The working week should be shorter and workers should have a longer weekend Do you agree or disagree?
The working week should be shorter and workers should have a longer weekend
Do you agree or disagree?
In this modern era, minimizing the working week and increasing days off at the weekend has become a controversial issue for workers. I completely agree that employees should have more time at the weekend by dint of its significant benefits.
To commence with, a shorter working week is not only beneficial for employees to enhance productivity but also balance their work-life. Particularly, when workers have fewer days to complete their tasks, they can put more concentration on working and do more efficiently. Furthermore, owing to a longer weekend, workers are allowed to have more time to balance their mind and alleviate stress and tension. For instance, at the weekend, instead of working, they may hang out with their families and spend more time pursuing personal interests, which is conducive to lift up their mood. As a result, it is advantageous for workers to have longer weekends for their daily life.
For other appealing reasons, having a longer weekend also brings several advantages for the companies and environment. First of all, as workers have more time to relax, it brings for them a sense of satisfaction and motivation, which can lead to lower turnover rates. To illustrate, in some scientific research, the statistics of resignations in a specific company could be decreased if they allow their workers to have long weekends off, as a result employees are more interested in their jobs. Secondly, in terms of the environment, fewer work days can lead to less commuting time, causing a lower amount of carbon emissions from vehicles and declining traffic jams in rush hours. Consequently, having fewer work days are essential for both the businesses and environment.
In conclusion, with some evidence that I mentioned before, I definitely believe that a longer weekend has a lot of remarkable benefits, which is necessary for not only people but also society.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"In this modern era" -> "In the contemporary era"
Explanation: "Contemporary" is a more precise and formal term than "modern," which can sound somewhat vague and colloquial in academic writing. -
"minimizing the working week and increasing days off at the weekend" -> "reducing the working week and increasing weekend days off"
Explanation: "Reducing" is more specific and formal than "minimizing," and "weekend days off" is a clearer and more direct phrase than "days off at the weekend." -
"by dint of its significant benefits" -> "owing to its significant benefits"
Explanation: "Owing to" is a more formal and precise preposition than "by dint of," which is somewhat archaic and less commonly used in modern academic writing. -
"balance their work-life" -> "balance their work-life balance"
Explanation: Adding "balance" after "work-life" clarifies the intended meaning and aligns with common academic terminology. -
"do more efficiently" -> "work more efficiently"
Explanation: "Work" is more specific and appropriate in this context than "do," which is too general and informal for academic writing. -
"alleviate stress and tension" -> "reduce stress and tension"
Explanation: "Reduce" is a more precise and commonly used term in academic contexts than "alleviate," which can be less direct. -
"hang out with their families" -> "spend time with their families"
Explanation: "Spend time with" is more formal and appropriate for academic writing than "hang out," which is colloquial. -
"lift up their mood" -> "improve their mood"
Explanation: "Improve" is a more formal and precise term than "lift up," which is somewhat idiomatic and less suitable for academic writing. -
"For other appealing reasons" -> "For additional compelling reasons"
Explanation: "Compelling" is more formal and academically appropriate than "appealing," which can be seen as too casual. -
"brings for them a sense of satisfaction" -> "provides them with a sense of satisfaction"
Explanation: "Provides" is more formal and precise than "brings for," which is awkward and less commonly used in formal writing. -
"lower amount of carbon emissions" -> "reduced carbon emissions"
Explanation: "Reduced" is a more precise and formal term than "lower amount of," which is redundant and less formal. -
"having fewer work days are essential" -> "fewer workdays are essential"
Explanation: "Fewer workdays" is grammatically correct and more direct than "having fewer work days," which is awkward and unclear. -
"remarkable benefits" -> "significant benefits"
Explanation: "Significant" is a more formal and academically appropriate term than "remarkable," which can be seen as overly emotional and less precise.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8
Band Score for Task Response: 8
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Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by clearly stating a position of agreement with the idea that the working week should be shorter and weekends longer. The introduction sets the tone, and the body paragraphs provide reasons supporting this stance. The first paragraph discusses the benefits for employees, while the second paragraph expands on the advantages for companies and the environment. Each part of the question is addressed, demonstrating a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the essay could include a brief acknowledgment of potential counterarguments or drawbacks to a shorter working week. This would demonstrate a more nuanced understanding of the topic and strengthen the argument by preemptively addressing opposing views.
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Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, consistently advocating for longer weekends. The use of phrases like "I completely agree" and "I definitely believe" reinforces the writer’s stance. Each paragraph logically follows from the previous one, contributing to a cohesive argument.
- How to improve: While the position is clear, the essay could benefit from more explicit transitions between points to further emphasize the connection between ideas. For example, linking the benefits for employees directly to the advantages for companies could create a more integrated argument.
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Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several well-developed ideas, such as increased productivity and better work-life balance for employees, as well as benefits for companies and the environment. Specific examples, like the mention of scientific research on turnover rates, effectively support the claims made. However, some ideas could be elaborated further; for instance, the environmental benefits could include specific statistics or studies to strengthen the argument.
- How to improve: To improve the development of ideas, the writer should aim to provide more detailed examples and evidence. Incorporating statistics or case studies would lend additional credibility to the claims made, making the argument more persuasive.
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Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic throughout, discussing the implications of a shorter working week and longer weekends without straying into unrelated areas. Each paragraph contributes to the central argument, maintaining relevance to the prompt.
- How to improve: While the essay stays on topic, ensuring that each point directly ties back to the main argument can further enhance coherence. For instance, explicitly linking the benefits discussed in the second paragraph back to the initial claim about employee satisfaction would reinforce the overall argument.
In summary, this essay demonstrates strong performance in addressing the Task Response criteria, with a clear position and well-supported ideas. To achieve an even higher score, the writer should consider incorporating counterarguments, enhancing transitions, providing more detailed examples, and ensuring all points consistently tie back to the main argument.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7
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Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument in favor of a shorter working week and longer weekends. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, and the body paragraphs follow a logical progression. The first paragraph focuses on the benefits for employees, while the second addresses the advantages for companies and the environment. However, the transition between the two main points could be smoother, as the shift from individual benefits to broader implications feels somewhat abrupt.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect the ideas between paragraphs. For example, after discussing the benefits for employees, a sentence like "In addition to these individual advantages, there are also significant benefits for organizations and the environment" could help bridge the two sections more effectively.
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Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs appropriately, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. The first paragraph discusses the benefits for workers, while the second addresses the advantages for companies and the environment. However, the conclusion could be more distinct and should summarize the key points more effectively, reinforcing the argument made throughout the essay.
- How to improve: Strengthen the conclusion by clearly restating the main arguments presented in the body paragraphs. This could involve a brief recap of the benefits for employees and companies, followed by a final statement that emphasizes the overall importance of the proposed change. A clear and impactful conclusion will help reinforce the essay’s message.
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Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "first of all," "for instance," and "consequently." These devices help to guide the reader through the argument and clarify relationships between ideas. However, there is a tendency to rely on a limited range of cohesive devices, which can make the writing feel repetitive.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases. For example, instead of repeatedly using "first of all," consider alternatives like "to begin with," "initially," or "in addition." Additionally, using phrases such as "on the other hand" when discussing counterarguments or contrasting points could enhance the essay’s depth and cohesion.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, addressing these areas for improvement can help elevate the score in Coherence and Cohesion.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7
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Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with terms like "controversial issue," "enhance productivity," and "alleviate stress" effectively conveying the writer’s arguments. However, there are instances where the vocabulary could be more varied. For example, the phrase "longer weekend" is repeated multiple times, which could be replaced with synonyms or paraphrased to avoid redundancy.
- How to improve: To enhance lexical variety, consider using synonyms or related phrases. For instance, instead of repeatedly stating "longer weekend," you could use "extended weekend," "prolonged time off," or "additional leisure days." This will enrich the essay and demonstrate a broader vocabulary range.
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Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, but there are a few instances of imprecise usage. For example, the phrase "conducive to lift up their mood" is awkward; "conducive to" typically precedes a noun, not a verb. A more precise phrasing would be "conducive to lifting their mood."
- How to improve: Focus on using phrases that fit grammatically and contextually. Reviewing common collocations and ensuring that verbs and nouns are used correctly together can enhance precision. For example, instead of "bring for them a sense of satisfaction," it would be clearer to say "provides them with a sense of satisfaction."
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Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays a good level of spelling accuracy overall, with only minor issues. However, there is a notable error in the phrase "having fewer work days are essential," where "are" should be "is" to agree with the singular subject "having fewer work days."
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, it is beneficial to proofread the essay carefully. Additionally, practicing spelling through writing exercises and using tools like spell check can help catch errors before submission. Focusing on subject-verb agreement in sentences can also prevent grammatical mistakes that may affect clarity.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of vocabulary, there are opportunities for improvement in variety, precision, and spelling accuracy. By addressing these areas, the writer can enhance the overall quality of their lexical resource in future essays.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7
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Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, the use of phrases like "not only… but also" and "in terms of" showcases an ability to combine ideas effectively. However, there are instances where sentence variety could be improved. For example, the sentence "Particularly, when workers have fewer days to complete their tasks, they can put more concentration on working and do more efficiently" could be restructured for better flow and clarity.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex sentences with dependent clauses. For instance, instead of saying "they can put more concentration on working and do more efficiently," you might say, "they can concentrate more fully on their tasks, thereby increasing their efficiency." Additionally, varying the use of introductory phrases and clauses can add more complexity to your writing.
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Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains good grammatical accuracy, but there are a few errors that detract from the overall quality. For example, the phrase "which is conducive to lift up their mood" should be revised to "which is conducive to lifting their mood." Additionally, the sentence "having fewer work days are essential for both the businesses and environment" contains a subject-verb agreement error; it should be "having fewer work days is essential." Punctuation is mostly correct, but there are instances where commas could improve clarity, such as before "which can lead to lower turnover rates."
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, it is essential to proofread the essay for common errors, particularly in subject-verb agreement and verb forms. Practicing grammar exercises focusing on these areas can also be beneficial. For punctuation, familiarize yourself with the rules regarding the use of commas, especially in complex sentences. Reading your essay aloud can help identify places where the sentence structure may be confusing or where punctuation may be lacking.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.
Bài sửa mẫu
In this modern era, minimizing the working week and increasing days off at the weekend has become a controversial issue for workers. I completely agree that employees should have more time at the weekend owing to its significant benefits.
To commence with, a shorter working week is not only beneficial for employees to enhance productivity but also to balance their work-life. Particularly, when workers have fewer days to complete their tasks, they can concentrate more on their work and do so more efficiently. Furthermore, owing to a longer weekend, workers are allowed to have more time to relax and alleviate stress and tension. For instance, at the weekend, instead of working, they may hang out with their families and spend more time pursuing personal interests, which is conducive to lifting their mood. As a result, it is advantageous for workers to have longer weekends for their daily lives.
For additional compelling reasons, having a longer weekend also brings several advantages for companies and the environment. First of all, as workers have more time to relax, it provides them with a sense of satisfaction and motivation, which can lead to lower turnover rates. To illustrate, some scientific research shows that the statistics of resignations in a specific company could decrease if they allow their workers to have long weekends off; as a result, employees are more interested in their jobs. Secondly, in terms of the environment, fewer workdays can lead to less commuting time, causing a lower amount of carbon emissions from vehicles and reducing traffic jams during rush hours. Consequently, having fewer workdays is essential for both businesses and the environment.
In conclusion, with the evidence I mentioned before, I definitely believe that a longer weekend has a lot of remarkable benefits, which are necessary for not only individuals but also society.