today, the quality of life in big cities is decreasing discuss the causes and solutions

today, the quality of life in big cities is decreasing
discuss the causes and solutions

Despite the development that urbanlization offers, the living standards in big cities have noticeably been deteriorating these days. The root cause of this is the overpopulation ,yet it can be solved by greater investment in industries on the outskirts of the cities. This cause and solution will be outlined specifically

 The principal cause of low quality in large cities is the continuous population growth and migration of people from rural areas to urban areas .It must be recognized that cities provide more job and educational opportunities ,which  have a significant  attractiveness for employees,  especially the young people. Consequently, more people prefer to move to Big Cities  to work or study,  causing a  heavy traffic on the roads and leading to pollution. Moreover,  with high  number of  employees, there are more rivaliries among people, causing more stresses for citizens. These factors have influences on both physical and mental heath of the citizens. This is true in many Chinese cites having their serious  pollution and overpopulation ,where the majority of  dwellers here often deal with health problems

  However ,a solution can be found in a greater investment in outskirts industry. Therefore ,villagers will not have to move to cities in search of jobs. Increasing investment in public transport  also have solve traffic problems and improved resident's lifestyle. moreover,regarding to the pollution problems,  the authorities could heavily focus on  environmentally friendly researchs to invent greener alternative energy sources to replace petrol 

 In conclusion, the worsening living environment ,which is related to overpopulation and causes pollution and stress for citizens can be improved by the authorities investing more in the rural areas in both industries and transportation 

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "urbanlization" -> "urbanization"
   Explanation: Correcting the spelling error from "urbanlization" to "urbanization" ensures the use of the correct term in academic writing.

2. "the living standards in big cities have noticeably been deteriorating" -> "living standards in large cities have noticeably deteriorated"
   Explanation: Changing "have been deteriorating" to "have deteriorated" corrects the verb tense to match the present perfect continuous to simple past, which is more appropriate for describing a completed action in the past.

3. "the overpopulation" -> "overpopulation"
   Explanation: Removing the definite article "the" before "overpopulation" corrects the grammatical error, as "overpopulation" is an uncountable noun and does not require an article.

4. "greater investment in industries on the outskirts of the cities" -> "increased investment in industries located on the outskirts of cities"
   Explanation: Replacing "greater" with "increased" and "the cities" with "cities" corrects the form to be more precise and formal.

5. "low quality" -> "poor quality"
   Explanation: "Poor quality" is a more specific and academically appropriate term than "low quality" in this context, referring to the inferior standard of living.

6. "continuous population growth and migration" -> "continuous population growth and migration"
   Explanation: Adding "of people" after "migration" clarifies the subject of the migration, enhancing the sentence’s clarity and precision.

7. "It must be recognized that" -> "It is essential to recognize that"
   Explanation: "It is essential to recognize that" is a more formal and assertive way to introduce a statement in academic writing.

8. "more job and educational opportunities" -> "more job and educational opportunities"
   Explanation: Adding "and" after "job" corrects the grammatical error, ensuring proper conjunction usage.

9. "which have a significant attractiveness" -> "which are highly attractive"
   Explanation: Replacing "have a significant attractiveness" with "are highly attractive" simplifies and clarifies the phrase, making it more direct and formal.

10. "Big Cities" -> "large cities"
    Explanation: Capitalizing "Big Cities" is informal and unnecessary; "large cities" is the correct form for formal writing.

11. "heavy traffic on the roads" -> "heavy traffic on roads"
    Explanation: Removing "the" before "roads" corrects the redundancy, as "traffic" already implies the location.

12. "rivaliries" -> "rivalries"
    Explanation: Correcting the spelling error from "rivaliries" to "rivalries" ensures accuracy and professionalism.

13. "have influences on both physical and mental heath" -> "affect both physical and mental health"
    Explanation: Changing "have influences on" to "affect" corrects the verb form to the more appropriate and commonly used term in academic writing.

14. "a solution can be found in a greater investment" -> "a solution lies in increased investment"
    Explanation: Replacing "a solution can be found in a greater investment" with "a solution lies in increased investment" uses a more direct and formal phrasing.

15. "Increasing investment in public transport also have solve" -> "Increasing investment in public transport also solves"
    Explanation: Correcting "have solve" to "solves" fixes the verb agreement error, ensuring subject-verb agreement.

16. "regarding to the pollution problems" -> "regarding pollution problems"
    Explanation: Removing "to" corrects the prepositional error, making the phrase grammatically correct and more concise.

17. "heavily focus on" -> "focus heavily on"
    Explanation: Reordering "heavily focus on" to "focus heavily on" corrects the adverb placement for grammatical accuracy.

18. "to invent greener alternative energy sources" -> "to develop greener alternative energy sources"
    Explanation: Replacing "invent" with "develop" is more precise and appropriate in the context of scientific and technological advancements.

19. "the worsening living environment" -> "the deteriorating living environment"
    Explanation: Replacing "worsening" with "deteriorating" provides a more specific and academically suitable term for describing the decline in environmental quality.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both parts of the prompt by discussing the causes of declining quality of life in big cities, specifically overpopulation and its consequences, as well as proposing solutions such as investment in outskirts industries and public transport. However, while the causes are well-explained, the solutions could be more thoroughly developed. For instance, the suggestion of investing in industries on the outskirts is mentioned, but specific examples or further elaboration on how this would effectively reduce urban overpopulation are lacking.
  • How to improve: To enhance this aspect, the writer should ensure that each solution is not only stated but also elaborated upon with clear reasoning and examples. For instance, discussing how improved public transport could connect rural areas to urban job markets would strengthen the argument.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that overpopulation is a significant issue affecting urban living standards and that investment in rural areas is a viable solution. However, the clarity of the position could be improved by ensuring that the argument flows logically and consistently throughout the essay. For example, the transition between discussing causes and solutions could be smoother, as the current structure feels somewhat abrupt.
  • How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position, the writer should use transitional phrases to guide the reader through the argument. Phrases like "In addition to this," or "Furthermore," can help connect ideas and reinforce the overall stance.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a few key ideas, such as overpopulation and pollution, but does not extend or support these ideas sufficiently. For instance, while the essay mentions the stress caused by competition in big cities, it does not provide specific examples or data to illustrate this point. Additionally, the solutions proposed lack depth; the mention of "environmentally friendly research" is vague and could benefit from more specific suggestions or examples of what this might entail.
  • How to improve: To improve this area, the writer should aim to provide more detailed explanations and examples for each point made. Including statistics, real-world examples, or expert opinions can help substantiate claims and make the argument more persuasive.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the causes and solutions related to the declining quality of life in big cities. However, there are moments where the focus wavers, such as when discussing "health problems" without tying it back to the main argument about urban living conditions. This can distract from the main points being made.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates back to the main thesis. It may be helpful to outline the essay before writing to ensure that each paragraph contributes to the overall argument and stays relevant to the prompt.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay could potentially achieve a higher band score in the Task Response criteria.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument regarding the causes and solutions to the declining quality of life in big cities. The introduction effectively outlines the main points, and the body paragraphs follow a logical progression from identifying the causes to suggesting solutions. However, the transition between the cause and solution sections could be smoother. For example, the shift from discussing overpopulation to the proposed investment in outskirts industries lacks a clear linking sentence that ties these ideas together cohesively.
  • How to improve: To enhance the logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect ideas. For instance, after discussing the causes, you might say, "To address these pressing issues, one effective solution is…" This would help guide the reader through your argument more seamlessly.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay is structured into distinct paragraphs, each focusing on a specific aspect of the discussion. The first paragraph introduces the topic and the main cause, while the second paragraph elaborates on solutions. However, the paragraphs could be better developed. The first paragraph, while informative, could benefit from clearer topic sentences and more structured development of ideas. The second paragraph also lacks a clear conclusion or summary of the proposed solutions, which can leave the reader wanting more clarity.
  • How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph begins with a strong topic sentence that clearly states the main idea. Additionally, consider summarizing the key points at the end of each paragraph to reinforce the argument. For example, after discussing the solutions, a concluding sentence could encapsulate how these solutions directly address the issues raised.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "however" and "moreover," to connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices used is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences and ideas could be clearer. For example, the phrase "These factors have influences on both physical and mental heath of the citizens" could be better linked to the previous sentence with a cohesive device that emphasizes the relationship between overpopulation and health issues.
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "in addition," "consequently," "as a result," and "for instance." This will help clarify relationships between ideas and enhance the overall coherence of the essay. Additionally, ensure that each cohesive device is used correctly and effectively to maintain clarity.

By addressing these areas of improvement, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, potentially raising the band score in this criterion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary; however, it often relies on common terms and phrases, which limits its effectiveness. For example, words like "overpopulation," "pollution," and "investment" are repeated without much variation. While these terms are relevant, the essay could benefit from synonyms or related terms to showcase a broader vocabulary range. Phrases such as "living standards" and "quality of life" are used appropriately but could be varied to include terms like "urban living conditions" or "city life challenges."
  • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and varied expressions. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "overpopulation," alternatives like "population density" or "urban crowding" could be employed. Additionally, using more descriptive adjectives (e.g., "deteriorating living conditions" instead of just "low quality") would enrich the language.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage that detract from the clarity of the essay. For example, the phrase "heavy traffic on the roads" could be more accurately described as "congested roadways" or "traffic congestion," which conveys a clearer meaning. Additionally, the term "rivaliries" appears to be a misspelling of "rivalries," which impacts the precision of the language used. The phrase "serious pollution and overpopulation" could be more effectively articulated as "severe pollution and high population density."
  • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys the intended meaning. This can be achieved by reviewing word choices and ensuring they fit the context. Utilizing a thesaurus can help find more precise terms. Furthermore, proofreading for spelling errors and ensuring correct usage of terms will enhance clarity.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors that hinder readability and professionalism. For instance, "urbanlization" should be "urbanization," "rivaliries" should be "rivalries," and "researchs" should be "research." These errors suggest a lack of attention to detail and can negatively impact the overall impression of the essay.
  • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should adopt a proofreading strategy that includes reading the essay aloud, using spell-check tools, and reviewing commonly misspelled words. Additionally, practicing spelling through exercises or flashcards can help reinforce correct spelling in future writing tasks. Regularly writing and revising essays will also improve spelling over time.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of vocabulary, improvements in range, precision, and spelling are necessary to achieve a higher band score in Lexical Resource. By actively expanding vocabulary, ensuring precise word choice, and focusing on spelling accuracy, the writer can enhance the overall quality of their writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of a complex sentence in the introduction ("Despite the development that urbanization offers, the living standards in big cities have noticeably been deteriorating these days.") shows an attempt to incorporate more sophisticated structures. However, the essay largely relies on straightforward sentence constructions, which limits the overall grammatical range. Additionally, there are instances of awkward phrasing and run-on sentences, such as "Moreover, with high number of employees, there are more rivaliries among people, causing more stresses for citizens," which detracts from clarity and effectiveness.
  • How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should practice using a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences throughout the essay. Incorporating more varied conjunctions and relative clauses can help achieve this. For example, instead of saying, "Moreover, with high number of employees, there are more rivaliries among people," the writer could say, "Moreover, as the number of employees increases, rivalries among individuals tend to escalate, leading to heightened stress levels." This not only improves variety but also enhances clarity.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that affect readability. For instance, the phrase "the overpopulation ,yet it can be solved by greater investment" incorrectly uses a comma before "yet," which should be removed. Additionally, there are missing articles and plural forms, such as "high number of employees" (should be "a high number of employees") and "more rivaliries" (should be "more rivalries"). The essay also suffers from inconsistent spacing and punctuation, such as in "urban areas .It must be recognized," where there should be a space after the period.
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading their work for common errors, particularly with punctuation and article usage. Practicing grammar exercises that target specific weaknesses, such as subject-verb agreement and article usage, can also be beneficial. Additionally, reading more academic texts can help the writer internalize correct grammatical structures and punctuation norms. A thorough review of the essay before submission is crucial to catch these errors.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the writer can enhance their grammatical range and accuracy, which will contribute to a higher band score in future IELTS writing tasks.

Bài sửa mẫu

Despite the development that urbanization offers, the living standards in large cities have noticeably deteriorated in recent times. The root cause of this decline is overpopulation; however, it can be addressed through increased investment in industries located on the outskirts of cities. This cause and solution will be outlined specifically.

The principal cause of the low quality of life in large cities is the continuous population growth and migration of people from rural areas to urban centers. It is essential to recognize that cities provide more job and educational opportunities, which are highly attractive to employees, especially young people. Consequently, more individuals prefer to relocate to large cities for work or study, resulting in heavy traffic on the roads and contributing to pollution. Moreover, with a high number of employees, there are increased rivalries among individuals, leading to greater stress for citizens. These factors adversely affect both the physical and mental health of the population. This is particularly evident in many Chinese cities, where serious pollution and overpopulation have led to significant health problems for residents.

However, a solution lies in increased investment in industries on the outskirts of cities. By doing so, residents of rural areas will not need to migrate to urban centers in search of employment. Additionally, increasing investment in public transport can also solve traffic issues and improve residents’ lifestyles. Furthermore, regarding pollution problems, authorities could focus heavily on environmentally friendly research to develop greener alternative energy sources to replace fossil fuels.

In conclusion, the deteriorating living environment, which is related to overpopulation and results in pollution and stress for citizens, can be improved by authorities investing more in rural areas, both in terms of industries and transportation.