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These days more fathers stay at home and take care of their children while mothers go out to work. What could be the reasons for this? Do you think it is a positive or a negative development?

These days more fathers stay at home and take care of their children while mothers go out to work. What could be the reasons for this? Do you think it is a positive or a negative development?

Nowadays, there has been a significant change in parental duties that many husbands tend to be responsible for looking after their kids, while the wives are in charge of financial aspect. The reasons for this trend may be various, and I personally hold the belief that it has a positive effect on the marriages.

On the one hand, it may have several reasons for father to do the childcare. The first reason is because of different modes of works for each family which were chosen by their preferences. To be more specific, in some cases, the mother’s job is to work at the office, but father wants to work from home, therefore, dad can be more flexible to take care of their kids. Concerning the second reason, parenting duties may have been shared equally to keep work-life balance. For instance, each partner has already chosen their responsibility to take based on their strength. To put it simply, if the women have the higher salaries, they would choose to be the financial breadwinner and vice versa.

On the other hand, I firmly believe that these parental role changes have a positively advantages on the marriages for several arguments. Chief among these is that the new roles of parents can enhance gender equality to change the mindset of many old generations about family standard. To illustrated this point, a number of narrow-minded people think that the husbands should be responsible for economic site, whereas the wives should be a homemaker to do housework and watch their children. As a result, these people are more and more open-minded and they have better awareness about modern marriage. Additionally, it also helps to build a society progress thanks to these developments.

In conclusion, it has many reasons for men to take the responsibility for their children and women who go out to work. However, I firmly side with the view of the beneficial development for these changes in contemporary lives.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "Nowadays" -> "Currently"
    Explanation: "Currently" is a more formal and precise temporal indicator suitable for academic writing, replacing the colloquial "Nowadays."

  2. "many husbands tend to be responsible for looking after their kids" -> "many husbands assume responsibility for childcare"
    Explanation: "Assume responsibility for childcare" is more formal and specific than "tend to be responsible for looking after their kids," which is somewhat informal and vague.

  3. "financial aspect" -> "financial responsibilities"
    Explanation: "Financial responsibilities" is a more precise term that accurately describes the specific duties involved, enhancing the formality and clarity of the statement.

  4. "The reasons for this trend may be various" -> "The reasons for this trend may be diverse"
    Explanation: "Diverse" is a more academically appropriate term than "various," which is somewhat informal and less precise.

  5. "it has a positive effect on the marriages" -> "it positively impacts marriages"
    Explanation: "Positively impacts" is a more direct and formal way to express the effect, improving the academic tone.

  6. "father to do the childcare" -> "fathers to undertake childcare"
    Explanation: "Undertake childcare" is a more formal expression than "do the childcare," aligning better with academic style.

  7. "different modes of works for each family" -> "different work arrangements for each family"
    Explanation: "Work arrangements" is a more precise and formal term than "modes of works," which is grammatically incorrect and awkward.

  8. "dad can be more flexible" -> "fathers can be more flexible"
    Explanation: Using "fathers" instead of "dad" maintains a formal tone appropriate for academic writing.

  9. "Concerning the second reason" -> "Regarding the second reason"
    Explanation: "Regarding" is a more formal transitional phrase than "Concerning," which is slightly less common in academic writing.

  10. "parenting duties may have been shared equally" -> "parenting responsibilities may have been shared equally"
    Explanation: "Responsibilities" is a more specific and formal term than "duties" in this context, enhancing the precision of the statement.

  11. "each partner has already chosen their responsibility" -> "each partner has already assigned their responsibilities"
    Explanation: "Assigned their responsibilities" is more formal and precise than "chosen their responsibility," which is less specific.

  12. "the women have the higher salaries" -> "the women earn higher salaries"
    Explanation: "Earn higher salaries" is a more direct and formal way to express the comparative aspect, improving the sentence structure.

  13. "positively advantages" -> "advantages"
    Explanation: "Advantages" should not be modified by "positively" as it is already an uncountable noun; the phrase is redundant and incorrect.

  14. "to change the mindset of many old generations about family standard" -> "to alter the perceptions of many older generations regarding family norms"
    Explanation: "Alter the perceptions" and "regarding family norms" are more precise and formal, replacing the vague and informal "change the mindset of many old generations about family standard."

  15. "it also helps to build a society progress" -> "it also contributes to societal progress"
    Explanation: "Contributes to societal progress" is a more formal and academically appropriate phrase than "helps to build a society progress," which is grammatically incorrect and awkward.

  16. "it has many reasons for men to take the responsibility for their children" -> "there are numerous reasons why men should assume responsibility for childcare"
    Explanation: "There are numerous reasons why men should assume responsibility for childcare" is more formal and clearer, improving the flow and precision of the sentence.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both parts of the prompt by discussing reasons why fathers are increasingly taking on childcare responsibilities and expressing a personal opinion on whether this is a positive or negative development. The reasons provided include the flexibility of work arrangements and the sharing of parenting duties based on financial considerations. However, the explanation of these reasons lacks depth and could be more explicitly connected to the prompt. For example, while the essay mentions work-life balance, it does not fully explore how societal changes or economic factors contribute to this trend.
    • How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should delve deeper into the societal and economic factors driving this trend, such as changing gender roles, economic necessity, or cultural shifts. Providing more specific examples or statistics could strengthen the argument and demonstrate a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position that the trend of fathers taking on childcare responsibilities is a positive development. This stance is maintained throughout the essay, particularly in the second half where the author discusses the benefits of this shift, such as promoting gender equality and changing traditional mindsets. However, the phrasing in some areas is somewhat ambiguous, which can lead to confusion about the strength of the position.
    • How to improve: To improve clarity, the writer should ensure that their opinion is consistently reinforced with strong, unequivocal language. Additionally, using transitional phrases to link ideas more clearly can help maintain a coherent argument throughout the essay.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas regarding the reasons for fathers taking on childcare and the positive implications of this trend. However, the support for these ideas is somewhat limited. For instance, while the essay mentions that shared parenting duties can lead to better work-life balance, it does not provide sufficient evidence or examples to illustrate this point effectively. The arguments about gender equality and societal progress are introduced but not fully developed.
    • How to improve: To strengthen the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should aim to elaborate on each point with concrete examples, case studies, or statistical data. This could involve discussing specific countries or cultures where this trend is evident, or citing studies that show the benefits of shared parenting roles.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the reasons for fathers taking on childcare and the implications of this trend. However, there are moments where the discussion becomes slightly tangential, such as when mentioning the mindset of older generations without clearly linking it back to the main argument about the benefits of shared parenting roles.
    • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates back to the prompt. It may be helpful to outline the main ideas before writing to ensure that all content remains relevant and contributes to answering the question posed.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents a clear opinion, it could benefit from deeper analysis, clearer connections between ideas, and more robust support for the arguments made.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing reasons and opinions, and a conclusion. However, the logical flow could be improved. For instance, the transition from discussing reasons for fathers taking on childcare duties to the positive effects of this trend could be more seamless. The essay jumps from one point to another without clear connections, which can confuse the reader.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences that explicitly state the main idea of each paragraph. Additionally, employing transitional phrases such as "Furthermore," "In contrast," or "Consequently" can help guide the reader through the argument and illustrate the relationship between ideas more effectively.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs appropriately, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the topic. However, the second body paragraph could be further divided into smaller sections to improve clarity. The current structure makes it slightly dense and harder to follow.
    • How to improve: Break down complex ideas into smaller, more digestible paragraphs. For example, the second body paragraph could be split into two: one focusing on the argument for gender equality and the other on societal progress. This would allow for a more thorough exploration of each point and improve readability.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "on the one hand" and "on the other hand," which effectively signal contrasting ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is limited, and some phrases are used repetitively, which can detract from the overall fluency of the essay. For instance, the phrase "for several arguments" is vague and could be more specific.
    • How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases. For example, instead of repeatedly using "for example," consider alternatives like "for instance," "such as," or "to illustrate." Additionally, using pronouns and synonyms can help reduce repetition and create a smoother flow between sentences and ideas.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, focusing on enhancing logical connections, refining paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices will contribute to achieving a higher band score in Coherence and Cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with phrases such as "parental duties," "financial aspect," and "work-life balance." However, the vocabulary tends to be somewhat repetitive, particularly in the use of "father," "mother," and "children," which could be varied for greater lexical richness. Additionally, terms like "narrow-minded" and "open-minded" are effective but could be supplemented with synonyms or related expressions to enhance variety.
    • How to improve: To improve lexical range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and related terms. For example, instead of repeatedly using "father" and "mother," alternatives such as "dad," "mom," "parents," or "guardians" could be utilized. Furthermore, exploring more sophisticated vocabulary related to the topic, such as "caregiver," "breadwinner," or "gender roles," would enhance the overall quality of the essay.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage, such as "the financial aspect," which lacks clarity. It would be more precise to say "the financial responsibilities" or "the financial provider." Additionally, the phrase "positively advantages" is incorrect; the correct form would be "positive advantages" or simply "benefits."
    • How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should review their word choices and ensure they convey the intended meaning clearly. Using a thesaurus can help find more accurate terms, and proofreading for grammatical accuracy will aid in avoiding errors like "positively advantages." Practicing paraphrasing exercises can also help in developing a more precise vocabulary.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains a few spelling errors, such as "illustrated" (spelled as "to illustrated") and "economic site" (which should be "economic side"). These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing.
    • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular spelling practice, perhaps by keeping a list of commonly misspelled words. Utilizing spell-check tools during the writing process can also help catch errors before submission. Additionally, reading more extensively can enhance familiarity with correct spelling and usage in context.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents coherent arguments, focusing on expanding vocabulary range, ensuring precise usage, and improving spelling will help elevate the Lexical Resource score in future writing tasks.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, the use of conditional sentences ("if the women have the higher salaries, they would choose to be the financial breadwinner") shows an understanding of complex grammatical forms. However, there are instances of awkward phrasing and unclear structures, such as "the new roles of parents can enhance gender equality to change the mindset of many old generations about family standard," which could be more effectively articulated.
    • How to improve: To enhance the variety and effectiveness of sentence structures, the writer should practice using more varied conjunctions and transition phrases to connect ideas smoothly. Additionally, incorporating more complex structures, such as relative clauses or participial phrases, could improve the sophistication of the writing. For instance, instead of saying "the husbands should be responsible for economic site," the writer could say "the husbands, traditionally seen as the economic providers, should be responsible for financial matters."
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical inaccuracies and punctuation errors. For example, phrases like "the financial aspect" and "positively advantages" are incorrect; the latter should be "positive advantages." Additionally, there are punctuation issues, such as missing commas that could clarify meaning, particularly in complex sentences. The phrase "to illustrated this point" contains a typographical error, as it should be "to illustrate this point."
    • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and the correct use of articles. Regular practice with grammar exercises, especially those targeting common errors, would be beneficial. Furthermore, reviewing punctuation rules, particularly regarding the use of commas in complex sentences and lists, can enhance clarity. For instance, the writer could revise "the husbands should be responsible for economic site, whereas the wives should be a homemaker" to "the husbands should be responsible for economic matters, whereas the wives should take on homemaking duties."

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of grammatical range and accuracy, there are areas for improvement. By diversifying sentence structures and focusing on grammatical precision, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in this criterion.

Bài sửa mẫu

Nowadays, there has been a significant change in parental duties, with many husbands tending to be responsible for looking after their kids, while the wives are in charge of the financial aspect. The reasons for this trend may be diverse, and I personally hold the belief that it has a positive effect on marriages.

On the one hand, there may be several reasons for fathers to undertake childcare. The first reason is due to different work arrangements for each family, which are chosen based on their preferences. To be more specific, in some cases, the mother’s job is to work at the office, while the father wants to work from home; therefore, dad can be more flexible in taking care of their kids. Regarding the second reason, parenting responsibilities may have been shared equally to maintain a work-life balance. For instance, each partner has already assigned their responsibilities based on their strengths. To put it simply, if the women earn higher salaries, they would choose to be the financial breadwinner, and vice versa.

On the other hand, I firmly believe that these changes in parental roles have positive advantages for marriages for several reasons. Chief among these is that the new roles of parents can enhance gender equality and alter the perceptions of many older generations regarding family norms. To illustrate this point, a number of narrow-minded people think that husbands should be responsible for the economic side, whereas wives should be homemakers who do housework and watch their children. As a result, these people are becoming more open-minded and have a better awareness of modern marriage. Additionally, it also contributes to societal progress thanks to these developments.

In conclusion, there are numerous reasons why men should assume responsibility for their children while women go out to work. However, I firmly side with the view that these changes represent a beneficial development in contemporary life.

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