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These days world leaders of all kinds are younger than in the past. What are the reasons ? Is this a negative or a positive trend?

These days world leaders of all kinds are younger than in the past. What are the reasons ? Is this a negative or a positive trend?

Nowadays, all kinds of leaders globally are younger than in the previous time. This essay will first discuss some of the main causes before giving reasons why I believe that this is a positive tendency.
On the one hand, there are several main factors for this development. Chief among these is that the young generation is more technologically savvy than the elderly. In fact, young leaders often grow up by using the latest gadgets and services. This means they understand new technology very well, besides, everything from communication to managing big projects often uses digital tools. Therefore, young leaders are comfortable with these and can use them to make their government work better. Another reason could be that the young generation might be trained in better education and early specialization. It is true that more young people can choose a good environment for studying where they might learn a lot about many subjects, including politics. As a result, some of them become very interested in this area and decide to learn even more and they might get into detailin detail or get involved in student government, whichstarting helps them get really good at understanding political issues.
On the other hand, there are some advantages for this related to this tendency. Chief among these is that these days young people might bring about innovation into work. Indeed, they come up with new ideas that can change the way governments work. Because they are new to leadership, they do not always follow old patterns; moreover, they might think of new ways to solve problems like traffic in cities or how to make schools better. As a result, they are like a person who comes into a room and opens the windows to let in fresh air. Looking at the second idea, young people may have better adaptability than others. In fact, they can switch between different ideas and methods easily. For example, you are used to writing with a pen and suddenly you are given a computer which you need to adapt to a new development in work. Moreover, the world can change fast, new problems may pop up quickly, and old solutions do not always work; therefore, young leaders would change their plans rapidly to deal with these new issues, much like changing the direction you are walking if you see a puddle in your path.
In conclusion, these days world leaders of all kinds are younger than in the past can stem from several reasons mentioned above, and I hold the belief that this is a beneficial trend.


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Errors and Improvements:

  1. "Nowadays, all kinds of leaders globally are younger than in the previous time." -> "Presently, leaders across the globe tend to be younger than in earlier eras."
    Explanation: Replacing "Nowadays" with "Presently" and rephrasing the sentence enhances the formality of the introduction, offering a more sophisticated expression of the temporal context.

  2. "This essay will first discuss some of the main causes before giving reasons why I believe that this is a positive tendency." -> "This essay will initially examine the primary factors before outlining the reasons supporting my contention that this is a favorable trend."
    Explanation: Substituting "first discuss" with "initially examine" and providing a more nuanced expression of the author’s belief enhances the academic tone of the sentence.

  3. "Chief among these is that the young generation is more technologically savvy than the elderly." -> "Foremost among these factors is the technologically adept nature of the younger generation compared to the elderly."
    Explanation: Replacing "Chief among these is that" with "Foremost among these factors is" and using "technologically adept" instead of "technologically savvy" adds formality and precision to the statement.

  4. "young leaders often grow up by using the latest gadgets and services." -> "Young leaders frequently come of age utilizing cutting-edge gadgets and services."
    Explanation: Substituting "grow up by using" with "come of age utilizing" and replacing "often" with "frequently" contributes to a more refined and formal expression.

  5. "everything from communication to managing big projects often uses digital tools." -> "Various aspects, from communication to the management of large-scale projects, commonly employ digital tools."
    Explanation: Replacing "everything" with "Various aspects" and refining the structure of the sentence enhances both clarity and formality.

  6. "Therefore, young leaders are comfortable with these and can use them to make their government work better." -> "Consequently, young leaders possess a familiarity with these tools and can leverage them to enhance the efficiency of governmental operations."
    Explanation: Replacing "Therefore" with "Consequently" and refining the phrasing contributes to a more polished and academically appropriate tone.

  7. "Another reason could be that the young generation might be trained in better education and early specialization." -> "Another contributing factor may be the superior education and early specialization that characterize the younger generation."
    Explanation: Substituting "Another reason could be that" with "Another contributing factor may be" and rephrasing the latter part of the sentence improves clarity and formality.

  8. "they might get into detail or get involved in student government, which starting helps them get really good at understanding political issues." -> "They may delve into specific areas or engage in student government, initiating a process that greatly enhances their understanding of political issues."
    Explanation: Replacing "get into detail or get involved in" with "delve into specific areas or engage in" and rephrasing the latter part of the sentence improves precision and formality.

  9. "there are some advantages for this related to this tendency." -> "There are certain advantages associated with this trend."
    Explanation: Simplifying and clarifying the expression by replacing "for this related to this tendency" with "associated with this trend" improves formality and readability.

  10. "Because they are new to leadership, they do not always follow old patterns; moreover, they might think of new ways to solve problems like traffic in cities or how to make schools better." -> "Being novices in leadership, they are not bound by traditional patterns; furthermore, they often conceive innovative solutions to challenges such as urban traffic or the improvement of educational institutions."
    Explanation: Enhancing the structure and vocabulary by using "Being novices in leadership" and "conceive innovative solutions" contributes to a more sophisticated academic tone.

  11. "they are like a person who comes into a room and opens the windows to let in fresh air." -> "They resemble individuals entering a room and opening windows to usher in fresh air."
    Explanation: Substituting "they are like a person who" with "They resemble individuals" adds formality and precision to the comparison.

  12. "young people may have better adaptability than others." -> "Young individuals may exhibit greater adaptability than their counterparts."
    Explanation: Replacing "young people may have better adaptability" with "Young individuals may exhibit greater adaptability" provides a more formal and precise expression.

  13. "new problems may pop up quickly, and old solutions do not always work; therefore, young leaders would change their plans rapidly to deal with these new issues, much like changing the direction you are walking if you see a puddle in your path." -> "Emergent issues can arise swiftly, and conventional solutions may prove ineffective; thus, young leaders adeptly modify their strategies to address these challenges, analogous to altering one’s course upon encountering a puddle."
    Explanation: Restructuring the sentence for clarity and using more precise language, such as "Emergent issues" and "adeptly modify their strategies," enhances the academic tone.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

  1. Quoted text: "This essay will first discuss some of the main causes before giving reasons why I believe that this is a positive tendency."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The introduction is clear in stating the writer’s intention to discuss the causes and express a positive view. However, it lacks a concise overview of the main points to be covered in the body paragraphs. To enhance clarity, consider summarizing the main causes briefly, providing a roadmap for the reader.
    • Improved example: "This essay will explore key causes behind the trend of younger world leaders and highlight why I perceive this as a positive shift. The discussion will delve into the technological proficiency and educational background of the younger generation."
  2. Quoted text: "On the one hand, there are several main factors for this development. Chief among these is that the young generation is more technologically savvy than the elderly."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The first body paragraph adequately addresses the technological proficiency of young leaders. However, it lacks specific examples or instances to illustrate this point. To strengthen your argument, incorporate real-life examples or personal experiences that highlight how young leaders leverage technology.
    • Improved example: "Firstly, the younger generation’s adeptness with technology is a pivotal factor in their leadership. For instance, having grown up in an era dominated by digital advancements, young leaders such as [provide a real-world example] effortlessly integrate technology into governance, revolutionizing communication and project management."
  3. Quoted text: "Another reason could be that the young generation might be trained in better education and early specialization."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: While the idea of better education and early specialization is introduced, the paragraph lacks specific examples or details to support this claim. To enhance persuasiveness, include concrete instances of how specialized education equips young leaders with the necessary skills.
    • Improved example: "Moreover, the younger cohort’s access to superior education and early specialization is instrumental. For instance, individuals like [mention a specific young leader] who received specialized training in [specific field] during their formative years exhibit a profound understanding of complex political issues."
  4. Quoted text: "On the other hand, there are some advantages for this related to this tendency. Chief among these is that these days young people might bring about innovation into work."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The transition to the second body paragraph is somewhat abrupt. Consider providing a smoother transition or a brief summary of the main point discussed in the previous paragraph. Additionally, provide concrete examples of innovative contributions made by young leaders to strengthen your argument.
    • Improved example: "Transitioning to the positive aspects of this trend, young leaders not only bring innovation but also challenge conventional norms. A pertinent example is [mention a specific innovation or initiative] led by a young leader, which revolutionized the way governments approach problem-solving."
  5. Quoted text: "Because they are new to leadership, they do not always follow old patterns; moreover, they might think of new ways to solve problems like traffic in cities or how to make schools better."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The explanation is reasonable but lacks specific examples to illustrate how young leaders deviate from old patterns and introduce novel solutions. Enhance the persuasiveness of your argument by providing concrete instances.
    • Improved example: "Their fresh perspective on leadership allows them to break away from traditional patterns. Take, for instance, [mention a specific leader] who, being new to leadership, devised unconventional strategies to address urban traffic congestion, leading to a more efficient and sustainable solution."
  6. Quoted text: "Looking at the second idea, young people may have better adaptability than others."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The second idea is presented clearly, emphasizing the adaptability of young leaders. However, the paragraph lacks specific examples or experiences to support this claim. Strengthen your argument by incorporating instances where young leaders showcased remarkable adaptability.
    • Improved example: "Furthermore, the heightened adaptability of young leaders is evident in their ability to swiftly respond to evolving challenges. For instance, during [mention a specific incident], young leaders adeptly adjusted their strategies, demonstrating a commendable ability to navigate unpredictable circumstances."

Overall, the essay adequately addresses the task, presenting a clear position and supporting ideas. To elevate the essay, focus on providing specific examples or instances to enhance the depth and persuasiveness of your arguments.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay logically organizes information and ideas, providing a clear progression throughout. It effectively uses a range of cohesive devices, though there are instances of underuse and overuse. The central topic within each paragraph is clear, contributing to overall coherence. Paragraphing is used sufficiently and appropriately, enhancing the essay’s structure.

How to improve:
To elevate the coherence and cohesion to a Band 8 level, consider refining the use of cohesive devices for a more balanced application. Ensure consistency in referencing and avoid occasional underuse or overuse. Additionally, focus on further enhancing paragraph logic, ensuring seamless transitions between ideas for a more polished overall structure.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary for the task, attempting to use less common vocabulary with some inaccuracy. There is a reasonable attempt to convey ideas with a mix of common and less common lexical items. The essay contains some errors in word choice, spelling, and word formation, but they do not significantly impede communication.

How to improve: To enhance the Lexical Resource, strive for more precise word choices and improve accuracy in the use of less common vocabulary. Pay attention to spelling and word formation to reduce errors. Additionally, aim for a more varied and sophisticated vocabulary to elevate the overall quality of the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms. There is an attempt to incorporate complex structures, though not consistently executed with accuracy. While communication is generally maintained, there are notable errors in grammar and punctuation that occasionally affect the clarity of the content.

How to improve: To enhance the score, focus on refining the use of complex structures for better precision. Aim for greater accuracy in grammar and punctuation to elevate the overall quality of expression. Review sentence structures to ensure they are consistently error-free, allowing for more sophisticated communication.

Bài sửa mẫu

These days, leaders across the globe tend to be younger than those in previous times. This essay will first explore the primary causes before discussing why I consider this to be a positive trend.

On one hand, there are several significant factors contributing to this shift. One key reason is the technological adeptness of the younger generation. Young leaders often grow up using the latest gadgets and services, granting them a thorough understanding of new technology. In today’s world, communication and management of substantial projects frequently rely on digital tools. Hence, young leaders are well-acquainted with these tools, enabling them to enhance governmental operations. Another contributing factor could be the improved educational opportunities and early specialization available to the younger generation. Many young individuals have access to quality learning environments where they can gain extensive knowledge across various subjects, including politics. Consequently, some become deeply interested in this field, delving into it further through participation in student government or detailed studies, thereby honing their understanding of political issues.

On the other hand, there are several advantages associated with this trend. Foremost among these is the potential for young people to introduce innovation into their work. They often bring forth fresh ideas that can revolutionize governmental practices. Due to their relatively new leadership roles, they are not bound by traditional patterns and may devise novel solutions to issues such as urban traffic congestion or improving educational institutions. They resemble individuals entering a room and opening windows to usher in fresh air. Additionally, young leaders possess remarkable adaptability. They can easily transition between different ideas and methodologies. This flexibility is akin to adapting from writing with a pen to suddenly using a computer to accommodate a new work development. Furthermore, given the rapid pace at which the world changes and new challenges emerge, old solutions may become ineffective. Therefore, young leaders are capable of swiftly altering their plans to address these emerging issues, similar to altering one’s path to avoid a puddle while walking.

In conclusion, the prevalence of younger world leaders can be attributed to various factors mentioned earlier, and I firmly believe that this trend is advantageous.

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