Topic: Museums and art galleries should concentrate on works that show the history and culture of their own country rather than works from the other parts of the world. To what extent do you agree or disagree ?

Some argue that the priority of displaying their own country’s arts and historical products in museums and exhibitions is more crucial than showing something that belongs to other nations. From my point of view, I believe that both viewpoints are equally reasonable.
On the one hand, there are several benefits of prioritizing artifacts and works of national value in a country's museums.Firstly, those kinds of areas have been a place where people come to honor indigenous history and culture. People will be conveyed a deeper knowledge of their country, associated with the toughest period of special events that the country had been through.By going to exhibitions, it would help people to promote a sense of national pride and also serve as educational purpose for the following generations, which means that descendants can have a chance to grasp of their origin and ancestors’s merits. To exemplify,in Viet Nam, there was a remarkable threat of losing long-standing cultures in some ethnic groups several years ago. Thanks to the government’s contributions, many new exhibitions were constructed with the purpose of storing and preserving near-extinct cultural diversity of those groups.
However, presenting international works of art also has several values. Simply put, this accessibility not only seems to bring more opportunities to gain knowledge and insight into other cultures, but also diversify the content of museums and art galleries. Admittedly, there are currently fewer visitors coming to the art galleries due to the limitation of updating novelty collections and changes, leading to the boring feeling of people. For that reason, works from other corners of the globe will add more appealing arts and attract more visitors to those places. In addition, it could create a clear picture about the study of historical events, interactions, and developments from a worldwide perspective, especially for those people who tend to travel less and are unable to connect to the world via social media.
To sum up, even national artifacts and works of art presented in museums and exhibitions play a vital role in an inhabitant's life. The integration of global history and culture also bring extra benefits such as attracting more visitors or gaining new knowledge.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Some argue" -> "Some scholars argue"
Explanation: Replacing "Some argue" with "Some scholars argue" specifies the source of the argument, enhancing the academic tone by implying a more informed and authoritative perspective.
"displaying their own country’s arts and historical products" -> "displaying their nation’s artistic and historical artifacts"
Explanation: "Artistic and historical artifacts" is a more precise and formal term than "arts and historical products," which sounds vague and informal.
"more crucial" -> "more significant"
Explanation: "More significant" is a more formal and academically appropriate term than "more crucial" in this context, which can imply a sense of urgency that may not be intended.
"both viewpoints are equally reasonable" -> "both perspectives are equally valid"
Explanation: "Perspectives" is a more academic term than "viewpoints," and "valid" is more precise than "reasonable" in an academic context, where evidence-based arguments are typically considered.
"those kinds of areas" -> "these types of institutions"
Explanation: "These types of institutions" is more specific and formal than "those kinds of areas," which is vague and informal.
"People will be conveyed a deeper knowledge" -> "Visitors will gain a deeper understanding"
Explanation: "Visitors will gain a deeper understanding" is more precise and formal than "People will be conveyed a deeper knowledge," which is awkwardly phrased and less formal.
"the toughest period of special events" -> "the most challenging periods of significant events"
Explanation: "The most challenging periods of significant events" is more precise and formal, avoiding the colloquialism "toughest."
"serve as educational purpose" -> "serve as an educational purpose"
Explanation: Adding "an" before "educational purpose" corrects the grammatical error and maintains the formal tone.
"descendants can have a chance to grasp of their origin" -> "descendants can gain insight into their heritage"
Explanation: "Gain insight into their heritage" is more precise and formal than "have a chance to grasp of their origin," which is awkward and informal.
"near-extinct cultural diversity" -> "near-extinct cultural heritage"
Explanation: "Cultural heritage" is a more appropriate term than "cultural diversity" in this context, as it refers specifically to the cultural aspects of a group.
"Simply put" -> "In essence"
Explanation: "In essence" is a more formal and academic phrase than "Simply put," which is too conversational for academic writing.
"bring more opportunities to gain knowledge and insight" -> "offer more opportunities for gaining knowledge and insight"
Explanation: "Offer more opportunities for gaining knowledge and insight" is more formal and precise than "bring more opportunities to gain knowledge and insight."
"diversify the content of museums and art galleries" -> "enhance the diversity of museum and gallery content"
Explanation: "Enhance the diversity of museum and gallery content" is a more formal and precise way to express the idea of increasing variety in exhibits.
"due to the limitation of updating novelty collections and changes" -> "due to the limitations of updating and introducing new exhibits"
Explanation: "Due to the limitations of updating and introducing new exhibits" is clearer and more formal than "due to the limitation of updating novelty collections and changes."
"boring feeling of people" -> "perception of monotony among visitors"
Explanation: "Perception of monotony among visitors" is more formal and specific than "boring feeling of people," which is too informal and vague.
"bring extra benefits" -> "offer additional benefits"
Explanation: "Offer additional benefits" is more formal and precise than "bring extra benefits," which is colloquial.

These changes enhance the academic tone and precision of the essay, aligning it more closely with formal academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both sides of the argument regarding the focus of museums and art galleries. The author presents the benefits of prioritizing national artifacts and also acknowledges the value of international works. This balanced approach demonstrates a comprehensive understanding of the topic. However, the essay could benefit from a clearer indication of the writer’s stance on the extent of agreement or disagreement, as the phrase "both viewpoints are equally reasonable" may leave the reader uncertain about the author’s ultimate position.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should explicitly state their position in the introduction and reinforce it in the conclusion. For instance, they could clarify whether they lean slightly more towards one side or if they believe a balance is essential, thus providing a clearer answer to the prompt.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay presents both sides of the argument, the clarity of the author’s position is somewhat diluted. The phrase "both viewpoints are equally reasonable" suggests neutrality, which may not fully satisfy the requirement for a clear position. The essay does not consistently reinforce a specific stance throughout, which can lead to ambiguity regarding the author’s perspective.
- How to improve: The author should aim to maintain a consistent position throughout the essay. This can be achieved by using more definitive language to express agreement or disagreement with the prompt. Additionally, reiterating the chosen stance in each body paragraph can help reinforce the position and guide the reader through the argument.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several relevant ideas, such as the importance of national pride and the educational value of museums. The examples provided, particularly the reference to Vietnam’s cultural preservation efforts, effectively support the argument for prioritizing national artifacts. However, the essay could benefit from more elaboration on the international perspective, as the discussion on the benefits of showcasing global art feels less developed.
- How to improve: To strengthen the essay, the author should aim to provide more detailed examples and explanations for both sides of the argument. For instance, they could include specific examples of successful international exhibitions or discuss how exposure to foreign art can foster cultural understanding. This would enhance the depth of the analysis and provide a more balanced view.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains largely focused on the topic, discussing the roles of national and international works in museums. However, there are moments where the discussion could be more tightly aligned with the prompt. For example, the mention of fewer visitors due to limited novelty collections, while relevant, could be more directly tied back to the argument about the importance of showcasing international works.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the author should ensure that every point made directly relates back to the prompt. They could achieve this by explicitly linking each argument to the central question of whether museums should prioritize national versus international works. This would help to keep the discussion relevant and strengthen the overall coherence of the essay.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the topic and presents relevant arguments, it could be improved by clarifying the author’s position, providing more detailed support for both sides, and ensuring that all points are directly tied to the prompt.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument structure, with an introduction that outlines the topic and the writer’s stance, followed by two main body paragraphs that discuss the benefits of both national and international art displays. The logical flow is generally maintained, as the points are presented in a way that builds upon each other. However, the transition between the two main arguments could be smoother. For instance, the shift from discussing national artifacts to international works feels somewhat abrupt, and the connection between these ideas could be more explicitly stated.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly link the two perspectives. For example, phrases like "On the other hand" or "Conversely" can help signal a shift in focus while also reinforcing the relationship between the two arguments. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that summarizes the main idea can help guide the reader through the essay more effectively.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct aspect of the argument. The first paragraph discusses the benefits of prioritizing national artifacts, while the second addresses the value of international works. However, the concluding paragraph could be better structured to summarize the key points made in the body paragraphs and reinforce the writer’s position.
- How to improve: To improve paragraphing, ensure that each paragraph contains a clear topic sentence and that the concluding paragraph succinctly summarizes the main arguments presented. This could involve restating the main points made about national and international art displays and then clearly stating the writer’s overall stance in a more definitive manner.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay incorporates some cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "However," and "To sum up," which help to guide the reader through the text. However, the range of cohesive devices used is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between ideas could be made clearer. For example, the use of "For that reason" is effective, but more varied devices could enhance the overall cohesion of the essay.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "Furthermore," "In addition," and "Moreover" to add depth to the arguments. Additionally, using pronouns and synonyms can help to avoid repetition and maintain the flow of ideas. For example, instead of repeatedly using "artifacts," you might refer to them as "these items" or "such works" in subsequent mentions.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, ultimately enhancing its overall effectiveness in communicating the writer’s argument.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "artifacts," "indigenous history," and "cultural diversity" being effectively employed. However, the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive and lacks variety in expression. For instance, the phrase "works of art" is used multiple times without variation, which could limit the overall lexical richness of the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance lexical variety, consider using synonyms or related phrases. Instead of repeatedly saying "works of art," alternatives like "artistic creations," "cultural artifacts," or "artistic expressions" could be used. Additionally, incorporating more advanced vocabulary related to the topic, such as "curation," "exhibition," or "cultural heritage," would elevate the essay’s language.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains some instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "grasp of their origin and ancestors’s merits" is somewhat awkward and could be clearer. The term "merits" may not effectively convey the intended meaning, which seems to relate more to "heritage" or "contributions."
- How to improve: Focus on using vocabulary that accurately reflects the intended meaning. In the example mentioned, replacing "merits" with "heritage" or "contributions" would enhance clarity. Additionally, ensure that phrases are grammatically correct; for instance, "ancestors’s" should be corrected to "ancestors’" to reflect proper possessive form.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates good spelling, but there are a few errors that detract from the overall quality. For instance, "Viet Nam" should be consistently spelled as "Vietnam" to align with standard English usage. Additionally, "near-extinct" is a somewhat awkward phrase; "endangered" might be a more appropriate term.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, it is advisable to proofread the essay carefully before submission. Utilizing spell-check tools or apps can also help identify and correct spelling mistakes. Furthermore, familiarizing oneself with the correct spelling of proper nouns and commonly used terms in the context of the essay topic will enhance overall accuracy.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and employs a fair range of vocabulary, there are clear areas for improvement in terms of lexical variety, precision, and spelling accuracy. By addressing these aspects, the essay can achieve a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex and compound sentences. For instance, phrases like "there are several benefits of prioritizing artifacts and works of national value" and "this accessibility not only seems to bring more opportunities to gain knowledge and insight into other cultures, but also diversify the content of museums and art galleries" showcase the use of subordinate clauses and conjunctions effectively. However, there are instances of repetitive structures, such as beginning multiple sentences with "there are" or "it could," which can detract from the overall variety.
- How to improve: To enhance the diversity of sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more varied sentence openings and use different grammatical forms. For example, instead of starting sentences with "there are," the writer could use introductory phrases or clauses, such as "One significant benefit is…" or "By prioritizing national artifacts, museums can…". Additionally, incorporating more passive voice constructions or conditional sentences could further enrich the essay’s grammatical range.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are some noticeable errors that affect clarity. For example, the phrase "associated with the toughest period of special events that the country had been through" is awkwardly constructed and could be more clearly expressed. Additionally, there are punctuation issues, such as missing spaces after commas (e.g., "exhibitions were constructed with the purpose of storing and preserving near-extinct cultural diversity of those groups.") and inconsistent use of apostrophes in possessive forms (e.g., "ancestors’s merits" should be "ancestors’ merits").
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should review the rules of punctuation, particularly focusing on comma placement and the use of apostrophes. A thorough proofreading process can help identify and correct these errors. Moreover, the writer could benefit from revisiting complex sentence structures to ensure clarity and coherence. For instance, rephrasing convoluted sentences to make them more straightforward can enhance understanding, such as changing "associated with the toughest period of special events that the country had been through" to "which relate to significant historical events the country has experienced."

By addressing these areas, the writer can enhance the overall quality of their essay, potentially raising their band score in Grammatical Range and Accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

Some scholars argue that the priority of displaying their own country’s arts and historical artifacts in museums and exhibitions is more significant than showing works that belong to other nations. From my point of view, I believe that both perspectives are equally valid.

On the one hand, there are several benefits to prioritizing artifacts and works of national value in a country’s museums. Firstly, these types of institutions have been places where people come to honor indigenous history and culture. Visitors will gain a deeper understanding of their country, associated with the most challenging periods of significant events that the country has been through. By going to exhibitions, it helps people promote a sense of national pride and also serves an educational purpose for future generations, which means that descendants can gain insight into their heritage and ancestors’ merits. To exemplify, in Viet Nam, there was a remarkable threat of losing long-standing cultures in some ethnic groups several years ago. Thanks to the government’s contributions, many new exhibitions were constructed with the purpose of storing and preserving near-extinct cultural diversity of those groups.

However, presenting international works of art also has several values. Simply put, this accessibility not only offers more opportunities for gaining knowledge and insight into other cultures but also enhances the diversity of museum and gallery content. Admittedly, there are currently fewer visitors coming to the art galleries due to the limitations of updating and introducing new exhibits, leading to a perception of monotony among visitors. For that reason, works from other corners of the globe will add more appealing arts and attract more visitors to those places. In addition, it could create a clear picture of the study of historical events, interactions, and developments from a worldwide perspective, especially for those who tend to travel less and are unable to connect to the world via social media.

In essence, while national artifacts and works of art presented in museums and exhibitions play a vital role in an inhabitant’s life, the integration of global history and culture also offers additional benefits, such as attracting more visitors and providing new knowledge.