There is a general increase in anti-social behaviors and lack of respect for others. What are the causes and solutions?
In contemporary society, the problems of ill-mannered attitudes and disrespectful behaviors have become a significant concern. It is believed that there are many reasons behind this phenomenon, and a range of options available can be taken to alleviate this issue.
One of the causes of this concern should be mentioned first: childhood trauma. Many people may have antisocial behaviors because, in the past, they grew up in a family where verbal and physical abuse or divorce exist. A case in point is that parents frequently resort to using physical force against their children because they think this is the best way to nurture them, but this just leads to a sense of rebellion in children. Additionally, with the advent of social media, malicious content can effortlessly spread on a large scale, making people think that respect is not necessary for life, especially young people. In particular, as parents are increasingly busy, they may be indifferent to their children’s screen time, so no one is available to help children distinguish right from wrong , prompting the emergence and development of antisocial behaviors.
However, several measures could be taken to solve the problems. The first remedy is that parents should create a better living environment for their children. To illustrate, children love to follow their parents, so parents should be more careful about their own behaviors and be attentive to how children act. Furthermore, parents should also warn children against inappropriate behaviors, teach them how to accept their mistakes, and apologize. Concerning the government's responsibility, they should reduce violent videos and malicious content on the Internet. For instance, they can implement more laws about Internet censorship to make sure the content is useful and appropriate for individuals before uploading it to social platforms.
In conclusion, childhood trauma and malicious content are major causes of ill-mannered attitudes, and there are also several solutions that can be taken to mitigate these problems, like parents’ care and strict Internet censorship.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
Errors and Improvements:
"problems of ill-mannered attitudes and disrespectful behaviors" -> "issues of discourteous attitudes and disrespectful behaviors"
Explanation: Replacing "problems" with "issues" and "ill-mannered" with "discourteous" elevates the formality of the language, aligning it with academic style.
"It is believed that there are many reasons behind this phenomenon, and a range of options available can be taken to alleviate this issue." -> "Various factors contribute to this phenomenon, and several measures can be implemented to address this concern."
Explanation: The revised sentence removes the passive construction, making the statement more direct and assertive. It also replaces "believed" with "contribute" for a more precise and academic expression.
"childhood trauma" -> "early-life adversity"
Explanation: "Childhood trauma" is replaced with "early-life adversity" to use a more formal and encompassing term, maintaining the academic tone.
"Many people may have antisocial behaviors" -> "Individuals may exhibit antisocial behaviors"
Explanation: The change from "Many people may have" to "Individuals may exhibit" adds specificity and formality to the sentence.
"a case in point is that" -> "illustrative of this is"
Explanation: The phrase "a case in point is that" is replaced with "illustrative of this is" for a more formal and precise expression.
"parents frequently resort to using physical force against their children" -> "parents often resort to employing physical discipline with their children"
Explanation: The substitution of "frequently resort to using physical force" with "often resort to employing physical discipline" enhances formality and specificity.
"this just leads to a sense of rebellion in children" -> "this contributes to a sense of rebellion among children"
Explanation: The change from "just leads to" to "contributes to" and "in" to "among" provides a more nuanced and formal expression.
"malicious content can effortlessly spread on a large scale" -> "harmful content can proliferate widely"
Explanation: The phrase "can effortlessly spread on a large scale" is replaced with "can proliferate widely" for a more formal and concise expression.
"making people think that respect is not necessary for life" -> "creating a perception that respect is dispensable in life"
Explanation: The substitution enhances formality and precision, avoiding overly simplistic language.
"parents are increasingly busy" -> "parents are becoming increasingly occupied"
Explanation: The replacement of "busy" with "occupied" adds a more formal tone to the sentence.
"parents should be more careful about their own behaviors" -> "parents should be more mindful of their own conduct"
Explanation: The change from "careful about their own behaviors" to "mindful of their own conduct" introduces a more formal and precise expression.
"Concerning the government’s responsibility" -> "Regarding the government’s responsibility"
Explanation: The transition from "Concerning" to "Regarding" enhances the formality of the sentence.
"parents’ care" -> "parental guidance"
Explanation: Replacing "parents’ care" with "parental guidance" maintains formality and conveys a more specific sense of responsibility.
"several solutions that can be taken" -> "several solutions that can be implemented"
Explanation: The term "can be taken" is replaced with "can be implemented" for a more formal and precise choice of words.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6
Band Score: 6.0
Quoted text: "In contemporary society, the problems of ill-mannered attitudes and disrespectful behaviors have become a significant concern. It is believed that there are many reasons behind this phenomenon, and a range of options available can be taken to alleviate this issue."
- Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The introduction sets the stage for the essay’s topic, but it lacks a clear and concise thesis statement that outlines the writer’s position on the causes and solutions. A more explicit statement of the writer’s stance would enhance the clarity of the essay.
- Improved example: "In contemporary society, the rising prevalence of ill-mannered attitudes and disrespectful behaviors has become a significant concern. This essay contends that these issues stem from various factors and proposes viable solutions to address this societal challenge."
Quoted text: "One of the causes of this concern should be mentioned first: childhood trauma. Many people may have antisocial behaviors because, in the past, they grew up in a family where verbal and physical abuse or divorce exist."
- Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The writer successfully identifies childhood trauma as a cause, but the explanation lacks depth and doesn’t provide specific examples or personal experiences. Enhancing this section with illustrative instances or personal anecdotes would strengthen the argument.
- Improved example: "A primary factor contributing to these behaviors is childhood trauma. For instance, individuals who experienced verbal or physical abuse or witnessed their parents’ divorce may exhibit antisocial tendencies. My own experience witnessing a friend’s struggle with the aftermath of parental separation vividly illustrates this impact."
Quoted text: "Additionally, with the advent of social media, malicious content can effortlessly spread on a large scale, making people think that respect is not necessary for life, especially young people."
- Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: While the writer identifies social media as a contributing factor, the connection to disrespectful behaviors is somewhat unclear. Providing concrete examples or anecdotes to illustrate how social media influences attitudes and behaviors would strengthen the argument.
- Improved example: "Moreover, the pervasive influence of social media amplifies the issue. For instance, the widespread dissemination of malicious content fosters a belief, particularly among the youth, that respect is dispensable. My own observations of online interactions among teenagers highlight how exposure to such content can shape their perception of societal norms."
Overall, the essay demonstrates an understanding of the topic but could benefit from more specific examples and a clearer thesis statement in the introduction.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score: 7.0
The essay demonstrates a logical organization of information and ideas, providing a clear progression throughout the response. There is a central topic within each paragraph, contributing to the overall coherence. The use of cohesive devices is generally appropriate, although there are instances of overuse. Paragraphing is used sufficiently and appropriately, contributing to the overall structure of the essay.
How to improve:
To enhance coherence and cohesion, the author should be mindful of potential overuse of cohesive devices. Additionally, maintaining a consistent level of formality in language throughout the essay would contribute to a more cohesive tone. Ensure that each paragraph maintains a clear focus on its central topic and that ideas are connected smoothly within and between sentences. Overall, a more cautious approach to cohesive device usage and a refined focus on paragraph structure would elevate the essay’s coherence and cohesion.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7
Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, incorporating both common and less common lexical items. There is an attempt to use a variety of vocabulary related to the topic, such as "childhood trauma," "malicious content," and "Internet censorship." The essay maintains coherence and cohesion in presenting ideas. While there are occasional errors in word choice and collocation, they do not significantly impede communication. The candidate effectively conveys the causes and solutions, showing a reasonable awareness of style and collocation.
How to improve: To enhance lexical resource and move towards a higher band score, the candidate could focus on refining the use of less common vocabulary items, ensuring more precision and accuracy. Additionally, attention to word choice and collocation can be improved further. It would be beneficial to avoid occasional inaccuracies in the choice of words to strengthen the overall lexical control. Continuing to expand the range of vocabulary with a more nuanced understanding of word usage will contribute to achieving a higher band score.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7
Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable use of a variety of complex structures, such as the inclusion of subordinate clauses and the appropriate use of connectors. The sentences are generally well-constructed, contributing to a clear and coherent presentation of ideas. While there are some grammatical errors and awkward phrasings, they do not significantly impede communication. The essay showcases good control of grammar and punctuation, with frequent error-free sentences. However, occasional errors and inaccuracies are present, such as in the phrase "parents should be more careful about their own behaviors" where "behaviors" should be singular, and in the sentence "they can implement more laws about Internet censorship," where the word "more" might be better replaced with "stricter."
How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, the author should pay attention to subject-verb agreement, ensuring consistency throughout the essay. Additionally, a careful review of word choices and sentence structures may help eliminate occasional awkward phrasings. Attention to detail in editing will contribute to achieving a higher band score.
Bài sửa mẫu
In the present-day world, the prevalence of disrespectful behavior and a lack of proper conduct is a pressing concern. There exist various reasons behind this trend, and multiple avenues can be explored to address this issue.
One prominent cause is childhood experiences that leave a lasting impact. Individuals may display antisocial behaviors due to past exposure to verbal or physical abuse, or experiencing parental separation. Often, parents resort to physical discipline, assuming it as the best approach for upbringing. Unfortunately, this approach triggers defiance in children. Additionally, the widespread use of social media facilitates the dissemination of negative content, influencing individuals, especially the youth, to perceive respect as unnecessary. Busy parents may inadvertently neglect monitoring their children’s screen time, allowing inappropriate content to shape their behavior, contributing to the emergence of antisocial conduct.
Nevertheless, there are viable solutions to counter these issues. Firstly, parents can foster a conducive environment for their children by modeling appropriate behavior themselves. Children tend to emulate their parents, making it crucial for parents to be mindful of their actions and observant of their children’s behavior. Furthermore, parents should guide their children against inappropriate actions, instill the importance of acknowledging mistakes, and encourage them to apologize. Additionally, governmental intervention plays a crucial role. Implementing stricter regulations to filter violent and inappropriate online content can significantly reduce its influence. Laws governing internet censorship can ensure that content disseminated through social platforms is beneficial and suitable for all individuals.
In summary, childhood experiences and negative online content significantly contribute to disrespectful attitudes. However, proactive measures, such as parental guidance and stringent internet censorship, can effectively tackle these challenges.