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Today children spend a lot of their free time watching TV. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages of this practice?

Today children spend a lot of their free time watching TV. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages of this practice?

Watching TV in children’s leisure time is a hotly-debated topic that often divides opinion. A highly controversial issue today is whether this activity is beneficial to children or not. Although it is justifiable that watching TV has certain drawbacks, I still opine that the merits are more significant. This essay is going to illuminate my standpoint.

On one hand, there are several reasons why TV-viewing is detrimental for children. Firstly, engaging in watching TV is a passive activity, which can affect their physical health. For instance, when they spend a great deal of time watching TV, this can lead to a lack of physical activity, which may result in obesity. In addition, sitting for a long time in front of the screen can also cause vision problems such as dry eyes or even short-sightedness. Moreover, if the content shown on TV is not censored, children may accidentally see inappropriate or violent shows. As a result, they can easily absorb and imitate these behaviors, which is extremely harmful to them.

On the other hand, the aforementioned downsides are pale in comparison to the advantages that this practice offers. To embark on, watching the right types of shows like educational programs can develop children’s knowledge. For example, many children watch films or shows in foreign language to learn new vocabulary as well as improve their skills. Additionally, in certain areas such as geography and history, TV programs offer vivid imagery that draws children’s attention and helps them remember information better than traditional books. In this way, children can also broaden their horizons about diverse cultures from all nations around the world.

In conclusion, while viewing television presents many drawbacks, its benefits are more weightier. Consequently, a combination of choosing appropriate content, minimizing screen time and strengthening parental supervision is crucial for children’s development and growth.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "hotly-debated topic" -> "controversial topic"
    Explanation: The phrase "hotly-debated" is somewhat informal and less precise. "Controversial" is a more straightforward and academically appropriate term that conveys the same meaning without the colloquial tone.

  2. "is beneficial to children or not" -> "is beneficial for children"
    Explanation: The phrase "or not" is redundant and informal. Removing "or not" simplifies the sentence and maintains a formal tone.

  3. "I still opine" -> "I maintain"
    Explanation: "Opine" is somewhat formal but can be seen as less common in academic writing. "Maintain" is a more standard term in academic discourse, enhancing the formality and clarity of the statement.

  4. "This essay is going to illuminate my standpoint" -> "This essay will elucidate my perspective"
    Explanation: "Going to illuminate" is informal and less precise. "Will elucidate" is more formal and appropriate for academic writing, and "perspective" is a more academic term than "standpoint."

  5. "engaging in watching TV" -> "watching TV"
    Explanation: "Engaging in watching TV" is redundant. "Watching TV" is sufficient and more direct, improving the sentence’s clarity and conciseness.

  6. "a great deal of time" -> "considerable time"
    Explanation: "A great deal of time" is somewhat informal and vague. "Considerable time" is more precise and formal, fitting better in an academic context.

  7. "sitting for a long time" -> "prolonged sitting"
    Explanation: "Sitting for a long time" is informal and verbose. "Prolonged sitting" is more concise and formal, suitable for academic writing.

  8. "can also cause vision problems such as dry eyes or even short-sightedness" -> "may also lead to vision problems such as dry eyes and short-sightedness"
    Explanation: "Can also cause" is less formal and slightly vague. "May also lead to" is more cautious and formal, and using "and" instead of "or" suggests a more comprehensive list of potential outcomes.

  9. "not censored" -> "unregulated"
    Explanation: "Not censored" is informal and lacks specificity. "Unregulated" is more precise and formal, better suited for academic writing.

  10. "To embark on" -> "To begin with"
    Explanation: "To embark on" is an idiomatic expression that is too informal for academic writing. "To begin with" is a more formal and clear transitional phrase.

  11. "watching the right types of shows" -> "viewing appropriate programs"
    Explanation: "Watching the right types of shows" is informal and slightly vague. "Viewing appropriate programs" is more precise and formal, enhancing the academic tone.

  12. "draws children’s attention" -> "captures children’s attention"
    Explanation: "Draws" is less specific and can be vague in this context. "Captures" is more precise and appropriate for describing the effect of visual stimuli on children.

  13. "more weightier" -> "more significant"
    Explanation: "More weightier" is incorrect and informal. "More significant" is the correct comparative form and is appropriate for formal academic writing.

  14. "strengthening parental supervision" -> "enhancing parental supervision"
    Explanation: "Strengthening" implies a more active process than necessary in this context. "Enhancing" is more neutral and appropriate for describing the improvement of parental supervision in a passive sense.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of children watching TV. The introduction clearly states the writer’s position, indicating that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. The body paragraphs are well-structured, with the first paragraph outlining the disadvantages (e.g., physical health issues, exposure to inappropriate content) and the second paragraph presenting the advantages (e.g., educational benefits, exposure to different cultures). However, while the essay mentions both sides, it could benefit from a more balanced exploration of the disadvantages to enhance the argument.
    • How to improve: To comprehensively address all elements of the question, the writer could delve deeper into the disadvantages, perhaps by providing more examples or discussing potential long-term effects of excessive TV watching. Additionally, including a counterargument or acknowledging the complexity of the issue could strengthen the response.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, asserting that the advantages of watching TV outweigh the disadvantages. The use of phrases like "I still opine that the merits are more significant" reinforces this stance. However, the transition between the disadvantages and advantages could be smoother to maintain clarity.
    • How to improve: To enhance clarity and consistency, the writer could use transitional phrases that explicitly connect the two sides of the argument, such as "Despite these drawbacks, it is important to consider the benefits." This would help in reinforcing the overall position while guiding the reader through the argument.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents and supports ideas well, particularly in the advantages section, where it discusses educational programs and cultural exposure. The examples provided are relevant and help to illustrate the points made. However, the disadvantages could be more thoroughly developed, as they currently lack depth compared to the advantages.
    • How to improve: To effectively present and extend ideas, the writer should aim to provide more detailed examples for the disadvantages. This could include statistics on childhood obesity related to screen time or studies linking excessive TV watching to behavioral issues. Additionally, elaborating on how educational content specifically benefits children would strengthen the argument.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic of children watching TV, with all points relevant to the advantages and disadvantages of this practice. However, there are moments where the discussion could become more tightly aligned with the prompt, particularly in the conclusion, which could reiterate the main points more explicitly.
    • How to improve: To maintain focus and relevance, the writer should ensure that each point made directly ties back to the central question of whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. In the conclusion, summarizing the key arguments made in the body paragraphs would reinforce the essay’s main thesis and provide a stronger closure.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the task requirements and presents a well-structured argument. By enhancing the depth of discussion on disadvantages, improving transitions, and ensuring a tighter focus on the prompt, the writer could elevate their score even further.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, with an introduction that outlines the topic and the writer’s stance, followed by two main body paragraphs that discuss the disadvantages and advantages of watching TV. The logical progression from discussing drawbacks to benefits is effective, allowing the reader to follow the argument easily. However, the transition between the two paragraphs could be smoother; for instance, the phrase "On the other hand" serves as a transition but could be enhanced with a brief recap of the previous point to reinforce the contrast.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that summarize the previous point before introducing the next. For example, after discussing the disadvantages, a sentence like "Despite these concerns, it is important to recognize the potential benefits of television" could provide a clearer bridge to the advantages section.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, with each paragraph focusing on either the disadvantages or advantages of watching TV. Each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence, which helps to establish the main idea. However, the final paragraph could benefit from a clearer summary of the main points discussed, as it currently feels somewhat abrupt.
    • How to improve: To improve paragraph effectiveness, ensure that the concluding paragraph not only summarizes the main points but also reinforces the overall argument. A sentence that encapsulates the key arguments from both body paragraphs before presenting the conclusion would enhance clarity. For example, "While the risks associated with excessive TV watching are significant, the educational benefits it can provide, when monitored appropriately, cannot be overlooked."
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "In addition," and "Moreover," to list points in the disadvantages section, and "To embark on" and "Additionally" in the advantages section. However, there is a tendency to rely on a limited range of cohesive devices, which can make the writing feel repetitive. The use of "this" and "these" to refer back to previous points is effective but could be varied to enhance cohesion.
    • How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. For example, instead of repeatedly using "Firstly" and "In addition," consider alternatives like "To begin with," "Furthermore," or "Conversely" when transitioning between contrasting ideas. Additionally, using phrases such as "This is evident in…" or "For instance," can help to create more varied connections between ideas.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve an even higher level of coherence and cohesion, enhancing the overall clarity and effectiveness of the argument presented.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with terms such as "hotly-debated," "detrimental," "passive activity," and "broaden their horizons." These choices reflect an ability to express complex ideas effectively. However, some phrases, like "the aforementioned downsides are pale in comparison," while vivid, could be considered somewhat clichéd or less formal in tone.
    • How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, the writer could incorporate more varied synonyms and avoid overused expressions. For instance, instead of "pale in comparison," alternatives like "are outweighed by" or "are insignificant compared to" could be used to maintain formality and precision.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, but there are instances of imprecise usage. For example, "the merits are more significant" could be improved to "the merits are more substantial" for clarity. Additionally, the phrase "this can lead to a lack of physical activity" could be more precise by specifying "this sedentary behavior can lead to a decrease in physical activity."
    • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on using vocabulary that directly conveys the intended meaning. Engaging in exercises that involve replacing vague terms with more specific alternatives can help. For example, instead of "certain drawbacks," specifying "notable drawbacks" would enhance clarity.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The spelling throughout the essay is accurate, with no noticeable errors. Words like "obesity," "inappropriate," and "supervision" are spelled correctly, contributing to the overall clarity of the writing.
    • How to improve: While spelling is currently strong, the writer should continue to practice spelling through regular reading and writing exercises. Utilizing tools like spell checkers and proofreading can also help maintain this accuracy, especially for more complex or less familiar words.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid command of lexical resource, achieving a band score of 7. By focusing on expanding vocabulary range, enhancing precision in word choice, and maintaining spelling accuracy, the writer can aim for an even higher score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. For instance, the use of complex sentences is evident in phrases like "Although it is justifiable that watching TV has certain drawbacks, I still opine that the merits are more significant." Additionally, the essay employs a mix of simple and compound sentences, which helps maintain reader engagement. However, some sentences could be more varied in their construction. For example, the phrase "On one hand, there are several reasons why TV-viewing is detrimental for children" could be rephrased to enhance complexity and avoid repetition of the structure.
    • How to improve: To diversify sentence structures further, consider incorporating more complex clauses and varying the placement of subordinate clauses. For example, instead of starting with "On one hand," you might begin with a dependent clause: "While some argue that TV viewing is detrimental, there are compelling reasons to support its benefits." This approach not only adds variety but also enhances the flow of ideas.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay displays a high level of grammatical accuracy. However, there are minor errors that detract from the overall quality. For instance, the phrase "the aforementioned downsides are pale in comparison" should be "pale in comparison to" for grammatical correctness. Additionally, the use of commas is mostly correct, but there are instances where they could enhance clarity, such as before "which can affect their physical health" to separate it from the main clause.
    • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, focus on proofreading for common errors, particularly in preposition use and sentence clarity. Practicing with grammar exercises that emphasize prepositions and clause separation can also be beneficial. Furthermore, consider reading your essay aloud to catch any awkward phrasing or punctuation issues that may not be immediately apparent when reading silently.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammatical range and accuracy, attention to sentence variety and minor grammatical details will further enhance its quality.

Bài sửa mẫu

Watching TV in children’s leisure time is a hotly debated topic that often divides opinion. A highly controversial issue today is whether this activity is beneficial for children or not. Although it is justifiable that watching TV has certain drawbacks, I maintain that the merits are more significant. This essay will elucidate my perspective.

On one hand, there are several reasons why TV viewing can be detrimental for children. Firstly, engaging in watching TV is a passive activity, which can negatively impact their physical health. For instance, when children spend a considerable amount of time watching TV, this can lead to a lack of physical activity, potentially resulting in obesity. In addition, prolonged sitting in front of the screen can also cause vision problems such as dry eyes and even short-sightedness. Moreover, if the content shown on TV is unregulated, children may accidentally encounter inappropriate or violent shows. As a result, they can easily absorb and imitate these behaviors, which is extremely harmful to them.

On the other hand, the aforementioned downsides pale in comparison to the advantages that this practice offers. To begin with, watching appropriate programs, such as educational shows, can enhance children’s knowledge. For example, many children watch films or shows in foreign languages to learn new vocabulary as well as improve their language skills. Additionally, in certain areas such as geography and history, TV programs offer vivid imagery that captures children’s attention and helps them remember information better than traditional books. In this way, children can also broaden their horizons about diverse cultures from all nations around the world.

In conclusion, while viewing television presents many drawbacks, its benefits are more weighty. Consequently, a combination of choosing appropriate content, minimizing screen time, and enhancing parental supervision is crucial for children’s development and growth.

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