The use of social media, such as Facebook and Twitter, is replacing face-to-face contact in everyday life. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this trend?

It is true that using social media is replacing face to face contact in everyday life. Although this trend can offer some advantages, it can also be detrimental to a certain extent.
On the one hand, there are several benefits of using social media in everyday life. The most obvious advantage is that using social media helps people relax after work or study, which can allow them to entertain everything they like. For instance, people can watch the videos that they like on Facebook reels or content that they follow on Twitter. Another beneficial effect could be that it helps people connect with everyone in every country. This allows people to expand their social circle and this can help people learn new things from other countries such as culture, language or foods.

Nevertheless, the fact that the use of social media is replacing face to face contact in everyday life can have some downsides. The first drawback is exposure to toxic content on the Internet and this will be to people’s behavior and their way of thinking. There are many photos and video clips on Facebook with violent behavior which make people, especially children who are exposed to this content significantly. As a result, this effect on many develop bullying behaviors. The second downside is that using it too much has a negative effect on their health. If people spend a lot of time surfing facebook or twitter, it will be very harmful to people's health. For example, it makes people have blurred vision or redness of the eyes. As a result, it makes people nearsighted and can cause many other harmful effects to the eyes.

In conclusion, while the use of social media is replacing face-to-face contact in everyday life can be beneficial in some situations, this development can bring about some negative effects.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"using social media is replacing face to face contact" -> "the utilization of social media is supplanting face-to-face interaction"
Explanation: Replacing "using social media is replacing face to face contact" with "the utilization of social media is supplanting face-to-face interaction" offers a more formal and precise expression, fitting for academic discourse.
"entertain everything they like" -> "indulge in their preferred interests"
Explanation: "Entertain everything they like" is informal and imprecise. "Indulge in their preferred interests" maintains clarity while elevating the language level.
"videos that they like on Facebook reels" -> "videos of interest on Facebook’s reel feature"
Explanation: "Videos that they like on Facebook reels" is unclear and informal. "Videos of interest on Facebook’s reel feature" is more precise and maintains formal language.
"content that they follow on Twitter" -> "content they subscribe to on Twitter"
Explanation: "Content that they follow on Twitter" is colloquial. "Content they subscribe to on Twitter" is more formal and appropriate for academic writing.
"connect with everyone in every country" -> "connect with individuals globally"
Explanation: "Connect with everyone in every country" is hyperbolic and imprecise. "Connect with individuals globally" is more accurate and maintains a formal tone.
"toxic content on the Internet and this will be to people’s behavior and their way of thinking" -> "harmful online content, impacting individuals’ behavior and cognition"
Explanation: "Toxic content on the Internet and this will be to people’s behavior and their way of thinking" is awkward and lacks clarity. "Harmful online content, impacting individuals’ behavior and cognition" is more concise and precise.
"There are many photos and video clips on Facebook with violent behavior" -> "Numerous photos and video clips on Facebook depict violent behavior"
Explanation: "There are many photos and video clips on Facebook with violent behavior" lacks precision. "Numerous photos and video clips on Facebook depict violent behavior" is clearer and more formal.
"which make people, especially children who are exposed to this content significantly" -> "which significantly influences individuals, particularly children exposed to such content"
Explanation: "Which make people, especially children who are exposed to this content significantly" is awkward and unclear. "Which significantly influences individuals, particularly children exposed to such content" provides a clearer and more formal expression.
"this effect on many develop bullying behaviors" -> "this can lead many to develop bullying behaviors"
Explanation: "This effect on many develop bullying behaviors" is grammatically incorrect. "This can lead many to develop bullying behaviors" is a clearer and more grammatically accurate expression.
"using it too much has a negative effect on their health" -> "excessive use has adverse effects on their health"
Explanation: "Using it too much has a negative effect on their health" is informal. "Excessive use has adverse effects on their health" maintains formality and clarity.
"spend a lot of time surfing facebook or twitter" -> "devote substantial time to browsing Facebook or Twitter"
Explanation: "Spend a lot of time surfing facebook or twitter" is informal. "Devote substantial time to browsing Facebook or Twitter" is more formal and precise.
"it makes people have blurred vision or redness of the eyes" -> "it can lead to blurred vision or eye irritation"
Explanation: "It makes people have blurred vision or redness of the eyes" is informal and awkward. "It can lead to blurred vision or eye irritation" is more precise and formal.
"it makes people nearsighted and can cause many other harmful effects to the eyes" -> "it can induce nearsightedness and various other ocular complications"
Explanation: "It makes people nearsighted and can cause many other harmful effects to the eyes" lacks clarity and formality. "It can induce nearsightedness and various other ocular complications" is clearer and more formal.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses all parts of the prompt. It discusses both the advantages and disadvantages of the trend of social media replacing face-to-face contact in everyday life. The advantages include relaxation after work or study and the ability to connect with people globally, while the disadvantages involve exposure to toxic content and negative impacts on health.
- How to improve: To further enhance the response, provide more specific examples to support the points made, such as citing studies or real-life instances that illustrate the effects of social media on individuals and society. Additionally, ensure a more comprehensive exploration of the implications of these trends, considering both short-term and long-term consequences.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, acknowledging both the advantages and disadvantages of the trend. It does not sway from this stance and consistently presents arguments to support its position.
- How to improve: Strengthen the clarity of the position by explicitly stating the author’s viewpoint in the introduction and reiterating it in the conclusion. This would help to reinforce the essay’s stance and provide a cohesive framework for the discussion.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas adequately but lacks depth in extending and supporting them. While it mentions advantages and disadvantages, it does not fully develop these points or provide substantial evidence to support them.
- How to improve: To enhance the presentation of ideas, extend each point by providing more elaboration and supporting evidence. Incorporate statistics, studies, or expert opinions to strengthen the arguments and provide credibility to the claims made. Additionally, ensure logical progression between ideas to maintain coherence and cohesion.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay mostly stays on topic but occasionally veers off track, particularly in the discussion of health effects. While relevant, the focus shifts slightly from the broader topic of the advantages and disadvantages of social media replacing face-to-face contact.
- How to improve: Maintain a sharper focus on the main topic throughout the essay. When discussing subtopics like health effects, ensure they directly relate to the overarching theme and contribute to a more comprehensive exploration of the advantages and disadvantages of social media usage.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable level of logical organization, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs discussing advantages and disadvantages, and a concise conclusion summarizing the main points. Each paragraph focuses on a single aspect (advantages or disadvantages), which aids in clarity and coherence. However, within paragraphs, the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, in the paragraph discussing advantages, the transition from relaxation to connecting with people worldwide feels somewhat abrupt.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases or sentences to connect ideas within paragraphs. For instance, in the paragraph discussing advantages, after mentioning relaxation, you could smoothly transition to the idea of global connections by introducing a phrase like "Moreover," or "Additionally," to create a more seamless progression of thought.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively to organize ideas, with clear topic sentences introducing each paragraph’s main point. However, some paragraphs could be more developed to fully explore the ideas presented. For instance, in the paragraph discussing disadvantages, the second point about health effects could benefit from elaboration and examples to strengthen the argument.
- How to improve: Ensure each paragraph fully explores its main idea by providing sufficient explanation, evidence, and examples. For instance, in the paragraph discussing health effects, you could expand on the specific health issues caused by excessive social media use, providing statistics or studies to support your claims.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a limited range of cohesive devices, such as transition words like "although," "nevertheless," and "in conclusion," which help connect ideas within and between paragraphs. However, there is room for improvement in diversifying cohesive devices to enhance coherence further. For instance, more varied transitions and cohesive phrases could strengthen the connections between ideas and improve the overall flow of the essay.
- How to improve: Experiment with a wider variety of cohesive devices, including pronouns (e.g., "this," "these"), conjunctions (e.g., "furthermore," "on the other hand"), and parallel structures (e.g., "not only…but also"). Integrate these devices strategically to create smoother transitions between sentences and paragraphs, enhancing the overall coherence of the essay. Additionally, consider using cohesive devices more consistently throughout the essay to maintain coherence and clarity.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. It incorporates some varied vocabulary, such as "detrimental," "toxic content," "significant," "nearsighted," etc. However, there is room for improvement in diversifying the vocabulary further. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "everyday life," the author could employ synonyms like "daily existence," "routine activities," etc. Additionally, some phrases like "everything they like" could be replaced with more precise language.
- How to improve: To enhance the lexical range, the author could integrate more specific terms related to the advantages and disadvantages of social media usage. Utilizing synonyms and exploring different word choices for common phrases would enrich the vocabulary. Moreover, incorporating domain-specific vocabulary related to technology and social interaction would elevate the essay’s lexical resource.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates both precise and imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, terms like "toxic content" and "nearsighted" are precise and contextually appropriate. However, phrases like "everything they like" and "can allow them to entertain" are more general and lack precision. Moreover, there are instances of repetitive language use, such as "everyday life," which could be replaced with more specific terms.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the author should strive for clarity and specificity in word choice. Instead of using vague expressions, they should opt for precise language that accurately conveys their intended meaning. Avoiding redundancy and seeking alternative phrases would also contribute to more refined vocabulary usage.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a satisfactory level of spelling accuracy. Most words are spelled correctly, contributing to clear communication. However, there are a few instances of minor errors, such as "develop" instead of "developing" and "significant" instead of "significantly." Overall, the spelling accuracy is adequate but could benefit from more consistent attention to detail.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the author should proofread the essay carefully to catch any minor errors. Utilizing spelling and grammar checkers can also help identify and correct spelling mistakes. Additionally, reviewing commonly misspelled words and practicing spelling exercises can further enhance accuracy.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. However, there is a tendency towards simpler sentence structures, which can make the essay feel somewhat repetitive and lacking in complexity. For example, the essay predominantly uses simple sentence structures, such as "It is true that using social media is replacing face to face contact in everyday life," which could be enhanced by incorporating more complex sentence structures to vary the rhythm and flow of the writing.
- How to improve: To improve the grammatical range and complexity, the writer should aim to incorporate a more diverse range of sentence structures, including compound and complex sentences. This can be achieved by using subordinating conjunctions (e.g., although, while, despite) to introduce dependent clauses and by varying the lengths of sentences to create a more engaging and sophisticated writing style.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates a good command of grammar and punctuation, but there are several instances of errors throughout the text. For example, there are issues with subject-verb agreement ("which can allow them to entertain everything they like") and article usage ("this will be to people’s behavior"). Additionally, there are punctuation errors, such as missing commas before introductory phrases ("On the one hand") and run-on sentences ("The most obvious advantage is that using social media helps people relax after work or study, which can allow them to entertain everything they like").
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should pay closer attention to subject-verb agreement and article usage. Proofreading the essay carefully can help identify and correct these errors. Additionally, the writer should ensure that punctuation is used correctly, including commas to separate clauses and phrases, and periods to end sentences. Reviewing grammar rules and practicing writing with a focus on accurate punctuation can help improve overall grammatical accuracy.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a reasonable level of grammatical range and accuracy, there is room for improvement in both areas. By incorporating a wider range of sentence structures and paying closer attention to grammar and punctuation, the writer can enhance the clarity and sophistication of their writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is indeed true that the utilization of social media is supplanting face-to-face interaction in our daily lives. While this trend offers certain advantages, it also carries disadvantages to some extent.

On the positive side, there are several benefits to incorporating social media into our everyday routines. One notable advantage is its ability to provide relaxation and entertainment after a day of work or study. For example, individuals can enjoy watching videos of interest on Facebook’s reel feature or engage with content they subscribe to on Twitter. Additionally, social media enables people to connect with individuals globally, expanding their social circles and facilitating the exchange of cultural insights, languages, and culinary experiences.

However, the prevalence of social media replacing face-to-face interaction also brings about some drawbacks. One significant downside is the exposure to harmful online content, impacting individuals’ behavior and cognition. Numerous photos and video clips on platforms like Facebook depict violent behavior, particularly affecting children exposed to such content. Consequently, this exposure can lead many to develop bullying behaviors. Furthermore, excessive use of social media has adverse effects on health. Individuals who devote substantial time to browsing Facebook or Twitter may experience blurred vision or eye irritation, potentially leading to nearsightedness and various other ocular complications.

In conclusion, while the integration of social media into everyday life can be advantageous in certain respects, it is essential to recognize and address the negative effects it may have on individuals’ well-being and interpersonal interactions.