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These days, many people hold the view that governments and giants play a pivotal role in conserving the environment, but individuals. Personally, I strongly disagree with this viewpoint due to some reasons outlined below.

These days, many people hold the view that governments and giants play a pivotal role in conserving the environment, but individuals. Personally, I strongly disagree with this viewpoint due to some reasons outlined below.

These days, many people hold the view that governments and giants play a pivotal role in conserving the environment, but individuals. Personally, I strongly disagree with this viewpoint due to some reasons outlined below.
When it comes to individuals, their responsible behaviors have remarkable direct impacts on reducing environmental deterioration. Firstly, this is attributable to the fact that each person could engage in the aggregate in the areas of transportation, housing, energy-using appliances, solid waste, water, and food. To illustrate, their active choice of biodegradable packaging, usage of public and electric means of transport, or doing more recycling can contribute to reducing their carbon footprint and mitigate climate change. Secondly, Individuals also contribute their talents in proposing initiatives and campaigns to protect the environment. It is apparent that a large number of non-governmental organizations and volunteer groups have been established and organized beach and river clean-ups activities, which have helped lessen water pollution.
Additionally, we cannot overlook the indirect influence of individuals on shaping strategies of organizations and social communities. Regarding authorities and corporations, individual's roles as citizens, customers, investors, and members of them could make environmentally important choices. For example, by voting for pro-environmental policies, divesting from fossil fuels, and supporting green businesses, individuals can pressure their involved organization to take more action for the environment. Another indirect influence of individuals can be demonstrated through the roles of celebrities, who with their actions and words can spread environmental awareness to many others. Taking the American actor and film producer Leonardo Dicaprio as an example, he has become a UN Peace Ambassador (with a special focus on climate change), urging people all around the world to implement his own environmental protection projects.
In conclusion, alongside the responsibility of the nation and businesses, the contributions of individuals, whether indirect or direct, is worthwhile for the environment.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "but individuals" -> "but individuals do."
    Explanation: Adding "do" after "individuals" creates a grammatically complete sentence and improves clarity, adhering to formal language conventions.

  2. "When it comes to individuals, their responsible behaviors" -> "Regarding individuals, their responsible behavior"
    Explanation: Simplifying and correcting the subject-verb agreement by changing "behaviors" to "behavior" maintains formality and conciseness.

  3. "could engage in the aggregate" -> "can collectively engage"
    Explanation: Replacing "in the aggregate" with "collectively" and changing "could engage" to "can collectively engage" enhances formality and precision.

  4. "areas of transportation, housing, energy-using appliances, solid waste, water, and food" -> "aspects such as transportation, housing, energy consumption, waste management, water usage, and food choices"
    Explanation: Using "aspects" instead of "areas" and providing more specific terms improves the academic tone and clarity of the sentence.

  5. "To illustrate, their active choice" -> "For instance, making conscientious choices"
    Explanation: Replacing "To illustrate" with "For instance" and refining the wording to "making conscientious choices" enhances the formality and effectiveness of the sentence.

  6. "carbon footprint and mitigate climate change" -> "carbon footprint, thereby mitigating climate change"
    Explanation: Restructuring the sentence for better flow and clarity, and using "thereby" adds a formal touch to the explanation.

  7. "non-governmental organizations and volunteer groups have been established and organized beach and river clean-ups activities" -> "non-governmental organizations and volunteer groups have initiated and coordinated activities such as beach and river clean-ups"
    Explanation: Improving the sentence structure and specifying the type of activities being organized enhances clarity and formality.

  8. "we cannot overlook the indirect influence of individuals" -> "The indirect influence of individuals should not be underestimated"
    Explanation: Enhancing formality by rephrasing the sentence to begin with a declarative statement and using "should not be underestimated" instead of "cannot overlook."

  9. "Regarding authorities and corporations, individual’s roles" -> "In the context of authorities and corporations, the roles of individuals"
    Explanation: Correcting the possessive form to "individuals’ roles" and rephrasing for clarity and formality.

  10. "can pressure their involved organization" -> "can exert pressure on the organizations they are associated with"
    Explanation: Using "exert pressure on" instead of "pressure their involved organization" improves precision and formality.

  11. "Taking the American actor and film producer Leonardo Dicaprio as an example" -> "Consider the example of the American actor and film producer Leonardo DiCaprio"
    Explanation: Restructuring the sentence for a more formal tone and correct spelling of the name "Leonardo DiCaprio."

  12. "he has become a UN Peace Ambassador (with a special focus on climate change)" -> "he holds the position of UN Peace Ambassador with a special focus on climate change"
    Explanation: Refining the description of Leonardo DiCaprio’s role for clarity and formality.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses all parts of the prompt. It recognizes the viewpoint that governments and giants play a crucial role in environmental conservation but asserts a strong disagreement, providing reasons for this stance.
    • How to improve: To enhance comprehensiveness, consider explicitly addressing counterarguments to strengthen the overall persuasive impact.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear and consistent position throughout. The introduction and conclusion align with the stated disagreement, and each paragraph contributes to reinforcing this stance.
    • How to improve: To further strengthen clarity, ensure that every paragraph begins with a topic sentence that reinforces the main argument.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents, extends, and supports ideas. It offers specific examples, such as individual actions in transportation, housing, and waste management, and provides evidence of the impact of individual initiatives on environmental protection.
    • How to improve: Consider providing more depth in the analysis of how individual actions directly influence environmental policies and strategies, providing a nuanced perspective.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, addressing the role of individuals in environmental conservation. However, there is a slight deviation when discussing the indirect influence of individuals on shaping strategies.
    • How to improve: Maintain a tighter focus on the direct impact of individuals while briefly acknowledging the indirect influence, ensuring the central argument remains prominent.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of the prompt, maintaining clarity and providing well-supported arguments. To improve, consider addressing potential counterarguments, reinforcing topic sentences, providing deeper analysis, and maintaining a more focused discussion.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization of information. It opens with a clear thesis statement, presents supporting arguments in a structured manner, and concludes with a concise summary. However, there is room for improvement in the flow between paragraphs. For instance, the transition from discussing individual actions to the indirect influence of individuals could be smoother. There is a need for a more seamless connection between these ideas to enhance overall coherence.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases between paragraphs to create a smoother flow. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph’s topic sentence directly relates to the thesis statement, providing a clear and organized progression of ideas.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs effectively, with each one focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. However, there is room for improvement in the structure of individual paragraphs. For instance, the paragraph discussing individual behaviors could benefit from a more distinct separation of ideas, creating a clearer structure.
    • How to improve: To enhance paragraphing, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea. Use supporting sentences to develop and illustrate the main idea, and consider employing transitions between sentences for smoother connections.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs a range of cohesive devices, including transitional words and phrases (e.g., "firstly," "secondly," "additionally," "in conclusion"). However, there is room for improvement in the variety and sophistication of these devices. Some transitions are formulaic, and a more diverse use of cohesive devices could elevate the overall coherence.
    • How to improve: Expand the repertoire of cohesive devices by incorporating a variety of transition words and phrases. Use more sophisticated connectors that demonstrate a nuanced relationship between ideas. Additionally, pay attention to coherence within sentences by ensuring that pronouns and referencing maintain clarity and logical connections.

Overall, while the essay exhibits a commendable level of coherence and cohesion, refining the transitions between paragraphs, enhancing paragraph structures, and diversifying cohesive devices will contribute to a more polished and seamlessly connected piece of writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary. For instance, the use of terms such as "biodegradable packaging," "carbon footprint," "proposing initiatives," "divesting from fossil fuels," and "environmental awareness" showcases a diverse vocabulary that contributes to a nuanced discussion of the topic.
    • How to improve: To further enhance the richness of vocabulary, consider incorporating more advanced or contextually fitting terms where possible. For example, instead of "reduce environmental deterioration," phrases like "ameliorate environmental degradation" could be employed.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary precisely, but there are instances where a more precise choice of words could elevate the expression. For instance, the term "remarkable" could be substituted with a more specific adjective, such as "significant," to convey a clearer meaning.
    • How to improve: Review the essay for opportunities to replace general terms with more precise alternatives. This can be achieved by consulting a thesaurus or carefully selecting words that precisely convey the intended meaning.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: Spelling is generally accurate throughout the essay. However, there are a few instances where errors, such as "Dicaprio" instead of "DiCaprio," could be corrected for improved precision.
    • How to improve: Carefully proofread the essay to catch and correct minor spelling errors. Additionally, consider using spell-check tools to ensure the accuracy of names and specialized terms.

In summary, the essay exhibits a strong command of vocabulary with a wide range of terms appropriately used. To further enhance lexical resource, focus on precision by selecting the most fitting words and ensuring correct spelling, particularly for names and specialized terms.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable use of varied sentence structures, encompassing simple, compound, and complex sentences. There is proficient utilization of introductory phrases, parallel structures, and dependent clauses throughout the essay. For instance, the essay employs complex sentences like "Regarding authorities and corporations, individual’s roles as citizens, customers, investors, and members of them could make environmentally important choices." This showcases the ability to construct sentences with different levels of complexity, enhancing the overall readability and coherence of the essay.
    • How to improve: To further enhance the richness of the essay, consider incorporating more sophisticated sentence structures, such as inversion, conditional sentences, or rhetorical devices like parallelism. Introducing a wider variety of these advanced structures can elevate the overall sophistication of the essay.
  • Use Grammar Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay predominantly maintains grammatical accuracy with limited errors. There are a few instances where subject-verb agreement and article usage could be refined. For example, "a large number of non-governmental organizations and volunteer groups have been established and organized beach and river clean-ups activities" — here, the correct phrase should be "organized beach and river clean-up activities" or "organized beach and river clean-ups." Additionally, minor issues with pluralization, such as "authorities and corporations," which could be made consistent as "authorities and corporations’ roles."
    • How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, pay close attention to subject-verb agreement, noun-verb agreement, and article usage. Reviewing these elements in practice exercises or by analyzing similar sentence structures can help solidify understanding and application.
  • Use Correct Punctuation:

    • Detailed explanation: Punctuation is generally used effectively, contributing to the clarity of ideas. Commendably, there’s proper use of commas in separating items in a list, delineating clauses, and after introductory phrases. However, there are instances where punctuation could be refined, such as minor errors in the use of commas and inconsistent punctuation in places like "For example, by voting for pro-environmental policies, divesting from fossil fuels, and supporting green businesses, individuals can pressure their involved organization to take more action for the environment."
    • How to improve: Focus on refining the usage of commas in complex sentences, ensuring consistency in their placement for clarity. Practice identifying clauses that require appropriate punctuation marks like commas or semicolons, especially in sentences with multiple components, to strengthen punctuation skills.

Overall, the essay displays a strong command of varied sentence structures, maintains mostly accurate grammar, and employs punctuation effectively. To further improve, continued practice in constructing diverse sentence structures, reinforcing grammar rules, and refining punctuation usage will enhance the sophistication and accuracy of future essays.

Bài sửa mẫu

These days, there is a prevailing belief that governments and large corporations play a crucial role in environmental conservation, not individuals. Personally, I strongly disagree with this viewpoint due to some reasons outlined below.

Regarding individuals, their responsible behavior can collectively engage in various aspects such as transportation, housing, energy consumption, waste management, water usage, and food choices. For instance, making conscientious choices like opting for biodegradable packaging, using public and electric transportation, or actively participating in recycling efforts can significantly contribute to reducing their carbon footprint, thereby mitigating climate change.

Moreover, individuals actively contribute to environmental protection by proposing initiatives and participating in campaigns. Many non-governmental organizations and volunteer groups have initiated and coordinated activities such as beach and river clean-ups, which have proven effective in reducing water pollution.

The indirect influence of individuals should not be underestimated, especially in shaping the strategies of organizations and social communities. In the context of authorities and corporations, the roles of individuals as citizens, customers, investors, and members empower them to make environmentally significant choices. For example, by voting for pro-environmental policies, divesting from fossil fuels, and supporting green businesses, individuals can exert pressure on the organizations they are associated with.

Consider the example of the American actor and film producer Leonardo DiCaprio; he holds the position of UN Peace Ambassador with a special focus on climate change. His influence extends to urging people worldwide to implement environmental protection projects. This showcases how individuals, even celebrities, can play a crucial role in spreading environmental awareness and inspiring positive actions.

In conclusion, while acknowledging the responsibilities of nations and businesses, it is essential to recognize the valuable contributions of individuals, whether direct or indirect, in the pursuit of environmental well-being.

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