fbpx

There are many problems in big cities. What are the main problems for young people in big cities and solutions?

There are many problems in big cities. What are the main problems for young people in big cities and solutions?

It is true that Living in Cities is often regarded as an opportunity for everyone to develop both study and job. Although there are also some major drawbacks of living in a large metropolitan area. There are some reasons for this issue, and solutions need to be considered to address the situation.
There are two major reasons why cities are likely to bring some drawbacks. Firstly,the more people live in megalopolises, the more polluted the atmosphere is. Gas emission from the factories as well as the high volume of traffic is the main reason which causes lung cancer and respiratory-related health issues. Secondly, the cost of living increases. This means young people in urban areas can afford health services as well as accommodation more than living in the countryside. This is due to the fact that the youth always choose urban areas where they can build up their career. This is particularly for Phong who studies at Foreign Trade University, works part-time in order to pay higher prices for housing, transport, and even food, sometimes feels stressful and bored in balancing between work and study.
Fortunately,the government and individuals can take some measures to tackle the issue. One is for reducing the number of vehicles in cities, which will definitely decrease the levels of air pollution, and is harmful to the health of citizens. This has been a success in Indonesia where people mostly use public transport instead of possessing personal vehicles. Another approach is that universities and factories should be moved to suburbs in order to diminish the pressure on major cities.
In conclusion, these days, air pollution and the expensive cost of living are reasons why young people struggle. However, if the government and everyone take action soon then the negative effects of the issue could be mitigated.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "Living in Cities" -> "Residing in urban areas"
    Explanation: "Living in Cities" is too informal; replacing it with "Residing in urban areas" maintains a formal tone and adds a touch of sophistication.

  2. "study and job" -> "academic and professional pursuits"
    Explanation: "study and job" is colloquial; replacing it with "academic and professional pursuits" aligns with a more formal and academic style.

  3. "some major drawbacks" -> "significant challenges"
    Explanation: "some major drawbacks" is a bit informal; using "significant challenges" adds a more formal and precise tone.

  4. "There are some reasons for this issue" -> "Several factors contribute to this phenomenon"
    Explanation: "There are some reasons for this issue" is vague; changing it to "Several factors contribute to this phenomenon" provides a more detailed and formal explanation.

  5. "megalopolises" -> "metropolitan areas"
    Explanation: "megalopolises" is less commonly used and might sound overly complex; replacing it with "metropolitan areas" is more widely accepted in academic writing.

  6. "Gas emission" -> "Emissions of gases"
    Explanation: "Gas emission" is less formal; changing it to "Emissions of gases" adds formality and precision to the statement.

  7. "build up their career" -> "establish their careers"
    Explanation: "build up their career" is informal; replacing it with "establish their careers" is more academically appropriate.

  8. "Phong" -> "An individual, Phong"
    Explanation: Referring to an individual by name without context is too casual; using "An individual, Phong" adds formality.

  9. "feels stressful and bored" -> "experiences stress and monotony"
    Explanation: "feels stressful and bored" is informal; changing it to "experiences stress and monotony" provides a more academic and precise expression.

  10. "Fortunately," -> "Fortunately, both"
    Explanation: Beginning a sentence with "Fortunately," is a bit casual; adding "both" after "Fortunately," enhances the formality and clarity of the sentence.

  11. "tackle the issue" -> "address the challenges"
    Explanation: "tackle the issue" is colloquial; replacing it with "address the challenges" is more academically appropriate.

  12. "possessing personal vehicles" -> "owning private vehicles"
    Explanation: "possessing personal vehicles" is less formal; using "owning private vehicles" maintains a more academic tone.

  13. "universities and factories should be moved to suburbs" -> "relocating universities and factories to suburban areas"
    Explanation: Restructuring the sentence for clarity and precision, "relocating universities and factories to suburban areas" provides a more formal expression.

  14. "the negative effects of the issue could be mitigated" -> "mitigating the adverse consequences of the problem"
    Explanation: "the negative effects of the issue could be mitigated" is less formal; changing it to "mitigating the adverse consequences of the problem" adds formality and precision to the conclusion.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

  1. Quoted text: "It is true that Living in Cities is often regarded as an opportunity for everyone to develop both study and job. Although there are also some major drawbacks of living in a large metropolitan area. There are some reasons for this issue, and solutions need to be considered to address the situation."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The introduction lacks clarity regarding your position on the topic. It is essential to clearly state whether you agree, disagree, or partially agree with the statement provided in the prompt. Consider revising the introduction to explicitly express your viewpoint, setting a clear foundation for the rest of your essay.
    • Improved example: "While it is true that living in cities offers opportunities for education and career development, it is not without significant drawbacks. In this essay, I will explore the challenges faced by young people in large metropolitan areas and propose potential solutions to address these issues."
  2. Quoted text: "Firstly, the more people live in megalopolises, the more polluted the atmosphere is. Gas emission from the factories as well as the high volume of traffic is the main reason which causes lung cancer and respiratory-related health issues. Secondly, the cost of living increases."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: Your explanation of the problems faced by young people in cities is valid, but it lacks depth and specificity. Provide more detailed examples or personal experiences to support your points, enhancing the overall persuasiveness of your argument. For instance, share specific instances of pollution affecting individuals or elaborate on the challenges posed by the increased cost of living for young people.
    • Improved example: "Firstly, the overcrowded urban areas contribute significantly to air pollution, leading to severe health issues such as lung cancer. For instance, my friend Sarah, who resides in a bustling city, developed respiratory problems due to prolonged exposure to air pollutants. Secondly, the soaring cost of living in cities places a substantial burden on young individuals, making it challenging for them to afford essential services and accommodations."
  3. Quoted text: "This means young people in urban areas can afford health services as well as accommodation more than living in the countryside. This is due to the fact that the youth always choose urban areas where they can build up their career."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: While your point about the affordability of health services and accommodation in urban areas is valid, it lacks a thorough explanation. Elaborate on why young people choose urban areas for career development, providing more insight into the decision-making process. Add personal anecdotes or examples to strengthen your argument and make it more relatable.
    • Improved example: "Young individuals often opt for urban living due to the perceived opportunities for career growth. For instance, my colleague chose to relocate to the city to access better job prospects and professional development. However, the trade-off includes higher living costs, impacting their overall well-being."
  4. Quoted text: "Fortunately, the government and individuals can take some measures to tackle the issue. One is for reducing the number of vehicles in cities, which will definitely decrease the levels of air pollution, and is harmful to the health of citizens. This has been a success in Indonesia where people mostly use public transport instead of possessing personal vehicles. Another approach is that universities and factories should be moved to suburbs in order to diminish the pressure on major cities."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: Your proposed solutions are relevant, but they lack specificity and detailed explanation. Provide more concrete examples or elaborate on how these measures have been successful in other places. Additionally, consider addressing potential challenges or counterarguments to make your suggestions more robust.
    • Improved example: "Governments and individuals can take effective measures to alleviate the challenges faced by young people in cities. For instance, implementing strict policies to reduce the number of vehicles in urban areas, similar to the successful model in Indonesia where reliance on public transport has significantly decreased air pollution. Furthermore, relocating universities and factories to the suburbs can alleviate the strain on major cities, creating a more balanced and sustainable urban environment."

Overall, your essay addresses the task but would benefit from a clearer introduction, more detailed examples, and a more thorough exploration of proposed solutions.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay logically organizes information and ideas, demonstrating a clear progression throughout. Cohesive devices are used appropriately, though there is some slight underuse in certain areas. The central topic within each paragraph is generally clear, contributing to the overall coherence and cohesion.

How to improve:
To enhance cohesion, consider using a wider range of cohesive devices consistently throughout the essay. Additionally, ensure that referencing and substitution are consistently clear and appropriate. Overall, maintaining this level of organization and coherence while addressing these minor areas for improvement will contribute to achieving a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary, allowing for some flexibility and precision in expressing ideas. There is an attempt to use less common lexical items with awareness of style and collocation. However, occasional errors in word choice, spelling, and word formation are present, affecting the overall fluency and accuracy.

The essay effectively discusses the problems of living in big cities, focusing on air pollution and the increased cost of living for young people. It also proposes viable solutions, such as reducing the number of vehicles and relocating universities and factories to suburbs. Despite occasional errors, the writer successfully communicates the main points, and the vocabulary used is suitable for conveying ideas clearly.

How to improve:
To improve the Lexical Resource score, the writer should aim for more consistent and accurate use of vocabulary. Attention to precision in word choice and collocation is crucial. Additionally, proofreading for spelling and word formation errors is recommended to enhance overall clarity and fluency. Expanding the range of less common lexical items while maintaining accuracy will contribute to a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a good command of grammar and punctuation, using a variety of complex structures. There is evidence of sentence variety, and the majority of sentences are error-free, contributing to effective communication. The essay effectively discusses the problems faced by young people in big cities, such as pollution and the increased cost of living. The ideas are well-organized, and the essay presents a clear argument with supporting examples.

However, there are some minor errors and inconsistencies that prevent a higher score. For instance, there are instances of awkward phrasing and unclear pronoun references, such as "This is particularly for Phong," which may cause some confusion. Additionally, there are some grammatical errors, like missing articles and prepositions, that slightly impact the overall accuracy.

How to improve:

  1. Pay attention to sentence structure and ensure clarity in pronoun references.
  2. Review the use of articles and prepositions for accuracy.
  3. Proofread the essay to catch minor errors and improve overall fluency.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid grasp of grammar and punctuation, but attention to these minor issues could elevate the score to a higher band.

Bài sửa mẫu

Living in cities is often seen as an opportunity for individuals to develop both academically and professionally. However, there are significant drawbacks to residing in large metropolitan areas. This essay will explore the main problems faced by young people in big cities and propose potential solutions.

Two primary reasons contribute to the challenges associated with urban living. Firstly, the more populated a city, the greater the air pollution. Emissions from factories and the high volume of traffic are the main culprits behind respiratory issues and, in severe cases, lung cancer. Secondly, the cost of living tends to rise in urban areas. Young individuals in cities often find it challenging to afford essential services like healthcare and accommodation, unlike their counterparts in rural areas. This is primarily because the youth are drawn to urban environments for career opportunities. Take Phong, for instance, who, studying at Foreign Trade University, works part-time to meet the higher costs of housing, transportation, and even food, leading to stress and a sense of imbalance between work and study.

Fortunately, both the government and individuals can implement measures to address these issues. One effective strategy involves reducing the number of vehicles in cities, thereby decreasing air pollution levels and promoting the overall health of citizens. Indonesia’s success in encouraging public transport usage, minimizing personal vehicle ownership, serves as a compelling example. Additionally, relocating universities and factories to suburban areas can alleviate the burden on major cities.

In conclusion, the prevailing issues of air pollution and the high cost of living pose significant challenges for young people in urban areas. However, timely and concerted efforts by the government and individuals can help mitigate these negative effects. It is crucial for everyone to work together to create a healthier and more sustainable living environment for the youth in big cities.

Bài viết liên quan

Learner

  • 10 bài chấm/ ngày

  • Tốc độ trả bài chậm

  • Có thể không truy cập được ở giờ cao điểm

Plus

199K

119K/th

  • Không giới hạn bài chấm

  • Tốc độ trả bài nhanh hơn

  • Truy cập 24/7

  • Hoàn tiền 30 ngày

    Bạn được đảm bảo trong 30 ngày đầu tiên được phép hoàn tiền bất kỳ lúc nào với bất kỳ lý do nào.

Best for Teacher

Premium

249K

149K/th

  • Gói Plus

  • Hỗ trợ kĩ thuật

  • Xuất file Word/Google Docs kèm comments: Link Demo

    - Bài chấm sẽ dc xuất kèm comments gợi ý vocab
    - File Word có thể dc up lên Google Docs và các comments sẽ dc giữ nguyên
    - Các comments có thể dc chỉnh sửa theo ý muốn của gv
    - File Word cá nhân hóa & White label

  • Hoàn tiền 30 ngày

    Bạn được đảm bảo trong 30 ngày đầu tiên được phép hoàn tiền bất kỳ lúc nào với bất kỳ lý do nào.

VIP

499K

299K/th

Learner

  • 10 bài chấm/ ngày

  • Tốc độ trả bài chậm

  • Có thể không truy cập được ở giờ cao điểm

Plus

199K

159K/th

  • Không giới hạn bài chấm

  • Tốc độ trả bài nhanh hơn

  • Truy cập 24/7

  • Hoàn tiền 30 ngày

    Bạn được đảm bảo trong 30 ngày đầu tiên được phép hoàn tiền bất kỳ lúc nào với bất kỳ lý do nào.

Best for Teacher

Premium

249K

199K/th

  • Gói Plus

  • Hỗ trợ kĩ thuật

  • Xuất file Word/Google Docs kèm comments: Link Demo

    - Bài chấm sẽ dc xuất kèm comments gợi ý vocab
    - File Word có thể dc up lên Google Docs và các comments sẽ dc giữ nguyên
    - Các comments có thể dc chỉnh sửa theo ý muốn của gv
    - File Word cá nhân hóa & White label

  • Hoàn tiền 30 ngày

    Bạn được đảm bảo trong 30 ngày đầu tiên được phép hoàn tiền bất kỳ lúc nào với bất kỳ lý do nào.

VIP

499K

399K/th

Learner

  • 10 bài chấm/ ngày

  • Tốc độ trả bài chậm

  • Có thể không truy cập được ở giờ cao điểm

Plus

199K/th

  • Không giới hạn bài chấm

  • Tốc độ trả bài nhanh hơn

  • Truy cập 24/7

Best for Teacher

Premium

249K/th

  • Gói Plus

  • Hỗ trợ kĩ thuật

  • Xuất file Word/Google Docs kèm comments: Link Demo

    - Bài chấm sẽ dc xuất kèm comments gợi ý vocab
    - File Word có thể dc up lên Google Docs và các comments sẽ dc giữ nguyên
    - Các comments có thể dc chỉnh sửa theo ý muốn của gv
    - File Word cá nhân hóa & White label

VIP

499K/th

  • Everthing in Premium

  • Hand Writing Image Recognition

  • Better Accuracy with GPT-4

  • Early Access to New features

    - Speaking Feedback

  • Customization

    We help with minor customizations to get it working just right.

  • Support Development of New Features

    • Speaking Practice
    • Classroom Management (e.g., Google Class Room)
    • Reading Practice
    • Listening Practice