There is a general increase in anti-social behaviors and lack of respect for others. What are the causes and solutions ?

One school of thought holds that the popularity of anti-social behaviors and lack of admiration for others is rising. This essay will firstly delve into the causes of this issue before outline some potential measures to tackle it.

Initially, the increasingly unsociable behaviors and absence of appreciation for others are attributed to mainly family bonds. To commence with, more parents are snowed under with a tons of workload, therefore having little time to take care of their children’s daily lives. If children are not taught how to behave properly, they will always assert that their actions are normal and gradually form abnormal characteristics. Furthermore, the connection in family relationships is diminishing, which lies on the rising rates of divorce and domestic violence. Witnessing those undesirable circumstances directly affects children’s childhood and creates resentment against their lives. For instance, Mary Bell, being an insensitive murderer, often suffered from violence and gradually formed an unusual mentality.

When it comes to addressing this issue, parents should cooperate with the government to orientate their children’s appropriate behaviors. To begin with, adults should maintain work-life balance and spend more time to confide in and stick to investigating their offsprings’ daily lives, including school life, social circle and communication. Through these progression, children will be willing to share their difficulties or thoughts with their parents. In addition, the government should launch campaigns to raise the public awareness of how to maintain the family happiness and provide practical lessons for children, who live in poor conditions and endure unfortunate childhood.

In conclusion, anti-social and disrespect behaviors derive from the lack of family’s attention, however, parents and the government can prevail by taking care of and giving guidance for children.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"One school of thought holds that" -> "It is argued that"
Explanation: "It is argued that" is a more formal and academically appropriate way to introduce an opinion or perspective, enhancing the tone of the essay.
"the popularity of anti-social behaviors and lack of admiration for others is rising" -> "the prevalence of antisocial behaviors and the decline in admiration for others is increasing"
Explanation: "Prevalence" and "decline" are more precise terms than "popularity" and "lack," which are vague and less formal. "Increasing" is also more specific than "rising."
"This essay will firstly delve into" -> "This essay will first examine"
Explanation: "Examine" is more formal and precise than "delve into," which can sound overly colloquial for academic writing.
"outline some potential measures to tackle it" -> "discuss potential strategies to address this issue"
Explanation: "Discuss" is more formal than "outline," and "strategies" is more specific than "measures," which is somewhat vague. "Address this issue" is also more formal than "tackle it."
"snowed under with a tons of workload" -> "overwhelmed by a significant workload"
Explanation: "Overwhelmed" is a more precise and formal term than "snowed under," which is colloquial. "Significant" is also more formal than "tons," which is informal.
"having little time to take care of their children’s daily lives" -> "having insufficient time to attend to their children’s daily needs"
Explanation: "Insufficient time" and "attend to their children’s daily needs" are more formal and specific than "little time to take care of their children’s daily lives."
"assert that their actions are normal" -> "perceive their actions as normal"
Explanation: "Perceive" is more precise and formal than "assert," which can imply a more active and intentional action.
"assertive characteristics" -> "aggressive behaviors"
Explanation: "Aggressive behaviors" is a more specific and appropriate term in this context than "assertive characteristics," which is less commonly used and less precise.
"the connection in family relationships is diminishing" -> "the quality of family relationships is deteriorating"
Explanation: "Deteriorating" is a more precise and formal term than "diminishing," which is somewhat vague and less specific.
"Witnessing those undesirable circumstances directly affects children’s childhood" -> "Exposure to such undesirable circumstances directly impacts children’s childhood"
Explanation: "Exposure" is more specific and formal than "witnessing," and "impacts" is more academically appropriate than "affects."
"orientate their children’s appropriate behaviors" -> "orient their children to appropriate behaviors"
Explanation: "Orient to" is a more formal and correct phrase than "orientate," which is not commonly used in this context.
"spend more time to confide in and stick to investigating their offsprings’ daily lives" -> "devote more time to engaging with and monitoring their offspring’s daily lives"
Explanation: "Devote" and "engaging with and monitoring" are more formal and precise than "spend more time to confide in and stick to investigating."
"practical lessons for children, who live in poor conditions and endure unfortunate childhood" -> "practical lessons for children who experience poverty and adversity in their childhood"
Explanation: "Experience poverty and adversity" is more specific and formal than "live in poor conditions and endure unfortunate childhood," which is overly simplistic and informal.
"prevail by taking care of and giving guidance for children" -> "prevail by providing care and guidance to children"
Explanation: "Providing care and guidance to children" is more formal and grammatically correct than "taking care of and giving guidance for children."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both parts of the prompt: the causes of anti-social behaviors and the potential solutions. The causes are primarily linked to family dynamics, such as parental workload and the effects of domestic violence, which are relevant and well-explained. However, the solutions presented are somewhat limited, focusing mainly on parental involvement and government campaigns without exploring other potential solutions, such as community engagement or educational reforms.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the essay could include a broader range of causes and solutions. For example, discussing societal influences like media portrayal of violence or peer pressure could provide a more comprehensive view of the issue. Additionally, proposing solutions such as community programs or school initiatives would strengthen the argument and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that the lack of family attention contributes to anti-social behaviors. This stance is consistent throughout the essay, with the introduction and conclusion reinforcing this viewpoint. However, the phrasing in some areas, such as "the popularity of anti-social behaviors," could be clearer. The use of "popularity" may imply a positive connotation, which could confuse readers about the author’s intended meaning.
- How to improve: To improve clarity, the author should choose words that accurately reflect the negative nature of anti-social behaviors. Additionally, reinforcing the main argument in each paragraph with clear topic sentences would help maintain focus and ensure the position is evident throughout the essay.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas regarding the causes of anti-social behavior, particularly emphasizing family dynamics. The use of an example, such as the case of Mary Bell, is a strong point as it provides a real-world illustration of the argument. However, the development of ideas could be more extensive; for instance, the explanation of how parental workload affects children’s behavior could be elaborated further, and the connection between domestic violence and anti-social behavior could be more explicitly drawn.
- How to improve: To enhance the presentation and support of ideas, the author should aim to provide more detailed explanations and examples for each point made. Expanding on the implications of the causes and elaborating on how proposed solutions can be implemented would create a more robust argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the causes and solutions related to anti-social behavior. However, there are moments where the focus could be sharpened, particularly in the solutions section, where the discussion could benefit from more specificity regarding how the proposed measures would be enacted.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the author should ensure that each paragraph directly relates back to the prompt. It would be beneficial to explicitly link each solution back to the identified causes, thereby reinforcing the relevance of the proposed measures. Additionally, avoiding vague language and ensuring that all examples and explanations are directly tied to the main argument will help keep the essay on topic.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a logical structure by clearly delineating the causes and solutions to the problem of anti-social behavior. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, and each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the topic. For instance, the first body paragraph focuses on causes, such as family dynamics and the impact of divorce, while the second body paragraph shifts to solutions, emphasizing parental involvement and government initiatives. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother; for example, the connection between the causes and the proposed solutions could be more explicitly stated to enhance the overall flow.
- How to improve: To improve logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences that directly link the content of each paragraph to the overall thesis. Additionally, transitional phrases such as "In light of these issues" or "To counteract these effects" can help bridge the gap between causes and solutions, making the argument more cohesive.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct point. The first body paragraph discusses the causes of anti-social behavior, while the second addresses potential solutions. However, the paragraph on causes could be further divided to separate the discussion of family dynamics from the example of Mary Bell, which feels somewhat disconnected from the preceding argument. This could lead to a clearer presentation of ideas.
- How to improve: Consider breaking longer paragraphs into smaller ones to enhance readability and focus. For example, the discussion on family dynamics could be one paragraph, while the example of Mary Bell could be placed in a separate paragraph that elaborates on the consequences of such family issues. This would allow for a more structured approach to presenting evidence and examples.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "To commence with," "furthermore," and "in addition," which help to connect ideas within paragraphs. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be strengthened. For example, the phrase "which lies on the rising rates of divorce and domestic violence" could be more clearly linked to the preceding sentence to enhance clarity.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases, such as "Moreover," "Consequently," or "On the other hand." Additionally, ensure that each cohesive device is used appropriately to clarify relationships between ideas. For instance, using "This means that" can help to explicitly connect causes to their effects, making the argument more compelling.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion, achieving a Band Score of 7. By enhancing logical organization, refining paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices, the essay could achieve an even higher score in this criterion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "anti-social behaviors," "family bonds," and "public awareness." However, the vocabulary tends to be somewhat repetitive and lacks variety. For instance, the phrase "lack of admiration for others" could be expressed in different ways, such as "disrespect" or "disregard for others." Additionally, the use of "unsociable behaviors" and "abnormal characteristics" could be expanded with synonyms or related terms to enhance the lexical variety.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should aim to incorporate synonyms and varied expressions throughout the essay. For example, instead of repeating "lack of" or "rise," they could use "deficiency" or "increase" in different contexts. Reading widely and noting alternative vocabulary can help in this regard.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While there are instances of precise vocabulary, such as "domestic violence" and "work-life balance," there are also examples of imprecise usage. The phrase "snowed under with a tons of workload" is awkward; "a ton of" should be singular ("a ton of workload"), and "snowed under" is somewhat informal for an academic essay. Furthermore, the term "unusual mentality" lacks clarity and could be more specific, such as "distorted worldview" or "troubled mindset."
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should review vocabulary choices and ensure that they convey the intended meaning clearly. Using a thesaurus can help find more suitable words, but it is essential to understand the nuances of each word to avoid miscommunication.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "orientate" (which should be "orient") and "progression" (which should be "progress"). Additionally, "offsprings’" is incorrectly pluralized; the correct term is "offspring." Such errors can detract from the overall quality of the writing and may confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully, ideally reading it aloud to catch errors. Utilizing spell-check tools and practicing spelling through writing exercises can also be beneficial. Keeping a personal list of commonly misspelled words and reviewing them regularly may help reinforce correct spelling.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents relevant ideas, improvements in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling are necessary to achieve a higher band score in Lexical Resource.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of introductory phrases such as "To commence with" and "When it comes to addressing this issue" effectively sets the stage for the points being made. However, there are instances where sentence structures could be more varied. For example, the phrase "the connection in family relationships is diminishing" could be rephrased to enhance complexity and engagement.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more varied introductory clauses and conditional sentences. For example, instead of stating "If children are not taught how to behave properly," the writer could use a conditional structure like "Should children not receive proper behavioral guidance, they may come to view their actions as acceptable." Additionally, employing more relative clauses could enhance the complexity of ideas presented.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are notable errors that detract from clarity. For instance, the phrase "snowed under with a tons of workload" should be corrected to "snowed under with tons of workload" to avoid the incorrect use of the article "a." Additionally, the sentence "which lies on the rising rates of divorce and domestic violence" could be improved for clarity by rephrasing it to "which is influenced by the rising rates of divorce and domestic violence." Punctuation is mostly accurate, but there are minor issues, such as the lack of a comma before "therefore" in the sentence "therefore having little time to take care of their children’s daily lives."
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and article usage. Regular practice with grammar exercises focusing on common pitfalls, such as articles and prepositions, could be beneficial. Additionally, proofreading for punctuation errors, especially in complex sentences, will help improve overall clarity. Reading more academic texts can also provide insight into correct grammatical structures and punctuation usage.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, there are areas for improvement. By diversifying sentence structures and focusing on grammatical precision, the writer can enhance the overall quality of their writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

One school of thought holds that the prevalence of antisocial behaviors and the decline in admiration for others is increasing. This essay will first examine the causes of this issue before outlining some potential measures to tackle it.

Initially, the increasingly unsociable behaviors and absence of appreciation for others are attributed mainly to family bonds. To commence with, more parents are overwhelmed by a significant workload, therefore having little time to attend to their children’s daily needs. If children are not taught how to behave properly, they will perceive their actions as normal and gradually form abnormal characteristics. Furthermore, the quality of family relationships is deteriorating, which lies in the rising rates of divorce and domestic violence. Witnessing such undesirable circumstances directly impacts children’s childhood and creates resentment against their lives. For instance, Mary Bell, an insensitive murderer, often suffered from violence and gradually formed an unusual mentality.

When it comes to addressing this issue, parents should cooperate with the government to orient their children to appropriate behaviors. To begin with, adults should maintain a work-life balance and devote more time to engaging with and monitoring their offspring’s daily lives, including school life, social circles, and communication. Through these efforts, children will be more willing to share their difficulties or thoughts with their parents. In addition, the government should launch campaigns to raise public awareness of how to maintain family happiness and provide practical lessons for children who experience poverty and adversity in their childhood.

In conclusion, antisocial and disrespectful behaviors derive from the lack of family attention; however, parents and the government can prevail by providing care and guidance to children.