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The world of work is rapidly changing and employees cannot depend on having the same work or the same work conditions for life. Discuss the possible causes and suggest ways to prepare for people to work in the future.

The world of work is rapidly changing and employees cannot depend on having the same work or the same work conditions for life. Discuss the possible causes and suggest ways to prepare for people to work in the future.

The world of work is experiencing a rapid change; meanwhile, permanent reliance on the same job or work conditions is not viable for employees. Personally, the advancement of technology is the determinant of this trend and workers need to frequently cultivate their skills in order to obtain job security in the long run.

Modern technology has rapidly transformed the working world, which consequently prompts an ever-changing work condition and the obsolescence of certain jobs. Such disruptive innovations could be the introduction of the Internet as this is conducive to the changes of working environment, for example, in the form of teleworking. In addition, AI technology is being increasingly implemented into the current working world, further facilitating automation in numerous jobs. To be specific, it can be easily seen that many occupations, especially in manufacturing sectors, are being replaced by AI robots as the technology can execute tasks efficiently without even demonstrating signs of fatigue, which ultimately renders traditional positions obsolete. Moreover, most corporations are often likely to welcome these changes since their priorities are to maximize profit, and such innovations can offer cost-effective operation, specifically eliminating the needs for physical infrastructure investment or human labour.

There are numerous approaches for jobholders to adopt with a view to adapting to the future world of work. In the context of remote working, one of them could be adjustments to their working spaces. Granted, there tends to be certain forms of distractions that can affect their productivity, especially in their own home. Therefore, for example, as many researches have shown, increasing the brightness of employees’ environment can optimize their focus, and thereby work performance. Another measure to consider is that as specific positions are being replaced by robots, it is of imperative importance for workers to cultivate more soft skills. However advanced AI technology may become, it is impossible to eliminate human interaction in numerous occupations. Therefore, communication or interpersonal skills may prove to be essential for employees as jobholders can become more employable or have greater job security with these abilities.

In conclusion, rapid changes in the working world result from the advancement of technology and workers need to have adjustments to their personal spaces to increase productivity while cultivating interacting skills for better employability or job security in the future.


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Errors and Improvements:

  1. "Meanwhile, permanent reliance on the same job or work conditions is not viable for employees." -> "Meanwhile, sustained dependence on a single job or working conditions is not sustainable for employees."
    Explanation: Replacing "reliance" with "dependence" and "viable" with "sustainable" enhances the precision of the statement, aligning with a more formal tone and academic style.

  2. "Personally, the advancement of technology is the determinant of this trend…" -> "From a personal perspective, technological advancement is the determining factor behind this trend…"
    Explanation: Replacing "Personally" with "From a personal perspective" adds formality and clarity. Also, changing "determinant" to "determining factor" improves the specificity of the statement.

  3. "Such disruptive innovations could be the introduction of the Internet as this is conducive to the changes of working environment…" -> "Examples of disruptive innovations include the introduction of the Internet, which has contributed to shifts in the working environment…"
    Explanation: Replacing "could be" with "include" and restructuring the sentence enhances clarity and aligns with a more academic style.

  4. "In addition, AI technology is being increasingly implemented into the current working world, further facilitating automation in numerous jobs." -> "Moreover, AI technology is increasingly integrated into the contemporary working world, thereby facilitating automation in various occupations."
    Explanation: Substituting "being" with "integrated," and replacing "numerous" with "various" contributes to a more formal and precise expression.

  5. "To be specific, it can be easily seen that many occupations, especially in manufacturing sectors, are being replaced by AI robots as the technology can execute tasks efficiently without even demonstrating signs of fatigue…" -> "Specifically, it is evident that numerous occupations, particularly in manufacturing sectors, are being replaced by AI robots, given the technology’s ability to execute tasks efficiently without displaying signs of fatigue…"
    Explanation: The revised sentence eliminates redundancy, and the use of "given" enhances the cause-and-effect relationship, providing a more sophisticated structure.

  6. "Moreover, most corporations are often likely to welcome these changes since their priorities are to maximize profit, and such innovations can offer cost-effective operation, specifically eliminating the needs for physical infrastructure investment or human labour." -> "Furthermore, most corporations are likely to embrace these changes, given that their primary objective is profit maximization. These innovations enable cost-effective operations, specifically by eliminating the need for physical infrastructure investment or human labor."
    Explanation: Restructuring the sentence and using "embrace" instead of "welcome" improves precision and formality.

  7. "There are numerous approaches for jobholders to adopt with a view to adapting to the future world of work." -> "Various strategies are available for employees to adopt in adapting to the evolving world of work."
    Explanation: Replacing "numerous approaches" with "various strategies" and rephrasing the sentence enhances conciseness and formality.

  8. "Granted, there tends to be certain forms of distractions that can affect their productivity, especially in their own home." -> "Granted, there are certain distractions that can impede productivity, particularly when working from home."
    Explanation: Simplifying the sentence and replacing "tends to be" with "are" improves clarity and maintains formality.

  9. "Therefore, for example, as many researches have shown…" -> "Therefore, for instance, as numerous studies have shown…"
    Explanation: Replacing "many researches" with "numerous studies" and using "for instance" enhances formality and precision.

  10. "However advanced AI technology may become, it is impossible to eliminate human interaction in numerous occupations." -> "Regardless of how advanced AI technology may become, it is impossible to eradicate human interaction in many occupations."
    Explanation: Replacing "however" with "regardless" and using "eradicate" instead of "eliminate" contributes to a more formal tone.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses all aspects of the prompt. It discusses the causes of the changing world of work, highlighting technological advancements and their impact on job conditions. Additionally, it provides suggestions for preparing for the future of work, emphasizing adjustments to working spaces and the cultivation of soft skills.

    • How to improve: While the essay comprehensively covers the prompt, it could enhance its depth by providing more specific examples or real-world scenarios to support the points made. Adding concrete illustrations would strengthen the argument and make the essay more persuasive.

  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, asserting that technological advancements are the primary drivers of the changing world of work. It consistently emphasizes the need for workers to adapt their skills to these changes for long-term job security.

    • How to improve: To further enhance clarity, consider explicitly stating the main argument or thesis in the introduction and reinforcing it in the conclusion. This can help guide the reader and reinforce the central idea.

  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents, extends, and supports ideas. It discusses the impact of technology on work conditions, provides examples such as teleworking and AI implementation, and offers practical suggestions for adaptation, such as adjusting working spaces and developing soft skills.

    • How to improve: To strengthen the essay, consider providing additional details or examples for each point. This can add depth to the analysis and make the essay more compelling.

  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the prompt throughout. It consistently discusses the causes of the changing world of work and suggests ways for individuals to prepare for the future.

    • How to improve: To further ensure focus, avoid general statements that may not directly relate to the main points. Instead, aim for precision and relevance in every sentence to maintain a strong connection to the prompt.

In conclusion, the essay effectively addresses the prompt, presenting a clear position, extending ideas with relevant examples, and staying on topic. To enhance its overall quality, the essay could benefit from more specific examples and illustrations to support its points. Additionally, reinforcing the main argument in the introduction and conclusion would further strengthen its clarity. Overall, this essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task and earns a Band Score of 8.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization by presenting the causes and suggested solutions in a coherent manner. It begins with an introduction that outlines the changing nature of work due to technological advancements, followed by a well-structured body that discusses the causes (technology-related changes) and solutions (adjustments to working spaces and the cultivation of soft skills). The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points. However, there are instances where the logical flow could be enhanced, such as the transition between discussing AI technology and the various approaches for jobholders. For instance, a clearer link between the impact of AI on jobs and the subsequent need for skill development could strengthen the overall logical coherence.

    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining the transition sentences to ensure a smoother flow between different ideas. Clearly establish the connections between the causes and the suggested solutions to create a more seamless progression of thoughts.

  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively to organize information. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect, such as the causes of changing work conditions or the suggested approaches for jobholders. This helps in maintaining a clear and structured presentation.

    • How to improve: While the paragraph structure is generally effective, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea. Additionally, consider reinforcing the connection between paragraphs with transitional phrases to strengthen the overall coherence.

  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs a range of cohesive devices, including transitional phrases (e.g., "meanwhile," "therefore," "in addition," "granted," "however") and referencing words (e.g., "such disruptive innovations," "another measure to consider"). These devices contribute to the overall cohesion by linking ideas and facilitating a smooth transition between sentences and paragraphs.

    • How to improve: While cohesive devices are used, consider incorporating a greater variety of transitions to further enhance coherence. Additionally, ensure that the use of cohesive devices is consistent throughout the essay to maintain a seamless connection between ideas. Be mindful of the balance between clarity and complexity in the use of these devices.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid level of coherence and cohesion, with room for improvement in refining the logical flow and enhancing the variety of cohesive devices for a more nuanced and polished presentation.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. There are instances where more varied and sophisticated vocabulary could enhance the expression of ideas. For example, terms like "conducive," "obsolete," and "implement" contribute to the overall lexical richness. However, there’s room for improvement in introducing more nuanced and contextually relevant vocabulary.
    • How to improve: To broaden the range of vocabulary, consider incorporating specific terms related to technological advancements and workplace changes. For instance, instead of using the general term "soft skills," consider specifying examples like "collaboration skills" or "emotional intelligence." Explore more synonyms and context-specific vocabulary to elevate the sophistication of your language.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary with reasonable precision. However, there are instances where word choice could be more precise. For example, in the phrase "advancement of technology is the determinant of this trend," the word "determinant" might not precisely convey the idea; "driver" or "catalyst" could be more fitting. Additionally, in the phrase "eliminating the needs for physical infrastructure investment," "needs" might be imprecise, and using "requirements" could enhance clarity.
    • How to improve: Pay attention to the specificity of the words chosen. Consider alternatives that convey the intended meaning with greater precision. Utilize a thesaurus to explore different options for key terms and choose the one that aligns most accurately with your intended message.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains correct spelling throughout. However, there is an instance of a missing "s" in "researches." Ensure careful proofreading to catch such minor errors. Additionally, the sentence structure could be refined in some areas for improved clarity.
    • How to improve: Develop a systematic approach to proofreading to catch minor spelling errors. Additionally, pay attention to sentence construction for enhanced clarity. Consider reading the essay aloud to identify areas where sentence structure can be improved, ensuring a smoother flow of ideas.

Overall, while the essay exhibits a solid foundation in lexical resource, refining vocabulary precision and spelling accuracy can contribute to a more sophisticated and polished piece of writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of sentence structures. There is a mix of complex and simple sentences, contributing to overall coherence. However, the essay could benefit from more variety in sentence structures. The majority of sentences are simple, and the use of compound or complex structures is limited. For instance, the essay frequently begins sentences with introductory phrases, creating a repetitive pattern.
    • How to improve: To enhance the essay’s grammatical range, strive to incorporate a greater variety of sentence structures. Instead of relying heavily on simple sentences, experiment with compound and complex structures. Introduce subordinate clauses or employ a mix of short and long sentences for a more engaging and varied writing style.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates a good command of grammar and punctuation. However, there are instances of punctuation errors and awkward phrasing. For example, the sentence "Granted, there tends to be certain forms of distractions that can affect their productivity, especially in their own home" could be revised for better clarity and fluency. Additionally, there are a few instances of missing articles, such as "many researches have shown," where it should be "much research."
    • How to improve: Review the essay carefully for punctuation errors and awkward phrasing. Ensure proper use of articles, and consider rephrasing sentences for improved clarity. It may be beneficial to read the essay aloud to identify areas where punctuation could enhance the flow of ideas. Additionally, paying attention to articles and using them appropriately will contribute to grammatical accuracy.

Overall, the essay displays a commendable level of grammatical proficiency, but there is room for improvement in diversifying sentence structures and addressing specific instances of punctuation and article usage.

Bài sửa mẫu

The landscape of work is undergoing swift transformations, and employees can no longer rely on a single job or consistent work conditions throughout their lives. From a personal standpoint, the driving force behind this trend is technological advancement, urging workers to continually develop their skills to ensure long-term job security.

The impact of modern technology is evident in the dynamic shifts within the working world, leading to constant changes in work conditions and the obsolescence of certain jobs. Disruptive innovations, such as the introduction of the Internet, have played a pivotal role in reshaping the working environment, notably through practices like teleworking. Additionally, the integration of AI technology into the contemporary workforce is fostering automation across various occupations. Specifically, numerous jobs, particularly in manufacturing sectors, are being replaced by AI robots capable of executing tasks efficiently without showing signs of fatigue, rendering traditional roles obsolete. Corporations are often inclined to embrace these changes as they align with their primary objective of maximizing profits, offering cost-effective operations by eliminating the need for physical infrastructure investment or human labor.

To navigate the evolving world of work, employees can adopt various strategies. In the context of remote work, one approach is to make adjustments to their working spaces. While working from home, distractions can impede productivity, and research suggests that increasing the brightness of the work environment can optimize focus and, consequently, work performance. Another crucial measure is the cultivation of soft skills, especially as specific roles are being replaced by automation. Regardless of the advancement of AI technology, human interaction remains irreplaceable in many occupations. Therefore, developing communication and interpersonal skills becomes imperative for employees, enhancing their employability and job security.

In conclusion, the rapid changes in the working world are propelled by technological advancements. Workers must adapt by refining their personal spaces to boost productivity and cultivating interpersonal skills for better employability and sustained job security in the future.

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