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The use of social media, e.g. Facebook, and Twitter, is replacing face-to-face contact for many people in everyday life. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

The use of social media, e.g. Facebook, and Twitter, is replacing face-to-face contact for many people in everyday life. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

One school of thought holds that we It is widely recognized that the level of people's use of social media such as Facebook and Twitter is greater than the amount of direct interaction people have in everyday life. While this admittedly has certain benefits, I would argue that the drawbacks are far more significant.
On the one hand, social media platforms can be beneficial to a certain extent. One prominent advantage is that it is convenient to communicate regardless of geographical gap. For instance, when you are working abroad, you can easily contact friends and relatives or share instant photos through social media platforms to let people know about your activities. Aside from this, news, study, and work issues will become more flexible. Information dissemination is significantly propelled, helping readers update news quickly. Meetings are now often set up in the form of online exchanges between investors and businessmen. This makes things more convenient when not hindered by external factors such as geographical location, flights, or personal work. The same goes for studying, we can make calls anytime, anywhere; documents as well as reference information about lessons can be reviewed through files uploaded to the class group. Sometimes face-to-face contact will be very disadvantageous for us, such as the distance from home to work and study or bad weather.
On the other hand, I am convinced that the aforementioned benefits pale in significance when compared to the dire repercussions of that development. After a long time of exposure to social networks, people become reluctant to communicate, clearly showing the erosion of genuine human connections. Indirect communication perceives non-verbal cues, and sentences in messages are severely truncated. The result is that when people meet face to face, they will not know what to say and find it difficult to express their true feelings. This cannot form real relationships leading to an intense feeling of isolation. Speaking of social networks, cyberbullying is also a serious problem, it can start from personal conflicts or from unofficial information on social networks, it is as dangerous as bullying in the outside world and even aggravates mental health problems. This makes people discouraged from real relationships. Moreover, prolonged exposure to screens also leads to a decline in human physical health such as eye diseases, back pain, or obesity.
In conclusion, despite certain advantages, the development of social media still shows more harm to people.
need to accept the impact of climate change in our lives rather than try to stop it. While acknowledging the reasons for this proposal, I would argue that I would agree this could be a good solution but there still contains some inadequate problems as well.
On the one hand, there are good grounds for advocating that climate change still has some solutions to be solved. Climate change mitigation advocates emphasize the importance of addressing the root causes of it. Burning fossil fuels for energy production, industrial activities and deforestation are the main causes of greenhouse gas emissions, exacerbating global warming. Governments and industries must prioritize the transition to renewable energy sources, improve energy efficiency, and implement emissions-limiting policies to limit the severity of climate impacts in the long term.
On the other hand, climate change can be considered to become an irreversible phenomenon for decades so acclimatizing to it can be a temporary solution while we are steadily improving the impact of climate change. Climate change is happening and it is impacts on such as rising sea levels, extreme weather events and shifts in agricultural patterns, are increasingly clear. For example, Holland facing flooding is taking measures such as building sea walls and relocating infrastructure to minimize risks. By adapting early, societies can reduce vulnerability and mitigate potential socioeconomic disruptions caused by climate-related disasters. However, a balanced approach is needed. While mitigation aims to reduce future climate risks, adaptation prepares societies to cope with current and inevitable changes.
In short, while efforts to mitigate climate change through emissions reduction are important, adapting to its inevitable impacts is equally important. Governments, businesses and communities must work together to develop comprehensive strategies that incorporate both mitigation and adaptation measures. That way, societies can build resilience, protect the health of their populations and sustainably manage the challenges posed by a changing climate.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "One school of thought holds that we" -> "One perspective suggests that"
    Explanation: "One school of thought holds that we" is somewhat awkward and informal. "One perspective suggests that" is more concise and academically appropriate.

  2. "It is widely recognized that the level of people’s use of social media such as Facebook and Twitter is greater than the amount of direct interaction people have in everyday life." -> "It is widely acknowledged that the extent of social media usage, exemplified by platforms such as Facebook and Twitter, surpasses the frequency of direct interpersonal interactions in daily life."
    Explanation: The original phrase is wordy and informal. The revised version is more precise and formal, improving clarity and academic tone.

  3. "I would argue that the drawbacks are far more significant" -> "I contend that the drawbacks are significantly more substantial"
    Explanation: "I would argue" is somewhat informal for academic writing. "I contend" is more assertive and formal. "Significantly more substantial" replaces "far more significant" for a more precise and formal expression.

  4. "it is convenient to communicate regardless of geographical gap" -> "it facilitates communication regardless of geographical distance"
    Explanation: "Geographical gap" is an incorrect term. "Geographical distance" is the correct term, and "facilitates" is more formal than "is convenient."

  5. "Aside from this, news, study, and work issues will become more flexible." -> "Furthermore, news dissemination, academic pursuits, and professional endeavors will become more flexible."
    Explanation: "Aside from this" is informal and vague. "Furthermore" is more appropriate for academic writing. The revised phrase clarifies the types of issues discussed.

  6. "Information dissemination is significantly propelled" -> "Information dissemination is significantly accelerated"
    Explanation: "Propelled" is not the correct term in this context. "Accelerated" is the appropriate term for describing increased speed or efficiency.

  7. "Meetings are now often set up in the form of online exchanges" -> "Meetings are increasingly conducted through online exchanges"
    Explanation: "Set up in the form of" is awkward and verbose. "Conducted through" is more direct and formal.

  8. "The same goes for studying, we can make calls anytime, anywhere; documents as well as reference information about lessons can be reviewed through files uploaded to the class group." -> "Similarly, students can access educational materials and reference documents at any time and from any location through uploaded files in the class group."
    Explanation: The original sentence is informal and lacks clarity. The revision clarifies the subject (students) and uses more formal language.

  9. "Sometimes face-to-face contact will be very disadvantageous for us" -> "Occasionally, face-to-face interactions may be disadvantageous"
    Explanation: "Sometimes" is informal and vague. "Occasionally" is more precise and formal. "Face-to-face interactions" is a more formal term than "face-to-face contact."

  10. "After a long time of exposure to social networks" -> "Following prolonged exposure to social networks"
    Explanation: "After a long time of exposure" is informal and wordy. "Following prolonged exposure" is more concise and formal.

  11. "clearly showing the erosion of genuine human connections" -> "clearly indicating the erosion of genuine human connections"
    Explanation: "Showing" is less formal than "indicating," which is more suitable for academic writing.

  12. "Speaking of social networks, cyberbullying is also a serious problem" -> "Regarding social networks, cyberbullying is a significant concern"
    Explanation: "Speaking of" is informal and conversational. "Regarding" is more formal and appropriate for academic writing.

  13. "it can start from personal conflicts or from unofficial information on social networks" -> "it may originate from personal conflicts or from unofficial information disseminated through social networks"
    Explanation: "Start from" is informal and vague. "Originate from" is more precise and formal. "Disseminated" is a more appropriate verb for describing the spread of information.

  14. "it is as dangerous as bullying in the outside world" -> "it is comparable to bullying in the physical world"
    Explanation: "As dangerous as" is informal and colloquial. "Comparable to" is more formal and precise.

  15. "prolonged exposure to screens also leads to a decline in human physical health such as eye diseases, back pain, or obesity" -> "prolonged exposure to screens also contributes to a decline in human physical health, including eye diseases, back pain, and obesity"
    Explanation: "Leads to" is somewhat informal and vague. "Contributes to" is more precise and formal. Adding "including" clarifies the types of health issues mentioned.

These changes enhance the formality, precision, and clarity of the text, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of social media replacing face-to-face contact. The first paragraph outlines the benefits of social media, such as convenience and flexibility in communication, while the second paragraph focuses on the drawbacks, including the erosion of genuine human connections and health issues. However, the essay could have more explicitly weighed these advantages against the disadvantages in a more structured manner, which would provide a clearer answer to the question of whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
    • How to improve: To improve, the essay should more clearly delineate the advantages and disadvantages in a comparative format. This could involve summarizing the key points of each side in a concluding sentence that directly addresses the prompt, such as stating which side ultimately has more weight based on the arguments presented.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that the disadvantages of social media outweigh its advantages. This is evident in the concluding statement, which reinforces the author’s stance. However, the introduction could be more assertive in stating the position, as it currently presents a somewhat neutral tone before leaning towards the negative aspects.
    • How to improve: To enhance clarity of position, the introduction should explicitly state the author’s viewpoint more confidently. Phrases like "I firmly believe" or "It is clear that" can help establish a strong position from the outset. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph consistently ties back to this main argument will strengthen the overall coherence.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas regarding the benefits and drawbacks of social media, such as convenience and the decline of genuine connections. These ideas are generally well-supported with examples, such as the mention of communication while working abroad and the implications of cyberbullying. However, some points could be further developed; for instance, the discussion on health issues is somewhat brief and could benefit from additional elaboration or examples.
    • How to improve: To improve the development of ideas, the author should aim to provide more detailed examples and explanations for each point made. For instance, when discussing health issues, specific statistics or studies could be referenced to substantiate claims. Additionally, extending discussions on how these issues manifest in daily life would provide more depth.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the impact of social media on face-to-face interactions. However, there is a noticeable shift in the latter part of the essay, where the topic transitions to climate change, which is unrelated to the prompt. This shift detracts from the overall coherence and focus of the essay.
    • How to improve: To maintain focus, the author should ensure that all content directly relates to the prompt. It is crucial to avoid introducing unrelated topics, as this can confuse the reader and dilute the main argument. A thorough review of the essay before submission can help identify and eliminate any off-topic content.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a clear argument, improvements can be made in structuring the response to directly address the prompt, maintaining a consistent position, elaborating on ideas, and staying focused on the topic throughout.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both advantages and disadvantages of social media, and a conclusion. However, the transition between the two main points could be smoother. For instance, the shift from discussing the benefits of social media to the drawbacks is somewhat abrupt, which may confuse the reader. Additionally, the second part of the essay introduces a different topic related to climate change, which detracts from the main focus on social media.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure that each paragraph flows naturally into the next. Use transitional phrases such as "Conversely," or "In contrast," when moving from one argument to another. Furthermore, maintain focus on the essay prompt throughout the entire piece. Avoid introducing unrelated topics that can confuse the reader and dilute the main argument.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively to separate different ideas, which is a strength. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument. However, the conclusion is somewhat disjointed and introduces a new topic unrelated to the initial discussion about social media. This can lead to confusion regarding the essay’s main argument.
    • How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph is tightly focused on a single idea that supports the thesis statement. The conclusion should summarize the main points discussed in the essay without introducing new topics. It could reiterate the main arguments regarding social media and its impact on face-to-face interactions, providing a clear and cohesive end to the discussion.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand" and "On the other hand," which help in contrasting the advantages and disadvantages. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences and ideas could be clearer. For example, the phrase "this makes things more convenient" could be better linked to the previous sentence for clarity.
    • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "Furthermore," "Additionally," "However," and "Consequently." This will help clarify relationships between ideas and enhance the overall flow of the essay. Additionally, ensure that each cohesive device is used appropriately to maintain clarity and coherence in your arguments.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a balanced view, improvements in logical organization, paragraph focus, and the use of cohesive devices could elevate the overall coherence and cohesion, potentially leading to a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with phrases such as "geographical gap," "information dissemination," and "genuine human connections." These terms show an ability to discuss complex ideas related to social media and climate change. However, there are instances of repetition and a lack of variety in word choice, particularly in phrases like "social media platforms" and "face-to-face contact," which could be expressed in different ways to enhance the richness of the vocabulary.
    • How to improve: To improve, the writer should strive to incorporate synonyms and varied expressions. For example, instead of repeatedly using "social media platforms," alternatives like "digital communication tools" or "online networking sites" could be employed. Additionally, using more sophisticated vocabulary related to the topics discussed, such as "interpersonal relationships" instead of "genuine human connections," can elevate the lexical resource.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, but there are moments where the precision could be improved. For instance, the phrase "the aforementioned benefits pale in significance" is effective, but the use of "dire repercussions" could be seen as somewhat vague without further elaboration. The term "cyberbullying" is used correctly, but the explanation could benefit from more specific examples or context to clarify its impact.
    • How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should ensure that each term used conveys the intended meaning clearly. For example, instead of saying "the dire repercussions of that development," the writer could specify what those repercussions are, such as "the dire repercussions, including increased social isolation and mental health issues." This specificity will help clarify the argument and strengthen the overall impact of the vocabulary used.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The spelling in the essay is largely accurate, with few errors present. However, there are minor mistakes, such as "acclimatizing" (which is correct but could be less common in this context) and "aggravates" (which is correctly spelled but could be replaced with "exacerbates" for a more formal tone). The overall spelling accuracy supports the essay’s clarity and professionalism.
    • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread the essay carefully, focusing on commonly confused words and ensuring that all terms are spelled correctly. Utilizing tools like spell checkers or reading the essay aloud can help catch any overlooked errors. Additionally, familiarizing oneself with academic vocabulary and its correct spelling can enhance overall writing quality.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of vocabulary with a band score of 7, there are opportunities for improvement in the range and precision of vocabulary used, as well as in maintaining spelling accuracy. By diversifying word choice, enhancing specificity, and proofreading for spelling errors, the writer can elevate their lexical resource further.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a decent variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the writer effectively uses complex sentences such as "After a long time of exposure to social networks, people become reluctant to communicate, clearly showing the erosion of genuine human connections." However, there are instances of repetitive structures, particularly in the second paragraph where several sentences begin with "One prominent advantage is…" and "This makes things more convenient…". This repetition can detract from the overall fluency and engagement of the writing.
    • How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer should aim to incorporate more varied sentence openings and transitions. For example, instead of starting multiple sentences with "This makes…" or "One prominent advantage is…", the writer could use phrases like "Additionally," or "Furthermore," to introduce new points. Experimenting with different ways to combine ideas, such as using participial phrases or relative clauses, can also add complexity and interest to the writing.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains good grammatical accuracy, but there are notable errors that hinder clarity. For example, the phrase "One school of thought holds that we It is widely recognized…" contains a typographical error where two phrases are incorrectly combined. Additionally, punctuation issues arise, such as the lack of a comma before "such as" in "such as the distance from home to work and study or bad weather," which can lead to confusion. There are also instances of run-on sentences, such as "Speaking of social networks, cyberbullying is also a serious problem, it can start from personal conflicts or from unofficial information on social networks," which should be separated for clarity.
    • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should carefully proofread the essay to catch typographical errors and ensure that sentences are properly structured. Practicing the use of punctuation, particularly with conjunctions and transitional phrases, can help clarify complex ideas. Breaking down run-on sentences into shorter, clearer statements can also enhance readability. Additionally, focusing on subject-verb agreement and tense consistency throughout the essay will contribute to a more polished and professional presentation.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, addressing the identified weaknesses will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

One school of thought holds that it is widely recognized that the level of people’s use of social media, such as Facebook and Twitter, is greater than the amount of direct interaction people have in everyday life. While this admittedly has certain benefits, I would argue that the drawbacks are far more significant.

On the one hand, social media platforms can be beneficial to a certain extent. One prominent advantage is that it is convenient to communicate regardless of geographical distance. For instance, when you are working abroad, you can easily contact friends and relatives or share instant photos through social media platforms to let people know about your activities. Aside from this, news, study, and work issues will become more flexible. Information dissemination is significantly accelerated, helping readers update news quickly. Meetings are now often set up in the form of online exchanges between investors and businessmen. This makes things more convenient when not hindered by external factors such as geographical location, flights, or personal work. The same goes for studying; we can make calls anytime, anywhere, and documents as well as reference information about lessons can be reviewed through files uploaded to the class group. Occasionally, face-to-face contact may be very disadvantageous for us, such as the distance from home to work and study or bad weather.

On the other hand, I am convinced that the aforementioned benefits pale in significance when compared to the dire repercussions of that development. Following prolonged exposure to social networks, people become reluctant to communicate, clearly indicating the erosion of genuine human connections. Indirect communication perceives non-verbal cues, and sentences in messages are severely truncated. The result is that when people meet face to face, they will not know what to say and find it difficult to express their true feelings. This cannot form real relationships, leading to an intense feeling of isolation. Speaking of social networks, cyberbullying is also a serious problem; it can start from personal conflicts or from unofficial information on social networks, and it is comparable to bullying in the physical world, even aggravating mental health problems. This makes people discouraged from real relationships. Moreover, prolonged exposure to screens also contributes to a decline in human physical health, including eye diseases, back pain, and obesity.

In conclusion, despite certain advantages, the development of social media still shows more harm to people.

Bài viết liên quan

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more accessible. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more…

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