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The use of cell phone has increased rapidly in the 21st century. Additionally, cell phones can now be used for many purpose besides making phone calls, what are the advantages and disadvantages. Give reasonsa  The use of cell phone has increased rapidly in the 21st century. Additionally, cell phones can now be used for many purposes besides making phone calls. What are the advantages and disadvantages? Give reasons and examples

The use
of cell phone has increased rapidly in the 21st century. Additionally, cell
phones can now be used for many purpose besides making phone calls, what are
the advantages and disadvantages. Give reasonsa 
The use of cell phone has increased rapidly in the 21st century. Additionally, cell phones can now be used for many purposes besides making phone calls. What are the advantages and disadvantages? Give reasons and examples

The development of cellphone in the technological era is making it the innovative of the centuries . However, aside from its ultimate all-in-one functionalities, cellphone is also disadvantageous for the daily users, a viewpoint that will be presented in this essay
It is unquestionable regarding the ultimate multi- functionalities that cell phone provides user. Aside from being an impressively useful communication tool, proven by the advent of various social platforms such as Facebook, Instagram or Twitter, cellphone contributes to the establishment of the virtual world where every basic need is accessed there and then within a simple manipulation. In particular, smartphone like Samsung and iPhone has provided space for the development of different shopping platforms, food delivery and other fundamental living demands, making people no longer be physically present in shopping retails or restaurant in order to purchase what they want. This helps them to focus more on other critical tasks , making life much more convenient and easier for some people, especially the physically disadvantaged ones.
However, that side of cellphone also provokes serious concerns regarding the exacerbating human’s mental health. Since the use of cellphone is increasingly universal, it becomes the norm in modern society where physical interaction is adversely decreasing and reliance on communication apps is gradually normalized. This issue is so distressing in consideration to the fact that the primary basis of being a human is physical interaction, which ultimatey ensures the sanity of our mentality as we are able to understand people’s feelings through their voices and facial experessions. Whereas when it comes to the virtual world, human feelings cannot be effectively analyzed since the ultimate means of expression comes from such uniform texts. For example, when someone decides to post a confinement post for advice or suggestion on the Internet, they are emotionally reliant on the atmosphere of the comment sections, in which they will either be attacked by cruelty by plenty of anonymous users on that social platforms, or be praised and encouraged whatsoever by those anonymous users, whom they not even know. Those praises, however, seems over-positive or biased that often makes no contribution to the issue that person is confronting, but creates a false reality where that person thinks he can be mentally safe on this side of the Internet. Which, as a result, lead to a narrative when he separates himself from the reality , for escapism, which is adversely concerning since no problem can be solved properly.
In conclusion, while cellphone provides a ultimate functionalities, meeting the demands of human without physical movement, it is also harmful since it is a driving motive behind human’s lack of physical interaction and excessive reliance on social media .


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "development of cellphone in the technological era" -> "advancements in mobile technology during this era"
    Explanation: The phrase "development of cellphone" can be refined to "advancements in mobile technology" for a more precise and formal description. Also, rephrasing "technological era" to "this era" enhances clarity and conciseness.

  2. "making it the innovative of the centuries" -> "positioning it as one of the most innovative inventions of the centuries"
    Explanation: The phrase "making it the innovative of the centuries" lacks clarity. Replacing it with "positioning it as one of the most innovative inventions of the centuries" maintains the intended meaning in a more structured and formal manner.

  3. "aside from its ultimate all-in-one functionalities" -> "apart from its comprehensive range of functions"
    Explanation: "Ultimate all-in-one functionalities" is informal. Replacing it with "comprehensive range of functions" retains the essence in a more formal tone.

  4. "disadvantageous for the daily users" -> "detrimental for regular users"
    Explanation: "Disadvantageous" is less formal. "Detrimental" suits the academic style better in describing the negative impacts on users.

  5. "unquestionable regarding the ultimate multi-functionalities" -> "undoubtedly, its multifunctionality"
    Explanation: The phrase "unquestionable regarding the ultimate multi-functionalities" can be simplified to "undoubtedly, its multifunctionality," offering a clearer and more formal expression.

  6. "impressively useful communication tool" -> "remarkably effective means of communication"
    Explanation: "Impressively useful" is casual. "Remarkably effective" maintains the emphasis on utility in a more formal manner.

  7. "advent of various social platforms" -> "emergence of diverse social platforms"
    Explanation: "Advent" is slightly archaic. "Emergence" suits formal writing better when discussing the appearance of social platforms.

  8. "virtual world where every basic need is accessed there and then within a simple manipulation" -> "virtual realm enabling instant fulfillment of basic needs"
    Explanation: The original phrase lacks precision. The suggested alternative clarifies the concept in a more concise and academically appropriate manner.

  9. "no longer be physically present in shopping retails" -> "no longer required to be physically present at retail outlets"
    Explanation: Replacing "shopping retails" with "retail outlets" maintains formality. "Required to be" is a more appropriate phrase in academic language.

  10. "helps them to focus more on other critical tasks" -> "facilitates greater attention to other crucial tasks"
    Explanation: The suggested phrase maintains formality and clarity while expressing the idea more concisely and accurately.

  11. "mentality as we are able to understand people’s feelings through their voices and facial experessions" -> "understanding emotions through vocal and facial cues"
    Explanation: The rephrasing simplifies the sentence while maintaining the core meaning in a more formal structure.

  12. "the ultimate means of expression comes from such uniform texts" -> "expression primarily relies on standardized text"
    Explanation: The replacement phrase clarifies the concept using a more formal expression.

  13. "when someone decides to post a confinement post for advice or suggestion" -> "when an individual posts seeking advice or suggestions"
    Explanation: "Confinement post" is unclear and informal. The suggested alternative provides a clearer and more formal description.

  14. "they are emotionally reliant on the atmosphere of the comment sections" -> "they depend emotionally on the comments’ tone"
    Explanation: The replacement offers a more concise and clearer expression of emotional dependency on comment sections.

  15. "praises, however, seems over-positive or biased" -> "praises, albeit excessively positive or biased"
    Explanation: The phrase "seems over-positive" can be refined to "albeit excessively positive" for a more academically suitable expression.

  16. "which, as a result, lead to a narrative when he separates himself from the reality" -> "consequently, leading to a narrative where individuals detach from reality"
    Explanation: The rephrased version provides a more structured and formal expression of the consequence of excessive reliance on the virtual world.

  17. "since no problem can be solved properly" -> "impeding the proper resolution of problems"
    Explanation: The replacement phrase maintains formality while expressing the idea more precisely.

  18. "while cellphone provides a ultimate functionalities" -> "while the cellphone offers ultimate functionality"
    Explanation: Simplifying the phrase to "while the cellphone offers ultimate functionality" retains the intended meaning more effectively in a formal manner.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

  1. Quoted text: "The development of cellphone in the technological era is making it the innovative of the centuries. However, aside from its ultimate all-in-one functionalities, cellphone is also disadvantageous for the daily users, a viewpoint that will be presented in this essay."

    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: The introduction does a fair job of presenting the topic and the writer’s position. However, it lacks clarity in outlining the main points that will be discussed in the essay. Consider providing a concise roadmap of the advantages and disadvantages you will cover to enhance the overall structure.
    • Improved example: "The 21st century has witnessed the unprecedented development of cellphones, marking an era of innovation. While these devices offer remarkable all-in-one functionalities, it’s crucial to explore both their advantages and disadvantages. This essay will delve into the conveniences they bring and the drawbacks they pose to daily users."
  2. Quoted text: "Since the use of cellphone is increasingly universal, it becomes the norm in modern society where physical interaction is adversely decreasing and reliance on communication apps is gradually normalized."

    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: The point about decreasing physical interaction and the normalization of communication apps is well-addressed. However, it lacks depth in providing specific examples or reasons to support this claim. Elaborate on instances or experiences that illustrate this societal shift for a more persuasive argument.
    • Improved example: "As cellphones become ubiquitous, traditional face-to-face interactions are on the decline, replaced by the normalization of communication apps. For instance, family dinners are now interrupted by the constant buzzing of phones, leading to decreased quality time and genuine conversations."
  3. Quoted text: "This issue is so distressing in consideration of the fact that the primary basis of being human is physical interaction, which ultimately ensures the sanity of our mentality as we are able to understand people’s feelings through their voices and facial expressions."

    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: The argument here is sound, emphasizing the importance of physical interaction for understanding emotions. However, it could be strengthened by providing a real-life example or personal experience that illustrates the impact of limited physical interaction on mental health.
    • Improved example: "The significance of physical interaction lies in our ability to comprehend emotions through voices and facial expressions. For instance, a heartfelt conversation with a friend during challenging times often provides more emotional support than virtual interactions, as the nuances of empathy are better conveyed in face-to-face communication."

Overall, the essay adequately addresses the task and presents a clear position. To improve, focus on providing more specific examples and reasons to bolster your arguments, enhancing the depth of your essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a logical organization of information and ideas with clear progression throughout. The introduction sets the stage for discussing the advantages and disadvantages of cellphones. The body paragraphs present well-developed arguments, discussing both the positive and negative aspects of cellphone use. The use of cohesive devices is appropriate, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. The writer skillfully manages paragraphing, with each paragraph presenting a clear central topic.

However, there is some overuse of cohesive devices, and a few sentences could benefit from more clarity in the relationship between ideas. Additionally, there are instances where referencing and substitution could be more precise, contributing to a slight underuse of cohesive devices.

How to improve:

  1. Ensure precise and varied use of cohesive devices to avoid overuse.
  2. Pay attention to referencing and substitution to enhance the clarity of relationships between ideas.
  3. Aim for more explicit connections between sentences to strengthen overall cohesion.

Overall, the essay is well-organized and effectively addresses the prompt, earning a band score of 7.0 for Coherence and Cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 8

Band Score: 8.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a wide range of vocabulary, showing a sophisticated control of lexical features. The use of vocabulary is generally natural and contributes to the overall fluency of the essay. Uncommon lexical items are used skillfully, and there are only occasional inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. The essay maintains coherence and precision in conveying ideas, enhancing the overall quality of lexical resource.

How to improve:
To further improve, consider paying attention to minor errors in word choice and collocation. While the essay is strong in vocabulary usage, a more meticulous review can help eliminate occasional inaccuracies. Additionally, enhancing the variety of sentence structures and introducing more complex expressions can elevate the lexical resource to an even higher level.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay showcases a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, demonstrating an attempt at varied sentence forms. There are instances of complex sentence construction alongside simpler sentence structures. While the essay attempts to use a range of vocabulary and demonstrates some control over grammar and punctuation, it also contains noticeable errors that occasionally impact communication. These errors include issues with subject-verb agreement, awkward phrasing, punctuation inconsistencies, and a few instances of unclear expression.

How to improve:

  1. Grammar and Punctuation: Focus on subject-verb agreement and consistent verb tense usage throughout the essay. Ensure that sentences are structured for clarity and coherence.
  2. Clarity of Expression: Refine the expression of complex ideas. Ensure coherence in presenting arguments and examples to enhance the overall clarity of the essay.
  3. Vocabulary and Sentence Structure: Aim to diversify sentence structures further and incorporate a broader range of vocabulary to enhance fluency and coherence.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve greater accuracy and clarity in communication, elevating it to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

The rapid rise of cellphones in the 21st century marks a significant technological advancement. Despite their remarkable all-in-one features, cellphones also bring disadvantages for daily users, which will be explored in this essay.

The unquestionable versatility of cellphones is evident in their impressive functionalities. Beyond being effective communication tools, as seen in social platforms like Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter, cellphones create a virtual world where basic needs can be fulfilled with a simple touch. Smartphones such as Samsung and iPhone have facilitated the development of various online shopping platforms and food delivery services. This eliminates the need for physical presence in retail stores or restaurants, offering convenience and ease, particularly for those with physical limitations.

However, this aspect of cellphones raises concerns about its impact on human mental health. The widespread use of cellphones has become the norm in modern society, leading to a decline in physical interactions as reliance on communication apps becomes more normalized. This is distressing because human connection through physical interaction is fundamental to maintaining mental well-being. Understanding people’s feelings through voice and facial expressions is a crucial aspect of being human. In the virtual world, emotions are conveyed through uniform texts, making it challenging to accurately interpret human feelings.

For instance, when someone seeks advice or suggestions online, they become emotionally reliant on the comments section, which can be filled with cruelty from anonymous users or overly positive feedback that doesn’t contribute meaningfully. This creates a false reality where individuals may think they are mentally safe online, leading to a detachment from reality and an unhealthy escapism. This separation impedes effective problem-solving, as it prevents individuals from addressing issues properly.

In conclusion, while cellphones offer ultimate functionalities that cater to human needs without physical movement, they also pose harm by driving a decrease in physical interaction and fostering excessive reliance on social media. This balance between convenience and potential harm requires careful consideration in navigating the impact of cellphones on our lives.

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