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Today, many children spend a lot of time playing computer games and little time on sports. What are the reasons for this and is it a positive or negative development?

Today, many children spend a lot of time playing computer games and little time on sports. What are the reasons for this and is it a positive or negative development?

In this digital age, video games have become the main form of entertainment for children, causing them to spend most of their time on this recreation, rather than practicing sports. In my opinion, this trend stemmed from the addictive nature of computer games, which makes it a negative development overall.

The major reason for children devoting hours daily to play video games is because of its addictiveness. In particular, game designers always carry out surveys and research of their target customers’ preferences and interests in order to develop games that can keep gamers playing nonstop. As a result, digital game players, especially the young ones, find it hard to put the game console down, and if they stop playing, they will feel the immediate urge to pick it up again. For example, many game producers know that games with competitive and violent contents will attract more players, for many psychological reasons. Therefore, they focus on developing such appealing game contents so that gamers would spend longer hours playing, as well as purchase more game products.

Once players fall into the addictive loop of gaming, they can hardly think of doing anything else, such as playing sports or doing exercise. However, this can be alleviated through some measures carried out by both the government and parents. In terms of the government, more resources should be allocated to schools to equip more physical education facilities and introduce more courses on sports and creative school activities. For instance, school days can be much more interesting if students are encouraged to participate in gardening or crafting classes. Such activities can reduce a significant amount of stress caused by studying, and in turn reduce their screen time, which they use as a stress-relief. In terms of parents, good parenting can educate their children on the negative consequences of game addiction. Furthermore, they can make efforts in balancing their children time-table by encouraging more outdoor activities or sports such as cycling.

In conclusion, although many young players find games to be addictive, measures can be taken by parents and the government to reduce the unhealthy amount of time spent on video games.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "spend most of their time on this recreation" -> "devote a significant portion of their time to this form of entertainment"
    Explanation: Replacing "spend most of their time on this recreation" with "devote a significant portion of their time to this form of entertainment" enhances formality and precision in expressing the idea.

  2. "stemmed from the addictive nature of computer games" -> "arose from the inherent addictive qualities of digital games"
    Explanation: Substituting "stemmed from the addictive nature of computer games" with "arose from the inherent addictive qualities of digital games" employs more precise and formal language, emphasizing the inherent characteristics of digital games.

  3. "In particular, game designers always carry out surveys and research" -> "Specifically, game designers routinely conduct surveys and research"
    Explanation: Changing "In particular, game designers always carry out surveys and research" to "Specifically, game designers routinely conduct surveys and research" adds formality and precision to the statement.

  4. "find it hard to put the game console down" -> "struggle to disengage from the gaming console"
    Explanation: Replacing "find it hard to put the game console down" with "struggle to disengage from the gaming console" maintains clarity while using a more formal and descriptive expression.

  5. "stop playing, they will feel the immediate urge to pick it up again" -> "cease playing, they experience an immediate compulsion to resume"
    Explanation: Substituting "stop playing, they will feel the immediate urge to pick it up again" with "cease playing, they experience an immediate compulsion to resume" enhances formality and emphasizes the compulsive nature of the behavior.

  6. "games with competitive and violent contents" -> "games featuring competitive and aggressive content"
    Explanation: Changing "games with competitive and violent contents" to "games featuring competitive and aggressive content" maintains clarity while using more precise and formal language.

  7. "gaming, they can hardly think of doing anything else" -> "gaming, they can scarcely contemplate engaging in other activities"
    Explanation: Replacing "gaming, they can hardly think of doing anything else" with "gaming, they can scarcely contemplate engaging in other activities" adds formality and emphasizes the difficulty in shifting focus from gaming.

  8. "measures carried out by both the government and parents" -> "interventions implemented by both governmental authorities and parents"
    Explanation: Substituting "measures carried out by both the government and parents" with "interventions implemented by both governmental authorities and parents" maintains formality and emphasizes the active implementation of interventions.

  9. "more resources should be allocated to schools" -> "additional resources should be allocated to educational institutions"
    Explanation: Changing "more resources should be allocated to schools" to "additional resources should be allocated to educational institutions" uses a more formal and inclusive term for educational settings.

  10. "reduce a significant amount of stress caused by studying" -> "alleviate a substantial amount of stress associated with academic pursuits"
    Explanation: Replacing "reduce a significant amount of stress caused by studying" with "alleviate a substantial amount of stress associated with academic pursuits" employs more formal language and specifies the source of stress as academic pursuits.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

  1. Quoted text: "In this digital age, video games have become the main form of entertainment for children, causing them to spend most of their time on this recreation, rather than practicing sports. In my opinion, this trend stemmed from the addictive nature of computer games, which makes it a negative development overall."

    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: The introduction clearly presents the writer’s opinion on the topic, which is positive. However, it lacks a preview of the main points that will be discussed in the essay. To enhance clarity and structure, consider briefly outlining the key reasons supporting your opinion, providing a roadmap for the reader.
    • Improved example: "In this digital age, video games have overwhelmingly become the primary source of entertainment for children, diverting their focus from sports. In this essay, I will delve into the addictive nature of computer games and its impact on children’s engagement in physical activities, supporting the view that this trend is a negative development."
  2. Quoted text: "Once players fall into the addictive loop of gaming, they can hardly think of doing anything else, such as playing sports or doing exercise. However, this can be alleviated through some measures carried out by both the government and parents."

    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: The paragraph successfully addresses the impact of game addiction on physical activities, and the solutions proposed are reasonable. However, to strengthen the response, provide more specific examples of government measures and parental strategies. For instance, what specific physical education programs or policies could the government implement? What practical steps can parents take beyond general encouragement for outdoor activities?
    • Improved example: "Once entrapped in the addictive cycle of gaming, children may struggle to engage in other activities like sports or exercise. However, viable solutions can be implemented. Governments could allocate funds for specialized physical education programs in schools, promoting a holistic approach to health. Parents, in turn, could actively engage in sports with their children, fostering a positive environment that encourages physical activity alongside gaming restrictions."
  3. Quoted text: "For example, many game producers know that games with competitive and violent contents will attract more players, for many psychological reasons. Therefore, they focus on developing such appealing game contents so that gamers would spend longer hours playing, as well as purchase more game products."

    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: The example provided effectively supports the argument by explaining how game producers exploit psychological factors to enhance player engagement. However, consider extending the discussion by incorporating a personal anecdote or observation to strengthen the connection to the writer’s knowledge or experience. This would elevate the essay’s persuasiveness.
    • Improved example: "For instance, my younger sibling’s intense interest in a competitive and violent video game illustrates the deliberate strategies employed by game producers. The allure of such content not only captivates young minds but also prompts them to spend prolonged periods playing, resulting in a lucrative market for these game developers."

Overall, the essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the topic and presents a well-organized argument. To achieve a higher band score, focus on enhancing the depth of examples and providing more nuanced perspectives on proposed solutions.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a moderate level of coherence and cohesion. The organization of ideas is clear, with a logical progression throughout the essay. The introduction sets the stage for the discussion, and each paragraph presents a distinct idea. However, there are instances where cohesion within sentences is somewhat mechanical, and the use of cohesive devices could be more varied and refined. There is an attempt to maintain paragraphing logic, but it is not consistently achieved.

How to improve:

  1. Varied Cohesive Devices: Increase the variety of cohesive devices used within and between sentences to enhance the overall flow and connection of ideas.

  2. Refined Paragraphing: Ensure more consistent logical organization within paragraphs. Each paragraph should focus on a clear central topic, and transitions between paragraphs should be smoother.

  3. Sentence-Level Cohesion: Pay attention to the cohesion within sentences to make it less mechanical. Use a mix of cohesive devices such as pronouns, conjunctions, and transitional phrases more judiciously.

By incorporating these improvements, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, moving closer to the Band 7 criteria.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary, allowing for flexibility and precision in expression. There is awareness of style and collocation, as evidenced by phrases like "addictive nature," "target customers," and "competitive and violent contents." The essay incorporates less common lexical items and maintains coherence throughout. However, there are occasional errors in word choice and collocation, such as "carry out surveys" (conduct surveys) and "gaming" (should be games).

The essay fluently conveys the idea that the addictive nature of video games is a major reason for children spending more time on them than on sports. The example provided to support the argument is relevant and enhances the overall lexical richness. Additionally, the essay suggests practical measures (allocating resources to schools, introducing more sports courses, and encouraging creative school activities) to address the issue, showcasing a variety of vocabulary.

Occasional errors in spelling and word formation, like "time-table" (should be timetable), do not impede overall communication. The use of a range of vocabulary and the clear expression of ideas contribute to the essay’s effectiveness in addressing the prompt.

How to improve:
To enhance the lexical resource and move towards a higher band score, the essay could benefit from a more precise choice of words and a more varied sentence structure. Additionally, careful proofreading for minor errors in word choice and spelling, such as "carry out surveys" and "time-table," would contribute to a more polished and accurate piece of writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a good control of grammar and punctuation throughout, maintaining a varied and complex sentence structure for the most part. The use of diverse structures, such as compound and complex sentences, contributes to a well-developed essay. Error-free sentences are frequent, but there are a few instances where errors or slight awkwardness occur, affecting the overall fluency and precision. Despite these, communication remains clear and coherent.

How to improve:
To enhance the score further, focus on refining the accuracy of complex structures. Pay particular attention to ensuring that more intricate sentences are crafted with absolute precision. Additionally, revise certain expressions for smoother readability and clarity without compromising the complexity of the ideas presented. Further refinement in the choice and placement of words can elevate the essay’s overall sophistication and impact.

Bài sửa mẫu

In today’s digital era, children are drawn to spending a substantial portion of their leisure time engrossed in video games rather than engaging in physical sports activities. This shift in focus is predominantly fueled by the captivating nature of computer games, leading to what I perceive as an adverse development overall.

The primary reason behind children devoting extensive hours to gaming lies in its addictive qualities. Game developers meticulously analyze their target audience’s preferences and inclinations to create games that captivate players incessantly. Consequently, young digital gamers often struggle to detach themselves from their consoles, experiencing an immediate urge to resume playing once they stop. For instance, game creators are aware that competitive and violent game themes tend to allure more players due to various psychological factors. Consequently, they concentrate on crafting such appealing content, encouraging gamers to prolong their playtime and make additional game-related purchases.

Once entrapped within the addictive cycle of gaming, individuals find it challenging to divert their attention to activities like sports or exercise. However, this issue can be mitigated through concerted efforts by both governmental authorities and parents. Governments could allocate more resources to schools, facilitating the expansion of physical education facilities and the introduction of diverse sports-related courses. For instance, incorporating activities such as gardening or crafting into the school curriculum could make the educational experience more engaging, thereby reducing stress levels among students and subsequently diminishing their reliance on screen time as a stress-reliever. Simultaneously, effective parental guidance is pivotal in educating children about the detrimental consequences of excessive gaming. Encouraging outdoor pursuits and sports like cycling can help parents strike a balance in their children’s schedules.

To conclude, despite the addictive allure of video games to many young players, proactive measures initiated by parents and governmental bodies hold the potential to curtail the unhealthy amount of time spent on gaming activities.

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