These days more fathers stay at home and take care of their children, while mothers go out to work. What could be the reasons for this? Is it a positive or negative development?

In recent years, the role of caring for babies has drastically changed in some countries. Fathers spend more time taking care of their children, while mothers work outside. In my opinion, the popularity of gender equality and balanced responsibilities in each family lead to this phenomenon, which brings more benefits for family’s relationships and reduces depression for mothers.
The rationale of the prevalence of changing caring habits is that it is normally the equal gender and responsibilities. Firstly, gender equality is common in most developed countries in which females and males have the same rights and opportunities in life including taking care of children. Indeed, a lot of moms are breadwinners, thus limiting them at home may lead to difficulties in family’s incomes. Furthermore, in the past the father worked all day and sent money home for the mother to take care of the children, which leads to many divorces due to the lack of consensus in raising the children in a family. Thus, sharing child care equally between parents helps to balance the family's responsibilities.
In addition, there are some advantages from this tendency. First of all, the family's relationships can be improved extremely because of a close connection between parents and children. Admittedly, parents can spend more time on their children leading to comprehensive development in the process of child growing up. For example, children living in the love of their parents are more confident, and happier than others living with only mom or dad. Moreover when people live at home caring for a child instead of going out, they tend to be more stressed and unrelaxed, even harming children and themselves. Therefore, increasing the father's role in caring for children helps to reduce postpartum depression for mothers.
In conclusion, fathers’s image caring for their children in the park, entertainment, and etc are common nowadays because of equal gender rules and work balance in the family. Hence, this leads to a healthy relationship in the family and excludes troubles for mothers.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"In recent years" -> "In recent times"
Explanation: "In recent times" is a more formal and precise temporal reference, enhancing the academic tone of the essay.
"the role of caring for babies has drastically changed" -> "the role of childcare has undergone significant changes"
Explanation: "Undergone significant changes" is a more formal and precise way to describe the extent of change, avoiding the colloquialism "drastically changed."
"Fathers spend more time taking care of their children, while mothers work outside" -> "Fathers are increasingly involved in childcare, while mothers engage in external employment"
Explanation: This revision clarifies the roles and activities more accurately and formally, avoiding the simplistic and somewhat inaccurate "work outside."
"the popularity of gender equality and balanced responsibilities in each family" -> "the growing recognition of gender equality and the adoption of shared family responsibilities"
Explanation: This revision uses more precise language that is academically appropriate, emphasizing the development of these concepts rather than their "popularity."
"brings more benefits for family’s relationships" -> "enhances family relationships"
Explanation: "Enhances" is a more direct and formal verb than "brings more benefits," which is somewhat vague and informal.
"The rationale of the prevalence of changing caring habits is that it is normally the equal gender and responsibilities" -> "The rationale for the prevalence of changing childcare habits lies in the increasing recognition of gender equality and shared responsibilities"
Explanation: This revision clarifies the reasoning and uses more formal language, avoiding the awkward and incorrect "it is normally the equal gender and responsibilities."
"a lot of moms are breadwinners" -> "many mothers are the primary earners"
Explanation: "Primary earners" is a more precise and formal term than "breadwinners," which can be seen as colloquial.
"limiting them at home may lead to difficulties in family’s incomes" -> "confining them to domestic duties may compromise family income"
Explanation: "Compromise family income" is a more precise and formal way to express the potential negative impact on financial stability.
"the father worked all day and sent money home for the mother to take care of the children" -> "the father worked full-time and provided financial support for the mother to care for the children"
Explanation: This revision clarifies the roles and activities more formally and accurately.
"sharing child care equally between parents helps to balance the family’s responsibilities" -> "shared childcare responsibilities among parents facilitates a more balanced family dynamic"
Explanation: "Facilitates a more balanced family dynamic" is a more formal and precise way to describe the benefits of shared childcare responsibilities.
"the family’s relationships can be improved extremely" -> "family relationships can be significantly improved"
Explanation: "Significantly" is a more appropriate adverb for academic writing than "extremely," which can be seen as overly emphatic.
"children living in the love of their parents" -> "children raised in a nurturing environment by their parents"
Explanation: "Raised in a nurturing environment" is a more formal and precise way to describe the positive effects of parental care.
"increasing the father’s role in caring for children helps to reduce postpartum depression for mothers" -> "enhancing paternal involvement in childcare contributes to reduced postpartum depression in mothers"
Explanation: "Enhancing paternal involvement" and "reduced postpartum depression" are more formal and precise terms, suitable for an academic context.
"fathers’s image caring for their children in the park, entertainment, and etc are common nowadays" -> "the image of fathers caring for their children in public spaces, such as parks and entertainment venues, is increasingly common"
Explanation: This revision corrects the grammatical error and provides a clearer, more formal description of the context.
"Hence, this leads to a healthy relationship in the family and excludes troubles for mothers" -> "Consequently, this fosters a healthy family dynamic and alleviates maternal stress"
Explanation: "Fosters a healthy family dynamic" and "alleviates maternal stress" are more precise and formal, improving the academic tone of the conclusion.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both parts of the prompt: it discusses the reasons for the increasing number of fathers staying at home and the implications of this trend. The reasons cited, such as gender equality and the need for balanced responsibilities, are relevant and well-articulated. The essay also touches on the positive outcomes of this trend, particularly in terms of family relationships and maternal mental health. However, while the reasons are clear, the essay could benefit from a more explicit discussion of the negative aspects of this development, which would provide a more balanced view.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should consider explicitly addressing potential negative consequences of fathers staying at home, such as societal perceptions or economic implications. Including a brief discussion of both sides would demonstrate a more comprehensive understanding of the topic.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that the trend of fathers taking on childcare roles is positive. This stance is consistent throughout the essay, with supporting arguments that reinforce this viewpoint. For example, the mention of improved family relationships and reduced maternal depression aligns well with the stated opinion. However, the phrasing in some sections could be clearer to avoid ambiguity, such as "the popularity of gender equality and balanced responsibilities," which could be misinterpreted.
- How to improve: To strengthen the clarity of the position, the writer should use more definitive language and ensure that each paragraph explicitly ties back to the main argument. Clear topic sentences and concluding statements for each paragraph can help reinforce the overall stance.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas regarding the reasons for and benefits of fathers taking on childcare roles. These ideas are generally well-supported with examples, such as the impact on children’s confidence and happiness. However, some arguments could be further developed. For instance, the point about reducing postpartum depression for mothers is significant but lacks detailed explanation or evidence to substantiate it fully.
- How to improve: To improve the development of ideas, the writer should aim to provide more specific examples or data to support claims. For instance, citing studies or statistics regarding the effects of shared parenting on mental health would add depth to the argument. Additionally, expanding on the implications of these changes for society as a whole could enrich the discussion.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains largely focused on the topic of fathers taking on childcare responsibilities, with relevant discussions about gender equality and family dynamics. However, there are moments where the argument could be more tightly focused. For example, the phrase "fathers’s image caring for their children in the park, entertainment, and etc" in the conclusion is vague and somewhat off-topic, as it does not directly relate to the main arguments presented.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that all statements and examples directly relate to the central argument. Avoiding vague phrases and ensuring that each part of the essay contributes to the overall discussion will help keep the writing on topic. A more concise conclusion that reiterates the main points without introducing new or unclear ideas would also be beneficial.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument regarding the changing roles of fathers and mothers in child-rearing. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, and the body paragraphs follow a logical progression. For instance, the first body paragraph discusses the reasons behind this trend, focusing on gender equality and the economic necessity for mothers to work. The second body paragraph outlines the benefits of this shift, emphasizing improved family relationships and reduced stress for mothers. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother, as some sentences feel slightly disjointed, which can disrupt the flow of information.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that directly relate to the thesis statement. Additionally, employing transitional phrases (e.g., "Moreover," "Furthermore," "In contrast") at the beginning of sentences can help guide the reader through the argument more seamlessly.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay is structured into clear paragraphs, each focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. The introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion are present, which is a strong organizational strategy. However, the paragraphs could be more effectively developed. For instance, the second body paragraph could benefit from more detailed examples or explanations to support the claims made about the benefits of shared child-rearing responsibilities.
- How to improve: To improve paragraph effectiveness, ensure that each paragraph contains a clear main idea supported by specific examples or evidence. Consider expanding the second body paragraph with more detailed examples of how shared responsibilities positively impact family dynamics. This would not only strengthen the argument but also provide a more comprehensive view of the topic.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "In addition," and "Moreover," which help to connect ideas within and between paragraphs. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and some sentences lack clear connections, making it harder for the reader to follow the argument. For example, the transition from discussing gender equality to the benefits of shared child care could be more explicitly linked.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases. For instance, use "Consequently" to show cause and effect or "On the other hand" to present contrasting ideas. Additionally, ensure that each cohesive device is used appropriately to maintain clarity. For example, when transitioning between the discussion of reasons and benefits, a phrase like "This shift not only reflects changing societal norms but also offers several advantages" could enhance coherence.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, improvements can be made in the areas of logical organization, paragraph development, and the use of cohesive devices to elevate the overall coherence and cohesion of the writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "gender equality," "breadwinners," and "postpartum depression" indicating an understanding of relevant concepts. However, the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive, particularly in phrases like "taking care of children" and "family’s responsibilities," which could benefit from variation. For instance, using synonyms or more specific terms could enhance the richness of the language.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should aim to incorporate a broader array of vocabulary related to the topic. For example, instead of repeatedly using "taking care of children," alternatives like "child-rearing," "nurturing," or "parenting" could be employed. Additionally, exploring more nuanced terms related to family dynamics and gender roles would elevate the lexical variety.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay includes some precise vocabulary, there are instances of imprecision that affect clarity. For example, the phrase "the equal gender and responsibilities" is awkward and could be more effectively expressed as "equal gender roles and responsibilities." Moreover, the term "family’s incomes" should be corrected to "family income" for accuracy.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on ensuring that phrases are grammatically correct and contextually appropriate. Reviewing sentences for clarity and coherence will help. For instance, revising "the rationale of the prevalence of changing caring habits" to "the rationale behind the changing dynamics of caregiving" would improve clarity. Additionally, using a thesaurus to find more precise words can aid in conveying the intended meaning more effectively.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "fathers’s" (should be "father’s") and "extremely" (which is used awkwardly in context). These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and can confuse readers.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in thorough proofreading of their work. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help catch errors. Additionally, practicing commonly misspelled words and familiarizing oneself with the correct forms of possessive nouns will contribute to improved spelling in future essays.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents relevant arguments, focusing on expanding vocabulary, ensuring precision in word choice, and improving spelling will help elevate the Lexical Resource score in future writing tasks.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of complex sentences such as "In my opinion, the popularity of gender equality and balanced responsibilities in each family lead to this phenomenon…" showcases an ability to convey nuanced ideas. However, there are instances of repetitive structures, particularly in the use of "Firstly," "In addition," and "Moreover," which can detract from the overall variety.
- How to improve: To enhance the diversity of sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more varied linking phrases and transition words, such as "Additionally," "Furthermore," or "On the other hand," to introduce new points. Additionally, experimenting with different sentence beginnings and combining shorter sentences into more complex ones can create a more engaging narrative flow.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are notable errors that affect clarity. For example, the phrase "the father’s image caring for their children" should be corrected to "the image of fathers caring for their children." Additionally, the use of "fathers’s" is incorrect; it should simply be "fathers." Punctuation is mostly correct, but there are instances where commas could improve readability, such as before "which leads to many divorces…" to separate clauses clearly.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading for common errors, particularly with possessives and subject-verb agreement. Practicing sentence restructuring can also help clarify meaning. For punctuation, reviewing rules regarding comma usage, especially in complex sentences, will enhance clarity. Reading the essay aloud may help identify awkward phrasing or missing punctuation.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid grasp of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision will help elevate the score further.

Bài sửa mẫu

In recent times, the role of childcare has undergone significant changes in some countries. Fathers are spending more time taking care of their children, while mothers engage in external employment. In my opinion, the rise of gender equality and balanced responsibilities within families has contributed to this phenomenon, which brings numerous benefits for family relationships and helps reduce depression among mothers.

The primary reason for the shift in childcare dynamics is the increasing emphasis on equal gender roles and shared responsibilities. Firstly, gender equality is prevalent in most developed countries, where both females and males have the same rights and opportunities, including in the realm of childcare. Indeed, many mothers are now the primary breadwinners, so limiting their ability to work can lead to financial difficulties for the family. Furthermore, in the past, fathers typically worked all day and sent money home while mothers took care of the children. This often resulted in a lack of consensus in parenting styles, which contributed to many divorces. Thus, sharing childcare responsibilities equally between parents helps to create a more balanced family dynamic.

Additionally, there are several advantages to this trend. First and foremost, family relationships can be significantly improved due to the close connection that develops between parents and children. When parents spend more time with their children, it fosters comprehensive development during the crucial early years. For example, children who grow up in a loving environment with both parents tend to be more confident and happier than those who are raised by only one parent. Moreover, when individuals stay at home to care for a child instead of going out to work, they may experience increased stress and anxiety, which can negatively impact both themselves and their children. Therefore, enhancing the father’s role in childcare can help alleviate postpartum depression for mothers.

In conclusion, the image of fathers caring for their children in parks and engaging in various activities is increasingly common today due to the principles of gender equality and balanced family responsibilities. This shift not only fosters healthier family relationships but also alleviates challenges faced by mothers.