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Today, the more developed society is, the greater the quality of life. Therefore, when parents think about where to let their children live more conveniently, there are two streams about it: Which is better? Living in urban areas or in rural areas?

Today, the more developed society is, the greater the quality of life. Therefore, when parents think about where to let their children live more conveniently, there are two streams about it: Which is better? Living in urban areas or in rural areas?

In my opinion, both of them have their own benefit and negatives, but I agree with the positive most.
On the other hand, there appears to be a shortcoming. First, when you live in the city, you must deal with overcrowded and noise. A lack of green spaces causes a decrease in activities outdoors for your children. Second, children’s health is very easy to hurt, so living in a place with air and noise pollution is anxious. Besides, many harmful problems also occur in rural areas. Namely, children’s health can’t be focused on because of the limited healthcare facilities. Especially, rural areas may have fewer educational resources, so children have few learning opportunities to develop themselves.
In other quarters, both of the accommodations have a lot of advantages. If you live in an urban area, you can delight in a lot of communal advantages because of the rapid development of cities such as health services, and technological progress,…. Moreover, cities offer more social opportunities for children so children can thorough development. And if you live in a rural area, I think this is the best choice for people who want to live in a peaceful place. Less use of personal vehicles, like cars and motorcycles, leads to peace. This also provides a cleaner and quieter environment, making children promote overall well-being and physical health. Finally, because of the cost of living in rural areas is lower, families won't be as concerned about family expenses for housing and potentially provide more for their children.
In conclusion, advantages and disadvantages in cities and countrysides always exist concurrent. Cities help children's intellectual development and countrysides help children develop physically and mentally.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "both of them" -> "both of these"
    Explanation: Replacing "both of them" with "both of these" adds specificity, enhancing the clarity of the statement by explicitly referring to the two options being discussed.

  2. "but I agree with the positive most" -> "but I lean towards the positive aspects"
    Explanation: Substituting "but I agree with the positive most" with "but I lean towards the positive aspects" introduces a more nuanced expression, avoiding the use of "most" and providing a more formal tone.

  3. "there appears to be a shortcoming" -> "there are drawbacks"
    Explanation: Changing "there appears to be a shortcoming" to "there are drawbacks" maintains formality and replaces a vague phrase with a more direct expression of the negative aspects.

  4. "you must deal with overcrowded and noise" -> "you must contend with overcrowding and noise"
    Explanation: Replacing "you must deal with overcrowded and noise" with "you must contend with overcrowding and noise" improves the formality and precision of the sentence.

  5. "children’s health is very easy to hurt" -> "children’s health is vulnerable"
    Explanation: Substituting "children’s health is very easy to hurt" with "children’s health is vulnerable" maintains a formal tone while conveying the idea more succinctly and precisely.

  6. "living in a place with air and noise pollution is anxious" -> "residing in an area with air and noise pollution is concerning"
    Explanation: Changing "living in a place with air and noise pollution is anxious" to "residing in an area with air and noise pollution is concerning" enhances the formality and clarity of the sentence.

  7. "harmful problems" -> "significant challenges"
    Explanation: Replacing "harmful problems" with "significant challenges" introduces a more formal and precise term, improving the overall tone of the sentence.

  8. "children’s health can’t be focused on" -> "attention to children’s health is limited"
    Explanation: Substituting "children’s health can’t be focused on" with "attention to children’s health is limited" maintains formality while providing a more precise expression of the idea.

  9. "many harmful problems also occur in rural areas" -> "rural areas also face numerous challenges"
    Explanation: Changing "many harmful problems also occur in rural areas" to "rural areas also face numerous challenges" enhances formality and specifies the nature of the issues being discussed.

  10. "Namely" -> "Specifically"
    Explanation: Replacing "Namely" with "Specifically" maintains formality while offering a more suitable transition to the following point.

  11. "children have few learning opportunities to develop themselves" -> "children have limited educational opportunities for self-development"
    Explanation: Substituting "children have few learning opportunities to develop themselves" with "children have limited educational opportunities for self-development" improves precision and formality.

  12. "both of the accommodations" -> "both living environments"
    Explanation: Changing "both of the accommodations" to "both living environments" provides a more formal term for the context, enhancing the overall tone.

  13. "delight in a lot of communal advantages" -> "benefit from numerous communal amenities"
    Explanation: Replacing "delight in a lot of communal advantages" with "benefit from numerous communal amenities" maintains formality and offers a more sophisticated expression.

  14. "so children can thorough development" -> "facilitating comprehensive development in children"
    Explanation: Substituting "so children can thorough development" with "facilitating comprehensive development in children" improves the precision and formality of the sentence.

  15. "this is the best choice for people who want to live in a peaceful place" -> "this is the optimal choice for individuals seeking a tranquil residence"
    Explanation: Changing "this is the best choice for people who want to live in a peaceful place" to "this is the optimal choice for individuals seeking a tranquil residence" enhances formality and provides a more refined expression.

  16. "Less use of personal vehicles" -> "Reduced reliance on personal vehicles"
    Explanation: Replacing "Less use of personal vehicles" with "Reduced reliance on personal vehicles" maintains formality and introduces a more precise term.

  17. "leads to peace" -> "contributes to a sense of tranquility"
    Explanation: Substituting "leads to peace" with "contributes to a sense of tranquility" adds formality and refines the expression.

  18. "provides a cleaner and quieter environment" -> "creates a cleaner and quieter living environment"
    Explanation: Changing "provides a cleaner and quieter environment" to "creates a cleaner and quieter living environment" enhances formality and specifies the agent responsible for the action.

  19. "because of the cost of living in rural areas is lower" -> "due to the lower cost of living in rural areas"
    Explanation: Replacing "because of the cost of living in rural areas is lower" with "due to the lower cost of living in rural areas" improves the structure and formality of the sentence.

  20. "families won’t be as concerned about family expenses" -> "families will have fewer concerns about household expenses"
    Explanation: Substituting "families won’t be as concerned about family expenses" with "families will have fewer concerns about household expenses" maintains formality and provides a more precise expression.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

  1. Quoted text: "In my opinion, both of them have their own benefit and negatives, but I agree with the positive most."

    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: The introduction lacks clarity in presenting your position. It’s crucial to clearly state whether you favor urban or rural living. To enhance this, explicitly mention your preference and briefly outline the key points you will discuss. For instance, "In my opinion, while both urban and rural living have their merits and drawbacks, I believe the advantages of [your preferred choice] outweigh the disadvantages."
    • Improved example: "In my opinion, while both urban and rural living have their merits and drawbacks, I believe the advantages of urban living outweigh the disadvantages. In the following paragraphs, I will discuss the benefits and drawbacks of each."
  2. Quoted text: "First, when you live in the city, you must deal with overcrowded and noise. A lack of green spaces causes a decrease in activities outdoors for your children."

    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: The point about overcrowding and noise in cities is valid, but it lacks depth. Provide specific examples or personal experiences to illustrate these challenges, making your argument more compelling. For instance, "Living in a city exposes children to constant traffic noise and crowded public spaces, limiting their outdoor activities. For instance, my own experience in [city name] involved…"
    • Improved example: "Living in a city exposes children to constant traffic noise and crowded public spaces, limiting their outdoor activities. For instance, my own experience in New York City involved navigating through bustling streets and struggling to find peaceful green spaces for my children to play."
  3. Quoted text: "Namely, children’s health can’t be focused on because of the limited healthcare facilities. Especially, rural areas may have fewer educational resources, so children have few learning opportunities to develop themselves."

    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: The argument here is somewhat vague. To strengthen it, provide specific examples of the healthcare and educational challenges in rural areas. Share personal experiences or observations that highlight these issues. For instance, "Limited healthcare facilities in rural areas, such as [specific examples], make it challenging to prioritize children’s health. Moreover, the scarcity of educational resources, as seen in [personal example], hinders children’s learning opportunities."
    • Improved example: "Limited healthcare facilities in rural areas, such as the absence of specialized pediatric services or long distances to the nearest clinic, make it challenging to prioritize children’s health. Moreover, the scarcity of educational resources, as seen in my own upbringing in a rural community, hinders children’s learning opportunities."
  4. Quoted text: "If you live in an urban area, you can delight in a lot of communal advantages because of the rapid development of cities such as health services, and technological progress,…. Moreover, cities offer more social opportunities for children so children can thorough development."

    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: The point about communal advantages in urban areas is valid, but it lacks specificity. Provide concrete examples of health services and technological progress that enhance the quality of life in cities. Additionally, elaborate on the social opportunities for children. For instance, "Urban areas boast advanced health services, including [specific examples], and cutting-edge technological progress, such as [technology example]. Furthermore, the diverse social opportunities, like [specific activities], contribute to comprehensive development for children."
    • Improved example: "Urban areas boast advanced health services, including specialized clinics for various medical needs, and cutting-edge technological progress, such as the availability of telemedicine services. Furthermore, the diverse social opportunities, like community events and extracurricular activities, contribute to comprehensive development for children."

Overall, while your essay addresses the task, enhancing clarity, depth, and specificity in your examples would significantly strengthen your argument and raise your score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates coherence and cohesion to a reasonable extent. There is a clear overall progression of ideas, and the essay is organized into paragraphs. The introduction sets the stage, expressing a clear opinion, while each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of living in urban or rural areas. However, there are some issues with cohesion within and between sentences. For instance, the transition between the advantages of living in urban areas to rural areas could be smoother.

How to improve:

  1. Sentence-Level Cohesion: Pay attention to sentence-level cohesion to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Consider using cohesive devices such as transition words more effectively.

  2. Logical Progression: Ensure a logical progression of ideas within paragraphs and between them. This will enhance the overall coherence of the essay.

  3. Referencing and Substitution: Use referencing and substitution more consistently to avoid repetitiveness. This can be achieved by employing pronouns effectively and varying sentence structures.

  4. Paragraphing: While the essay is generally organized into paragraphs, make sure that the content within each paragraph is logically connected. Additionally, consider a stronger concluding paragraph that summarizes key points.

Overall, the essay shows promise but needs refinement in terms of cohesive devices and logical flow to reach a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary for the task, with attempts to use less common vocabulary, though with some inaccuracies. The essay discusses both urban and rural living, presenting some advantages and disadvantages. However, the vocabulary used lacks sophistication and precision. There are instances of errors in word choice and collocation, impacting the fluency and precision of expression. Spelling and word formation errors are present, but they do not severely impede communication.

How to improve:
To improve the Lexical Resource score, focus on enhancing vocabulary with more varied and precise terms. Pay attention to word choice and collocation to convey ideas more accurately. Additionally, proofread the essay to eliminate spelling and word formation errors. Aim for a more sophisticated and nuanced use of language to elevate the overall lexical quality of the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a variety of sentence structures, including both simple and complex forms. There is a successful attempt at using a range of vocabulary, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. Although some sentences lack complexity, the essay generally maintains good control of grammar and punctuation. There are occasional errors, such as missing articles and awkward phrasing, but they do not significantly impede communication. The essay effectively presents arguments for both urban and rural living, showcasing a reasonable command of language.

How to Improve:

  1. Pay attention to article usage: Ensure that articles (e.g., ‘a’, ‘an’, ‘the’) are used appropriately to enhance sentence clarity.
  2. Improve sentence complexity: Incorporate more complex sentence structures to further showcase grammatical flexibility.
  3. Edit for awkward phrasing: Review sentences that may sound awkward or unclear and consider revisions for smoother expression.

Note: The essay falls within Band 7 as it displays good grammatical control and a variety of structures, though some errors and occasional lack of complexity prevent it from reaching the Band 8 level.

Bài sửa mẫu

In my view, both urban and rural living have their own merits and drawbacks, but I lean towards the positive aspects.

However, there are drawbacks to city living. Firstly, dealing with overcrowding and noise can be challenging. The lack of green spaces also limits outdoor activities for children. Additionally, the risk to children’s health is higher due to air and noise pollution. Conversely, rural areas present their own challenges. Limited healthcare facilities make it difficult to focus on children’s health. Moreover, educational resources are often scarce, limiting learning opportunities for children.

On the positive side, both settings offer significant advantages. Urban living provides various communal benefits due to rapid city development, such as improved health services and technological progress. Cities also offer more social opportunities for children, fostering thorough development. On the other hand, rural living is ideal for those seeking a peaceful environment. With fewer personal vehicles in use, like cars and motorcycles, a sense of tranquility prevails. This contributes to a cleaner, quieter environment, promoting overall well-being and physical health in children. Additionally, the lower cost of living in rural areas alleviates family concerns about expenses, allowing them to potentially provide more for their children.

In conclusion, both cities and countrysides have simultaneous advantages and disadvantages. Cities aid in children’s intellectual development, while countrysides contribute to the physical and mental well-being of children.

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