Topic: Some people think that there should be a complete ban on all forms of advertising. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is said that all types of advertisement should be completely banned. I believe that the answer depends on what kind of advertisement.

On the one hand, I think that harmful advertisements and misleading ones should be prohibited. Regarding the former, advertisements that promote harmful products or behaviors, such as tobacco, alcohol, or gambling, can have negative consequences for individuals and society as a whole. These advertisements can contribute to addiction, health problems, and financial difficulties. With regard to misleading advertisements which use fake images and certificates to exaggeratedly advertise about the product's utility making customers believe and use such products. As a result, the customers may experience ineffective products or even harmful to their health.

However, I believe that most other forms of advertising should not be prohibited. One of the reasons is that they are essential tools for business to approach the customers, thus raising their sales. By advertising, businesses can introduce their brands, products, and services to a huge amount of customers, helping them to clearly understand about such products and when they have demand for a specific item they more easily remember the brands that they have seen through the means of media. In addition, this practice also creates jobs for people. This is because the advertisement industry needs a lot of employees from marketing, design positions to salesperson so banning advertisements could result in increasing unemployment rate.

In conclusion,, there are no one-size-fits-all answers to whether there should be a complete ban on all advertising. I contend that misleading and harmful advertisements should be banned, but the majority of advertisements should remain legal

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"It is said that" -> "It is argued that"
Explanation: "It is argued that" is a more precise and academically appropriate phrase, indicating a scholarly discussion or debate about the topic rather than a casual assertion.
"all types of advertisement" -> "all forms of advertising"
Explanation: "Forms of advertising" is a more specific and formal term than "types of advertisement," aligning better with academic style.
"completely banned" -> "completely prohibited"
Explanation: "Prohibited" is a more formal synonym for "banned," enhancing the academic tone of the sentence.
"I believe that the answer depends on what kind of advertisement" -> "The response hinges on the type of advertisement"
Explanation: "The response hinges on the type of advertisement" is more formal and precise, avoiding the first-person narrative which is less suitable for academic writing.
"Regarding the former" -> "Regarding the first"
Explanation: "Regarding the first" is more concise and formal, avoiding the vague term "former" which can be unclear in this context.
"advertisements that promote harmful products or behaviors" -> "advertisements promoting harmful products or behaviors"
Explanation: Removing "that" after "advertisements" simplifies and clarifies the sentence structure, making it more direct and formal.
"can have negative consequences" -> "may have adverse effects"
Explanation: "May have adverse effects" is a more precise and formal way to express potential negative outcomes, fitting better in an academic context.
"With regard to misleading advertisements which use fake images and certificates to exaggeratedly advertise about the product’s utility" -> "Regarding misleading advertisements that employ fake images and certificates to exaggerate the product’s utility"
Explanation: "Employ" and "exaggerate" are more precise and formal terms than "use" and "exaggeratedly," enhancing the academic tone and clarity of the sentence.
"making customers believe and use such products" -> "leading customers to believe and use such products"
Explanation: "Leading" is a more formal and precise verb than "making," which is somewhat colloquial and vague in this context.
"the customers may experience ineffective products or even harmful to their health" -> "customers may encounter ineffective products or even those that are harmful to their health"
Explanation: "Encounter" is more formal than "experience," and rephrasing "harmful to their health" to "those that are harmful to their health" clarifies the meaning and maintains a formal tone.
"One of the reasons is that they are essential tools for business to approach the customers" -> "One reason is that they are crucial tools for businesses to engage with customers"
Explanation: "Crucial" is more formal than "essential," and "engage with" is a more precise and formal phrase than "approach the customers," which is somewhat informal and vague.
"helping them to clearly understand about such products" -> "enabling them to clearly understand these products"
Explanation: "Enabling" is more formal than "helping," and "these products" is more direct and formal than "such products," which is somewhat vague.
"when they have demand for a specific item they more easily remember the brands that they have seen through the means of media" -> "when they require a specific product, they are more likely to recall the brands they have seen through media"
Explanation: "Require" and "recall" are more precise and formal than "have demand for" and "remember," respectively, and "through media" is more concise than "through the means of media."
"This is because the advertisement industry needs a lot of employees from marketing, design positions to salesperson" -> "This is because the advertising industry requires numerous employees in marketing, design, and sales positions"
Explanation: "Requires" is more formal than "needs," and "numerous employees in marketing, design, and sales positions" is more precise and formal than "a lot of employees from marketing, design positions to salesperson."
"banning advertisements could result in increasing unemployment rate" -> "banning advertising could lead to an increase in the unemployment rate"
Explanation: "Lead to an increase in the unemployment rate" is more formal and precise than "result in increasing unemployment rate," which is grammatically awkward and less formal.
"In conclusion,, there are no one-size-fits-all answers to whether there should be a complete ban on all advertising" -> "In conclusion, there is no one-size-fits-all solution to whether a complete ban on all advertising is warranted"
Explanation: "Solution" is more formal than "answers," and "is warranted" is a more precise and formal way to express necessity or appropriateness than "should be."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both sides of the argument regarding a complete ban on advertising. The writer acknowledges the need to ban harmful and misleading advertisements while also arguing against a total ban on all forms of advertising. This balanced approach reflects an understanding of the complexity of the issue. However, the essay could benefit from a clearer delineation of the extent to which the writer agrees or disagrees with the complete ban, as the phrase "the answer depends on what kind of advertisement" could be more explicitly tied to the overall stance.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should explicitly state their position on the extent of agreement or disagreement with the complete ban in the introduction and reiterate this stance in the conclusion. A more definitive statement could help clarify the writer’s viewpoint.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a position that acknowledges the need for some advertisements to be banned while supporting the continuation of others. However, the initial statement, "I believe that the answer depends on what kind of advertisement," introduces ambiguity regarding the writer’s overall stance. This could confuse readers about the writer’s position on the complete ban.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should explicitly state their agreement or disagreement with the complete ban in the introduction and reinforce this throughout the essay. Using phrases like "I strongly believe" or "I partially agree" can help clarify the writer’s stance.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a range of ideas, particularly regarding the negative impacts of harmful and misleading advertisements and the benefits of other forms of advertising. The examples provided, such as the effects of tobacco and alcohol advertising, are relevant and well-articulated. However, some points, such as the economic benefits of advertising, could be further developed with specific examples or statistics to strengthen the argument.
- How to improve: To improve the development of ideas, the writer should consider adding more detailed examples or data to support claims, especially in the section discussing the benefits of advertising. This could include statistics on job creation in the advertising industry or examples of successful advertising campaigns that have positively impacted businesses.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the debate surrounding the ban on advertising. However, there are moments where the discussion could be more tightly focused. For instance, while the writer mentions the role of advertising in creating jobs, this point could be more directly linked to the argument against a complete ban.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates back to the central question of whether there should be a complete ban on advertising. Each paragraph should clearly connect to the overall argument, and any additional points should be explicitly tied to the implications of a complete ban.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a balanced view, there are areas for improvement in clarity, depth of argumentation, and focus. By refining the position statement, providing more detailed support for claims, and ensuring all points are directly relevant to the prompt, the writer can enhance the overall effectiveness of the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the writer’s stance, followed by two main body paragraphs that discuss both sides of the argument. The first body paragraph effectively addresses the reasons for banning harmful and misleading advertisements, while the second body paragraph argues against a complete ban by highlighting the benefits of advertising for businesses and employment. However, the transition between the two paragraphs could be smoother, and the connection between ideas could be more explicitly stated to enhance logical flow.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, the writer could use clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that directly relate to the thesis. Additionally, incorporating transitional phrases (e.g., "On the other hand," "Furthermore," "Conversely") at the beginning of paragraphs or between sentences would help guide the reader through the argument more effectively.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs appropriately, with a clear distinction between the introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, which is a strength. However, the second body paragraph is somewhat lengthy and could be broken down into two separate paragraphs to improve readability and focus on distinct points.
- How to improve: The writer should consider dividing the second body paragraph into two: one focusing on the economic benefits of advertising and the other on the job creation aspect. This would allow for a more in-depth exploration of each point and enhance clarity.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand" and "However," which help to connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences and ideas could be strengthened. For example, the phrase "As a result" is used, but it could be expanded with additional linking phrases to clarify the relationship between the ideas presented.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, the writer could incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases, such as "Moreover," "In addition," "Consequently," and "Therefore." Additionally, using pronouns and synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned ideas can help maintain cohesion without repetitive phrasing.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, improvements in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices would enhance the clarity and effectiveness of the writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary relevant to the topic of advertising. Phrases like "harmful advertisements," "misleading ones," and "essential tools for business" show an attempt to use varied language. However, the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive, particularly in the use of "advertisement" and "advertising," which appears frequently without sufficient variation (e.g., "ads," "commercials").
- How to improve: To enhance lexical range, the writer could incorporate synonyms and related terms. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "advertisement," alternatives such as "promotion," "commercial," or "marketing campaign" could be employed. Additionally, using more descriptive adjectives (e.g., "deceptive," "beneficial") could enrich the vocabulary.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay includes some precise vocabulary, such as "addiction," "health problems," and "financial difficulties," which effectively convey the negative impacts of harmful advertising. However, there are instances of imprecise usage, particularly in the phrase "making customers believe and use such products." The phrase could be more clearly articulated to convey the intended meaning.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on clarity and specificity. For example, instead of saying "making customers believe and use such products," it could be rephrased to "leading customers to mistakenly trust and purchase these products." This would enhance clarity and ensure that the message is communicated more effectively.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "advertisement" (which is spelled correctly), but there is a typographical error in "in conclusion,," where there is an extra comma. Additionally, "exaggeratedly" is used correctly, but the phrase "ineffective products or even harmful to their health" lacks grammatical structure, as it should be "ineffective products or even harmful products."
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread the essay carefully to catch typographical errors and ensure grammatical correctness. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help identify mistakes. Moreover, practicing spelling through exercises focused on commonly used academic vocabulary could be beneficial.

By addressing these areas—expanding vocabulary range, enhancing precision in word choice, and improving spelling accuracy—the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in Lexical Resource for future IELTS essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, the writer effectively uses complex structures such as "advertisements that promote harmful products or behaviors, such as tobacco, alcohol, or gambling, can have negative consequences for individuals and society as a whole." This showcases an ability to convey nuanced ideas. However, there are instances where sentence variety could be improved, such as the repetitive use of "I believe" and "should be" in multiple sentences, which can make the writing feel monotonous.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more varied introductory phrases or transition words. For instance, instead of repeatedly starting sentences with "I believe," they could use phrases like "It is my opinion that," or "From my perspective," to introduce their arguments. Additionally, employing more conditional sentences or participial phrases could add complexity and interest to the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are some notable errors. For example, the phrase "advertisements which use fake images and certificates to exaggeratedly advertise about the product’s utility making customers believe and use such products" is awkwardly constructed and lacks necessary punctuation, making it difficult to follow. Additionally, there is a punctuation error in the conclusion with the double comma ("In conclusion,,") which detracts from the overall professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on ensuring that all sentences are clearly structured and punctuated. Breaking down longer sentences into shorter, clearer ones can help maintain clarity. For example, the problematic sentence could be revised to: "Misleading advertisements use fake images and certificates to exaggerate the product’s utility. This can lead customers to believe in and use such products." Furthermore, proofreading for punctuation errors, especially in transitional phrases and at the end of sentences, will enhance the overall quality of the writing.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, there are opportunities for improvement in sentence variety and grammatical precision. By diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical accuracy, the writer can aim for a higher band score in future essays.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is argued that all forms of advertising should be completely prohibited. I believe that the response hinges on the type of advertisement in question.

On the one hand, I think that harmful advertisements and misleading ones should be prohibited. Regarding the first, advertisements that promote harmful products or behaviors, such as tobacco, alcohol, or gambling, may have adverse effects on individuals and society as a whole. These advertisements can contribute to addiction, health problems, and financial difficulties. Regarding misleading advertisements that employ fake images and certificates to exaggerate the product’s utility, they can lead customers to believe and use such products. As a result, customers may encounter ineffective products or even those that are harmful to their health.

However, I believe that most other forms of advertising should not be prohibited. One reason is that they are crucial tools for businesses to engage with customers, thus raising their sales. By advertising, businesses can introduce their brands, products, and services to a large number of customers, enabling them to clearly understand these products. When they require a specific product, they are more likely to recall the brands they have seen through media. In addition, this practice also creates jobs for people. This is because the advertising industry requires numerous employees in marketing, design, and sales positions, so banning advertising could lead to an increase in the unemployment rate.

In conclusion, there is no one-size-fits-all solution to whether a complete ban on all advertising is warranted. I contend that misleading and harmful advertisements should be banned, but the majority of advertisements should remain legal.