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Today, more people are traveling than ever before. Why is this the case? What are the benefits of traveling for travelers?

Today, more people are traveling than ever before. Why is this the case? What are the benefits of traveling for travelers?

In recent years, the number of people traveling has increased more than ever for many reasons, and traveling will bring them many benefits. This short essay will show you a few reasons.
Compared to before, the number of tourists has increased dramatically due to two main reasons. Firstly, developed infrastructure and transportation help us easily travel wherever we want. 10 years ago, to get from Moscow to Singapore you could only travel by plane or road, which would cost you a lot of money and many days to reach your destination. However, now you can travel by rail for the entire trip, both having many experiences and being able to rest most comfortably. The second reason is that young people today are more active and have higher incomes than before. Millennials and Generation Z are willing to spend some of their income on travel activities with the desire to experience and relax. The evidence is that in Vietnam, up to 80% of tourists are teenagers in tourist areas such as Da Nang, Phu Quoc,…
Today, tourism is not simply a vacation, it brings visitors many more benefits than that. For some people, travel helps them get inspiration to work better, even for travel YouTubers, it is their source of livelihood. Especially for young people, traveling is a way for them to gain more knowledge and experience; sometimes there are some challenges that they want to overcome.
In conclusion, with the development of both infrastructure and human thinking, more and more tourists travel. In return, traveling also helps people have many sources of inspiration and knowledge.


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Errors and Improvements:

  1. "traveling will bring them many benefits" -> "traveling offers numerous benefits"
    Explanation: Replacing "will bring them many benefits" with "offers numerous benefits" provides a more formal and precise expression of the positive outcomes of traveling.

  2. "This short essay will show you a few reasons." -> "This brief essay will outline several reasons."
    Explanation: Substituting "short" with "brief" and changing "show you a few" to "outline several" contributes to a more formal and academic tone.

  3. "Compared to before" -> "In comparison to earlier times"
    Explanation: "Compared to before" is informal; replacing it with "In comparison to earlier times" aligns with a more formal style suitable for academic writing.

  4. "you could only travel by plane or road" -> "one could only travel by air or land"
    Explanation: Replacing "you could only travel by plane or road" with "one could only travel by air or land" maintains clarity while using more formal language.

  5. "which would cost you a lot of money" -> "incurring significant expenses"
    Explanation: Changing "which would cost you a lot of money" to "incurring significant expenses" enhances formality and precision in describing the financial aspect of traveling.

  6. "travel by rail for the entire trip, both having many experiences and being able to rest most comfortably" -> "travel the entire journey by rail, gaining various experiences and enjoying optimal comfort"
    Explanation: The revised sentence offers a more sophisticated structure and vocabulary while maintaining the original meaning.

  7. "young people today are more active and have higher incomes than before" -> "contemporary youth are more dynamic and possess higher incomes than their predecessors"
    Explanation: Substituting "young people today" with "contemporary youth" and rephrasing the sentence adds formality and precision to the description of the demographic.

  8. "Millennials and Generation Z" -> "The Millennial and Generation Z cohorts"
    Explanation: Adding "cohorts" and using "The Millennial and Generation Z" instead of just "Millennials and Generation Z" contributes to a more formal and academic language style.

  9. "spend some of their income on travel activities" -> "allocate a portion of their income to travel pursuits"
    Explanation: The replacement enhances the formality and precision of the statement by using "allocate" and "travel pursuits" instead of "spend" and "travel activities."

  10. "For some people, travel helps them get inspiration to work better" -> "For certain individuals, travel serves as a source of inspiration for enhanced work performance."
    Explanation: The suggested change provides a more formal and structured expression of the idea while maintaining clarity.

  11. "especially for young people" -> "particularly among the younger demographic"
    Explanation: Substituting "especially for young people" with "particularly among the younger demographic" adds formality and specificity to the statement.

  12. "with the development of both infrastructure and human thinking" -> "due to advancements in both infrastructure and cognitive capabilities"
    Explanation: Replacing "with the development of both" with "due to advancements in both" improves the formality and precision of the sentence.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both aspects of the prompt by discussing the reasons for the increased number of travelers and highlighting the benefits of traveling. The mention of improved infrastructure and increased incomes supports the response.
    • How to improve: While the essay addresses the question, providing more specific examples or data on the increase in travel and its reasons would enhance the depth of the response.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position by attributing the rise in travel to improved infrastructure and higher incomes. The stance is consistent throughout the essay.
    • How to improve: To further strengthen the clarity of the position, consider explicitly stating the main argument in the introduction and reiterating it in the conclusion.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas clearly, such as the impact of improved transportation and the motivation of younger generations to travel. However, some ideas lack elaboration, and the evidence provided could be more specific.
    • How to improve: Extend ideas by providing detailed examples and supporting evidence. For instance, citing statistics or specific cases related to the increase in travel and its benefits would add depth to the argument.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay mostly stays on topic, discussing the reasons for increased travel and its benefits. However, there is a slight deviation when mentioning travel YouTubers, which might be seen as tangential.
    • How to improve: Focus on examples directly related to the prompt. If discussing unconventional travel careers, relate them back to the overall benefits and reasons for increased travel.

Overall, the essay effectively addresses the prompt, maintaining a clear position and providing reasonable explanations. To improve, consider adding specific examples and data, explicitly stating the main argument, and ensuring all examples directly support the topic.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a generally logical organization. It starts with an introduction mentioning the increase in travel, followed by two well-structured main body paragraphs explaining the reasons behind the rise in travel. The first paragraph discusses infrastructure and transportation improvements, while the second focuses on the motivations of young people. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points. However, there is room for improvement in the transition between paragraphs for a smoother flow.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases between paragraphs, ensuring a seamless connection between ideas. For example, introducing the second reason for the increase in travel could be done more explicitly to guide the reader smoothly through the essay.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs, each containing a clear main idea. The introduction introduces the topic, the body paragraphs discuss reasons for increased travel, and the conclusion provides a summary. However, the second body paragraph is a bit lengthy, and breaking it down into two separate paragraphs could improve readability and emphasize distinct ideas.
    • How to improve: Divide the second body paragraph into two, with one focusing on the motivations of young people and the other discussing the benefits of travel. This will help maintain a balanced structure and make it easier for readers to follow the argument.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes some cohesive devices, such as transition words ("firstly," "secondly," "in conclusion"), which contribute to coherence. However, there is room for improvement in the variety and frequency of cohesive devices. Consider incorporating more sophisticated linking words and phrases to strengthen the connections between sentences and ideas.
    • How to improve: Introduce a wider range of cohesive devices, including conjunctions like "furthermore," "however," and "nevertheless" to create more nuanced connections between sentences. This will enhance the overall coherence of the essay.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a sound level of coherence and cohesion but could benefit from refinements in paragraphing and the strategic use of transitional devices for a more polished and cohesive presentation.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. While there is an attempt to incorporate a variety of words, it often relies on common terms, and some phrases are repeated (e.g., "travel," "young people," "experience"). Specificity and depth in vocabulary could be enhanced.
    • How to improve: To elevate the vocabulary, consider using more precise and varied terms. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "travel," explore synonyms like "journey," "expedition," or "voyage" when appropriate. Additionally, incorporate specialized vocabulary related to travel, such as "itinerary," "sojourn," or "globetrotting."
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay occasionally uses vocabulary precisely, but there are instances of imprecise or repetitive language. For example, the phrase "Compared to before" could be more precisely stated, and the use of "today" and "before" lacks specificity.
    • How to improve: Strive for precision by avoiding vague terms like "before" and "today." Specify the time frames to enhance clarity. Instead of "compared to before," specify the time period, such as "a decade ago" or "in the past." Use more specific terms to enhance precision and avoid ambiguity.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The spelling in the essay is generally accurate, with only a few minor errors. Examples include "da Nang" instead of "Da Nang" and inconsistent capitalization in "Millennials" and "Generation Z."
    • How to improve: Pay attention to proper nouns and capitalization consistency. Ensure that names of places, like "Da Nang," are capitalized correctly. Consistent capitalization of terms like "Millennials" and "Generation Z" is essential for clarity and professionalism. Proofreading can help catch these minor spelling and capitalization issues.

This essay exhibits a commendable understanding of the topic and provides a reasonable response. By refining vocabulary use for precision and variety, the essay could achieve a higher band score. Additionally, minor spelling and capitalization adjustments will enhance the overall presentation.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay displays a reasonable variety of sentence structures. There is a mix of simple and complex sentences, and the writer attempts to use different sentence structures to convey ideas. For example, there are complex sentences like "10 years ago, to get from Moscow to Singapore you could only travel by plane or road," and simpler sentences like "Today, tourism is not simply a vacation." However, the essay could benefit from incorporating more sophisticated structures, such as varied use of subordinate clauses or inversion for emphasis.

    • How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, consider incorporating more complex sentence constructions. For instance, introduce relative clauses or employ inversion for emphasis. Additionally, varying sentence lengths and structures within paragraphs can contribute to a more engaging and diverse writing style.

  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates a reasonable level of grammatical accuracy. There are, however, some instances of grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. For example, the phrase "and traveling will bring them many benefits" could be improved to "and traveling brings them many benefits." Punctuation is generally correct, but attention is needed to ensure consistency and accuracy. For instance, there is a lack of commas before introductory phrases in some instances, and the usage of semicolons is inconsistent.

    • How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, proofread the essay carefully to identify and correct errors in sentence construction. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and the correct use of articles. Additionally, review punctuation rules, ensuring consistent use of commas and proper placement of semicolons. Revising sentences for clarity and conciseness will contribute to overall grammatical improvement. Consider seeking feedback from peers or utilizing grammar-check tools for additional support.

Bài sửa mẫu

In recent times, there has been a significant surge in the number of people embarking on journeys, and the reasons behind this increase are manifold. Traveling offers numerous benefits, and this brief essay will outline several reasons.

In comparison to earlier times, when one could only travel by air or land, incurring significant expenses and time, the contemporary travel landscape has evolved. Now, individuals can traverse the entire journey by rail, gaining various experiences and enjoying optimal comfort. The development of infrastructure and transportation has played a pivotal role in facilitating easy travel, making destinations more accessible than ever. For instance, a decade ago, to travel from Moscow to Singapore, the options were limited to air or road, both incurring substantial costs and time investments. Today, with expanded rail options, the journey becomes not just a means of reaching a destination but an opportunity for rich experiences and relaxation.

Moreover, the demographic shift, with Millennials and Generation Z cohorts being more dynamic and possessing higher incomes than their predecessors, contributes significantly to the surge in travel. These young individuals allocate a portion of their income to travel pursuits, driven by a desire to explore and unwind. This trend is evident in places like Vietnam, where up to 80% of tourists in popular areas such as Da Nang and Phu Quoc are teenagers.

Furthermore, travel is not merely a leisurely activity; it holds multifaceted benefits for individuals. For some, it serves as a wellspring of inspiration, enhancing their work performance. This is particularly true among the younger demographic, who find inspiration and motivation through the diverse experiences travel offers. The contemporary era, marked by advancements in both infrastructure and cognitive capabilities, allows individuals to seek inspiration and overcome challenges through travel.

In conclusion, the surge in the number of tourists can be attributed to the development of both infrastructure and human thinking. As a reciprocal effect, traveling also serves as a source of inspiration and knowledge for individuals, particularly among the younger generation. The evolving landscape of travel not only connects people to diverse destinations but also enriches their lives with experiences, making it a trend with enduring appeal.

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