The world’s natural resources are consumed at an ever-increased rate. What are the CAUSES of this situation? What are the SOLUTIONS?

The world’s natural resources are consumed at an ever-increased rate.
What are the CAUSES of this situation? What are the SOLUTIONS?

As a manifestation of modernization, overconsumption is by far one of the most concerning rife issues that the world leaders have to deal with. The increasing need of mankind and inefficient resource distribution are listed as some of the most common factors contributing to the problem. Accordingly, numerous actions are suggested in order to handle the situation such as the tang-ping trend in China or tax hike.

The increasingly high level of usage of natural resources is associated with a variety of causes. It is worth noting that ever-growing human needs play an active role in the situation. As the world continuously grows, humans have to deal with numerous works and tasks in order to strive for living, standards for payback-values accordingly rise to an ever-increased level. As a result, natural resources have to be consumed more and more. Demand reduction seems to be the most effective measure, posing a direct impact on the mentioned main cause of the problem. In China, a unique trend has recently arisen called Tang-ping which encourages people to ignore most of the difficulties regardless of aspects in daily-basis life. This action directly declines the need for living among the trend supporters which requires less resources from nature to be destroyed for humankind demands. Its efficiency has been confirmed as many regions in the world successfully save and maintain their resources.

Another key component that contributes to the worldwide overconsumption is inefficient resource distribution. The rich, as having a lot of money as well as privilege, have the potential to use more natural resources that can outweigh the amount that an exact number of the underprivileged consume. This quantity difference can result in a run-out-of-natural-energy circumstance that both parties have to deal with. This unbalanced situation can be directly solved via an omnipresent method known as tax hike. High level of tax which is just applied to the rich can foster them to use natural resources in a more reasonable manner. Reduction in the well-off total consumption can lead to a large amount of resources not being conducted which contribute greatly to the progress of saving and protecting natural potential. For example, a tax payment of 50% total value required on every service forced the rich to spend less, manufacturers correspondingly have to diminish their business activity, decreasing the burden that natural assets have to carry.

In conclusion, the overuse of natural resources arises via mankind's rife sins, such as increasing demand or unbalanced asset sharing. In the efforts to deal with the problem, mankind’s demands reduction and tax hike are by far some of the most effective solutions which are suggested doing globally

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "overconsumption is by far one of the most concerning rife issues" -> "overconsumption is arguably one of the most pressing issues"
   Explanation: Replacing "by far one of the most concerning rife issues" with "arguably one of the most pressing issues" corrects the misuse of "rife" (which means abundant or widespread, not concerning) and uses "pressing" to convey the urgency and importance of the issue in a more formal and precise manner.

2. "increasing need of mankind" -> "increasing human needs"
   Explanation: "Increasing need of mankind" is awkward and unclear. "Increasing human needs" is more direct and appropriate for academic writing, avoiding the archaic and vague term "mankind."

3. "inefficient resource distribution" -> "inequitable resource distribution"
   Explanation: "Inefficient" suggests poor management or utilization, whereas "inequitable" more accurately describes the unfair distribution of resources, which is the intended meaning in this context.

4. "tang-ping trend" -> "Tangping trend"
   Explanation: "Tang-ping" should be capitalized as it refers to a specific movement or trend, following the convention of proper nouns in English.

5. "standards for payback-values" -> "standards for compensation"
   Explanation: "Payback-values" is unclear and informal. "Compensation" is the standard term used in academic and formal contexts to describe the payment or benefits received in exchange for work or services.

6. "natural resources have to be consumed more and more" -> "natural resources are increasingly consumed"
   Explanation: "Have to be consumed more and more" is redundant and informal. "Are increasingly consumed" is more concise and maintains a formal tone.

7. "ignore most of the difficulties regardless of aspects in daily-basis life" -> "overlook various challenges in daily life"
   Explanation: "Ignore most of the difficulties regardless of aspects in daily-basis life" is awkward and unclear. "Overlook various challenges in daily life" is more direct and academically appropriate.

8. "a run-out-of-natural-energy circumstance" -> "a depletion of natural resources"
   Explanation: "Run-out-of-natural-energy circumstance" is an unnatural and unclear phrase. "Depletion of natural resources" is the standard term used in environmental and economic contexts.

9. "High level of tax which is just applied to the rich" -> "Higher taxes specifically targeting the affluent"
   Explanation: "High level of tax which is just applied to the rich" is verbose and informal. "Higher taxes specifically targeting the affluent" is more concise and formal, suitable for academic writing.

10. "well-off total consumption" -> "consumption patterns of the affluent"
    Explanation: "Well-off total consumption" is unclear and informal. "Consumption patterns of the affluent" is more precise and appropriate for formal writing, clearly referring to the habits of the wealthy.

11. "not being conducted which contribute greatly to the progress of saving and protecting natural potential" -> "not being utilized, thereby significantly contributing to the conservation of natural resources"
    Explanation: The original phrase is awkward and unclear. The revised version clarifies the meaning and uses more precise language suitable for an academic context, emphasizing the positive impact on conservation efforts.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both parts of the prompt by discussing the causes of overconsumption, such as increasing human needs and inefficient resource distribution, and proposing solutions like demand reduction and tax hikes. However, the exploration of these causes and solutions lacks depth. For instance, the mention of the "Tang-ping trend" is somewhat vague and could benefit from more context and explanation regarding how it specifically reduces resource consumption.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, provide more detailed explanations of each cause and solution. For example, elaborate on how the Tang-ping trend works and its broader implications on resource consumption. Additionally, consider including more examples or statistics to support claims, which would strengthen the argument.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position that overconsumption is a significant issue and identifies specific causes and solutions. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother, as some sentences feel disjointed. For instance, the shift from discussing human needs to the Tang-ping trend lacks a clear connection, which may confuse the reader about the overall argument.
  • How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position, use transitional phrases to link ideas more effectively. This could involve summarizing the previous point before introducing the next one, thereby reinforcing the essay’s overall argument and flow.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas related to causes and solutions but does so with varying degrees of support. The discussion on inefficient resource distribution is somewhat well-developed, yet the explanation of tax hikes lacks specific details on how they would be implemented or their potential impact. Additionally, the idea of demand reduction is introduced but not sufficiently elaborated upon.
  • How to improve: To improve the presentation and support of ideas, ensure that each point is fully developed. For example, when discussing tax hikes, provide a rationale for why this solution would be effective, possibly citing examples from countries that have implemented similar measures. Furthermore, consider addressing potential counterarguments to strengthen the overall argument.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the causes and solutions to the overconsumption of naturalresources. However, some sentences introduce ideas that may distract from the main argument, such as the phrase "mankind’s rife sins," which could be seen as overly dramatic and not directly relevant to the discussion of causes and solutions.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, ensure that all language used is relevant to the topic. Avoid using vague or dramatic phrases that do not contribute to the argument. Instead, stick to clear, concise language that directly addresses the prompt and reinforces the main points.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the task and presents relevant ideas, it would benefit from deeper exploration of concepts, clearer transitions, and more robust support for arguments. By addressing these areas, the essay could achieve a higher band score in Task Response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, with a logical progression from the introduction to the body paragraphs and finally to the conclusion. The introduction effectively outlines the causes and solutions that will be discussed. Each body paragraph focuses on a specific cause or solution, which helps maintain clarity. However, the connection between ideas could be strengthened; for instance, the transition from discussing human needs to the tang-ping trend feels abrupt and lacks a clear linking sentence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect ideas between sentences and paragraphs. For example, after discussing human needs, a sentence like "In response to these escalating demands, innovative trends such as the tang-ping movement have emerged" would create a smoother transition.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph dedicated to a specific aspect of the topic. The first body paragraph addresses causes, while the second focuses on solutions. However, the paragraphs could benefit from clearer topic sentences that encapsulate the main idea of each paragraph. For instance, the first body paragraph could start with a sentence that explicitly states the two main causes before delving into details.
  • How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph begins with a strong topic sentence that outlines the main point. This will help guide the reader and improve the overall coherence of the essay. Additionally, consider breaking longer paragraphs into shorter ones if they cover multiple ideas, as this can enhance readability.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "accordingly," "as a result," and "for example," which help to connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices used is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be clearer. For example, the phrase "This action directly declines the need for living among the trend supporters" could be better connected to the previous sentence to clarify how it relates to the discussion on human needs.
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "in addition," "conversely," and "however." Additionally, ensure that each cohesive device is used appropriately to clarify relationships between ideas. For instance, when introducing a contrasting idea, using "however" can help signal a shift in perspective.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion, there are opportunities for improvement in the logical flow, paragraph structure, and use of cohesive devices. By implementing these suggestions, the essay can achieve a higher level of clarity and cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, utilizing terms such as "overconsumption," "inefficient resource distribution," and "tax hike." These words effectively convey complex ideas related to the topic. However, there are instances where the vocabulary could be more varied. For example, the phrase "natural resources" is repeated multiple times without synonyms or paraphrasing, which could enhance lexical variety.
  • How to improve: To improve, consider incorporating synonyms or related phrases. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "natural resources," you could use "environmental assets," "ecological resources," or "natural capital." This would not only diversify the vocabulary but also demonstrate a broader lexical range.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay includes some precise vocabulary, such as "demand reduction" and "inefficient resource distribution." However, there are instances of imprecise usage that can lead to confusion. For example, the phrase "run-out-of-natural-energy circumstance" is awkward and unclear. Additionally, "payback-values" is not a standard term and could confuse readers.
  • How to improve: Aim for clarity and standard usage in vocabulary. Replace "run-out-of-natural-energy circumstance" with "depletion of natural resources" for clearer communication. Similarly, consider rephrasing "payback-values" to something more conventional, like "economic returns" or "value for money." This will enhance the precision of your vocabulary.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates good spelling, with few errors. However, there are minor issues, such as "tang-ping" which should be consistently formatted (e.g., "Tang Ping") to reflect its status as a proper noun. Additionally, "increasingly high level of usage" could be simplified to "increasing usage" for clarity and conciseness.
  • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, consider proofreading your work or using spell-check tools. Additionally, familiarize yourself with commonly misspelled words and proper noun conventions. This will help ensure that your spelling is consistently correct throughout your writing.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of vocabulary, there are areas for improvement in terms of variety, precision, and spelling accuracy. By incorporating synonyms, using clearer terminology, and ensuring correct spelling, the overall lexical resource can be enhanced, potentially leading to a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex and compound sentences. For instance, phrases like "As the world continuously grows, humans have to deal with numerous works and tasks in order to strive for living" showcase a complex structure. However, there are instances of awkward phrasing and run-on sentences, such as "This action directly declines the need for living among the trend supporters which requires less resources from nature to be destroyed for humankind demands," which could be simplified for clarity.
  • How to improve: To enhance the variety and effectiveness of sentence structures, consider incorporating more varied sentence openings and using different conjunctions to combine ideas. For example, instead of starting multiple sentences with "As," try beginning with adverbial phrases or using participial phrases. Additionally, breaking down overly complex sentences into simpler ones can improve readability and clarity.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are notable errors that affect clarity. For example, the phrase "the rich, as having a lot of money as well as privilege, have the potential to use more natural resources" could be rephrased for grammatical correctness and clarity. Punctuation is mostly correct, but there are instances where commas could enhance the flow, such as before "which requires less resources from nature" to separate the clause more clearly.
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, focus on subject-verb agreement and the proper use of articles. For instance, "a tax payment of 50% total value required on every service forced the rich to spend less" could be revised for clarity and grammatical correctness. Additionally, reviewing punctuation rules, especially regarding clauses and lists, can help refine the essay’s overall readability. Regular practice with grammar exercises and seeking feedback on sentence structure can also be beneficial.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher band score in Grammatical Range and Accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

As a manifestation of modernization, overconsumption is arguably one of the most pressing issues that world leaders must address. The increasing human needs and inequitable resource distribution are among the most significant factors contributing to this problem. Accordingly, numerous actions are suggested to tackle the situation, such as the Tangping trend in China and tax hikes.

The rising level of natural resource consumption is associated with a variety of causes. It is worth noting that ever-growing human needs play a crucial role in this situation. As the world continues to expand, individuals must manage numerous tasks and responsibilities to strive for a better quality of life, leading to rising standards for compensation. Consequently, natural resources are increasingly consumed. Demand reduction appears to be the most effective measure, directly impacting the primary cause of the problem. In China, a unique trend has recently emerged called Tangping, which encourages people to overlook various challenges in their daily lives. This movement directly reduces the need for consumption among its supporters, thereby requiring fewer resources from nature to meet human demands. Its effectiveness has been confirmed, as many regions around the world successfully save and maintain their resources.

Another key factor contributing to global overconsumption is the inequitable distribution of resources. The affluent, possessing significant wealth and privilege, have the capacity to consume more natural resources than the underprivileged. This disparity can lead to a depletion of natural resources that both groups must ultimately confront. This imbalance can be addressed through a widely recognized solution: higher taxes specifically targeting the affluent. A substantial tax imposed solely on the wealthy can encourage them to utilize natural resources more responsibly. A reduction in the consumption patterns of the affluent can result in a significant amount of resources not being utilized, thereby greatly contributing to the conservation of natural resources. For instance, a tax rate of 50% on every service could compel the wealthy to spend less, prompting manufacturers to reduce their business activities and alleviating the strain on natural assets.

In conclusion, the overuse of natural resources stems from humanity’s pressing issues, such as increasing demand and inequitable resource distribution. To address this problem, reducing consumption and implementing tax hikes are among the most effective solutions proposed globally.