Today it is common practice for many business meetings and business training to take place online. Do the advantages of this new development outweigh the disadvantages?
Today it is common practice for many business meetings and business training to take place online. Do the advantages of this new development outweigh the disadvantages?
In urban planning, it is widely acknowledged that lots of business meetings and business training take place online. From my perspective, I believe that the positive sides outweigh the negative sides.
On the one hand, meeting online does have disadvantages. Firstly, the internet connection is not stable all the time. Sometimes in a meeting, the Internet connection can go unstable, which can impact the meeting, leading to difficulty in hearing and communicating between coworkers. Moreover, people can get distracted by the surroundings such as gorgeous sceneries on the television or buildings. This can lead to lack of concentration and creation.
On the other hand, I am of the opinion that online meetings can bring lots of benefits. First of all, people only need a device such as a laptop or phone to enter the meeting without needing to leave the house, which is convenient for everyone, especially during diseases like Covid-19. Moreover, it helps to save money to organize a meeting. For instance, people need to prepare for things like renting a room, buying some water bottles, which can cost an amount of money for the meeting.
In conclusion, although meeting online can sometimes be inconvenient for people, I still hold the belief that the advantages of online meetings outweigh the disadvantages.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"lots of" -> "numerous"
Explanation: "Numerous" is a more formal and precise term than "lots of," which is colloquial and vague in an academic context. -
"From my perspective, I believe" -> "I contend"
Explanation: "I contend" is a more assertive and academically appropriate phrase than "I believe," which can sound too casual and subjective. -
"the positive sides outweigh the negative sides" -> "the advantages outweigh the disadvantages"
Explanation: "Advantages" and "disadvantages" are more specific and formal terms than "positive sides" and "negative sides," which are vague and informal. -
"meeting online does have disadvantages" -> "online meetings have disadvantages"
Explanation: Using the passive voice "online meetings have disadvantages" is more formal and avoids the awkward construction of "meeting online does have disadvantages." -
"the internet connection is not stable all the time" -> "the internet connection is not always stable"
Explanation: "Always" is more precise and formal than "all the time," which is colloquial. -
"Sometimes in a meeting, the Internet connection can go unstable" -> "Occasionally, the Internet connection may become unstable during meetings"
Explanation: "Occasionally" and "may become" are more precise and formal than "Sometimes" and "can go," which are less formal and slightly vague. -
"gorgeous sceneries" -> "attractive scenery"
Explanation: "Attractive scenery" is a more precise and formal term than "gorgeous sceneries," which is redundant and informal. -
"lack of concentration and creation" -> "lack of focus and creativity"
Explanation: "Focus" and "creativity" are more specific and academically appropriate terms than "concentration" and "creation," which are less precise. -
"people only need a device such as a laptop or phone" -> "individuals require only a device such as a laptop or smartphone"
Explanation: "Individuals require" is more formal than "people only need," and "smartphone" is a more specific term than "phone." -
"without needing to leave the house" -> "without the need to leave their homes"
Explanation: "Without the need to leave their homes" is more formal and precise than "without needing to leave the house." -
"which is convenient for everyone, especially during diseases like Covid-19" -> "which is advantageous for all, particularly during pandemics such as COVID-19"
Explanation: "Advantageous" and "pandemics" are more formal and precise than "convenient" and "diseases," and "COVID-19" should be capitalized as it is a proper noun. -
"helps to save money to organize a meeting" -> "saves costs associated with organizing meetings"
Explanation: "Saves costs associated with organizing meetings" is more formal and specific than "helps to save money to organize a meeting," which is awkwardly phrased. -
"people need to prepare for things like renting a room, buying some water bottles" -> "individuals must prepare for expenses such as renting a room and purchasing water"
Explanation: "Individuals must prepare for expenses" is more formal and precise than "people need to prepare for things," and "purchasing" is more formal than "buying."
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5
Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD
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Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of online business meetings and training. However, it does not fully engage with the requirement to evaluate whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. The introduction mentions the topic but does not clearly outline the specific advantages and disadvantages that will be discussed. The conclusion reiterates the author’s opinion but lacks a strong justification for why the advantages are greater than the disadvantages, which is crucial for a comprehensive response.
- How to improve: To better address all parts of the question, the essay should clearly define the advantages and disadvantages in the introduction. Each point made should be explicitly linked back to the question of whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages, providing a more analytical approach. Additionally, the conclusion should summarize the key points made and reinforce the argument with specific evidence.
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Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a position that favors the advantages of online meetings, but this stance is not consistently reinforced throughout the text. While the author states their belief in the conclusion, the body paragraphs do not effectively balance the discussion of disadvantages with a strong counter-argument that highlights the advantages. The phrase "I am of the opinion" is somewhat vague and does not assert a strong position.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position, the author should use assertive language and ensure that each paragraph contributes to the overall argument. The disadvantages should be acknowledged but followed by a robust discussion of how the advantages counter these points. Using transitional phrases that reinforce the argument (e.g., "However," "In contrast") can help clarify the position.
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Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas regarding the disadvantages (unstable internet connection, distractions) and advantages (convenience, cost savings) of online meetings. However, these ideas are not well-developed or supported with sufficient detail or examples. For instance, the mention of distractions could be elaborated with specific scenarios, and the cost-saving argument could include quantitative examples or comparisons to traditional meetings.
- How to improve: To effectively present and support ideas, the author should aim to elaborate on each point with specific examples, statistics, or real-life scenarios. Each advantage and disadvantage should be explored in depth, providing a clearer understanding of their implications. This will not only strengthen the argument but also demonstrate critical thinking.
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Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing online meetings and training. However, the opening sentence introduces urban planning, which is irrelevant to the prompt and may confuse the reader. Additionally, the phrase "during diseases like Covid-19" could be more clearly connected to the advantages discussed.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the author should ensure that all introductory statements are directly related to the topic of online meetings. Avoiding unrelated references will help keep the essay on track. Each point made should be clearly tied back to the central question, ensuring that all content is relevant and contributes to the overall argument.
In summary, to improve the score for Task Response, the author should ensure a comprehensive and analytical approach to the prompt, maintain a clear and assertive position throughout, develop and support ideas with specific examples, and stay focused on the topic without introducing irrelevant information.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7
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Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both advantages and disadvantages, and a conclusion. However, the logical flow could be improved. For example, the transition from the disadvantages to the advantages feels abrupt. The introduction states that business meetings and training occur online, but it does not explicitly connect this to the advantages and disadvantages being discussed. The points made in the body paragraphs are relevant, but they could be better linked to the overall argument of the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, the writer should ensure that each paragraph clearly relates back to the thesis statement. Using transitional phrases like "In contrast" or "On the other hand" can help signal shifts in perspective. Additionally, introducing a brief overview of the main points in the introduction can guide the reader through the essay’s structure.
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Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is a strength. Each paragraph focuses on either the disadvantages or advantages of online meetings. However, the paragraphs could be more developed. For instance, the disadvantages paragraph could include more examples or elaboration on the points made. The advantages paragraph could also benefit from a more detailed exploration of the benefits mentioned.
- How to improve: To improve paragraph effectiveness, the writer should aim for a more balanced development of ideas. Each paragraph should ideally contain a topic sentence, supporting details, and a concluding sentence that ties back to the main argument. Expanding on examples or providing additional evidence can also strengthen each paragraph’s impact.
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Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses some cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "Moreover," and "In conclusion," which help to guide the reader through the text. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited. The essay could benefit from a wider variety of linking words and phrases to enhance the flow of ideas. For example, the use of contrastive devices like "however" or "on the contrary" could improve the transitions between points.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, the writer should incorporate a broader range of linking words and phrases. This includes using synonyms for "firstly" and "moreover," as well as adding phrases that indicate cause and effect, such as "as a result" or "consequently." Practicing the use of cohesive devices in different contexts can help the writer become more comfortable with their application.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, there are areas for improvement in logical organization, paragraph development, and the use of cohesive devices. By addressing these aspects, the writer can enhance the clarity and effectiveness of their writing.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
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Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, but it tends to rely on common phrases and expressions. For instance, terms like "business meetings," "online," and "convenient" are repeated without variation. While the vocabulary is adequate for conveying the main ideas, it lacks the sophistication and variety expected at higher band scores.
- How to improve: To enhance lexical variety, consider using synonyms or related terms. For example, instead of repeatedly saying "business meetings," you could use "corporate gatherings," "virtual conferences," or "professional discussions." Additionally, incorporating more advanced vocabulary related to the topic, such as "efficiency," "productivity," or "remote collaboration," would enrich the essay.
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Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: Some vocabulary choices in the essay are imprecise or awkward. For example, the phrase "the positive sides outweigh the negative sides" could be more effectively expressed as "the advantages outweigh the disadvantages." Furthermore, the term "gorgeous sceneries" is not typically used in a professional context and may confuse the reader regarding its relevance to the topic.
- How to improve: Focus on using vocabulary that accurately reflects the context of the discussion. Instead of "gorgeous sceneries," consider "distracting environments" or "visual distractions." Additionally, ensure that phrases are idiomatic and natural. For example, replace "the internet connection can go unstable" with "the internet connection can become unstable."
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Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains a few spelling errors, such as "diseases" instead of "disease" in the context of Covid-19. While the overall spelling is generally accurate, these minor errors can detract from the overall impression of the writing.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, practice proofreading your work carefully before submission. Consider using tools like spell checkers or reading the essay aloud to catch errors. Additionally, familiarize yourself with commonly misspelled words and their correct forms, particularly those relevant to the topic of discussion.
By addressing these areas—expanding vocabulary range, improving precision in word choice, and enhancing spelling accuracy—the essay could achieve a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criteria.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7
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Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable variety of sentence structures. For instance, the use of complex sentences such as "Sometimes in a meeting, the Internet connection can go unstable, which can impact the meeting…" showcases an ability to connect ideas effectively. However, the essay predominantly relies on simple and compound sentences, which can make the writing feel somewhat repetitive. Phrases like "I am of the opinion that" and "From my perspective" are used, but there is room for more varied expressions to introduce viewpoints or contrasting ideas.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should incorporate more complex and compound-complex sentences. For example, instead of saying "people can get distracted by the surroundings such as gorgeous sceneries," the writer could say, "While people can get distracted by their surroundings, such as gorgeous sceneries, it is essential to maintain focus during online meetings." Additionally, using a wider range of introductory phrases for arguments, such as "It is important to note that…" or "Another significant aspect to consider is…", can help diversify the essay’s structure.
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Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, with only a few minor errors. For example, the phrase "the internet connection is not stable all the time" is clear, but the capitalization of "Internet" should be consistent. There are also some awkward constructions, such as "which can cost an amount of money for the meeting," which could be more fluidly expressed as "which can incur significant costs." Punctuation is mostly correct, but there are instances where commas could enhance clarity, such as before "especially during diseases like Covid-19," to separate the clause more effectively.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should pay closer attention to consistency in capitalization and phrasing. Reviewing common grammatical structures and practicing with varied sentence forms can help. Additionally, proofreading for punctuation errors and ensuring that commas are used to separate clauses appropriately will enhance clarity. For example, revising sentences to include commas where necessary, such as "Moreover, it helps to save money to organize a meeting," can improve readability.
In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, there is potential for improvement in diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision. By incorporating more complex sentence forms and paying closer attention to grammatical details, the writer can enhance the overall quality of their writing.
Bài sửa mẫu
In urban planning, it is widely acknowledged that numerous business meetings and training sessions now take place online. From my perspective, I contend that the advantages of this new development outweigh the disadvantages.
On the one hand, online meetings do have their drawbacks. Firstly, the internet connection is not always stable. Occasionally, the internet connection may become unstable during meetings, which can impact communication and lead to difficulties in hearing and understanding coworkers. Moreover, individuals can become distracted by their surroundings, such as attractive scenery on the television or nearby buildings. This can result in a lack of focus and creativity.
On the other hand, I am of the opinion that online meetings offer numerous benefits. First of all, individuals require only a device such as a laptop or smartphone to participate in meetings without the need to leave their homes, which is advantageous for all, particularly during pandemics such as COVID-19. Additionally, online meetings save costs associated with organizing gatherings. For instance, individuals must prepare for expenses such as renting a room and purchasing water, which can add up significantly.
In conclusion, although online meetings can sometimes present inconveniences, I still hold the belief that the advantages of this practice outweigh the disadvantages.