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Today’s society is increasingly developing but ageism is still a growing problem and cannot be ignored. There are many causes and solutions of this issue

Today’s society is increasingly developing but ageism is still a growing problem and cannot be ignored. There are many causes and solutions of this issue

The problem of ageism has significant impacts on society, and it is crucial to comprehend the cause of this issue and identify solutions to mitigate its effects. The root cause of ageism are numerous, solution should be adopted by each individual and government to mitigate the effects of this trend.

To commence with, one of the root causes of ageism is the negative stereotypes and attitudes towards aging and older people. Young people often perceive older people as frail, forgetful and backward, which can lead to negative attitudes and discrimination. Nowadays, modern technology is increasingly developing strongly, the young generation can easily get acquainted, interact with and use technology quickly and proficiently. However, for the elderly, they are old, no longer agile and very absent-minded, so they cannot use technology like young people. Therefore, the younger generation often has a disdainful and unpleasant attitude toward the elderly, they look down on the older generations.

To remedy the detrimental impacts of ageism, it is imperative to devise and implement efficacious measures. At the macro level, governments should implement policies such as policies and regulations that protect seniors from discrimination in the workplace, housing, and health care. For instance, laws could be enacted to prevent employers from discriminating against older workers in hiring or promotion decisions. Another optimal suggestion to tackle this problem is that organize education and awareness campaigns to eliminate age stereotypes and promote positive attitudes towards aging. At the micro level, the responsibility of each family and each individual should must also be aware of their own actions and call on everyone to have an awareness-raising campaigns about the issue of age discrimination. With prompt action, the adverse consequences of ageism can be mitigated to ensure a sustainable future.

To sum up, ageism is a growing problem in many societies, stemming from stereotypes and negative attitudes towards the elderly. However, solutions exist, like education and awareness campaigns, policies and regulations to protect against discrimination. It is of paramount importance that recognize the value and contributions of all individuals, regardless of their age.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "root cause of ageism are numerous" -> "root causes of ageism are multifaceted"
    Explanation: Replacing "root cause of ageism are numerous" with "root causes of ageism are multifaceted" uses a more precise and formal term, conveying that there are multiple underlying factors contributing to ageism.

  2. "solution should be adopted by each individual and government" -> "solutions should be embraced by individuals and governments"
    Explanation: Changing "solution should be adopted" to "solutions should be embraced" maintains formality and clarity in the sentence while avoiding the informal connotation of "adopted."

  3. "commence with" -> "To begin with"
    Explanation: "Commence with" is less formal and less commonly used in academic writing. "To begin with" is a more appropriate and standard phrase.

  4. "negative attitudes and discrimination" -> "negative attitudes and discriminatory behavior"
    Explanation: Expanding "discrimination" to "discriminatory behavior" clarifies the sentence and adds a more academic tone.

  5. "modern technology is increasingly developing strongly" -> "modern technology is advancing rapidly"
    Explanation: "Modern technology is increasingly developing strongly" is awkward and less formal. "Advancing rapidly" is a more precise and formal way to convey technological progress.

  6. "easily get acquainted, interact with and use technology quickly and proficiently" -> "easily become familiar with, interact with, and proficiently use technology"
    Explanation: The revised phrase uses a more academically appropriate structure and vocabulary while maintaining clarity.

  7. "disdainful and unpleasant attitude toward the elderly" -> "negative and unfavorable attitudes toward the elderly"
    Explanation: Replacing "disdainful and unpleasant" with "negative and unfavorable" is more precise and formal, aligning better with academic language.

  8. "To remedy the detrimental impacts of ageism" -> "To mitigate the adverse effects of ageism"
    Explanation: "To mitigate the adverse effects of ageism" is a more formal and precise expression.

  9. "efficacious measures" -> "effective measures"
    Explanation: "Efficacious" is a less commonly used term and can be replaced with the simpler "effective" without loss of meaning.

  10. "laws could be enacted to prevent employers from discriminating" -> "laws could be implemented to prohibit employers from discriminating"
    Explanation: "Enacted" is replaced with "implemented" to maintain formality and clarity in the sentence.

  11. "Another optimal suggestion to tackle this problem is that organize education and awareness campaigns" -> "Another viable proposal to address this issue is to organize education and awareness campaigns"
    Explanation: "Optimal suggestion" is replaced with "viable proposal" for a more formal tone, and the sentence structure is adjusted for clarity.

  12. "responsibility of each family and each individual should must also be aware" -> "Each family and individual should also take responsibility and be aware"
    Explanation: The revised wording improves clarity and formality by rephrasing the sentence.

  13. "have an awareness-raising campaigns" -> "initiate awareness-raising campaigns"
    Explanation: "Have an awareness-raising campaigns" is awkward phrasing; "initiate awareness-raising campaigns" is more concise and formal.

  14. "adverse consequences of ageism" -> "negative consequences of ageism"
    Explanation: "Adverse" is replaced with "negative" to maintain a formal tone and simplicity.

  15. "It is of paramount importance that recognize the value" -> "It is paramount to recognize the value"
    Explanation: The revised wording is more concise and maintains a formal tone.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

  1. Quoted text: "The root cause of ageism are numerous, solution should be adopted by each individual and government to mitigate the effects of this trend."

    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: The introduction of the essay attempts to address the root causes and solutions of ageism, which is commendable. However, the sentence structure is somewhat confusing. It would be clearer if you separated the discussion of root causes and solutions into distinct sentences. Additionally, the phrase "solution should be adopted by each individual and government" lacks specificity. Instead, you could specify what actions individuals and governments should take to mitigate ageism, providing a more detailed roadmap for your essay.
    • Improved example: "There are numerous root causes of ageism. To address this issue effectively, both individuals and governments should take specific actions. In the following essay, I will explore these root causes and propose actionable solutions at both the micro and macro levels."
  2. Quoted text: "Nowadays, modern technology is increasingly developing strongly, the young generation can easily get acquainted, interact with and use technology quickly and proficiently. However, for the elderly, they are old, no longer agile and very absent-minded, so they cannot use technology like young people. Therefore, the younger generation often has a disdainful and unpleasant attitude toward the elderly, they look down on the older generations."

    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: This paragraph discusses the negative stereotypes and attitudes towards older people, which is relevant to the topic. However, it lacks depth in idea development. Instead of merely stating that young people perceive older people negatively due to technology-related factors, you could provide specific examples or anecdotes to illustrate this point. For instance, you could share a personal experience or a common scenario where ageism is evident in the context of technology use. This would make your argument more persuasive and relatable.
    • Improved example: "In today’s fast-paced world, modern technology plays a pivotal role in our lives. Younger generations often excel in adopting and utilizing technology, which can inadvertently lead to a generation gap. For example, when older individuals struggle to navigate smartphones or social media platforms, younger people might express impatience or frustration. This kind of interaction can reinforce negative stereotypes and attitudes towards the elderly, contributing to ageism."
  3. Quoted text: "With prompt action, the adverse consequences of ageism can be mitigated to ensure a sustainable future."

    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: While your conclusion briefly summarizes the need for action to mitigate ageism, it lacks specificity and depth. It would be more effective to provide a concise overview of the key solutions discussed in the essay, reinforcing their importance. Additionally, consider emphasizing the long-term benefits of combating ageism, such as fostering a more inclusive and harmonious society.
    • Improved example: "In conclusion, addressing ageism requires both immediate and sustained efforts. By implementing policies, raising awareness, and promoting positive attitudes towards aging, we can build a more inclusive society where the contributions of individuals of all ages are valued. This not only ensures a sustainable future but also enriches our communities and promotes intergenerational understanding."

Overall, your essay addresses the task and presents relevant ideas, but there is room for improvement in idea development and clarity of expression. Consider providing specific examples and enhancing the structure of your introduction and conclusion to create a more cohesive and persuasive essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a fairly good level of coherence and cohesion. It logically organizes information and ideas, with a clear progression throughout the essay. The introduction provides an overview of the issue, and subsequent paragraphs follow a logical sequence. There is a clear central topic within each paragraph, focusing on causes and solutions of ageism.

The use of cohesive devices is generally appropriate, although there are some instances of overuse (e.g., "it is crucial to comprehend the cause of this issue and identify solutions to mitigate its effects"). However, these do not significantly impede the overall understanding of the text. Paragraphing is used sufficiently and appropriately, with distinct sections for causes and solutions.

How to improve: To improve coherence and cohesion further, the writer should pay more attention to the balance of cohesive devices. While it’s important to use them for clarity, avoid overloading sentences with too many. Additionally, ensure that referencing and substitution are used consistently and appropriately. Lastly, maintaining a more concise and focused style of writing could enhance the overall coherence.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary for the task. It uses some less common vocabulary, such as "efficacious," "macro level," and "micro level," but there are instances where word choice and collocation could be improved. For example, the sentence "For instance, laws could be enacted to prevent employers from discriminating against older workers in hiring or promotion decisions" could benefit from more precise word choice and structure. Additionally, there are minor errors in word choice and word formation throughout the essay, such as "must" instead of "should," which slightly affect lexical accuracy.

How to improve: To improve the lexical resource, the writer should aim for more precise and varied word choices, paying attention to word collocation. It’s essential to use the appropriate vocabulary in context to convey ideas effectively. Proofreading for word choice and word formation errors would help enhance the overall lexical quality of the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: This essay deserves a band score of 7.0 for Grammatical Range and Accuracy. It demonstrates a commendable use of complex sentence structures and a good overall control of grammar and punctuation. Most sentences are error-free, and the writer effectively conveys their ideas with clarity.

The essay employs a variety of complex structures, such as subordinate clauses and compound sentences, which contribute to its overall fluency. It also maintains a consistent and appropriate tone throughout the text. While there are a few minor grammatical errors, they do not significantly hinder communication, and they can be considered occasional ‘slips.’ For example, there’s a minor punctuation issue in the phrase, "policies and regulations that protect seniors from discrimination in the workplace, housing, and health care," where a comma should be added after "workplace" for clarity.

How to improve: To further improve and reach a Band 8 level, the writer should aim to eliminate these occasional errors, ensuring even greater accuracy in grammar and punctuation. Additionally, enhancing the complexity and diversity of sentence structures, as well as refining the use of transitional words and phrases, can lead to an even stronger essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

The issue of ageism has significant impacts on our society, and it is crucial to understand its causes and identify potential solutions to reduce its effects. There are several root causes of ageism, and it is essential for both individuals and governments to take action to address this problem.

To begin with, one of the main causes of ageism is the negative stereotypes and attitudes towards aging and older individuals. Young people often view older people as frail, forgetful, and backward, leading to negative attitudes and discrimination. In today’s rapidly advancing technological landscape, young generations are proficient in using technology, while older individuals may struggle to keep up. This technology gap can further exacerbate the disdainful and unfavorable attitude that younger generations may hold towards the elderly.

To address the detrimental impacts of ageism, it is imperative to implement effective measures. At the governmental level, policies and regulations should be put in place to protect seniors from discrimination in various aspects of life, including the workplace, housing, and healthcare. For example, laws could be enacted to prevent employers from discriminating against older workers during hiring or promotions. Additionally, organizing education and awareness campaigns can help eliminate age-related stereotypes and promote positive attitudes towards aging.

At the individual and family level, it is essential for each person to be aware of their own actions and to promote awareness campaigns regarding age discrimination. Taking prompt action at all levels can help mitigate the adverse consequences of ageism and ensure a more inclusive and sustainable future.

In conclusion, ageism is a growing problem in many societies, primarily driven by stereotypes and negative attitudes towards the elderly. However, there are practical solutions available, such as education and awareness campaigns and the implementation of policies and regulations to combat discrimination. It is of utmost importance that we recognize the value and contributions of individuals of all ages, fostering a society that respects and includes everyone, regardless of their age.

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