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The world has seen an enormous increase in flights for leisure, business and commercial purposes around the world over recent years. What do you think are the main advantages and disadvantages of such flights? Do you think flights should be taxed more? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

The world has seen an enormous increase in flights for leisure, business and commercial purposes around the world over recent years.

What do you think are the main advantages and disadvantages of such flights?
Do you think flights should be taxed more?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

In recent years, there has been a significant increase in flights with the purpose of marketing, commercial or personal use. This brings pros and cons to individuals worldwide. I believe that the government should not introduce new laws that increase the price.
On the one hand, there are several disadvantages in using air transportation. First and foremost, in the past, there had been many plane accidents which resulted in the death of hundreds of people. Traveling in aircrafts can put civilian’s lives at great risk, therefore, decisions on whether to use planes as a mode of transportation should be considered very seriously. Furthermore, individuals with medical conditions should consider the possibility of getting injured during flights. For example, a person with aerophobia is likely to develop symptoms such as nausea, dizziness or extreme discomforts which can make the journey unpleasant, therefore, other means of transportations are recommended.
On the other hand, there are also benefits in choosing aircrafts over other transits. Firstly, it is no doubt a fast way of getting to destinations. In the recent world, aircrafts are amongst the fastest means of transport. This can help individuals to commute to faraway locations in a short amount of time. Moreover, during your time on an aircraft, you can experience a wide range of entertainment. For example, you can watch different kinds of channels, read a book or take a nap. Therefore, you can feel refreshed and comfortable.
In conclusion, although plane traveling can have downsides, the benefits outweigh the disadvantages and therefore, the government should not apply taxes on flights.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "In recent years, there has been a significant increase in flights with the purpose of marketing, commercial or personal use." -> "In recent years, there has been a significant increase in flights for marketing, commercial, or personal purposes."
    Explanation: The original phrase "with the purpose of marketing, commercial or personal use" is awkwardly structured and informal. The revised version clarifies the purpose of flights and uses more formal language suitable for academic writing.

  2. "I believe that the government should not introduce new laws that increase the price." -> "It is recommended that the government not introduce new laws that increase the price."
    Explanation: The use of "I believe" is too informal for academic writing. The suggested revision removes the personal pronoun and shifts to a more objective tone, enhancing the formality of the statement.

  3. "there had been many plane accidents" -> "there have been numerous plane accidents"
    Explanation: "There had been" is incorrect in this context as it implies a past perfect tense, which is not necessary here. "There have been" is more appropriate for a general statement about the past.

  4. "civilian’s lives at great risk" -> "civilian lives at great risk"
    Explanation: The possessive form "civilian’s" is unnecessary and awkward in this context. Removing it simplifies the phrase and maintains grammatical correctness.

  5. "decisions on whether to use planes as a mode of transportation should be considered very seriously" -> "decisions regarding the use of planes as a mode of transportation should be carefully considered"
    Explanation: "Considered very seriously" is redundant and informal. "Carefully considered" is more precise and formal, fitting the academic style better.

  6. "other means of transportations" -> "other modes of transportation"
    Explanation: "Transportations" is not a standard term; "transportation" is the correct form. Additionally, "modes" is the preferred term in formal writing.

  7. "it is no doubt a fast way of getting to destinations" -> "it is undoubtedly a fast means of reaching destinations"
    Explanation: "No doubt" is informal and can be seen as slightly colloquial. "Undoubtedly" is more formal and academically appropriate. Also, "means of reaching" is more precise than "way of getting to."

  8. "In the recent world" -> "In the current world"
    Explanation: "In the recent world" is awkward and unclear. "In the current world" is more natural and precise.

  9. "you can watch different kinds of channels" -> "you can view various channels"
    Explanation: "Watch different kinds of channels" is informal and slightly vague. "View various channels" is more formal and specific.

  10. "take a nap" -> "take a rest"
    Explanation: "Take a nap" is informal and colloquial. "Take a rest" is more formal and suitable for academic writing.

  11. "you can feel refreshed and comfortable" -> "you may feel refreshed and comfortable"
    Explanation: "Can" is too absolute and informal for academic writing. "May" is more appropriate as it suggests possibility rather than certainty, which is more suitable for academic discourse.

These changes enhance the formality, clarity, and precision of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of increased flights. However, it does not fully explore the implications of taxing flights, which is a crucial part of the question. The mention of government taxation is present but lacks depth and specific reasoning. For instance, while the essay states that the government should not tax flights, it does not provide a rationale for this stance or discuss potential consequences of such taxation.
    • How to improve: To enhance this aspect, the writer should explicitly discuss the reasons for and against taxing flights. This could include considerations such as environmental impacts, economic implications for the airline industry, and the potential benefits of tax revenue for public services. Including specific examples or data to support these points would strengthen the argument.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position against increasing flight taxes, but this stance could be more consistently reinforced throughout the essay. The introduction states the writer’s belief, but the conclusion could better reflect this position by summarizing the key arguments that support it. The transition between discussing disadvantages and advantages could also be smoother to maintain a cohesive argument.
    • How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should consistently link back to their main argument throughout the essay. This can be achieved by using transitional phrases that remind the reader of the central thesis. Additionally, reinforcing the conclusion with a summary of the main points that support the position would provide a stronger closure.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas regarding the advantages and disadvantages of flights, such as safety concerns and the speed of travel. However, the support for these ideas is somewhat limited. For example, while the essay mentions plane accidents, it does not provide specific statistics or examples that could strengthen this point. Similarly, the benefits of air travel are mentioned, but the discussion lacks depth and could benefit from more elaboration.
    • How to improve: To improve this area, the writer should aim to provide more detailed examples and evidence for each point made. This could include citing specific incidents, statistics about air travel safety, or studies that highlight the economic benefits of air travel. Additionally, expanding on the advantages with more nuanced points, such as the role of air travel in globalization, would enrich the essay.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the advantages and disadvantages of flights. However, there are moments when the focus shifts slightly, particularly in the discussion of medical conditions related to flying. While relevant, this point could be more tightly connected to the broader discussion of disadvantages.
    • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each point directly relates back to the main topic of the advantages and disadvantages of flights. It may be helpful to outline the main points before writing to ensure that each paragraph contributes to the overall argument. Additionally, avoiding tangential points will help keep the essay concise and relevant.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents a clear position, it would benefit from deeper exploration of the implications of taxation, more robust support for its arguments, and tighter focus on the main points.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing disadvantages and advantages, and a conclusion. However, the logical flow could be improved. For instance, the transition between discussing disadvantages and advantages could be more explicit. The phrase "On the one hand" effectively introduces the disadvantages, but the subsequent transition to advantages lacks a similar connective phrase, which could enhance the clarity of the argument.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases such as "Conversely" or "In contrast" when shifting from one viewpoint to another. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that summarizes the main point of that paragraph, which will help guide the reader through the argument more effectively.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs appropriately, with distinct sections for disadvantages and advantages. Each paragraph contains relevant ideas, but the development within the paragraphs could be more cohesive. For example, the disadvantages paragraph introduces multiple points but does not fully elaborate on the implications of these points, which can leave the reader wanting more depth.
    • How to improve: To improve paragraph structure, ensure that each point is thoroughly developed with supporting details or examples. For instance, when discussing the risks associated with air travel, consider adding statistics or more personal anecdotes to reinforce the argument. Additionally, maintaining a consistent structure within each paragraph (topic sentence, explanation, example, concluding sentence) can enhance clarity.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "first and foremost," "on the one hand," and "moreover." However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and the essay occasionally relies on basic connectors. For example, the use of "therefore" is repeated, which can make the writing feel monotonous.
    • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases. For instance, use "additionally," "furthermore," "however," and "in contrast" to connect ideas more fluidly. Additionally, consider using pronouns or synonyms to avoid repetition and enhance the flow of ideas. For example, instead of repeating "aircrafts," you could use "they" or "these vehicles" in subsequent sentences.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, ultimately improving its overall effectiveness in communicating the argument.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, particularly in discussing the advantages and disadvantages of air travel. Phrases such as "significant increase," "pros and cons," and "fast way of getting to destinations" show an attempt to use varied language. However, the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive, especially in the use of terms like "aircrafts" and "transportation." The phrase "in the recent world" is also awkward and could be expressed more naturally.
    • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and varied expressions. For instance, instead of repeating "aircrafts," alternatives like "airplanes," "planes," or "aviation" could be used. Additionally, using phrases like "in contemporary society" instead of "in the recent world" would improve fluency and coherence.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: Some vocabulary choices are imprecise or incorrect, which can lead to confusion. For example, the term "civilian’s lives" should be "civilians’ lives" to indicate possession correctly. The phrase "individuals with medical conditions should consider the possibility of getting injured during flights" is vague; it would be more precise to specify the types of medical conditions that could be affected by flying.
    • How to improve: The writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys their intended meaning. For instance, instead of "consider the possibility of getting injured," they could say "should be aware of the potential health risks associated with flying." Regularly reviewing and practicing the use of precise vocabulary in context can help improve this aspect.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains a few spelling errors, such as "aircrafts" (which should be "aircraft" as it is an uncountable noun in this context) and "transportations" (which should be "transport"). These errors indicate a lack of attention to detail in spelling.
    • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully before submission. Utilizing spell-check tools and practicing spelling through writing exercises can also be beneficial. Additionally, familiarizing oneself with commonly misspelled words in English can help reduce these errors in future essays.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a clear argument, improvements in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling will enhance the overall quality of the writing and potentially lead to a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criteria.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, the use of "On the one hand" and "On the other hand" effectively introduces contrasting ideas. However, there are instances of repetitive structures, such as "there are" and "this can," which could limit the overall range. The sentence "Traveling in aircrafts can put civilian’s lives at great risk" is a straightforward structure that could be enhanced with more complex clauses to show a deeper grammatical range.
    • How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more complex sentences that include subordinate clauses or participial phrases. For instance, instead of saying "This brings pros and cons to individuals worldwide," the writer could say, "This phenomenon, while offering numerous advantages, also presents significant challenges to individuals worldwide." Additionally, varying the use of transition phrases and incorporating more conditional sentences could enhance the complexity of the writing.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are notable errors that detract from the overall quality. For example, the phrase "in the past, there had been many plane accidents" is awkwardly constructed; a more straightforward past tense would suffice. The use of "civilian’s lives" should be pluralized to "civilians’ lives" to indicate possession correctly. Punctuation is mostly accurate, but there are instances where commas could improve clarity, such as before "therefore" in "which can make the journey unpleasant, therefore, other means of transportations are recommended."
    • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement, particularly with plural nouns (e.g., "aircraft" is already plural; "aircrafts" should be corrected to "aircraft"). Additionally, reviewing the rules for possessive forms and ensuring proper punctuation usage, especially with conjunctions and transitional phrases, will enhance clarity. Regular practice with grammar exercises and reading well-structured essays can also help reinforce these skills.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of grammatical structures and punctuation, there is room for improvement in diversifying sentence structures and enhancing grammatical accuracy. Focusing on these areas will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

In recent years, there has been a significant increase in flights for marketing, commercial, and personal purposes. This trend brings both advantages and disadvantages to individuals worldwide. I believe that the government should not introduce new laws that increase the price of flights.

On the one hand, there are several disadvantages to using air transportation. First and foremost, there have been numerous plane accidents in the past, which resulted in the loss of hundreds of lives. Traveling in aircraft can put civilians’ lives at great risk; therefore, decisions regarding the use of planes as a mode of transportation should be carefully considered. Furthermore, individuals with medical conditions should take into account the possibility of experiencing discomfort during flights. For example, a person with aerophobia is likely to develop symptoms such as nausea, dizziness, or extreme discomfort, which can make the journey unpleasant. In such cases, other modes of transportation are recommended.

On the other hand, there are also significant benefits to choosing aircraft over other forms of transit. Firstly, it is undoubtedly a fast means of reaching destinations. In the current world, aircraft are among the quickest modes of transport, allowing individuals to commute to faraway locations in a short amount of time. Moreover, during your time on an aircraft, you can enjoy a wide range of entertainment options. For instance, you can watch various channels, read a book, or take a rest. As a result, you may feel refreshed and comfortable upon arrival.

In conclusion, although air travel can have downsides, the benefits outweigh the disadvantages. Therefore, the government should not impose additional taxes on flights.

Bài viết liên quan

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more accessible. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more…

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