fbpx

The working week should be shorter and workers should have a longer weekend. Do you agree or disagree?

The working week should be shorter and workers should have a longer weekend.
Do you agree or disagree?

In today’s competitive labour market, employees are paying more attention to their work-life balance. Therefore, a concern is growing among workers that their working time during a week should be reduces and longer weekend should be offered. I agree with this opinion to some extent because of the following reasons.
It is worth noticed that a good resting time will raise workers’ efficiency and productivity. When a person is well-rested after 4, 5 or even 6 stressful workings days, they will be fully energized and ready for a new week of job, which will be a factor that help increase business’ productivity. Moreover, a refreshing mood would also help workers focus more, which will lift up the efficiency when they are back to their work the next week. Take Microsoft, for example, they experienced 4-day work week in a project and received the result that their productivities were boosted by 40%.
However, I have to note that not all kinds of job can take this approach. Some professional medical or banking, which definitely need more in person interaction than others and be available 24/7 or even 7 days a week will face up to delay in their working process, no matter how advanced the technology is applied. Therefore, the idea of cutting down the working week time may just suitable to some jobs, not all of them.
In conclusion, although some professional can be disrupted by changes in working time during the week, it seems to me that most of employees and businesses would benefit from working time reduced and having a longer weekend since it can boost their efficiency and productivity.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "employees are paying more attention to their work-life balance" -> "employees are increasingly prioritizing their work-life balance"
    Explanation: The phrase "increasingly prioritizing" is more precise and formal, emphasizing the growing trend of prioritizing work-life balance in a more academic tone.

  2. "a concern is growing among workers that their working time during a week should be reduces" -> "a growing concern among workers is that their weekly working hours should be reduced"
    Explanation: Correcting "reduces" to "reduced" for grammatical accuracy and replacing "during a week" with "weekly" for clarity and formality.

  3. "longer weekend should be offered" -> "longer weekends should be provided"
    Explanation: "Provided" is more formal and appropriate in this context than "offered," which is less specific and slightly informal.

  4. "It is worth noticed" -> "It is noteworthy"
    Explanation: "It is noteworthy" is a more concise and academically appropriate phrase than "It is worth noticed," which is awkward and incorrect.

  5. "a good resting time will raise workers’ efficiency and productivity" -> "adequate rest time will enhance workers’ efficiency and productivity"
    Explanation: "Adequate rest time" is more precise than "a good resting time," and "enhance" is a more formal synonym for "raise" in this context.

  6. "4, 5 or even 6 stressful workings days" -> "four, five, or six consecutive working days"
    Explanation: "Consecutive" is more precise than "stressful workings days," which is incorrect and unclear.

  7. "which will be a factor that help increase business’ productivity" -> "which will be a factor that helps increase business productivity"
    Explanation: Removing the possessive form "business’" and changing "help" to "helps" corrects grammatical errors and improves readability.

  8. "a refreshing mood would also help workers focus more" -> "a refreshed state would also improve worker focus"
    Explanation: "A refreshed state" is more formal and precise than "a refreshing mood," and "improve" is more appropriate than "help" in this context.

  9. "lift up the efficiency" -> "enhance efficiency"
    Explanation: "Enhance" is a more formal and precise term than "lift up," which is colloquial and vague.

  10. "Take Microsoft, for example, they experienced" -> "For example, Microsoft experienced"
    Explanation: Reordering the sentence improves the formal structure and clarity of the example.

  11. "boosted by 40%" -> "increased by 40%"
    Explanation: "Increased" is a more formal and precise term than "boosted" in this context, which is slightly informal.

  12. "Some professional medical or banking" -> "Certain professional roles in medicine or banking"
    Explanation: "Certain professional roles in medicine or banking" is more specific and formal than "Some professional medical or banking," which is vague and grammatically incorrect.

  13. "will face up to delay in their working process" -> "may face delays in their workflow"
    Explanation: "May face delays in their workflow" is more precise and formal than "will face up to delay in their working process," which is awkward and unclear.

  14. "it seems to me that most of employees and businesses" -> "it appears that most employees and businesses"
    Explanation: Removing "it seems to me" makes the statement more objective and formal, suitable for academic writing.

  15. "working time reduced and having a longer weekend" -> "reduced working hours and extended weekends"
    Explanation: "Reduced working hours and extended weekends" is more precise and formal than "working time reduced and having a longer weekend."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing the benefits of a shorter working week and longer weekend, agreeing with the statement to some extent. It acknowledges potential exceptions such as jobs requiring continuous presence.
    • The essay supports the idea that shorter working hours can enhance productivity and efficiency due to better-rested employees, citing Microsoft’s experience as an example. However, it also notes that not all professions can feasibly adopt this model.
    • How to improve: To improve, ensure all parts of the prompt are thoroughly addressed. Consider discussing potential drawbacks or counterarguments to provide a more balanced view.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear stance supporting the idea of a shorter working week and longer weekend. The position is evident from the introduction to the conclusion.
    • It consistently argues that reduced working hours can benefit productivity and acknowledges limitations for certain professions.
    • How to improve: Strengthen clarity by explicitly restating the position in each body paragraph and reinforcing it with more specific examples or data.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas adequately but could benefit from more development and support. It discusses the benefits of a shorter week with examples like Microsoft, but lacks depth in elaboration.
    • Examples are mentioned briefly without thorough analysis or detailed expansion on how exactly productivity improves with shorter working hours.
    • How to improve: Extend each idea with specific details, examples, or studies to provide a deeper analysis and substantiation of arguments.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic by discussing the benefits of a shorter working week and longer weekend. It briefly touches on exceptions like professions needing continuous availability.
    • However, it could improve by avoiding broad statements (e.g., "not all kinds of job can take this approach") without further elaboration.
    • How to improve: Ensure all points directly relate to the main topic. Provide more detailed explanations when mentioning exceptions or counterarguments to maintain relevance.

Overall, the essay effectively supports the argument for a shorter working week and longer weekend, acknowledging both benefits and limitations. To improve, it should deepen the analysis of examples and ensure all statements directly relate to the main topic without broad generalizations. Strengthening the clarity and consistency of the stance throughout would also enhance coherence and coherence.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable level of logical organization. It begins with an introduction that outlines the writer’s stance and reasons, followed by body paragraphs that present supporting arguments and examples. The conclusion summarizes the main points effectively. However, transitions between paragraphs could be smoother, as some shifts feel abrupt.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using clearer topic sentences at the start of each body paragraph to signal the main idea. Additionally, use transitional phrases (e.g., "Furthermore," "On the other hand") to connect ideas more cohesively between paragraphs. This will create a more cohesive and coherent progression of ideas throughout the essay.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs adequately to separate different ideas. Each paragraph generally focuses on a single point, but some paragraphs could benefit from clearer structure and development. For instance, paragraph unity could be improved by ensuring that each paragraph develops a single clear idea rather than combining multiple ideas.
    • How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea of the paragraph. Develop this idea with supporting details and examples. Avoid shifting topics within a paragraph to maintain clarity and coherence.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices such as pronouns ("they," "their"), conjunctions ("because," "although"), and transitional phrases ("however," "in conclusion"). These devices generally help in connecting ideas within sentences and between paragraphs.
    • How to improve: To further improve, consider incorporating a wider range of cohesive devices such as synonyms, parallel structures, and more varied linking words ("moreover," "in addition to"). This will enhance the overall coherence by creating stronger connections between ideas and ensuring smoother transitions throughout the essay.

Overall, while the essay effectively addresses the prompt and presents a coherent argument with relevant examples, there are opportunities for improvement in enhancing the logical flow between paragraphs, refining paragraph structure for clearer unity, and diversifying the use of cohesive devices to strengthen connections within the essay. These refinements can help elevate the coherence and cohesion of the essay to a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a satisfactory range of vocabulary, including terms like "labour market," "work-life balance," "productivity," "efficiency," and "interaction." However, there is a lack of more sophisticated or nuanced vocabulary that could elevate the lexical richness further.
    • How to improve: To enhance lexical variety, consider integrating more specific and varied synonyms and idiomatic expressions. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "productivity," explore alternatives like "output," "efficacy," or "performance." Additionally, introduce more complex vocabulary relevant to the topic, such as "sustainable workload" or "workforce optimization."
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary appropriately, but there are instances where word choice could be more precise. For example, the phrase "good resting time" could be replaced with "adequate rest," and "refreshing mood" might be substituted with "rejuvenated state." These adjustments would enhance clarity and precision.
    • How to improve: Focus on selecting words that accurately convey the intended meaning. Review each instance where a term is used and consider if a more precise or contextually fitting synonym exists. This will refine the essay’s vocabulary usage and improve overall coherence.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: Spelling is generally accurate throughout the essay, with no major errors detracting from readability. However, there are minor errors such as "reduces" instead of "reduced," and "productivities" should be "productivity."
    • How to improve: To further enhance spelling accuracy, utilize spell-check tools and proofread carefully. Pay particular attention to verb tenses and pluralization, ensuring consistency throughout the essay. Practicing spelling in context with a focus on commonly misspelled words will also be beneficial.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates competency in vocabulary usage and spelling, achieving a higher band score in Lexical Resource (7 or above) would require more sophisticated vocabulary choices, increased precision in terminology, and stricter attention to spelling details. Continuing to read widely and practice integrating complex vocabulary into writing will support these improvements.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonably good variety of sentence structures. It utilizes simple, compound, and complex sentences effectively. For instance, there are clear examples of complex sentences such as "When a person is well-rested after 4, 5 or even 6 stressful workings days, they will be fully energized and ready for a new week of job, which will be a factor that help increase business’ productivity." The use of conditional sentences ("if… then") and comparative structures ("more… than others") also contributes to the variety.
    • How to improve: To enhance the variety further, consider incorporating more complex structures like inverted sentences ("Not only is rest essential, but…"), passive voice constructions where appropriate, and varied introductory phrases. This can elevate the sophistication and coherence of the argument.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy. There are minor errors throughout, such as subject-verb agreement issues ("employees are paying" should be "employees pay") and article misuse ("a factor that help" should be "a factor that helps"). Punctuation is generally used correctly, though there are occasional missing commas or incorrect placement.
    • How to improve: Focus on consistent subject-verb agreement, particularly with complex subjects and compound sentences. Review the correct use of articles (a, an, the) to ensure clarity and accuracy. Additionally, pay attention to comma usage for separating clauses and items in lists. Proofreading carefully before submission can help catch these errors and improve overall clarity.

Overall, this essay demonstrates a solid command of grammar and a reasonable variety of sentence structures appropriate for an IELTS Band 7 level. With continued practice in sentence structure diversity and meticulous attention to grammatical accuracy, further improvement is achievable to aim for a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

In today’s competitive labor market, employees are increasingly prioritizing their work-life balance. Therefore, a growing concern among workers is that their weekly working hours should be reduced, and longer weekends should be provided. I agree with this opinion to some extent because of the following reasons.

It is noteworthy that adequate rest time will enhance workers’ efficiency and productivity. When a person is well-rested after four, five, or six consecutive working days, they will be fully energized and ready for a new week of work, which will be a factor that helps increase business productivity. Additionally, a refreshed state would also improve worker focus, thereby enhancing efficiency when they return to work the following week. For example, Microsoft experienced increased productivity by 40% when they implemented a four-day work week in a project.

However, I must note that certain professional roles in medicine or banking may face delays in their workflow. These jobs require more in-person interaction and often operate 24/7, making it challenging to reduce working hours or extend weekends without impacting service delivery. Therefore, the idea of cutting down the working week may only be suitable for some jobs, not all of them.

In conclusion, while certain professions may be disrupted by changes in working hours during the week, it appears that most employees and businesses would benefit from reduced working hours and extended weekends, as it can enhance efficiency and productivity.

Bài viết liên quan

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more accessible. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more…

IELTS Writify

Chấm IELTS Writing Free x GPT

Lưu ý

Sắp bảo trì server

Để đảm bảo tính ổn định của web, web sẽ thực hiện backup dữ liệu hàng ngày từ 3h-3h30 sáng

Rất mong quý thầy cô và học viên thông cảm vì bất tiện này