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Today, TV channels show more men’s sports than women’s sports. Why is this the case? Should TV channels give equal time to women’s sports and men’s sports?

Today, TV channels show more men’s sports than women’s sports.
Why is this the case? Should TV channels give equal time to women’s sports and men’s sports?

Sports never become an old topic when it is mentioned and these games are popular for everyone at all ages or sexuality. There are some arguments that the duration of women’s sport on air tends to be shorter and less pervasive than men’s sport. In this essay, the writer tends to examine thoroughly the causes as well as propose effective methods for the above-mentioned problem.

It is an undeniable fact that the belief of a contestant’s sexuality has been driving the audiences for a long period of time. In some ancient games, men had more popular attendance in any sport games, and women were believed to be housewives or join a beauty pageant since they are gentle, weak, and they were not respected by anyone in the old society. Now, women’s sports are affected by this long term ideal, then they are not as popular as men’s ones. For example, the final round of the men’s World Cup receives overwhelming coverage by the spectators and audience from all over the world, however, it is recorded lower for the women’s World Cup. Furthermore, because of the higher viewerships, men athletics often invested much greater than women, the fame of them is what the investors need, that would promote advertising brand for business, and they would get more money from a football match played by men rather than women.

To solve the above-mentioned problem, some effective solutions should be proposed. First and foremost, the inequality in the on air duration should be balanced between men and women, women deserve to receive the equal benefits for their dedication for the nation’s sports. Moreover, the
TV programmers should thrust women’s sports into the limelight by advertising to alter public perception over time, better media enables female athletics to raise their income by their effort recognition.

In conclusion, because society is affected by the old horizon in women’s sports, this thing should have changed gradually to open a new era that balanced sports between two different sexualities. Sports do not belong to anyone, they are the possession of the world.


 

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Errors and Improvements:

  1. “Sports never become an old topic when it is mentioned, and these games are popular for everyone at all ages or sexuality.”
    -> “Sports remains a timeless topic and enjoys popularity across all age groups and genders.”
    Explanation: Replacing “never become an old topic” with “remains a timeless topic” adds a more formal and enduring tone. Also, “everyone at all ages or sexuality” is clarified to “across all age groups and genders” for precision.
  2. “There are some arguments that the duration of women’s sport on air tends to be shorter and less pervasive than men’s sport.”
    -> “Arguments suggest that the airtime dedicated to women’s sports is often shorter and less extensive compared to men’s sports.”
    Explanation: The revised sentence maintains formality and clarifies the comparison between the airtime for women’s and men’s sports.
  3. “It is an undeniable fact that the belief of a contestant’s sexuality has been driving the audiences for a long period of time.”
    -> “Undeniably, the audience’s interest in a contestant’s sexuality has been a driving factor for a significant period.”
    Explanation: The revision introduces a more formal structure, replacing “It is an undeniable fact” with “Undeniably,” and rephrasing the sentence for clarity and formality.
  4. “In some ancient games, men had more popular attendance in any sport games, and women were believed to be housewives or join a beauty pageant since they are gentle, weak, and they were not respected by anyone in the old society.”
    -> “In historical sporting events, men typically drew larger crowds, while women were often stereotyped as housewives or participants in beauty pageants due to perceived qualities of gentleness and weakness, leading to a lack of societal respect.”
    Explanation: The revision provides a more sophisticated description of historical gender biases in sports, avoiding overly simplistic language.
  5. “Now, women’s sports are affected by this long-term ideal, then they are not as popular as men’s ones.”
    -> “Presently, women’s sports are influenced by this longstanding ideal, resulting in them not attaining the same level of popularity as men’s sports.”
    Explanation: The revised sentence maintains a formal tone and replaces “Now” with “Presently” for a more academic style.
  6. “For example, the final round of the men’s World Cup receives overwhelming coverage by the spectators and audience from all over the world, however, it is recorded lower for the women’s World Cup.”
    -> “For instance, the final round of the men’s World Cup garners substantial global coverage, whereas the women’s World Cup records comparatively lower viewership.”
    Explanation: The revision enhances formality, replaces casual language, and provides a clearer comparison of viewership between the men’s and women’s World Cups.
  7. “Furthermore, because of the higher viewerships, men athletics often invested much greater than women, the fame of them is what the investors need, that would promote advertising brand for business, and they would get more money from a football match played by men rather than women.”
    -> “Moreover, due to higher viewership, investments in men’s athletics often surpass those in women’s sports. The popularity of men’s sports aligns with investors’ interests, promoting advertising brands for businesses and generating more revenue from a men’s football match compared to a women’s match.”
    Explanation: The revision improves clarity, eliminates redundancy, and replaces informal language with more precise terms.
  8. “To solve the above-mentioned problem, some effective solutions should be proposed.”
    -> “To address the aforementioned issue, viable solutions should be suggested.”
    Explanation: The revision maintains formality and replaces “solve” with “address” for a more appropriate academic tone.
  9. “TV programmers should thrust women’s sports into the limelight by advertising to alter public perception over time, better media enables female athletics to raise their income by their effort recognition.”
    -> “Television programmers should promote women’s sports through advertising to gradually reshape public perception. Enhanced media coverage allows female athletes to increase their income through recognition of their efforts.”
    Explanation: The revision improves clarity, eliminates redundancy, and provides a more precise expression of ideas.
  10. “In conclusion, because society is affected by the old horizon in women’s sports, this thing should have changed gradually to open a new era that balanced sports between two different sexualities.”
    -> “In conclusion, societal perceptions ingrained in women’s sports by traditional perspectives need gradual transformation to usher in a new era of balanced sports representation across genders.”
    Explanation: The revision enhances formality and replaces informal language with a more precise expression of the need for societal change in women’s sports.
  11. “Sports do not belong to anyone, they are the possession of the world.”
    -> “Sports belong to the world and are a collective global asset.”
    Explanation: The revision maintains the sentiment while providing a more formal and concise expression.

 

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

  1. Quoted text: “It is an undeniable fact that the belief of a contestant’s sexuality has been driving the audiences for a long period of time. In some ancient games, men had more popular attendance in any sport games, and women were believed to be housewives or join a beauty pageant since they are gentle, weak, and they were not respected by anyone in the old society. Now, women’s sports are affected by this long term ideal, then they are not as popular as men’s ones.”
    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: The introduction attempts to address the issue by highlighting historical gender stereotypes affecting women’s sports. However, the argument lacks clarity, and the connection to the contemporary broadcasting of sports is somewhat unclear. To enhance the Task Response, it would be beneficial to explicitly link these historical stereotypes to their impact on the unequal airtime for men’s and women’s sports today. For instance, you could elaborate on how these stereotypes influence current perceptions and consequently affect the popularity and coverage of women’s sports.
    • Improved example: “The historical belief associating men with physical prowess and women with domestic roles has cast a long shadow over sports viewership. In ancient times, men dominated sports attendance, while women were confined to societal expectations of gentleness and domesticity. These age-old stereotypes persist, shaping contemporary perceptions and influencing the current disparity in airtime between men’s and women’s sports.”
  2. Quoted text: “Furthermore, because of the higher viewerships, men athletics often invested much greater than women, the fame of them is what the investors need, that would promote advertising brand for business, and they would get more money from a football match played by men rather than women.”
    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: The paragraph attempts to explain the financial aspect of the unequal coverage of men’s and women’s sports. However, the explanation lacks clarity and coherence. To improve, provide more specific examples or details about how men’s sports attract higher viewership and investment. Elaborate on how this financial incentive perpetuates the cycle of unequal coverage. Additionally, focus on articulating the ideas more clearly to avoid confusion.
    • Improved example: “Moreover, the higher viewership of men’s sports translates into increased financial investments. For instance, men’s athletics often attract substantial sponsorships and advertising, generating substantial revenue for businesses. This financial allure creates a cycle where investors prioritize men’s sports, perpetuating the inequality in coverage. A clear example of this is the significantly higher advertising revenue generated by a men’s football match compared to a women’s match.”

Overall, the essay demonstrates a reasonable understanding of the prompt, but improvements in connecting historical stereotypes to the contemporary issue and enhancing clarity in financial explanations are needed to achieve a higher band score.

 

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates some coherence and cohesion but falls short of achieving higher band scores due to several issues.

  1. Organization and Progression: The essay presents information with some organization, but there is a lack of overall progression. The ideas are somewhat scattered and not consistently developed in a logical sequence. This affects the overall coherence of the essay.
  2. Cohesive Devices: The essay makes inadequate use of cohesive devices. While some transitional phrases are used, they are not consistently applied, and their usage is somewhat repetitive. This results in a lack of smooth transitions between ideas and paragraphs.
  3. Paragraphing: The use of paragraphing is generally appropriate, but there are instances where the organization within paragraphs is not entirely clear. For example, the transition from discussing the historical perspective to proposing solutions could be more distinct.
  4. Referencing and Substitution: The essay lacks clear referencing and substitution, making it somewhat repetitive, especially in the section discussing the historical context. Clearer referencing would enhance the cohesion of the essay.

Overall, the essay demonstrates some coherence and cohesion, but there is room for improvement in terms of logical progression, cohesive device usage, and referencing.

How to improve:

  1. Ensure a clear and logical progression of ideas throughout the essay. Each paragraph should build upon the previous one, and there should be a clear structure to follow.
  2. Use a variety of cohesive devices to link ideas and paragraphs. Avoid repetitive transitional phrases and strive for smoother transitions.
  3. Pay attention to referencing and substitution. Use pronouns and other referencing words to connect ideas and reduce repetition.
  4. Review and revise the organization within paragraphs to ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and supports the overall argument effectively.

 

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary for the task. The writer attempts to use less common vocabulary, but there are instances of inaccuracy. For example, the phrase “the belief of a contestant’s sexuality” could be refined for better precision. There are some errors in spelling and word formation, such as “limelight by advertising” which might impede communication. Additionally, there is a lack of fluency and flexibility in conveying precise meanings. The essay could benefit from more sophisticated control of lexical features to enhance overall coherence.

How to improve: To improve the Lexical Resource score, the writer should focus on refining vocabulary choices for greater precision and accuracy. Attention to word choice, collocation, and idiomatic expressions could elevate the essay’s sophistication. Furthermore, proofreading for spelling and word formation errors is essential to enhance overall communication. Developing a more nuanced and varied vocabulary will contribute to achieving a higher band score.

 

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, and the writer attempts to address the prompt by discussing the reasons behind the unequal coverage of men’s and women’s sports. The essay has a generally clear structure, and some sentences are error-free, contributing to the overall communication. However, there are noticeable grammatical errors and awkward phrasing throughout the essay that impact its coherence. For instance, the opening sentence is vague and could be more clearly expressed. Additionally, there are instances of awkward word choices, such as “gentle, weak,” which might not effectively convey the intended meaning.

How to improve:

  1. Focus on clarity and precision in sentence construction. Avoid vague or unclear expressions, especially in the introduction.
  2. Pay attention to word choice to ensure that ideas are conveyed accurately. Consider revising phrases like “gentle, weak” to provide a more nuanced and accurate description.
  3. Proofread for grammatical errors and punctuation to enhance overall accuracy. For example, in the sentence “In conclusion, because society is affected by the old horizon in women’s sports,” the term “horizon” may not be the most appropriate choice, and the sentence structure could be refined for better clarity.

Remember, achieving a higher band score requires greater precision and fluency in language use.

 

Bài sửa mẫu

Sports remains a timeless and universally appealing topic for individuals of all ages and backgrounds. An ongoing debate centers around the observation that women’s sports receive less airtime compared to men’s sports. This essay delves into the root causes of this issue and suggests potential solutions.

Undoubtedly, long-standing perceptions about gender roles have significantly influenced audience preferences. In historical sports events, men often attracted larger crowds, while women were typically associated with domestic roles or beauty pageants due to traditional stereotypes portraying them as gentle and weak. These ingrained ideals persist, impacting the popularity of women’s sports. For instance, the men’s World Cup final enjoys extensive global coverage, while the women’s World Cup final records comparatively lower viewership. Additionally, the higher viewership of men’s athletics leads to greater investments, as sponsors seek the fame associated with male sports, thereby generating more revenue from men’s football matches than women’s.

To address this disparity, effective solutions must be considered. Firstly, there is a need to balance the unequal airtime given to men’s and women’s sports. Women athletes deserve equal recognition for their dedication to national sports. Furthermore, TV broadcasters should actively promote women’s sports to alter public perceptions gradually. Improved media coverage will not only enhance the visibility of female athletes but also contribute to increased income through greater recognition of their efforts.

In conclusion, the enduring influence of traditional gender perspectives has hindered the equitable representation of women in sports. It is imperative to usher in a new era that promotes gender balance in the sporting world. Sports are a global possession, belonging to everyone, and efforts should be made to ensure equal opportunities and recognition for both genders in this shared arena.

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