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These days, thanks to the development of technology, TV is one of the most significant inventions for people’s lives. However, more and more children spend a lot of their free time watching TV rather than concentration on their study at school and other useful activities as well in daily life. What are the advantages and the disadvantages of this problem?

These days, thanks to the development of technology, TV is one of the most significant inventions for people’s lives. However, more and more children spend a lot of their free time watching TV rather than concentration on their study at school and other useful activities as well in daily life.
What are the advantages and the disadvantages of this problem?

In the light of technological advancements, one of the most notable developments has been the growing trend toward an increasing number of children spending excessive a mount of time being glued to the TV screen. While there are certain merits to this, we also consider some drawbacks unexpected involved
On the one hand, it is seemingly comprehensible why it is essential to acknowledge the advantages that television offers for children’s development. A significant issue is the explosion in children's television programming, which has surged in quantity and diversity. This abundance of content, filled with captivating characters and catchy music, frequently ensnares young viewers for prolonged periods, thereby contributing to a decrease in physical activity.. An added benefit is that television offers a valuable outlet for relaxation and entertainment. After a demanding day at school, children often anticipate unwinding with their favorite shows or cartoons, which provides a necessary respite from academic pressures. This relaxation not only contributes to emotional well-being but also helps them rejuvenate, enhancing their overall resilience and readiness for future challenges.

Notwithstanding the aforementioned merits, I am convinced it is imprudent to overlook the potential drawbacks of excessive TV watching. The primary drawback is that excessive screen time can negatively affect children’s academic performance. When children prioritize gaming over their studies, it often leads to neglect of their academic responsibilities, resulting in poor grades and potentially limiting their future career prospects. The first drawback is the excessive use of TV can lead to health deterioration. This is because prolonged screen time frequently leads to a sedentary lifestyle, increasing the risk of conditions such as myopia, obesity, and musculoskeletal disorders due to insufficient physical activity, ultimately resulting in significant health complications
In conclusion, while television offers valuable relaxation and educational benefits for children, its excessive use, which negatively impacts academic performance and health, cannot be ignored. Therefore, it is crucial to strike a balance between enjoying TV and engaging in other activities to ensure a well-rounded and healthy development for children.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "In the light of" -> "In consideration of"
    Explanation: "In consideration of" is a more formal and precise phrase that better fits the academic style, replacing the more colloquial "In the light of."

  2. "excessive a mount of time" -> "excessive amounts of time"
    Explanation: Corrects the grammatical error "a mount" to "amounts," ensuring the correct plural form and maintaining the formal tone.

  3. "being glued to the TV screen" -> "fixated on the television screen"
    Explanation: "Fixated" is a more precise and formal term than "glued," which is colloquial and less appropriate for academic writing.

  4. "we also consider some drawbacks unexpected involved" -> "we also acknowledge some unforeseen drawbacks"
    Explanation: "Unforeseen" is more precise and academically appropriate than "unexpected," which is somewhat vague and informal.

  5. "it is seemingly comprehensible" -> "it is understandable"
    Explanation: Simplifies the phrase to enhance clarity and maintain a formal tone without redundancy.

  6. "explosion in children’s television programming" -> "expansion of children’s television programming"
    Explanation: "Expansion" is a more accurate term than "explosion," which is metaphorical and less precise in this context.

  7. "filled with captivating characters and catchy music" -> "featuring captivating characters and engaging music"
    Explanation: "Featuring" is more formal and precise than "filled with," and "engaging" is a more academic term than "catchy."

  8. "ensnares young viewers for prolonged periods" -> "holds young viewers’ attention for extended periods"
    Explanation: "Holds young viewers’ attention" is a more formal and precise way to describe the effect of television on children.

  9. "After a demanding day at school" -> "Following a demanding day at school"
    Explanation: "Following" is more formal and appropriate for academic writing than "After."

  10. "provides a necessary respite" -> "offers a necessary respite"
    Explanation: "Offers" is a more formal synonym for "provides," enhancing the academic tone.

  11. "I am convinced it is imprudent" -> "I believe it is imprudent"
    Explanation: "I believe" is a more formal and less assertive expression than "I am convinced," which can sound overly strong and informal.

  12. "The primary drawback" -> "The primary disadvantage"
    Explanation: "Disadvantage" is more specific and academically appropriate than "drawback" in this context.

  13. "The first drawback is the excessive use of TV" -> "The first disadvantage is the excessive use of television"
    Explanation: "Disadvantage" is more specific and formal than "drawback," and "television" should be capitalized as it refers to a specific noun.

  14. "can lead to health deterioration" -> "may lead to health deterioration"
    Explanation: "May" is more cautious and academically appropriate than "can," which is less formal and more definitive.

  15. "ultimately resulting in significant health complications" -> "ultimately leading to significant health complications"
    Explanation: "Leading to" is a more precise and formal expression than "resulting in," aligning better with academic style.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both the advantages and disadvantages of children spending excessive time watching TV, which is a direct response to the prompt. The advantages discussed include the diversity of children’s programming and the relaxation it provides, while the disadvantages focus on negative impacts on academic performance and health. However, while the essay does mention both sides, it could benefit from a more balanced exploration of each aspect. For instance, the advantages section could delve deeper into specific educational programs that enhance learning, while the disadvantages could include more examples of how these issues manifest in real-life scenarios.
    • How to improve: To comprehensively address all elements of the question, the writer should aim to provide a more detailed exploration of each advantage and disadvantage. This could involve including specific examples or statistics that illustrate the impact of TV on children’s education and health, thereby enriching the analysis.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that acknowledges both the benefits and drawbacks of TV watching among children. The writer effectively communicates a balanced view, stating that while there are merits to television, the potential negative consequences cannot be overlooked. However, the transition between discussing advantages and disadvantages could be clearer, as the phrase "Notwithstanding the aforementioned merits" may not be the most accessible for all readers.
    • How to improve: To enhance clarity and consistency in presenting the position, the writer could use more straightforward transitions between points. Phrases like "On the other hand" or "Conversely" can help signal shifts in perspective more clearly, ensuring that the reader can easily follow the argument.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents several key ideas regarding the impact of TV on children, such as its role in relaxation and its potential to hinder academic performance. However, the support for these ideas could be more robust. For example, while the essay mentions that excessive TV can lead to poor grades, it does not provide concrete examples or evidence to substantiate this claim. Similarly, the discussion of health issues could benefit from specific data or studies that illustrate the correlation between screen time and health problems.
    • How to improve: To effectively present and support ideas, the writer should aim to include specific examples, anecdotes, or research findings that back up their claims. This could involve referencing studies on screen time and academic performance or citing expert opinions on the health impacts of prolonged TV watching.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the advantages and disadvantages of children watching TV. However, there are moments where the discussion could be more tightly focused. For instance, the phrase "the explosion in children’s television programming" could be better tied to the advantages being discussed, as it feels somewhat disconnected from the main argument about excessive viewing.
    • How to improve: To maintain focus and relevance to the topic, the writer should ensure that each point made directly relates back to the central question of the advantages and disadvantages of TV watching. This can be achieved by explicitly linking each point to the main argument and avoiding tangential comments that do not contribute to the overall analysis.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the topic and presents a balanced view, there are opportunities for improvement in depth of analysis, clarity of transitions, and the inclusion of supporting evidence. By addressing these areas, the writer can enhance the overall effectiveness of their argument and potentially achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, with an introduction, two main body paragraphs discussing the advantages and disadvantages, and a conclusion. The points made in each paragraph are relevant to the topic, and the argument flows logically from one idea to the next. However, the transition between the advantages and disadvantages could be smoother. For instance, the phrase "Notwithstanding the aforementioned merits" could be simplified to improve clarity and flow.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer transitional phrases that guide the reader more effectively between sections. For example, instead of "Notwithstanding the aforementioned merits," you might use "However, despite these benefits, there are significant drawbacks to consider." This would create a more direct contrast and improve the flow between paragraphs.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is essential for readability. Each paragraph focuses on a distinct aspect of the topic, with the first discussing advantages and the second addressing disadvantages. However, the second paragraph could benefit from clearer topic sentences and a more structured approach to presenting the drawbacks.
    • How to improve: Strengthen the topic sentences in each paragraph to clearly indicate the main idea. For example, the second paragraph could start with a sentence like, "While television has its benefits, its excessive use poses serious risks to children’s academic performance and health." Additionally, consider breaking down the disadvantages into clearer sub-points to enhance clarity and focus.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand," "An added benefit," and "In conclusion." These phrases help to connect ideas and guide the reader through the argument. However, the use of cohesive devices could be more varied; for instance, the phrase "excessive use of TV" is repeated, which can detract from the overall cohesion.
    • How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, consider using synonyms or rephrasing to avoid repetition. Instead of repeatedly saying "excessive use of TV," you could use terms like "overindulgence in screen time" or "prolonged television viewing." Additionally, incorporating more linking words such as "furthermore," "consequently," and "in contrast" can enhance the essay’s cohesion and make the connections between ideas clearer.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion principles, but there is room for improvement in transitions, paragraph structure, and the variety of cohesive devices used. By implementing these suggestions, the essay could achieve a higher band score in this criterion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with phrases such as "technological advancements," "captivating characters," and "emotional well-being." These expressions reflect an ability to use varied language that is appropriate for the topic. However, there are instances of redundancy, such as "excessive a mount of time" and "excessive use of TV," which could be streamlined for clarity and conciseness.
    • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, consider incorporating synonyms or related terms to avoid repetition. For example, instead of repeating "excessive," you could use "overindulgent" or "prolonged" in different contexts. Additionally, introducing more academic or topic-specific vocabulary could elevate the essay further.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs vocabulary effectively, but there are moments of imprecision. For instance, the phrase "the growing trend toward an increasing number of children spending excessive a mount of time" could be simplified to "an increasing number of children spending excessive time." The term "unexpected involved" is also unclear and seems to be a misphrasing.
    • How to improve: Focus on clarity and conciseness in vocabulary usage. Review phrases for potential simplification and ensure that all terms used accurately convey the intended meaning. For example, rephrase "unexpected involved" to something clearer, like "unforeseen consequences." Regular practice in writing and revising can help develop this precision.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains a few spelling errors, such as "a mount" instead of "amount" and "myopia" which is correct but could be misinterpreted by readers unfamiliar with the term. The overall spelling is generally accurate, but these minor errors detract from the overall quality.
    • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider implementing a proofreading strategy. After writing, take a break and then review the essay to catch any spelling mistakes. Additionally, using spell-check tools or apps can help identify errors before submission. Practicing commonly misspelled words can also enhance overall spelling proficiency.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of vocabulary, there are areas for improvement in range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By focusing on these aspects, the writer can aim for a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criteria.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. For instance, the use of complex sentences such as "While there are certain merits to this, we also consider some drawbacks unexpected involved" showcases an ability to convey nuanced ideas. Additionally, the essay incorporates conditional structures, such as "When children prioritize gaming over their studies," which adds depth to the argument. However, there are instances of awkward phrasing, such as "excessive a mount of time," which detracts from the overall fluency.
    • How to improve: To further diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating more compound-complex sentences and varying the placement of clauses. For example, instead of starting sentences with "The primary drawback is," you could use introductory phrases like "One significant drawback is," or "Another concerning issue is." This will enhance the flow and complexity of your writing.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a high level of grammatical accuracy, but there are a few notable errors. For example, the phrase "excessive a mount of time" contains a typographical error, which should be corrected to "excessive amount of time." Additionally, the sentence "This abundance of content, filled with captivating characters and catchy music, frequently ensnares young viewers for prolonged periods, thereby contributing to a decrease in physical activity.." contains a punctuation error with the double period at the end. Furthermore, the phrase "the potential drawbacks of excessive TV watching" could be more clearly articulated as "the potential drawbacks of excessive television watching."
    • How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, it is essential to proofread the essay carefully for typographical errors and punctuation mistakes. Utilizing grammar-checking tools or seeking feedback from peers can help identify these issues. Additionally, practicing writing with a focus on common grammatical structures and punctuation rules will build confidence and reduce errors in future essays.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammatical range and accuracy, but attention to detail in phrasing and punctuation will elevate the writing quality further.

Bài sửa mẫu

In light of technological advancements, one of the most notable developments has been the growing trend of an increasing number of children spending excessive amounts of time being glued to the television screen. While there are certain merits to this, we also acknowledge some unforeseen drawbacks involved.

On the one hand, it is understandable why it is essential to recognize the advantages that television offers for children’s development. A significant issue is the explosion in children’s television programming, which has surged in quantity and diversity. This abundance of content, featuring captivating characters and engaging music, frequently holds young viewers’ attention for extended periods, thereby contributing to a decrease in physical activity. An added benefit is that television offers a valuable outlet for relaxation and entertainment. Following a demanding day at school, children often anticipate unwinding with their favorite shows or cartoons, which provides a necessary respite from academic pressures. This relaxation not only contributes to emotional well-being but also helps them rejuvenate, enhancing their overall resilience and readiness for future challenges.

Notwithstanding the aforementioned merits, I believe it is imprudent to overlook the potential drawbacks of excessive TV watching. The primary disadvantage is that excessive screen time can negatively affect children’s academic performance. When children prioritize gaming over their studies, it often leads to neglect of their academic responsibilities, resulting in poor grades and potentially limiting their future career prospects. The first disadvantage is that excessive use of television may lead to health deterioration. This is because prolonged screen time frequently leads to a sedentary lifestyle, increasing the risk of conditions such as myopia, obesity, and musculoskeletal disorders due to insufficient physical activity, ultimately leading to significant health complications.

In conclusion, while television offers valuable relaxation and educational benefits for children, its excessive use, which negatively impacts academic performance and health, cannot be ignored. Therefore, it is crucial to strike a balance between enjoying TV and engaging in other activities to ensure well-rounded and healthy development for children.

Bài viết liên quan

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more accessible. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more…

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