inn and the church in the center of the village, but it was then redeveloped into new sport centre, museum and a West Gate shopping center. The north side of the picture also saw a number of changes, withLord Westley's house being turned to the Red Line and Lenton Hotel, and the green land on the opposite side of it being converted to Lenton Housing Estate.
Especially, on the top right of the map, the Tinton village and the Lenton Lake stayed the same, while accomodations in the east of the town was transformed into business and residential area. One more thing worth noting is that no changes was made to the market square, and a new path joined to town hall and the Shopping, business and housing complexes down side of it.

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Errors and Improvements:

"underwent several dramatic changes" -> "experienced numerous significant transformations"
Explanation: "Underwent several dramatic changes" is somewhat redundant and lacks precision. "Experienced numerous significant transformations" conveys a similar meaning but with a more refined and varied vocabulary.
"rearrangement of housing complexes" -> "reorganization of residential areas"
Explanation: "Rearrangement of housing complexes" is somewhat colloquial. "Reorganization of residential areas" is a more formal and precise alternative that better captures the restructuring of the living spaces.
"demolishment of vast land of fields" -> "demolition of extensive agricultural land"
Explanation: "Demolishment of vast land of fields" is awkward and imprecise. "Demolition of extensive agricultural land" offers a more accurate description using advanced vocabulary.
"redeveloped into new sport centre" -> "transformed into a new sports center"
Explanation: "Redeveloped into new sport centre" is grammatically incorrect. "Transformed into a new sports center" is a clearer and more grammatically accurate alternative.
"number of changes, withLord Westley’s house" -> "series of changes, including Lord Westley’s house"
Explanation: "Number of changes, withLord Westley’s house" lacks clarity and proper punctuation. "Series of changes, including Lord Westley’s house" maintains clarity and grammatical correctness.
"accomodations" -> "accommodations"
Explanation: "Accomodations" contains a spelling error. "Accommodations" is the correct spelling.
"transformed into business and residential area" -> "converted into a mixed-use business and residential area"
Explanation: "Transformed into business and residential area" lacks specificity. "Converted into a mixed-use business and residential area" provides a clearer description, emphasizing the combination of commercial and residential spaces.
"no changes was made" -> "no changes were made"
Explanation: "No changes was made" contains a subject-verb agreement error. "No changes were made" corrects the error and maintains grammatical accuracy.
"joined to town hall" -> "connected to the town hall"
Explanation: "Joined to town hall" is ambiguous. "Connected to the town hall" clarifies the relationship between the new path and the town hall.
"Shopping, business and housing complexes down side of it" -> "Shopping, business, and housing complexes situated below it"
Explanation: "Down side of it" is informal and lacks clarity. "Situated below it" provides a more precise description of the location of the complexes.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

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Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay adequately addresses the task by describing the changes in the town of Westley since 1815. It provides an overview of the main changes, such as the rearrangement of housing complexes and the construction of a new railway station. Key features and bullet points are presented, including the redevelopment of the coach inn and church into a sports center, museum, and shopping center, as well as the transformation of Lord Westley’s house and green land into new establishments. Additionally, the essay mentions areas that remained unchanged, like Tinton village and Lenton Lake. However, some details may be irrelevant or inaccurate, such as mentioning the demolishment of "vast land of fields" without specifying their significance. The presentation of key features could be more fully extended to provide a clearer picture of the changes.
How to improve: To improve, ensure that all details provided are relevant and accurate. Expand on the key features mentioned to provide more comprehensive coverage of the changes. Additionally, focus on providing a clearer overview of the changes without unnecessary details that do not contribute to the understanding of the transformation of the town since 1815. Consider providing more specific information about the changes, such as the scale of development or the reasons behind certain transformations. Overall, aim to present a more detailed and coherent description of the changes in the town of Westley.
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Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay presents some organization in discussing the changes in Westley since 1815. There is an attempt to describe the changes, such as the rearrangement of housing complexes and the construction of a new railway station. However, the progression of ideas is somewhat lacking, and there are instances of inadequate cohesive devices and repetitive language. While some effort is made to use paragraphs, they are not consistently logical or well-structured.

How to improve: To improve coherence and cohesion, the essay could benefit from clearer organization and smoother transitions between ideas. Ensure that cohesive devices are used appropriately to connect sentences and paragraphs. Avoid repetitive language and strive for a more varied vocabulary. Additionally, focus on maintaining a consistent paragraph structure to enhance the overall readability and coherence of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary for the task, covering various aspects of the maps provided. It attempts to use less common vocabulary, such as "redevelopment," "complexes," and "demolishment," although there are instances where word choice could be more precise, and some inaccuracies in word formation are present (e.g., "redevelopmented" instead of "redeveloped"). The essay provides a description of the changes depicted in the maps, albeit with occasional errors and inconsistencies, such as "path across the Twine Toll bridge" which may be unclear. Overall, the essay effectively communicates the changes observed in the town of Westley, but improvements in lexical accuracy and clarity are needed to enhance precision and fluency.

How to improve:

Enhance lexical accuracy by ensuring correct word formations and usage throughout the essay.
Use more precise vocabulary to convey ideas more effectively, avoiding vague or ambiguous terms.
Maintain consistency in terminology and descriptions to provide a clearer depiction of the changes depicted in the maps.
Expand the range of vocabulary used to add depth and sophistication to the essay’s expression.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, including some attempts at complex structures, such as subordinate clauses. However, there are several grammatical errors and punctuation inconsistencies throughout the essay, which slightly reduce communication clarity. The essay generally conveys the information about the changes in the town of Westley since 1815, but some sentences could be rephrased for better clarity.

How to improve:

Work on sentence structure variety by incorporating more complex structures consistently throughout the essay.
Pay attention to grammatical accuracy and punctuation consistency to reduce errors and enhance clarity.
Clarify certain expressions and details to ensure the reader can easily understand the conveyed information.
Practice proofreading and editing to eliminate errors and improve overall coherence and cohesion.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided maps illustrate the evolution of Westley town since 1815.

Overall, significant transformations occurred within the town, notably in the reorganization of residential areas and the establishment of a new railway station.

In the northwest section of the map, the Twine Toll bridge path was cleared to make way for the construction of the new railway station, extending along the left side of the area. This development led to the demolition of extensive fields. Additionally, the former location of a coach inn and a church in the village center underwent redevelopment, resulting in the creation of a new sports center, museum, and the West Gate shopping center.

Further changes were observed on the northern side of the map. Lord Westley’s house was repurposed into the Red Line and Lenton Hotel, while the adjacent green land was transformed into the Lenton Housing Estate.

Notably, the Tinton village and Lenton Lake in the upper right remained unchanged. However, accommodations in the eastern part of the town underwent a conversion into a mix of business and residential areas.

Of significance is the preservation of the market square, which remained unaltered. Additionally, a new pathway was established, connecting the town hall with the shopping, business, and housing complexes located below it.