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Today, more people are traveling than ever before. Why is this the case? What are the benefits of traveling for travelers?

Today, more people are traveling than ever before. Why is this the case? What are the benefits of traveling for travelers?

Nowadays, the trend of travelling is increasing, more and more people have the condition to visit other countries. So what are the reasons for this? And what are the benefits from travelling? The essay below will explain it for you.
Travel is an indispensable activity of a part of a people, but not everyone can travel. In my opinion, the first reason, and the most important reason is economic development. When the economy develops, people’s income increases, and they will have accumulated money to travel. Besides, economic development creates conditions for travel companies to improve infrastructure, and attract more travellers. Another reason is that more and more social networks appear. Social networks are an effective way for people to know about beautiful places in the world.
Travel is a good way for many people to relax, and escape from work pressure. Technology is developing day by day, and the nature of work is increasingly complicated, people face bigger pressure, so spending free time to travel is an effective way to relieve stress. In addition, travel will help them gain more knowledge and expand their relationships. Trips are usually organized in groups, they have many chances to talk with their friends or their family. Moreover, when they visit historical monuments and access different cultures, they will gain new knowledge about the history of those countries.
In conclusion, travel develops for many reasons, but two main reasons are economic development and the development of information technology. Travel brings many benefits to people, making life more meaningful.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "Nowadays, the trend of travelling is increasing, more and more people have the condition to visit other countries." -> "Currently, the inclination toward travel is on the rise, and an increasing number of individuals have the means to explore other countries."
    Explanation: Replacing "Nowadays" with "Currently" and restructuring the sentence enhances formality. "The trend of travelling" is simplified to "the inclination toward travel," and "condition to visit" is replaced with "means to explore," contributing to a more sophisticated expression.

  2. "So what are the reasons for this? And what are the benefits from travelling?" -> "So, what are the underlying reasons for this trend, and what are the advantages of traveling?"
    Explanation: The revised phrasing maintains the question format but uses more formal language, replacing "So what" with "So," and rephrasing "benefits from travelling" as "advantages of traveling" for a more academic tone.

  3. "Travel is an indispensable activity of a part of a people, but not everyone can travel." -> "Travel constitutes an essential activity for a segment of the population; however, not everyone possesses the means to engage in it."
    Explanation: The improvement provides a more formal structure by replacing "a part of a people" with "a segment of the population" and refining the second part of the sentence to convey the idea more precisely.

  4. "In my opinion, the first reason, and the most important reason is economic development." -> "In my view, the primary and paramount factor is economic development."
    Explanation: The revised wording maintains formality while replacing the repetition of "reason" with "factor" and using "paramount" to emphasize the importance, contributing to a more sophisticated expression.

  5. "When the economy develops, people’s income increases, and they will have accumulated money to travel." -> "As the economy advances, individuals experience an augmentation in their income, enabling them to amass funds for travel."
    Explanation: The improvement introduces a more formal tone, replacing "develops" with "advances," and "accumulated money" with "amass funds," providing a refined and academically appropriate expression.

  6. "Besides, economic development creates conditions for travel companies to improve infrastructure, and attract more travellers." -> "Furthermore, economic development fosters an environment for travel companies to enhance infrastructure and allure a larger number of travelers."
    Explanation: The revision uses more sophisticated vocabulary, replacing "creates conditions" with "fosters an environment," and "attract" with "allure," contributing to a more formal and precise expression.

  7. "Another reason is that more and more social networks appear." -> "Another contributing factor is the proliferation of social networks."
    Explanation: The improved wording eliminates redundancy and uses "contributing factor" for a more refined expression in an academic context.

  8. "Technology is developing day by day, and the nature of work is increasingly complicated, people face bigger pressure, so spending free time to travel is an effective way to relieve stress." -> "With technology advancing incessantly and work becoming progressively intricate, individuals are subjected to heightened pressure. Allocating leisure time for travel emerges as an effective means to alleviate stress."
    Explanation: The revision employs more advanced vocabulary, such as "incessantly" and "progressively intricate," while restructuring the sentence for improved clarity and formality.

  9. "Moreover, when they visit historical monuments and access different cultures, they will gain new knowledge about the history of those countries." -> "Furthermore, visiting historical monuments and immersing themselves in diverse cultures enables them to acquire new insights into the history of those nations."
    Explanation: The improved phrasing utilizes a more formal tone, replacing "access" with "immerse themselves in" and "gain new knowledge" with "acquire new insights," contributing to a more sophisticated expression.

  10. "In conclusion, travel develops for many reasons, but two main reasons are economic development and the development of information technology." -> "In conclusion, travel evolves for various reasons, with economic development and the advancement of information technology standing out as the primary driving forces."
    Explanation: The revision replaces "develops for many reasons" with "evolves for various reasons" and uses "standing out as the primary driving forces" for a more refined and academically appropriate conclusion.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both aspects of the prompt: the reasons for the increasing trend of travel and the benefits of traveling. The economic development and the role of social networks are well-explored. The essay touches upon how travel helps people relax, gain knowledge, and build relationships.
    • How to improve: To enhance completeness, consider providing more specific examples and elaborations. For instance, when discussing economic development, include real-world examples of countries experiencing a boost in travel due to economic growth. Additionally, expand on the benefits of travel by providing concrete instances of how it contributes to personal growth and relationships.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, consistently emphasizing that economic development and technological advances are key factors driving the increasing trend of travel. The stance is evident in each paragraph.
    • How to improve: While the position is clear, adding a brief thesis statement in the introduction and a summary in the conclusion could further enhance clarity. This helps readers quickly grasp the main argument.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas with reasonable clarity. It explains the reasons for the travel trend and the benefits of traveling. However, some points lack depth, such as the discussion on social networks.
    • How to improve: Elaborate further on ideas, providing more detailed examples and evidence. For example, when discussing social networks, offer specific instances of how they influence travel decisions and provide connections with personal experiences or global trends.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing economic development, social networks, and the benefits of travel. However, there is a brief mention of technology’s impact on work pressure that slightly deviates from the primary focus.
    • How to improve: While it’s relevant to mention technology, ensure that the discussion directly connects to the main topic of travel. Expand on how technology and the nature of work contribute to the increasing need for travel, maintaining a stronger link to the prompt.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong grasp of the topic, but improvements can be made by providing more specific examples, elaborating on ideas, and maintaining a tighter focus on the prompt.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally organizes information logically, starting with an introduction that sets up the discussion on reasons for the increasing trend of travel and the benefits associated with it. The body paragraphs delve into economic development and social networks as reasons, followed by the benefits of travel. However, there is room for improvement in the transitional phrases between paragraphs, as they could be more explicit in guiding the reader through the logical progression of ideas. For instance, a clearer transition could be employed between discussing economic development and the rise of social networks.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using more explicit transition words and phrases between paragraphs. For instance, use phrases like "Moreover," or "Furthermore" to clearly signal the shift from one idea to the next. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the topic to maintain a clear and organized structure.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs, but there are areas where paragraph structure could be refined for greater effectiveness. For instance, the second paragraph is lengthy and covers both economic development and social networks. Breaking it into two separate paragraphs, each addressing one reason, would improve clarity. Furthermore, the conclusion could be strengthened by summarizing the key points without introducing new ideas.
    • How to improve: Focus on creating well-defined paragraphs, each centered around a single main idea. This will enhance readability and help readers follow the logical progression of your argument. In the conclusion, reiterate key points from the body without introducing new information, providing a concise summary of the essay.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses some cohesive devices, such as transition words like "besides," "moreover," and "in conclusion." However, there is room for improvement in diversifying the types of cohesive devices used. While the essay generally flows, more varied devices like pronouns and synonyms could be incorporated to create smoother transitions between sentences and ideas.
    • How to improve: To enhance cohesion, incorporate a wider range of cohesive devices. Instead of relying heavily on transitional phrases, use pronouns to refer back to previously mentioned ideas or employ synonyms to avoid repetition. This will create a more cohesive and interconnected flow, contributing to a higher level of coherence in the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. While there is an attempt to use diverse words, it lacks consistency and depth. For instance, in discussing economic development, the vocabulary is somewhat limited, with repetition of phrases like "economic development" and "accumulated money." The use of social networks is mentioned, but the exploration of related vocabulary is minimal.
    • How to improve: To enhance the score, strive for a more extensive and nuanced vocabulary. Introduce synonyms for key terms, such as "economic growth" instead of repetitive use of "economic development." Explore varied vocabulary related to travel, social networks, and technology. For example, instead of repeatedly using "travel," consider alternatives like "journey" or "exploration."
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates imprecise vocabulary usage in certain instances. For instance, the phrase "the trend of travelling is increasing" could be more precisely expressed as "the prevalence of travel is on the rise." Additionally, there are instances where more specific terms could be used, such as "exploring" instead of "visit" and "tourist attractions" instead of "beautiful places."
    • How to improve: To improve precision, carefully select words that precisely convey the intended meaning. Replace general terms with more specific ones. In the introduction, refine expressions to convey the idea more accurately, such as using "the rising popularity of travel" instead of "the trend of travelling is increasing."
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a reasonable level of spelling accuracy. However, there are instances of misspelled words, such as "Trips" instead of "Trips" and "develops" instead of "development." These errors, though occasional, affect the overall impression of the essay.
    • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, proofread the essay carefully. Pay close attention to common errors and consider using spell-check tools. Reviewing the essay multiple times before submission can help identify and correct any lingering spelling mistakes.

In summary, the essay demonstrates competence in vocabulary usage, but there is room for improvement to achieve a higher band score. Focusing on consistency, precision, and careful proofreading will contribute significantly to enhancing the lexical resource in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a moderate range of sentence structures. Simple sentences predominate, with occasional use of compound and complex structures. For instance, "Travel is a good way for many people to relax, and escape from work pressure" combines two simple sentences into a compound structure. While this variety is present, more sophistication could be achieved by incorporating a wider range of complex sentence structures and varying sentence lengths for a more engaging writing style.
    • How to improve: To enhance your grammatical range, consider incorporating more complex sentence structures such as relative clauses, conditional sentences, and inverted structures. Vary sentence lengths to create a more dynamic and engaging narrative. For example, instead of consistently using straightforward sentences, experiment with introducing subordinate clauses to add depth and complexity to your writing.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains grammatical accuracy; however, there are instances of minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. For instance, the phrase "more and more people have the condition to visit other countries" could be improved by stating "more and more people have the means to visit other countries." Additionally, in the sentence "Trips are usually organized in groups, they have many chances to talk with their friends or their family," a lack of proper coordination between the clauses causes a structural issue.
    • How to improve: Review your essay for grammatical accuracy, focusing on sentence structure and word choice. Consider revising sentences for clarity and precision. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement, ensuring that each sentence is grammatically sound. For instance, in the sentence mentioned, it could be improved by saying, "Trips are usually organized in groups, providing individuals with many opportunities to engage in conversations with friends or family." Additionally, proofread your work carefully to catch any remaining minor errors.

Overall, your essay demonstrates a good command of grammar, but refining your sentence structures and fine-tuning grammatical details will elevate the overall quality and readability of your writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

In recent times, the inclination toward travel has been on the rise, and an increasing number of individuals now have the means to explore other countries. So, what are the underlying reasons for this trend, and what are the advantages of traveling? Travel constitutes an essential activity for a segment of the population; however, not everyone possesses the means to engage in it. In my view, the primary and paramount factor is economic development.

As the economy advances, individuals experience an augmentation in their income, enabling them to amass funds for travel. Furthermore, economic development fosters an environment for travel companies to enhance infrastructure and attract a larger number of travelers. Another contributing factor is the proliferation of social networks.

With technology advancing incessantly and work becoming progressively intricate, individuals are subjected to heightened pressure. Allocating leisure time for travel emerges as an effective means to alleviate stress. Furthermore, visiting historical monuments and immersing themselves in diverse cultures enables them to acquire new insights into the history of those nations.

In conclusion, travel evolves for various reasons, with economic development and the advancement of information technology standing out as the primary driving forces. Travel brings many benefits to people, making life more meaningful.

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