Topic: Some people think that children should begin their formal education at a very early age. Others think they should begin after 7 years of age. Task: Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Topic: Some people think that children should begin their formal education at a very early age. Others think they should begin after 7 years of age.

Task: Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

While many people think it's best to wait until after the age of seven,others say that children should begin attending school as soon as feasible.This essay will look at both sides and then offer my reasons in favor of the latter.
On the one hand, there are a number of arguments in to support early childhood education. First of all, early formal education enrollment for kids can be a workable alternative in many homes with two working parents. in Vietnam,for example,kindergarten is a common place for young children as young as three or four to be introduced to basic topics like reading, math,and painting. Second,early formal education enrollment may offer kids something to pick up and make it possible to grow academically faster than their peers, which could be useful for them in the future when they study higher education.

However, a lot of people think that formal education shouldn't begin until a child is at least seven years old. Delaying schooling allows kids more time to grow and change in a family environment,which is an important consideration. Their ability to study and play in an unstructured setting improves social skills,emotional intelligence, and creativity. Furthermore, starting formal schooling later in life could suggest that a child is more emotionally grown and good citizens which enhances them for the challenges of school. Studies have shown that delaying formal education until the age of seven has no impact on academic achievement but rather develops higher levels of growth in numerous European nations.

In conclusion, even if there are reasons for starting formal education at a younger age, I think that delaying till a child reaches the age of seven gives them the best opportunity to grow up in terms to their social,emotional,and learning.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "many people think it’s best" -> "many individuals believe"
   Explanation: Replacing "think it’s best" with "believe" refines the tone to a more formal academic style, avoiding the contraction "it’s" which is informal and colloquial.

2. "as soon as feasible" -> "as early as possible"
   Explanation: "As early as possible" is a more precise and formal expression than "as soon as feasible," which can be vague and less commonly used in academic writing.

3. "look at both sides" -> "examine both perspectives"
   Explanation: "Examine both perspectives" is more formal and academically appropriate than "look at both sides," which is somewhat informal and vague.

4. "in to support" -> "in support of"
   Explanation: "In support of" is the correct prepositional phrase for expressing support, whereas "in to support" is grammatically incorrect.

5. "kids" -> "children"
   Explanation: "Children" is more formal and appropriate for academic writing than "kids," which is informal and colloquial.

6. "a workable alternative" -> "a viable alternative"
   Explanation: "Viable" is more precise and formal than "workable," which is somewhat vague and less commonly used in academic contexts.

7. "in Vietnam,for example," -> "for example, in Vietnam"
   Explanation: Correcting the punctuation to "for example, in Vietnam" improves the sentence structure and clarity.

8. "kindergarten is a common place" -> "kindergarten is a common institution"
   Explanation: "Institution" is more formal and precise than "place," which is too vague for academic writing.

9. "to be introduced to" -> "to introduce"
   Explanation: "To introduce" is more direct and formal than "to be introduced to," which is passive and less direct.

10. "make it possible to grow academically faster" -> "facilitate faster academic growth"
    Explanation: "Facilitate faster academic growth" is more concise and academically formal than "make it possible to grow academically faster."

11. "a lot of people think" -> "many individuals believe"
    Explanation: "Many individuals believe" is more formal and precise than "a lot of people think," which is informal and vague.

12. "Delaying schooling allows kids more time" -> "Delaying formal education allows children more time"
    Explanation: "Formal education" is more specific and appropriate than "schooling," and "children" is more formal than "kids."

13. "starting formal schooling later in life" -> "initiating formal education later in life"
    Explanation: "Initiating formal education" is a more precise and formal term than "starting formal schooling."

14. "good citizens" -> "better citizens"
    Explanation: "Better citizens" is more specific and academically appropriate than "good citizens," which is vague and informal.

15. "enhances them for the challenges" -> "prepares them for the challenges"
    Explanation: "Prepares them for the challenges" is more precise and formal than "enhances them for the challenges," which is awkwardly phrased.

16. "In conclusion, even if there are reasons" -> "In conclusion, despite the reasons"
    Explanation: "Despite the reasons" is a more formal and concise way to introduce a contrasting viewpoint than "even if there are reasons."

17. "gives them the best opportunity to grow up in terms to their" -> "offers them the best opportunity for their growth"
    Explanation: "Offers them the best opportunity for their growth" is grammatically correct and more formal than "gives them the best opportunity to grow up in terms to their," which is awkward and incorrect.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both views regarding the appropriate age for starting formal education. The first paragraph discusses the benefits of early education, citing examples such as the prevalence of kindergarten in Vietnam and its potential to accelerate academic growth. The second paragraph presents the opposing view, emphasizing the advantages of delaying formal education until age seven, including emotional development and social skills. However, while both perspectives are acknowledged, the essay could have provided a more balanced discussion by elaborating on the counterarguments more thoroughly.
  • How to improve: To enhance this aspect, the writer could include more specific examples or studies supporting the arguments for both sides. Additionally, a clearer transition between the two viewpoints would help in presenting a more comprehensive discussion.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The writer’s position in favor of delaying formal education until after age seven is stated clearly in the introduction and reiterated in the conclusion. However, the essay could benefit from a more consistent reinforcement of this stance throughout the body paragraphs. For instance, while the first paragraph discusses the benefits of early education, it lacks a direct comparison to the opposing view, which could strengthen the argument.
  • How to improve: The writer should consistently reference their position when discussing each viewpoint. This can be achieved by explicitly stating how each argument relates to their overall opinion, thereby reinforcing their stance throughout the essay.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas related to both views, such as the benefits of early education and the importance of emotional growth when delaying schooling. However, some points lack depth and detailed support. For example, the claim that early education can lead to faster academic growth is made but not substantiated with evidence or examples. Similarly, the assertion regarding emotional growth could be further developed with specific studies or statistics.
  • How to improve: To improve this area, the writer should aim to elaborate on each point made, providing concrete examples, statistics, or studies that support their claims. This will not only strengthen the arguments but also demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally remains focused on the topic, discussing both views and the writer’s opinion. However, there are moments where the phrasing and structure could lead to slight deviations from the main argument. For instance, the introduction could be clearer in stating that the essay will discuss both views before presenting the writer’s opinion.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that directly relates to the essay prompt. Additionally, avoiding overly complex sentences can help maintain clarity and relevance throughout the essay.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task and presents a clear position, it could benefit from deeper elaboration of ideas, more balanced discussion of both views, and clearer connections between arguments and the writer’s stance.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the topic and the writer’s stance. The body paragraphs are organized to discuss both sides of the argument, which is a strength. For instance, the first body paragraph effectively presents arguments in favor of early education, while the second body paragraph counters with reasons for delaying formal education. However, the transitions between ideas within paragraphs could be smoother. For example, the transition from discussing early education to the benefits of delaying schooling could be more explicit to enhance logical progression.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that directly relate to the thesis statement. Additionally, incorporating transitional phrases such as "On the contrary" or "Conversely" can help guide the reader through the argument more effectively.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs appropriately, with distinct sections for the introduction, arguments for early education, arguments against early education, and a conclusion. However, some paragraphs could be further developed. For instance, the first body paragraph could benefit from more detailed examples or explanations to support the claims made about early education.
  • How to improve: To improve paragraph effectiveness, ensure that each paragraph contains a clear main idea supported by specific examples. Expanding on the points made, such as providing statistics or studies related to early education, can strengthen the argument and provide more depth.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "first of all," "however," and "in conclusion," which help in linking ideas. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited and could be more varied. For example, the essay relies heavily on simple conjunctions and lacks more sophisticated linking words that could enhance the flow of ideas.
  • How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "in addition," "nevertheless," and "for instance." This will not only improve the cohesion of the essay but also demonstrate a higher level of language proficiency. Additionally, ensure that punctuation is correctly used to avoid run-on sentences, which can disrupt cohesion.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents arguments effectively, addressing the areas for improvement will enhance coherence and cohesion, potentially leading to a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "formal education," "academic faster," and "emotional intelligence." However, there are instances of repetition and limited variation in word choice, such as using "early formal education enrollment" multiple times. This limits the lexical diversity expected at higher band scores.
  • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, consider using synonyms or related phrases. For example, instead of repeating "early formal education," you could vary it with "early schooling," "initial education," or "preparatory education." Additionally, integrating more advanced vocabulary related to education and child development would strengthen the essay.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: While some vocabulary is used correctly, there are instances of imprecise usage. For example, the phrase "something to pick up" is vague and does not clearly convey the intended meaning. Similarly, "good citizens" lacks context in relation to the argument being made.
  • How to improve: Aim for more precise language that clearly articulates your ideas. Instead of "something to pick up," you might say "essential skills" or "foundational knowledge." Clarifying terms like "good citizens" to something more specific, such as "responsible individuals," would also enhance clarity.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "in to support" (should be "to support"), "in Vietnam,for example" (missing space after the comma), and "till" (should be "until"). These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing.
  • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, implement a proofreading strategy. After completing the essay, take a moment to read it aloud or use spell-check tools. Additionally, practice writing commonly misspelled words and familiarize yourself with the correct forms. Keeping a list of frequently used terms and their correct spellings can also be beneficial.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents coherent arguments, improvements in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy are necessary to achieve a higher band score in Lexical Resource.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures. For instance, the use of complex sentences such as "Delaying schooling allows kids more time to grow and change in a family environment, which is an important consideration" shows an attempt to incorporate more sophisticated structures. However, there are also many simple and compound sentences that dominate the text, such as "First of all, early formal education enrollment for kids can be a workable alternative in manyhomes with two working parents." This limits the overall variety and complexity of the writing.
  • How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer should incorporate more varied sentence types, such as conditional sentences (e.g., "If children start school earlier, they may face challenges…") and more complex clauses. Additionally, using introductory phrases or clauses can add depth (e.g., "Although some argue for early education, others believe…"). Practicing different sentence constructions in writing exercises can help diversify the range.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from clarity. For example, in the phrase "in Vietnam,for example,kindergarten is a common place," there are missing spaces after commas, which affects readability. Additionally, the sentence "Second,early formal education enrollment may offer kids something to pick up and make it possible to grow academically faster than their peers" is somewhat awkwardly phrased and could be clearer. The use of articles and prepositions is inconsistent, such as in "in to support early childhood education," where "in" should be omitted.
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading for punctuation errors, ensuring that commas and spaces are correctly placed. It would also be beneficial to review basic grammar rules, particularly concerning articles and prepositions. Reading more academic texts can help the writer internalize correct grammatical structures and improve overall fluency. Engaging in targeted grammar exercises, especially focusing on common errors identified in the essay, will also be beneficial.

Overall, while the essay presents a clear argument and addresses the prompt effectively, enhancing the variety of sentence structures and improving grammatical accuracy will help elevate the score in the Grammatical Range and Accuracy criteria.

Bài sửa mẫu

While many individuals believe it’s best to wait until after the age of seven for formal education, others argue that children should begin attending school as early as possible. This essay will examine both perspectives and then present my reasons in support of the latter.

On the one hand, there are several arguments in favor of early childhood education. First of all, initiating formal education for children can be a viable alternative for many homes with two working parents. For example, in Vietnam, kindergarten is a common institution where young children, as early as three or four, are introduced to basic subjects like reading, math, and painting. Second, early formal education may facilitate faster academic growth, allowing children to acquire knowledge and skills that could be beneficial in their future studies.

However, many individuals believe that formal education should not commence until a child is at least seven years old. Delaying schooling allows children more time to develop in a family environment, which is an important consideration. Their ability to learn and play in an unstructured setting enhances social skills, emotional intelligence, and creativity. Furthermore, starting formal education later in life could indicate that a child is more emotionally mature and better prepared for the challenges of school. Studies have shown that delaying formal education until the age of seven has no negative impact on academic achievement; rather, it fosters higher levels of growth in numerous European nations.

In conclusion, despite the reasons for starting formal education at a younger age, I believe that delaying it until a child reaches the age of seven offers them the best opportunity for their growth in terms of social, emotional, and academic development.