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Today people are surrounded by advertising. This affects what people think is important and has a negative impact on people’s lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Today people are surrounded by advertising. This affects what people think is important and has a negative impact on people’s lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Modernization has resulted in the appearance of advertisements everywhere in our daily life and can easily be spotted. Some individuals believe it will strongly affect people’s mind in thinking which context is fundamental and cause negative influences on their lives. From my perspective, apart from bringing drawbacks to residents’ life, advertising can also support positive thinking.

The downside of commercial promotion can mostly be witnessed in people’s buying intentions where it directs consumers to suspect they are important factors for a healthy lifestyle or a nutritious diet. For example, we are usually tricked to believe that granola is a vital product for losing weight but in fact, it contains even more calories than a bowl of rice. This makes people who are in their cutting process have a wrong menu for their task. Although causing misunderstanding in promoting products, the effective side of advertising is significant as well.

Aside from selling goods, some posters will provide information about environment reservation or negative impacts of a single product. As a result, they will be a teaching method for enhancing people's concentration on living conditions and prevent harmful elements in society. Take Coca Cola as an example, in recent years, their advertisements will always emphasize the need for recycling plastic bottles and minimize the amount of plastic waste as much as possible. Another idea is the packaging of cigarettes as they always highlight the harmful effect of it to our health and they encourage no one to smoke.

In conclusion, despite directing people to sell products, some advertisements will bring useful content that improves our surroundings. The community should equip more knowledge so as to decide which advertisements are effective and which are just negative seedings nowadays.


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Errors and Improvements:

  1. "can easily be spotted" -> "is easily noticeable"
    Explanation: The phrase "can easily be spotted" is more casual, and replacing it with "is easily noticeable" maintains a formal tone in academic writing.

  2. "Some individuals believe it will strongly affect" -> "Certain individuals argue that it will significantly impact"
    Explanation: The suggested change provides a more assertive and precise expression, enhancing the academic tone by using stronger language.

  3. "thinking which context is fundamental" -> "considering the fundamental context"
    Explanation: The original phrase is unclear and awkward. The suggested revision clarifies the meaning and improves the flow of the sentence.

  4. "cause negative influences on their lives" -> "exert negative influences on their lives"
    Explanation: The change from "cause" to "exert" and the replacement of "negative influences" with "influences" results in a more concise and formal expression.

  5. "bringing drawbacks to residents’ life" -> "imposing drawbacks on residents’ lives"
    Explanation: The proposed revision uses a more formal and precise wording to convey the negative impact on residents’ lives.

  6. "commercial promotion" -> "advertising"
    Explanation: The term "commercial promotion" is more elaborate than necessary. "Advertising" is a simpler and widely accepted term in academic writing.

  7. "it directs consumers to suspect they are important factors" -> "it leads consumers to believe they are essential factors"
    Explanation: The suggested change improves clarity and precision by replacing "suspect" with "believe" and using a more formal expression.

  8. "tricked to believe" -> "misled into believing"
    Explanation: The phrase "tricked to believe" is informal, and replacing it with "misled into believing" maintains a more formal tone.

  9. "makes people who are in their cutting process" -> "causes individuals in the process of weight reduction"
    Explanation: The suggested change provides a more formal and accurate description of individuals engaged in a weight-cutting process.

  10. "advertising is significant as well" -> "advertising also holds significance"
    Explanation: The proposed revision conveys the same meaning in a more formal and precise manner.

  11. "Aside from selling goods" -> "Apart from promoting products"
    Explanation: The change provides a more formal and comprehensive expression for the introduction of the positive aspects of advertising.

  12. "will provide information about" -> "provides information regarding"
    Explanation: The revision uses a more direct and formal expression to convey the action of providing information.

  13. "they will be a teaching method" -> "they serve as an educational tool"
    Explanation: The suggested change enhances clarity and formality by using "serve as" instead of "will be" and replacing "teaching method" with "educational tool."

  14. "enhancing people’s concentration on living conditions" -> "heightening people’s awareness of living conditions"
    Explanation: The proposed revision uses a more formal and precise wording to convey the idea of increasing awareness.

  15. "negative seedings" -> "negative implications"
    Explanation: "Negative seedings" is unclear and informal; replacing it with "negative implications" provides a more formal and specific term.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

  1. Quoted text: "Modernization has resulted in the appearance of advertisements everywhere in our daily life and can easily be spotted. Some individuals believe it will strongly affect people’s mind in thinking which context is fundamental and cause negative influences on their lives. From my perspective, apart from bringing drawbacks to residents’ life, advertising can also support positive thinking."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The introduction provides a clear position on the impact of advertising but lacks a concise preview of the main ideas that will be discussed in the essay. To enhance clarity, consider providing a brief roadmap of the positive and negative aspects of advertising that you will address in the subsequent paragraphs.
    • Improved example: "In this essay, I will explore both the negative and positive impacts of advertising on people’s lives. While some argue that advertising negatively influences our mindset, I believe it also has the potential to foster positive thinking. I will discuss both perspectives to provide a comprehensive view."
  2. Quoted text: "The downside of commercial promotion can mostly be witnessed in people’s buying intentions where it directs consumers to suspect they are important factors for a healthy lifestyle or a nutritious diet. For example, we are usually tricked to believe that granola is a vital product for losing weight but in fact, it contains even more calories than a bowl of rice. This makes people who are in their cutting process have a wrong menu for their task. Although causing misunderstanding in promoting products, the effective side of advertising is significant as well."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: Your argument regarding the negative impact of advertising on consumers’ buying decisions is well-presented. However, it would be beneficial to provide a more varied range of examples to support your point. Additionally, consider refining your language for a more concise expression of ideas.
    • Improved example: "Advertisements often mislead consumers, shaping their perceptions of what constitutes a healthy lifestyle or a nutritious diet. For instance, the promotion of granola as a weight-loss product can be deceiving, as it may contain more calories than a bowl of rice. This misinformation can lead individuals striving to cut weight to adopt inappropriate dietary choices."
  3. Quoted text: "Aside from selling goods, some posters will provide information about environment reservation or negative impacts of a single product. As a result, they will be a teaching method for enhancing people’s concentration on living conditions and prevent harmful elements in society. Take Coca Cola as an example, in recent years, their advertisements will always emphasize the need for recycling plastic bottles and minimize the amount of plastic waste as much as possible. Another idea is the packaging of cigarettes as they always highlight the harmful effect of it to our health and they encourage no one to smoke."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The paragraph effectively presents the positive aspects of advertising, particularly in raising awareness about environmental issues. However, to improve coherence, consider organizing your ideas more logically. Present each example in a separate sentence to enhance clarity and flow.
    • Improved example: "Advertisements, beyond promoting goods, often serve as educational tools. For instance, Coca Cola’s recent campaigns emphasize the importance of recycling plastic bottles, contributing to the reduction of plastic waste. Similarly, cigarette packaging often highlights the harmful health effects of smoking, discouraging people from this habit."

Overall, while your essay demonstrates an understanding of the prompt, refining the organization of ideas and providing a more varied range of examples could elevate the coherence and persuasiveness of your argument.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates logical organization, providing a clear progression of ideas throughout. It effectively uses a range of cohesive devices to connect thoughts, although there might be occasional instances of underuse or overuse. Each paragraph presents a central topic, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. However, there are moments where cohesion within sentences could be improved, and some minor issues with referencing clarity.

How to improve:
To enhance cohesion, consider refining the use of cohesive devices to ensure a more balanced distribution. Additionally, pay closer attention to the referencing of ideas within sentences for a smoother flow. Aim for more consistency in the deployment of cohesive elements to minimize any under- or overuse.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary, allowing for flexibility and precision in expressing ideas. There is an attempt to use less common vocabulary with some awareness of style and collocation. The essay incorporates examples and details to support the points made. While there are occasional errors in word choice and spelling, they do not significantly impede communication. The writer effectively presents both positive and negative aspects of advertising, showcasing a balanced view.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource, the writer could consider incorporating more sophisticated and varied vocabulary throughout the essay. Additionally, paying closer attention to word choice and ensuring accuracy in spelling would further strengthen the lexical aspect of the essay. Further development of the essay’s structure and cohesion would contribute to a more cohesive and impactful presentation.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence structures. While there is an attempt to use a variety of sentence forms, there are noticeable grammatical errors and occasional punctuation mistakes. For instance, in the sentence "Some individuals believe it will strongly affect people’s mind," the word "mind" should be plural, and there is a missing article before "healthy lifestyle" in the phrase "important factors for a healthy lifestyle." Additionally, there are instances of awkward phrasing, such as "negative seedings" at the end, which may cause some difficulty for the reader.

How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should pay closer attention to subject-verb agreement, article usage, and punctuation. Additionally, refining sentence structures for clarity and avoiding awkward phrasing will contribute to a more cohesive essay. Proofreading for errors in grammar and punctuation before finalizing the essay is crucial.

Bài sửa mẫu

In our contemporary world, advertisements have become ubiquitous, permeating every aspect of our daily existence. This widespread presence has sparked debates about its potential to shape individuals’ perceptions of importance, often with negative repercussions on their lives. While I acknowledge the drawbacks associated with commercial promotions, I contend that advertising also plays a constructive role in fostering positive perspectives.

One prominent downside of advertising manifests in its influence on consumer behavior, particularly in shaping preferences related to a healthy lifestyle or a nutritious diet. For instance, deceptive marketing tactics may lead individuals to believe that granola is an indispensable product for weight loss, despite its higher calorie content compared to a bowl of rice. This misinformation can misguide individuals engaged in weight management, affecting their dietary choices negatively. However, it is crucial to recognize that the efficacy of advertising extends beyond product promotion.

Beyond mere sales pitches, certain advertisements serve as informative tools, shedding light on environmental conservation or the adverse effects of specific products. These advertisements function as educational resources, prompting individuals to direct their attention towards living conditions and encouraging actions that prevent societal harm. Consider Coca Cola’s recent advertising efforts, consistently emphasizing the importance of recycling plastic bottles and reducing plastic waste. Similarly, anti-smoking campaigns prominently display the harmful effects of tobacco on health, discouraging smoking practices.

In conclusion, while it is true that some advertisements perpetuate misleading information for commercial gains, others contribute valuable content that enhances our overall well-being. To navigate this complex landscape, individuals must equip themselves with the knowledge to discern between effective and detrimental advertisements. In doing so, we empower ourselves to make informed decisions in a world saturated with both positive and negative influences.

Bài viết liên quan

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more accessible. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more…

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