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Today, more people are traveling than ever before. Why is this the case? What are the benefits of traveling for travelers?

Today, more people are traveling than ever before. Why is this the case? What are the benefits of traveling for travelers?

Nowadays, a higher number of individuals are journeying compared to any previous period. This trend brings comfort and relaxation to most of them. The following essay will discuss both the explanation and merits of this trend for the traveller.

There are some reasons why tourism activities are very popular and attract lots of people. Firstly, so many people are doing many things at the same time , it is almost like life is dealing you to have extra hands out of that deck. They need to relax and refresh their mind and unwind from their busy lives and routine.Travel is one of the best ways to help them and that will be the time for them to be free and come up with new ideas. Moreover, the cost of travelling is more acceptable as people are well-paid and keen to explore new things. In addition, modern transportation technologies have remarkably reduced the costs of tourists. Therefore, now it is possible for most of people have a great vacation without paying a half-salary as in the past

It is undeniable that travelling brings plenty of advantages to the travellers. First of all, travel broadens your mind, each time you travel means that you personally have the opportunity to have new experiences and more knowledge about the culture and lifestyle of the regions they have visited. The more often you travel, the more knowledge you gain. That is practical knowledge, more timely, fully felt with all the senses than just staying at home and looking through books or the Internet. Besides, you may feel comfortable in these everyday relationships and the circle of the same daily life and the idea of ​​breaking out can be scary and difficult. But being in a new environment, with unfamiliar people who have different values ​​and another perspective would sweep away familiarity and bring you new things that you have not explored before.

To conclude, with the considerable growth of income and other associated conveniences, more people are fascinated by travelling and they are harnessing the benefits like getting to know other cultures, making new friends from abroad, as well as releasing the job stress to some extent.


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Errors and Improvements:

  1. "Nowadays, a higher number of individuals are journeying compared to any previous period." -> "Currently, an increasing number of individuals are traveling compared to any previous era."
    Explanation: Replacing "Nowadays" with "Currently" and changing "journeying" to "traveling" adds formality and precision to the statement.

  2. "The following essay will discuss both the explanation and merits of this trend for the traveller." -> "This essay will explore both the reasons behind and the advantages of this trend for travelers."
    Explanation: The original sentence is unclear and awkward. By rephrasing it, the purpose of the essay is better communicated, and the use of "for the traveler" is changed to the more general "for travelers."

  3. "Firstly, so many people are doing many things at the same time, it is almost like life is dealing you to have extra hands out of that deck." -> "Firstly, individuals today often find themselves juggling multiple responsibilities simultaneously, akin to managing an extra set of hands dealt by life."
    Explanation: The original sentence is overly informal and lacks precision. The suggested alternative maintains clarity while introducing more sophisticated vocabulary.

  4. "Moreover, the cost of travelling is more acceptable as people are well-paid and keen to explore new things." -> "Furthermore, the affordability of travel has increased, given that individuals are well-compensated and eager to explore novel experiences."
    Explanation: The term "acceptable" is too vague, and replacing it with "affordability" adds specificity. Additionally, the phrase "keen to explore new things" is more formal than the original.

  5. "modern transportation technologies have remarkably reduced the costs of tourists." -> "Advancements in transportation technologies have significantly lowered the expenses for tourists."
    Explanation: Replacing "modern" with "advancements in" and changing "remarkably reduced" to "significantly lowered" maintains formality and clarity.

  6. "Therefore, now it is possible for most of people have a great vacation without paying a half-salary as in the past" -> "Therefore, it is now feasible for a majority of individuals to enjoy a substantial vacation without incurring expenses equivalent to half of their salary, as was the case in the past."
    Explanation: The original sentence is convoluted and informal. The suggested alternative improves clarity and uses more formal language.

  7. "It is undeniable that travelling brings plenty of advantages to the travellers." -> "Undoubtedly, traveling offers numerous advantages to those who embark on journeys."
    Explanation: The original sentence is wordy and lacks precision. The suggested alternative is more concise and formal.

  8. "First of all, travel broadens your mind, each time you travel means that you personally have the opportunity to have new experiences and more knowledge about the culture and lifestyle of the regions they have visited." -> "Primarily, travel enriches one’s perspective; each journey provides the opportunity for new experiences and a deeper understanding of the culture and lifestyle of the visited regions."
    Explanation: The original sentence is lengthy and lacks coherence. The suggested alternative is more concise and structured, maintaining formality.

  9. "That is practical knowledge, more timely, fully felt with all the senses than just staying at home and looking through books or the Internet." -> "This constitutes practical knowledge, more immediate and experiential, engaging all the senses, in contrast to staying at home and acquiring information solely from books or the Internet."
    Explanation: The original sentence is unclear, and the suggested alternative enhances clarity and formality.

  10. "But being in a new environment, with unfamiliar people who have different values and another perspective would sweep away familiarity and bring you new things that you have not explored before." -> "However, being in a new environment, surrounded by unfamiliar individuals with diverse values and perspectives, dispels the comfort of familiarity and introduces novel experiences previously unexplored."
    Explanation: The original sentence is informal, and the suggested alternative maintains a formal tone while improving clarity.

  11. "To conclude, with the considerable growth of income and other associated conveniences, more people are fascinated by travelling and they are harnessing the benefits like getting to know other cultures, making new friends from abroad, as well as releasing the job stress to some extent." -> "In conclusion, due to substantial income growth and related conveniences, an increasing number of individuals are captivated by travel, reaping benefits such as cultural immersion, forming international friendships, and alleviating work-related stress to some extent."
    Explanation: The suggested alternative enhances formality and clarity, providing a more comprehensive and precise conclusion.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both parts of the question. It discusses the reasons for the increased trend of people traveling and outlines the benefits of traveling for individuals.
    • How to improve: While the essay covers the main aspects, providing more specific examples and details related to the reasons for increased travel and the benefits experienced by travelers would enhance the depth of the response.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, consistently discussing the popularity of travel and its benefits for individuals.
    • How to improve: To further strengthen the clarity of the position, the essay could explicitly state the main argument or perspective in the introduction and reiterate it in the conclusion.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas but lacks depth in some areas. For example, it mentions the need for relaxation and refreshment but could provide more elaboration and examples to support this point.
    • How to improve: Extend the discussion by offering specific examples and details to support each point, providing a more comprehensive exploration of the reasons for increased travel and the benefits derived.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the reasons for increased travel and the benefits for travelers. However, there are instances where the essay could provide more focused and relevant information.
    • How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph directly relates to the main topic, avoiding general statements or ideas that may deviate from the central theme. Tightening the focus will enhance coherence.

General Comments:

  • The essay effectively addresses the prompt, providing insights into the reasons for the increased popularity of travel and the benefits experienced by individuals.

  • To improve, consider incorporating more specific examples and details to support key points, providing a more thorough exploration of the topic.

  • Maintain a consistent and clear position throughout the essay, explicitly stating the main argument in the introduction and reinforcing it in the conclusion.

  • Ensure that each paragraph directly contributes to the main topic, avoiding tangential or loosely related information.

Overall, this essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the prompt but could benefit from additional depth and focus to elevate the response to a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally organizes information logically, with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. The introduction introduces the topic and outlines the essay’s purpose. The body paragraphs discuss reasons for the popularity of travel and the benefits it brings. The conclusion summarizes the main points. However, there are instances where ideas could be more logically sequenced, such as the transition from discussing reasons for travel to the benefits of travel.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining the transition between ideas. For example, provide a clearer bridge between discussing the reasons for travel and introducing the benefits. Additionally, ensure each paragraph has a clear focus and flows seamlessly to the next, maintaining a cohesive narrative.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs, but their structure could be more refined for improved effectiveness. Each paragraph should ideally focus on a specific aspect or idea, but some paragraphs here cover multiple points. For instance, the second paragraph addresses reasons for the popularity of travel, touching on relaxation, cost, and modern transportation technologies.
    • How to improve: Revise paragraph structure to ensure each one has a single, clear focus. Consider breaking down the second paragraph into distinct sections, each discussing a different aspect (e.g., relaxation, cost, transportation). This will create a more organized and reader-friendly essay.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as transitional phrases like "firstly," "moreover," and "besides." However, there is room for improvement in terms of variety and sophistication. Additionally, the connections between sentences and ideas could be strengthened for smoother transitions.
    • How to improve: Incorporate a wider range of cohesive devices, including synonyms for commonly used transitional phrases. For instance, instead of always using "firstly," consider using alternatives like "initially" or "to begin with." Furthermore, pay attention to the flow between sentences to ensure a seamless connection between ideas, enhancing overall coherence.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a generally strong coherence and cohesion level, refining the logical organization, paragraph structure, and cohesive device usage will contribute to a more polished and effective piece of writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderately wide range of vocabulary, incorporating words such as "journeying," "refresh," "unwind," "remarkably," "advantages," "broadens," "timely," and "fascinated." However, there is room for improvement in diversifying the vocabulary further. For instance, the repeated use of the word "travel" could be substituted with synonyms like "explore," "venture," or "journey" to enhance variety and precision.
    • How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, consider utilizing synonyms and exploring more nuanced expressions. For example, instead of repeatedly using "travel," experiment with alternative terms that convey similar meanings. For instance, replace "travel" with "explore" or "journey" where appropriate.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay sometimes lacks precision in vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "so many people are doing many things at the same time" could be more precisely expressed, and the word "acceptable" in "the cost of travelling is more acceptable" might be too vague. Precision can be enhanced by choosing words that accurately convey the intended meaning.
    • How to improve: To improve precision, focus on selecting words that precisely convey your ideas. For instance, instead of the vague "acceptable," consider using "affordable" or "reasonable" to provide a clearer indication of the cost aspect. Additionally, refine expressions like "so many people are doing many things at the same time" for a more concise and precise statement.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains correct spelling throughout, with minor exceptions such as "time for them to be free" where "time" might be better replaced with "opportunity," and "fully felt with all the senses" where "felt" may be substituted with "experienced." Overall, spelling is reasonable, but attention to detail could further improve accuracy.
    • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, review each sentence carefully, paying attention to potential word substitutions and ensuring that the chosen words accurately convey the intended meaning. Additionally, consider utilizing a spell-check tool for a final proofread to catch any overlooked errors.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures. While there is an attempt to vary sentence structures, some sentences are overly complex, leading to unclear or convoluted expressions. For example, in the first paragraph, the sentence "Firstly, so many people are doing many things at the same time, it is almost like life is dealing you to have extra hands out of that deck" is structurally complex and could be simplified for better clarity.
    • How to improve: To enhance the variety and effectiveness of sentence structures, consider using a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences. Aim for clarity and coherence in expressing ideas. In the mentioned sentence, consider breaking it down into simpler statements to convey the message more directly.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and inaccuracies. For instance, in the second paragraph, the phrase "with all the senses than just staying at home and looking through books or the Internet" lacks proper parallelism, affecting the overall grammatical accuracy. Additionally, there are issues with subject-verb agreement, such as "more people are fascinated by travelling," where ‘traveling’ should be ‘travel.’
    • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, carefully review subject-verb agreement, parallelism, and sentence structure. Proofread the essay to identify and correct errors. Utilize resources like grammar guides or seek feedback from peers to address specific grammatical issues. In the mentioned sentence, rephrase to maintain parallel structure, such as "with all the senses rather than just staying at home and looking through books or the Internet." Also, ensure correct verb forms, like "more people are fascinated by travel."

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good level of proficiency, refining sentence structures for clarity and addressing grammatical inaccuracies will contribute to achieving an even higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

In recent times, a growing number of individuals are engaging in travel, surpassing any previous era. This inclination towards travel not only provides comfort and relaxation but also carries numerous benefits for the travelers. This essay will delve into the reasons behind this trend and the advantages it offers.

There are several factors contributing to the popularity of travel. Firstly, many people find themselves multitasking, akin to managing an extra set of hands dealt by life. The need to unwind from busy lives and routines prompts individuals to seek relaxation and refreshment for their minds. Travel emerges as one of the most effective ways to achieve this, offering a break for individuals to be free and generate new ideas. Additionally, the affordability of travel has increased, thanks to individuals being well-compensated and enthusiastic about exploring novel experiences. Furthermore, advancements in transportation technologies have significantly reduced the expenses associated with tourism. Consequently, a majority of people can now enjoy substantial vacations without incurring expenses equivalent to half of their salary, as was the case in the past.

Undoubtedly, traveling brings numerous advantages to those who embark on journeys. Primarily, it enriches one’s perspective, providing the opportunity for new experiences and a deeper understanding of the culture and lifestyle of visited regions. This type of knowledge is practical, immediate, and experiential, engaging all the senses, in contrast to acquiring information solely from books or the Internet while staying at home. However, being in a new environment, surrounded by unfamiliar individuals with diverse values and perspectives, dispels the comfort of familiarity and introduces novel experiences previously unexplored.

In conclusion, due to substantial income growth and related conveniences, an increasing number of individuals are captivated by travel. The benefits include cultural immersion, forming international friendships, and alleviating work-related stress to some extent. Travel, therefore, stands as a valuable pursuit for personal enrichment and well-being.

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