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TOPIC: LIVING WITH EXTENDED FAMILY HELPS BRIDGE THE GENERATION GAP. To what extend do you agree or disagree or disagree?

TOPIC: LIVING WITH EXTENDED FAMILY HELPS BRIDGE THE GENERATION GAP. To what extend do you agree or disagree or disagree?

The generation gap is a prevalant phenomenon[1]  between people in different generations referring to[2]  the differences in perspectives, values and lifestyles. Some people argue that living with extended family is an effective means of bridging the generation gap[3] . From my point of view, I totally agree with this statement and this essay will explain the reasons[4] .
Firstly, living with extended family provides opportunities[5]  for constant interaction between members. Intergenerational dialogue, from mealtimes to leisure activities is a great activity for sharing stories, opinions and life lessons building among people in distinct age groups For example, sharing about the different fashion preferences at meal can raise empathy, mutual respect,. As a result, these regular exchanges lead to improvements and deeper understanding of their belief gap[6] .However, there would be sometimes happened conflicts and disagreements due to the gap.
On top of fostering frequent communication , generation gap can be eleminated thanks to offering practical cares and love from each generations in a family. While the young members can receive advice and supports, they also be taught with soft skills[7]  from the older ones. To take adapting university as an example, parent can offer advice to their children on suitable discipline[8] . Additionally, younger generations can also provide physical and emotional support to their elders[9] .
In conclusion, providing constant interaction and practical support are the  key benefits[10]  of extended family to close generation gap. I believe that by doing these, our family bonds and  sense of belonging wil be more strengthening


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "prevalant" -> "prevalent"
    Explanation: "Prevalent" is the correct form of the word, which means widely found or common, whereas "prevalant" is a typographical error.

  2. "referring to" -> "referring to"
    Explanation: The phrase "referring to" is redundant in this context. The sentence can be simplified to "between people in different generations, referring to the differences in perspectives, values, and lifestyles."

  3. "living with extended family" -> "living with extended family members"
    Explanation: Adding "members" clarifies that the context is about the individuals within the extended family, enhancing the precision of the statement.

  4. "I totally agree" -> "I strongly agree"
    Explanation: "Totally" is somewhat informal and vague in academic writing. "Strongly" is more appropriate and formal, fitting the academic tone better.

  5. "provides opportunities" -> "offers opportunities"
    Explanation: "Offers" is a more formal synonym for "provides," aligning better with academic language standards.

  6. "building among people" -> "among people"
    Explanation: The phrase "building among people" is awkward and unclear. Removing "building" simplifies and clarifies the sentence structure.

  7. "there would be sometimes happened conflicts" -> "there may be conflicts"
    Explanation: "There would be sometimes happened conflicts" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. "There may be conflicts" is grammatically correct and more formal.

  8. "eleminated" -> "eliminated"
    Explanation: "Eliminated" is the correct spelling, not "eleminated," which is a typographical error.

  9. "be taught with soft skills" -> "be taught soft skills"
    Explanation: "Be taught with soft skills" is grammatically incorrect. "Be taught soft skills" is the correct form, making the sentence grammatically sound.

  10. "key benefits" -> "key benefits"
    Explanation: The word "key" is correct, but it could be enhanced by specifying what these benefits are, such as "key benefits in bridging the generation gap."

  11. "sense of belonging wil be more strengthening" -> "sense of belonging will be strengthened"
    Explanation: "Wil" is a typographical error and should be "will." Additionally, "more strengthening" is incorrect; "strengthened" is the correct form of the verb needed here.

These changes enhance the formal tone, correct grammatical errors, and improve the clarity and precision of the essay.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by stating a clear agreement with the idea that living with extended family helps bridge the generation gap. The introduction outlines the topic and the writer’s position, while the body paragraphs present arguments supporting this view. However, the essay could benefit from explicitly acknowledging the counterargument or presenting a more nuanced perspective on the potential downsides of living with extended family, such as conflicts or differing values, which are briefly mentioned but not explored in depth.
    • How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should consider including a counterargument or at least acknowledging the complexities of the issue. This could involve discussing potential challenges of living with extended family, which would provide a more balanced view and demonstrate critical thinking.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The position is clear from the outset, with the writer stating agreement with the prompt. The essay maintains this stance throughout, although some sentences could be clearer. For instance, the phrase "there would be sometimes happened conflicts" is awkwardly constructed and detracts from the clarity of the position. Additionally, the conclusion reiterates the main points but could be more assertive in restating the writer’s agreement.
    • How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should ensure that all sentences are grammatically correct and clearly articulated. Strengthening the conclusion by explicitly reaffirming the position can also enhance clarity.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the benefits of intergenerational dialogue and the exchange of support between generations. However, some points lack depth and specific examples. For instance, the mention of "sharing about the different fashion preferences" is vague and could be elaborated with a more relatable example. Additionally, the phrase "soft skills" is mentioned without explanation, which may leave readers unclear about what specific skills are being referred to.
    • How to improve: To improve this aspect, the writer should aim to provide more detailed examples and explanations for each point made. Expanding on the implications of these interactions and providing specific instances of how they manifest in real life would strengthen the argument.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the benefits of living with extended family in bridging the generation gap. However, there are moments where the focus wavers, such as the mention of conflicts without a clear connection to how these conflicts impact the generation gap. This could confuse readers regarding the main argument.
    • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates back to the central argument. It may help to outline the essay before writing to ensure that each paragraph contributes to the overall thesis. Additionally, any mention of potential drawbacks should be tied back to how they relate to the generation gap, either as a counterpoint or as a consideration in the overall argument.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a clear position, there is room for improvement in depth of argumentation, clarity of expression, and maintaining focus throughout the discussion.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument in favor of living with extended family as a means to bridge the generation gap. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, stating the writer’s position. However, the organization within paragraphs could be improved. For instance, the first body paragraph begins with a strong point about interaction but lacks a clear transition to the example provided. The flow of ideas could be enhanced by ensuring that each point is fully developed before moving on to the next.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using clear topic sentences for each paragraph that outline the main idea. Additionally, ensure that examples directly support the points made. For instance, after stating that "intergenerational dialogue is a great activity for sharing stories," follow up with a more structured example that directly illustrates this point, perhaps by detailing a specific family interaction that exemplifies this dialogue.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs appropriately to separate different ideas, which is a strength. However, the second body paragraph could benefit from clearer structure. It begins with a general statement but quickly shifts to examples without a smooth transition. The conclusion also feels somewhat abrupt and could be better integrated with the preceding content.
    • How to improve: To improve paragraph structure, ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea. Use linking phrases to connect ideas within and between paragraphs. For example, in the second body paragraph, after discussing practical care, a transition such as "In addition to emotional support, younger generations also play a crucial role in…" could help guide the reader more effectively.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "On top of," and "Additionally." However, there are instances where the use of cohesive devices is either repetitive or awkward. For example, the phrase "from mealtimes to leisure activities" could be better connected to the subsequent sentence to enhance clarity. Additionally, some sentences lack appropriate punctuation, which can hinder the flow of ideas.
    • How to improve: To diversify and effectively use cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "Furthermore," "Moreover," or "Conversely" to introduce contrasting ideas. Additionally, pay attention to punctuation to ensure that sentences are clear and fluid. For example, revising "As a result, these regular exchanges lead to improvements and deeper understanding of their belief gap" to "As a result, these regular exchanges lead to improvements and a deeper understanding of the belief gap" would enhance clarity.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, focusing on improving the logical flow, paragraph structure, and the variety of cohesive devices will help elevate the score in Coherence and Cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates an attempt to use a variety of vocabulary related to the topic of family and generational differences. Phrases like "intergenerational dialogue," "mutual respect," and "practical support" indicate a good effort to incorporate relevant terminology. However, the range is somewhat limited, as there are repetitive phrases and a lack of synonyms, which could enhance the richness of the language. For instance, the term "generation gap" is used multiple times without variation.
    • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should consider using synonyms or paraphrasing key terms. For example, instead of repeatedly using "generation gap," alternatives like "intergenerational divide" or "age-related differences" could be employed. Additionally, incorporating more descriptive adjectives or adverbs could add depth to the writing.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: While the essay includes some precise vocabulary, there are instances of imprecise usage that detract from clarity. For example, the phrase "sharing about the different fashion preferences at meal" is awkward and unclear. The intended meaning seems to be that discussing fashion preferences during meals can foster understanding, but the wording muddles this idea. Additionally, the phrase "these regular exchanges lead to improvements and deeper understanding of their belief gap" is vague and could be more specific about what "improvements" entail.
    • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on clarity and specificity. Instead of saying "sharing about the different fashion preferences," a more precise construction could be "discussing varying fashion preferences during meals." Furthermore, elaborating on what "improvements" means in the context of understanding beliefs would enhance clarity.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors that affect the overall impression. Words like "prevalant" (should be "prevalent"), "eleminated" (should be "eliminated"), and "wil" (should be "will") indicate a need for greater attention to spelling. These errors can distract the reader and undermine the writer’s credibility.
    • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should adopt a proofreading strategy after completing the essay. This could involve reading the essay aloud to catch errors or using spell-check tools. Additionally, practicing commonly misspelled words and familiarizing oneself with the correct spelling of key vocabulary related to the topic can be beneficial.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a commendable effort in addressing the topic with relevant vocabulary, improvements in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling are necessary to achieve a higher band score. By incorporating more varied language, ensuring clarity in word choice, and focusing on spelling accuracy, the writer can enhance the overall quality of their writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures. For instance, the writer employs simple sentences such as "Some people argue that living with extended family is an effective means of bridging the generation gap." Additionally, there are some compound sentences, like "While the young members can receive advice and supports, they also be taught with soft skills." However, the use of complex sentences is limited, and there are instances of awkward phrasing, such as "there would be sometimes happened conflicts," which detracts from clarity.
    • How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should incorporate more complex sentences that combine independent and dependent clauses. For example, instead of saying, "While the young members can receive advice and supports," the writer could say, "While the young members can receive advice and support from their elders, they also have the opportunity to teach them valuable life skills." Practicing the use of relative clauses, conditional sentences, and varying sentence beginnings can also help diversify the writing style.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that affect its overall clarity. For example, "prevalant" should be "prevalent," and "eleminated" should be "eliminated." Additionally, the phrase "sharing about the different fashion preferences at meal" is awkwardly constructed; it would be clearer as "sharing different fashion preferences during meals." Punctuation errors include the incorrect placement of commas, such as in "mutual respect,." which should not have a period following the comma. Furthermore, the phrase "the gap" at the end of the first paragraph is vague and could be more specific.
    • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should review common grammatical rules, particularly focusing on verb forms and subject-verb agreement. For punctuation, practicing the correct use of commas, periods, and conjunctions will be beneficial. Additionally, proofreading the essay for spelling errors and awkward phrasing can help enhance clarity. Utilizing grammar-checking tools or seeking feedback from peers can also aid in identifying and correcting these issues before submission.

Overall, while the essay presents a clear argument and some relevant examples, addressing the identified weaknesses in grammatical range and accuracy will help elevate the score in future writing tasks.

Bài sửa mẫu

The generation gap is a prevalent phenomenon among people in different generations, referring to the differences in perspectives, values, and lifestyles. Some individuals argue that living with extended family is an effective means of bridging this generation gap. From my point of view, I strongly agree with this statement, and this essay will explain the reasons.

Firstly, living with extended family offers opportunities for constant interaction between family members. Intergenerational dialogue, from mealtimes to leisure activities, provides a great platform for sharing stories, opinions, and life lessons among people in distinct age groups. For example, discussing different fashion preferences during meals can foster empathy and mutual respect. As a result, these regular exchanges lead to improvements in understanding and a deeper comprehension of their belief gaps. However, there may be conflicts and disagreements at times due to these differences.

On top of fostering frequent communication, the generation gap can be eliminated by offering practical care and love from each generation within a family. While younger members can receive advice and support, they can also be taught soft skills by the older generations. For instance, when adapting to university life, parents can offer valuable advice to their children on suitable disciplines. Additionally, younger generations can provide physical and emotional support to their elders.

In conclusion, providing constant interaction and practical support are key benefits of living with extended family that help close the generation gap. I believe that by fostering these connections, our family bonds and sense of belonging will be strengthened.

Bài viết liên quan

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more accessible. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more…

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