Topic: some people believe that university tuition fees should be free for all students.

Topic: some people believe that university tuition fees should be free for all students.

One school of thought holds that the money paid for educational purpoes shoul be free for all individuals who engaged in higher education. Despite One school of thought holds that the money paid for educational purpoes shoul be free for all individuals who engaged in higher education. Despite acknowledging the reasons behind this thinking, i would argue against this proposal due to the finacial burden caused to the government.

The proponents of tuition fees should be free for all students could cite some justifications. The principal reason is that this proposal can help the students reduce the risk of financial burden. They will have more time to relax, hanging out with family or friends instead of doing some part-time job which helps them afford the university fee, such as cashier, labor or waiter. In addition, staying away from financial burden is one of the best ways to reduce crime rate. This is because students find it hard to reject the illegal request which can bring them a large amount of money, especially the female pupils.

Despite the above-mentioned perks of free tuition for pupils, I still believe that this proposal still has some limits. This leads to inequality among students. The wealthy students should not receive this privilege due to the fact that they have the ability to pay for the tuition without support from the university. Moreover, the government will have to spend a huge amount of budget or rise the taxes on people to run the university such as, pay salaries to lectures and staff, facility maintenance or annually extracurricular.

In conclusion, albeit there are several benefits of miễn phí the fee for university students, I contend that it is impossible to launch this proposal in light of ( trong bối cảnh ) the moneytary issues for the government ( 274)

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "One school of thought holds that the money paid for educational purpoes shoul be free for all individuals who engaged in higher education." -> "One school of thought advocates that educational funding should be free for all individuals pursuing higher education."
   Explanation: Correcting "purpoes" to "purposes" and "shoul" to "should" addresses spelling and grammatical errors. Replacing "engaged in" with "pursuing" refines the phrasing to better suit academic style, which typically uses more formal vocabulary.

2. "i would argue" -> "I would argue"
   Explanation: Capitalizing "I" corrects the grammatical error of lowercase "i" in formal writing.

3. "finacial" -> "financial"
   Explanation: Corrects the spelling error from "finacial" to "financial."

4. "The proponents of tuition fees should be free for all students could cite some justifications." -> "Proponents of tuition-free education could argue that there are several justifications."
   Explanation: Replacing "The proponents of tuition fees should be free for all students could cite some justifications" with "Proponents of tuition-free education could argue that there are several justifications" improves clarity and formality by using a more precise and academically appropriate structure.

5. "hanging out with family or friends" -> "spending time with family or friends"
   Explanation: Replacing "hanging out" with "spending time" refines the language to be more formal and appropriate for an academic context.

6. "doing some part-time job" -> "taking on part-time employment"
   Explanation: "Taking on part-time employment" is more formal and precise than "doing some part-time job."

7. "cashier, labor or waiter" -> "cashier, laborer, or waiter"
   Explanation: Corrects the grammatical error in "labor" to "laborer" for proper noun usage.

8. "staying away from financial burden" -> "avoiding financial burdens"
   Explanation: "Avoiding financial burdens" is a more precise and formal way to express the idea of reducing financial stress.

9. "This is because students find it hard to reject the illegal request" -> "This is because students may be tempted to decline illegal requests"
   Explanation: "May be tempted to decline" is a more precise and formal way to express the potential vulnerability of students to illegal requests.

10. "the wealthy students should not receive this privilege" -> "wealthy students should not be entitled to this privilege"
    Explanation: "Be entitled to" is more formal and appropriate for academic writing than "receive."

11. "the government will have to spend a huge amount of budget or rise the taxes on people" -> "the government would need to allocate a significant budget or increase taxes"
    Explanation: "Allocate a significant budget or increase taxes" is more precise and formal, avoiding the colloquial "rise the taxes on people."

12. "pay salaries to lectures and staff, facility maintenance or annually extracurricular" -> "pay salaries to lecturers and staff, maintain facilities, and fund extracurricular activities"
    Explanation: Corrects "lectures" to "lecturers" and "facility maintenance or annually extracurricular" to "maintain facilities, and fund extracurricular activities" for grammatical accuracy and clarity.

13. "miền phí the fee for university students" -> "abolish tuition fees for university students"
    Explanation: "Abolish" is a more precise and formal term than "miền phí," which is likely a typographical error or a non-standard term.

14. "in light of ( trong bối cảnh ) the moneytary issues for the government" -> "considering the financial constraints on the government"
    Explanation: Replacing "in light of (trong bối cảnh) the moneytary issues" with "considering the financial constraints" corrects the Vietnamese phrase and uses more formal vocabulary.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both sides of the argument regarding free university tuition fees. It acknowledges the reasons for supporting free tuition, such as reducing financial burdens and potentially lowering crime rates among students. However, the essay primarily focuses on the counterarguments, emphasizing the financial implications for the government and the potential inequality it could create. While it does touch on both perspectives, the support for the opposing view could be more robust.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, the essay could benefit from a more balanced exploration of both sides. The author should provide more detailed examples or statistics to support the arguments for free tuition, ensuring that these points are as well-developed as the counterarguments. This could involve discussing successful models of free education in other countries or the long-term economic benefits of an educated populace.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position against the proposal for free tuition fees, stating that it would place a financial burden on the government. However, the initial sentence is somewhat confusing due to grammatical errors, which may obscure the author’s stance. The position is maintained throughout the essay, but the clarity could be improved.
  • How to improve: To maintain a clearer position, the author should ensure that the introduction clearly states their viewpoint without ambiguity. Additionally, using transitional phrases can help reinforce the position throughout the essay, guiding the reader through the argument more effectively.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the financial burden on the government and the potential for inequality among students. However, some points lack depth and sufficient support. For instance, the claim regarding crime rates is mentioned but not elaborated upon, leaving the reader wanting more context or evidence.
  • How to improve: To strengthen the presentation and support of ideas, the author should aim to elaborate on each point made. This could involve providing specific examples, data, or expert opinions that substantiate the claims. For instance, discussing how free tuition has impacted crime rates in specific regions or countries could provide a stronger basis for the argument.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the debate surrounding free university tuition fees. However, there are moments where the connection between ideas could be clearer. For example, the mention of "female pupils" in the context of crime rates feels somewhat out of place and could confuse the reader.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, the author should ensure that all points made are directly relevant to the central argument. It would be beneficial to avoid introducing ideas that do not directly support the thesis or that could detract from the main argument. Each paragraph should clearly relate back to the central question of whether tuition fees should be free.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a clear argument, improvements in clarity, depth of support, and balance between perspectives could elevate the score further.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument against the proposal of free university tuition fees, which is a strong point. The introduction outlines the writer’s stance and briefly mentions the opposing viewpoint, which is effective in setting the stage for the discussion. The body paragraphs are structured to first present the arguments in favor of free tuition and then counter them with the writer’s perspective. However, the logical flow is occasionally disrupted by repetitive phrases and unclear transitions, such as the repeated phrase "One school of thought holds that the money paid for educational purposes should be free for all individuals." This redundancy detracts from the overall coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, the writer should avoid repetition and ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly into the next. Using clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph can help guide the reader. Additionally, incorporating linking phrases such as "On the other hand," or "Conversely," can strengthen the connections between opposing viewpoints.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively to separate different ideas, which is a strength. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, making it easier for the reader to follow the writer’s line of reasoning. However, the paragraphs could be more distinct in their focus. For instance, the first body paragraph mixes the benefits of free tuition with the implications of financial burdens, which could confuse the reader about the main point of that paragraph.
  • How to improve: To improve paragraphing, the writer should ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea that is consistently developed throughout. It would be beneficial to start each paragraph with a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main point, followed by supporting details. This will help maintain focus and clarity.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some use of cohesive devices, such as "In addition," and "Despite," which help to connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences and ideas could be clearer. For example, the transition from discussing the benefits of free tuition to the drawbacks lacks a strong cohesive device, which can leave the reader feeling disoriented.
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, the writer should incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases. This could include using "Furthermore," "Moreover," "Conversely," and "As a result," among others. Additionally, ensuring that cohesive devices are used at the beginning of sentences can help clarify relationships between ideas and improve the overall flow of the essay.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, improvements in logical organization, paragraph focus, and the use of cohesive devices can enhance clarity and coherence. By addressing these areas, the writer can aim for a higher band score in future essays.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. Phrases such as "financial burden," "inequality among students," and "illegal request" show an attempt to use varied language. However, there are instances of repetition, such as "financial burden" being used multiple times, which limits the range. Additionally, terms like "perks" and "privilege" could be expanded upon with synonyms or more sophisticated alternatives to enhance lexical variety.
  • How to improve: To improve, the writer should aim to incorporate a broader array of vocabulary by using synonyms and related terms. For example, instead of repeating "financial burden," alternatives like "economic strain" or "monetary pressure" could be utilized. Additionally, exploring more academic or formal vocabulary related to education and economics would elevate the essay’s lexical resource.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains some imprecise vocabulary choices. For instance, the phrase "hanging out with family or friends" is too informal for an academic essay. Moreover, the term "female pupils" could be better expressed as "female students" to maintain consistency and formality. The phrase "the wealthy students should not receive this privilege" could also be misinterpreted; it might be clearer to specify that "wealthy students should not benefit from free tuition."
  • How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on using more formal and contextually appropriate vocabulary. Replacing informal phrases with more academic language will improve clarity and appropriateness. For example, instead of "hanging out," the writer could say "spending quality time" or "engaging in leisure activities." Furthermore, ensuring that terms are used consistently and accurately will strengthen the overall argument.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "purpoes" (should be "purposes"), "shoul" (should be "should"), "finacial" (should be "financial"), "lectures" (should be "lecturers"), and "moneytary" (should be "monetary"). These errors detract from the professionalism of the writing and can confuse the reader.
  • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should implement proofreading strategies, such as reading the essay aloud or using spell-check tools. Additionally, practicing spelling common academic vocabulary and terms related to the essay topic can help reinforce correct spelling. Keeping a personal list of frequently misspelled words and reviewing it regularly can also be beneficial.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a basic understanding of the topic and attempts to use a variety of vocabulary, there are significant areas for improvement in range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By focusing on these aspects, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, such as simple sentences ("The principal reason is that this proposal can help the students reduce the risk of financial burden.") and compound sentences ("They will have more time to relax, hanging out with family or friends instead of doing some part-time job which helps them afford the university fee, such as cashier, labor or waiter."). However, the overall range is limited, and many sentences are repetitive or poorly constructed, such as the opening sentence, which is awkwardly phrased and contains spelling errors ("purpoes" instead of "purposes"). The use of phrases like "this proposal still has some limits" could be more effectively expressed with varied vocabulary and structure.
  • How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer should incorporate more complex sentences and varied conjunctions. For example, using relative clauses ("Students who are financially burdened may struggle to complete their education") or conditional sentences ("If tuition fees were eliminated, students could focus more on their studies"). Additionally, practicing sentence combining and restructuring can help create more fluid and engaging sentences.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from clarity. For instance, there are subject-verb agreement issues ("the wealthy students should not receive this privilege" should be "wealthy students should not receive this privilege"), and the misuse of articles ("the money paid for educational purposes" should not have "the" before "money"). Punctuation errors are also present, such as the incorrect use of commas and the lack of capitalization in "i" and "One" at the beginning of sentences. Additionally, phrases like "to run the university such as, pay salaries to lectures and staff" are poorly constructed and confusing.
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement, proper article usage, and consistent capitalization. Reviewing basic grammar rules and practicing with exercises focused on these areas can be beneficial. For punctuation, the writer should familiarize themselves with the rules governing comma usage, particularly in lists and compound sentences. Reading more complex texts can also help in understanding proper sentence structure and punctuation.

Overall, while the essay presents a clear argument, addressing these grammatical and structural weaknesses will significantly enhance the quality of writing and potentially raise the band score. Regular practice and feedback can lead to noticeable improvement in these areas.

Bài sửa mẫu

One school of thought holds that the money paid for educational purposes should be free for all individuals who engage in higher education. Despite acknowledging the reasons behind this thinking, I would argue against this proposal due to the financial burden it would cause to the government.

Proponents of tuition-free education could cite several justifications. The principal reason is that this proposal can help students reduce the risk of financial burden. They will have more time to relax, spending time with family or friends instead of doing part-time jobs to afford university fees, such as working as a cashier, laborer, or waiter. In addition, avoiding financial burdens is one of the best ways to reduce the crime rate. This is because students may find it hard to reject illegal requests that can bring them a large amount of money, especially female students.

Despite the above-mentioned perks of free tuition for students, I still believe that this proposal has some limitations. This could lead to inequality among students. Wealthy students should not receive this privilege because they have the ability to pay for tuition without support from the university. Moreover, the government would need to allocate a significant budget or raise taxes on people to run the universities, such as paying salaries to lecturers and staff, maintaining facilities, and funding extracurricular activities.

In conclusion, although there are several benefits to abolishing tuition fees for university students, I contend that it is impossible to implement this proposal considering the monetary issues facing the government.