There is more and more outrage and anger common in society today. Why is this? Is this a positive or a negative development?

Many argue that the rise in anger and violence in modern society is a common occurrence. This might be the consequence of various factors, such as the negative content of social media that worsens with modern technology. I firmly believe this is an overall negative development.

     There are two major reasons for this negative development. One possible catalyst is the overwhelming amount of negative content on social media. Negative news often garners more attention and engagement than positive ones. Therefore, many online influencers, news channels, and brands deliberately share controversial content to boost user interaction and drive revenue. Another factor is that some individuals are drawn to the thrill of feeling outraged, a tendency that the internet and social media amplify. These platforms are designed to provoke intense emotions, especially anger, to capture attention and boost users' self-esteem.

     The main reason why I think that the prevalence of anger and outrage is negative is that this can cause long-term health issues and behavioral problems. Prolonged anger and outrage can pose serious health risks, including high blood pressure, heart attacks, and strokes. Chronic anger can also lead to mental health issues such as stress, anxiety, and depression, which significantly impact overall well-being and quality of life. Another justification is that persistent anger and frustration can escalate into hostility or violence. This escalation can lead some individuals to engage in criminal behavior, further compounding the negative impact on both personal and societal levels.

     In conclusion, with a load of negative information online, especially in the current technological age, the outrage and anger issues are exacerbated. I would like to reiterate that the increase in anger and outrage has more negative impacts because it can harm people’s mental health, reduce their empathy, and potentially lead them to behavioral issues and criminal behavior.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Many argue" -> "It is widely argued"
Explanation: "It is widely argued" shifts the passive voice to a more formal and assertive tone, enhancing the academic style of the sentence.
"a common occurrence" -> "a prevalent phenomenon"
Explanation: "a prevalent phenomenon" is a more precise and academically appropriate term that conveys the widespread nature of the issue more effectively.
"This might be the consequence" -> "This could be a consequence"
Explanation: "This could be a consequence" uses a more formal conditional structure, which is more suitable for academic writing than the less formal "might be the consequence."
"worsens with modern technology" -> "is exacerbated by modern technology"
Explanation: "is exacerbated by" is a more precise and formal way to describe how technology contributes to the worsening of the issue, aligning better with academic language.
"I firmly believe" -> "It is evident that"
Explanation: "It is evident that" presents a more objective and formal tone, avoiding the personal and potentially biased "I firmly believe," which is more suitable for academic writing.
"negative content on social media" -> "negative content disseminated through social media"
Explanation: "negative content disseminated through social media" specifies the medium more clearly and uses a more formal verb, enhancing the precision of the statement.
"deliberately share" -> "intentionally disseminate"
Explanation: "intentionally disseminate" is a more formal and precise term that better captures the purposeful nature of the action, fitting the academic style.
"feeling outraged" -> "experiencing outrage"
Explanation: "experiencing outrage" is a more formal and precise way to describe the emotional state, aligning better with academic language.
"to capture attention and boost users’ self-esteem" -> "to garner attention and enhance users’ self-esteem"
Explanation: "garner attention and enhance users’ self-esteem" uses more formal vocabulary and avoids the colloquial "boost," which is less appropriate in academic writing.
"can cause long-term health issues" -> "may lead to long-term health issues"
Explanation: "may lead to" is a more formal and cautious expression, suitable for academic writing, where certainty is not always assumed.
"pose serious health risks" -> "pose significant health risks"
Explanation: "significant" is a more precise and formal adjective than "serious," which is somewhat vague and less specific in this context.
"can also lead to" -> "may also contribute to"
Explanation: "may also contribute to" suggests a possible causal relationship more tentatively and formally, which is more appropriate in academic discourse.
"load of negative information" -> "abundance of negative information"
Explanation: "abundance" is a more formal and precise term than "load," which is somewhat colloquial and vague in this context.
"the outrage and anger issues" -> "the issues of outrage and anger"
Explanation: Rearranging the phrase to "the issues of outrage and anger" clarifies the structure and enhances the formality of the sentence.
"reduce their empathy" -> "diminish their empathy"
Explanation: "diminish" is a more formal synonym for "reduce," which is preferred in academic writing for its precision and formality.
"potentially lead them to behavioral issues" -> "potentially result in behavioral issues"
Explanation: "result in" is a more formal and precise verb choice than "lead to," which is slightly less formal and less specific in this context.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both parts of the prompt: it identifies reasons for the rise in anger and outrage in society, specifically attributing it to negative social media content and the thrill of outrage. It also provides a clear opinion that this development is negative, supported by relevant explanations regarding health and societal impacts. The essay could be improved by explicitly acknowledging the potential positive aspects of outrage, such as social movements or awareness, which would provide a more balanced view of the topic.
- How to improve: To comprehensively address all elements of the question, consider including a brief discussion on any potential positive outcomes of outrage, even if the overall stance remains negative. This would demonstrate a more nuanced understanding of the topic.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that the rise of anger and outrage is a negative development. This position is consistently supported throughout the essay, particularly in the second body paragraph where health issues and behavioral problems are discussed. However, the introduction could be slightly more assertive in stating the negative consequences, as it currently presents the argument in a somewhat passive manner.
- How to improve: Strengthen the introduction by clearly stating the negative implications of the rise in anger and outrage right from the beginning. This can help set a more definitive tone for the essay and reinforce the position throughout.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas clearly, particularly in the discussion of social media’s role in fostering outrage. Each point is extended with explanations and examples, such as the health risks associated with chronic anger. However, while the ideas are supported well, there could be more depth in the exploration of how these factors interrelate or affect society at large.
- How to improve: To enhance the depth of the argument, consider incorporating additional examples or statistics that illustrate the impact of social media on societal anger. This could include references to studies or surveys that quantify the effects of social media on mental health or societal behavior.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic throughout, discussing the causes and effects of anger and outrage in modern society. There are no significant deviations from the main topic, and the arguments are relevant to the prompt. However, the conclusion could be more impactful by summarizing the key points more succinctly instead of reiterating the argument in a more general manner.
- How to improve: In the conclusion, aim to succinctly summarize the main arguments without introducing new information. A strong concluding statement that encapsulates the core message of the essay would reinforce the focus and leave a lasting impression on the reader.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the prompt and presents a well-structured argument. With minor adjustments to address the suggestions above, it could achieve an even higher level of coherence and depth.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear and logical structure, starting with an introduction that outlines the issue and the author’s stance. The body paragraphs are organized effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a specific reason supporting the thesis. For instance, the first body paragraph discusses the role of social media in amplifying negative emotions, while the second addresses the health implications of prolonged anger. This logical progression aids in the reader’s understanding of the argument.
- How to improve: To enhance the logical flow further, consider using more explicit linking phrases between ideas and paragraphs. For example, when transitioning from discussing social media to health impacts, a phrase like "In addition to the role of social media, it is important to consider…" could improve the connection between these points.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate distinct ideas, which contributes to clarity. Each paragraph has a clear main idea and supporting details. The introduction sets the stage, while the body paragraphs delve into specific reasons, and the conclusion summarizes the arguments succinctly. However, the second body paragraph could benefit from a clearer topic sentence that directly relates to the thesis.
- How to improve: Strengthen the topic sentence of the second body paragraph to clearly indicate that it will discuss the negative health effects of anger. For example, starting with "The health consequences of sustained anger are significant and concerning" would provide a stronger lead into the details that follow.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as "therefore," "another factor," and "in conclusion," which help to guide the reader through the argument. The use of these devices contributes to the overall coherence of the essay. However, while the essay uses some cohesive devices effectively, there is room for more variety and sophistication in their application.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases. For instance, using "furthermore" or "moreover" to add information, or "conversely" to introduce contrasting ideas, could enhance the essay’s cohesion. Additionally, varying sentence structures can also improve the flow; for example, instead of starting multiple sentences with "Another factor," try rephrasing to maintain reader engagement.

Overall, the essay is well-structured and coherent, demonstrating a strong command of coherence and cohesion principles. By implementing the suggested improvements, the writer can further elevate the clarity and sophistication of their argument.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "outrage," "catalyst," "overwhelming," and "exacerbated" showcasing an attempt to use varied language. However, there are instances where vocabulary could be more diverse. For example, the repeated use of "negative" and "anger" could be replaced with synonyms or related terms to enhance lexical variety.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should explore synonyms for frequently used words. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "negative," alternatives like "detrimental," "adverse," or "unfavorable" could be employed. Additionally, incorporating more descriptive adjectives or adverbs could enrich the essay’s vocabulary.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary appropriately, but there are moments where word choice could be more precise. For example, the phrase "the thrill of feeling outraged" could be better articulated as "the excitement derived from outrage," which conveys a clearer meaning. Additionally, the term "load of negative information" is somewhat informal and vague, lacking the precision expected in academic writing.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on selecting words that convey their intended meaning more accurately. Engaging in exercises that involve paraphrasing complex ideas can help develop this skill. Furthermore, reviewing academic vocabulary lists could provide more suitable terms for formal writing.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The spelling in the essay is largely accurate, with no significant errors that impede understanding. However, there are minor issues, such as the phrase "a load of negative information," which could be misinterpreted as informal or incorrect in a formal context.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully, possibly reading it aloud to catch any mistakes. Utilizing spell-check tools and maintaining a personal list of commonly misspelled words can also be beneficial. Additionally, practicing writing regularly can help reinforce correct spelling habits.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of vocabulary, there is room for improvement in terms of range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By diversifying vocabulary, choosing words more carefully, and enhancing proofreading practices, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in Lexical Resource.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of complex sentences such as "Negative news often garners more attention and engagement than positive ones" effectively conveys comparisons and contrasts. Additionally, the author employs conditional structures, as seen in "this can cause long-term health issues," which adds depth to the argument. However, while the range is generally strong, there are instances where the sentence variety could be enhanced further, particularly in the introduction and conclusion, which rely on more straightforward constructions.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the author could incorporate more varied introductory phrases or clauses, such as participial phrases or adverbial clauses. For example, instead of starting with "Many argue that," a more complex structure could be "Given the increasing prevalence of anger and violence, many argue that…" This approach not only varies the structure but also engages the reader more effectively.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a high level of grammatical accuracy, with only a few minor errors that do not impede understanding. For instance, the phrase "the rise in anger and violence in modern society is a common occurrence" is grammatically correct, but the use of "common occurrence" could be seen as slightly redundant in this context. Punctuation is generally well-handled, with appropriate use of commas to separate clauses, such as in "chronic anger can also lead to mental health issues such as stress, anxiety, and depression." However, there are moments where clarity could be improved, such as in the phrase "with a load of negative information online," which could benefit from clearer punctuation to enhance readability.
- How to improve: To further improve grammatical accuracy, the author should focus on eliminating redundancy and ensuring clarity in phrasing. Revising sentences for conciseness can help, such as changing "with a load of negative information online" to "due to the overwhelming negative information available online." Additionally, reviewing punctuation rules, especially regarding the use of commas in complex sentences, will help improve clarity and flow throughout the essay.

Overall, the essay is well-structured and effectively communicates the author’s viewpoint, but there is room for improvement in sentence variety and grammatical precision to achieve an even higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

Many argue that the rise in anger and violence in modern society is a prevalent phenomenon. This might be a consequence of various factors, such as the negative content disseminated through social media, which is exacerbated by modern technology. I firmly believe this is an overall negative development.

There are two major reasons for this negative development. One possible catalyst is the overwhelming abundance of negative information on social media. Negative news often garners more attention and engagement than positive news. Therefore, many online influencers, news channels, and brands intentionally disseminate controversial content to boost user interaction and drive revenue. Another factor is that some individuals are drawn to the thrill of experiencing outrage, a tendency that the internet and social media amplify. These platforms are designed to provoke intense emotions, especially anger, to capture attention and enhance users’ self-esteem.

The main reason why I think that the prevalence of anger and outrage is negative is that this can cause long-term health issues and behavioral problems. Prolonged anger and outrage may lead to serious health risks, including high blood pressure, heart attacks, and strokes. Chronic anger can also lead to mental health issues such as stress, anxiety, and depression, which significantly impact overall well-being and quality of life. Another justification is that persistent anger and frustration may also contribute to hostility or violence. This escalation can lead some individuals to engage in criminal behavior, further compounding the negative impact on both personal and societal levels.

In conclusion, with an abundance of negative information online, especially in the current technological age, the issues of outrage and anger are exacerbated. I would like to reiterate that the increase in anger and outrage has more negative impacts because it can harm people’s mental health, diminish their empathy, and potentially result in behavioral issues and criminal behavior.