Topic: Technology is becoming increasingly prevalent in the world today. In the not too distant future, technology will completely replace the teacher in the classroom. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Nowadays, the technology is becoming extremely popular in our life. So that, a lot of people think the teacher will be changed by technology in the future. In my view, I totally agree with this opinion.
It is clear that we can not deny the benefits from teachers when they in the classroom. The first, the teacher know how to deal with the problem of students’s psychology. For example, in classroom group, all the students will not the same, some people can be obedient, but also have some naughty people, or the extrovert and introvert students. So that, the teacher is the person who can provide the best method to teach their student. Today, a lot of teachers do not use the traditional teaching way, in their lession the students can learn by the interesting picture or game. It will help students develop their knowledge easier.
On the other hand, the teacher also have some drawback when they in the classroom. It is obvious that teaching is not the easy job, they have to deal with the matter in the school, student and the student parents, that is the reason why the teacher become stress. So that they can not concentrate to teaching. Not only the teacher easy have psychological problems but also the teacher’s wage is not high. In public school, they are paid 5 million VND for a month, it too low for they to live. So that the technology is the best way to fix this problem. All students will have opportunity study in modern environment, and fair, the school will not need to deal with problem about teacher wage.
In conclusion, I agree with the opinion about the technology can replace the teacher because this one is the best way to help the children comprehensive development. And fix the problem about the teacher.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Nowadays" -> "Currently"
Explanation: "Currently" is a more formal and precise temporal indicator suitable for academic writing, replacing the colloquial "Nowadays."
"the technology is becoming extremely popular" -> "technology is increasingly prevalent"
Explanation: "Increasingly prevalent" is a more formal and precise term that avoids the emotional connotation of "extremely popular," aligning better with academic style.
"So that, a lot of people think" -> "Consequently, many individuals believe"
Explanation: "Consequently" is a more formal transitional phrase, and "many individuals" is a more precise and formal alternative to "a lot of people."
"I totally agree with this opinion" -> "I fully concur with this perspective"
Explanation: "Fully concur" is a more formal expression than "totally agree," and "perspective" is a more academic term than "opinion."
"we can not deny" -> "it cannot be denied"
Explanation: "It cannot be denied" is a more formal and passive construction, which is preferred in academic writing for objective statements.
"The first, the teacher know" -> "Firstly, the teacher knows"
Explanation: "Firstly" is the correct adverbial form for introducing the first point in a list, and "knows" should be singular to agree with "the teacher."
"students’s psychology" -> "students’ psychological needs"
Explanation: "Psychological needs" is a more specific and academically appropriate term than "psychology," which is too broad and vague in this context.
"all the students will not the same" -> "all students are not the same"
Explanation: Corrects the grammatical error and simplifies the phrase for clarity and formality.
"some people can be obedient, but also have some naughty people" -> "some students are obedient, while others are more mischievous"
Explanation: "Mischievous" is a more precise and formal term than "naughty," and "while others are more mischievous" corrects the awkward phrasing.
"the teacher is the person who can provide the best method to teach their student" -> "the teacher is the individual who can provide the most effective methods for teaching students"
Explanation: "The most effective methods for teaching students" is more precise and formal than "the best method to teach their student."
"in their lession" -> "in their lessons"
Explanation: Corrects the spelling error and uses the plural form "lessons" to match the context.
"the students can learn by the interesting picture or game" -> "students can learn through engaging images or games"
Explanation: "Through engaging images or games" is more precise and formal, and "students" should be plural to match the context.
"It will help students develop their knowledge easier" -> "This approach facilitates easier knowledge development for students"
Explanation: "This approach facilitates easier knowledge development for students" is more formal and avoids the awkward construction of "help students develop their knowledge easier."
"the teacher also have some drawback" -> "the teacher also has some drawbacks"
Explanation: "Has" should be singular to agree with "teacher," and "drawbacks" is the plural form needed to match the context.
"they can not concentrate to teaching" -> "they cannot focus on teaching"
Explanation: "Cannot focus on teaching" is a more precise and formal expression than "can not concentrate to teaching."
"the teacher easy have psychological problems" -> "teachers often face psychological issues"
Explanation: "Teachers often face psychological issues" corrects the awkward and incorrect original phrase and uses more formal language.
"the teacher’s wage is not high" -> "teachers’ salaries are not commensurate"
Explanation: "Salaries are not commensurate" is a more formal and precise way to express the idea that salaries are not adequate.
"it too low for they to live" -> "it is too low for them to live"
Explanation: Corrects the grammatical error and uses the correct pronoun "them" instead of "they."
"the technology is the best way to help the children comprehensive development" -> "technology is the most effective means of facilitating comprehensive development in children"
Explanation: "The most effective means of facilitating comprehensive development in children" is a more formal and precise expression than "the best way to help the children comprehensive development."
"fix the problem about the teacher" -> "address the issues affecting teachers"
Explanation: "Address the issues affecting teachers" is a more formal and precise way to refer to resolving problems related to teachers.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by stating a clear agreement with the idea that technology will replace teachers in the future. However, it does not fully explore the implications of this statement or consider the counterargument effectively. The first paragraph introduces the topic, but the subsequent paragraphs focus more on the advantages and disadvantages of teachers rather than directly discussing how technology could replace them. For instance, while the essay mentions the benefits of teachers, it fails to elaborate on how technology could fulfill these roles or improve upon them.
- How to improve: To comprehensively address all elements of the question, the essay should include a more balanced discussion. It could start by outlining how technology might replace specific functions of teachers, such as personalized learning or administrative tasks, and then contrast these with the irreplaceable human elements of teaching, such as emotional support and mentorship.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a position that agrees with the statement, but the clarity and consistency of this stance are undermined by the focus on the drawbacks of teachers. For example, while the author agrees that technology can replace teachers, the discussion of teachers’ psychological stress and low wages could lead readers to question the author’s position. The conclusion reiterates the agreement but does not convincingly tie back to the arguments made.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position, the essay should ensure that every point made supports the central argument. The author could explicitly connect the drawbacks of teachers to the advantages of technology, reinforcing the argument that technology is a viable replacement.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas, such as the benefits of technology and the challenges faced by teachers. However, these ideas are not well-developed or supported with sufficient examples. For instance, the mention of "interesting pictures or games" lacks specific examples of how technology can enhance learning in these ways. Additionally, the argument about teacher wages is not sufficiently linked to how technology could address this issue.
- How to improve: To effectively present, extend, and support ideas, the author should provide specific examples and evidence. For instance, discussing particular technologies (like AI tutors or online learning platforms) and how they can enhance learning would strengthen the argument. Furthermore, elaborating on how these technologies can alleviate the issues faced by teachers would create a more compelling narrative.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay occasionally deviates from the main topic of technology replacing teachers. While discussing the drawbacks of teachers is relevant, the focus shifts too much towards the challenges they face rather than how technology could take over their roles. This diversion dilutes the central argument and may confuse readers about the essay’s main point.
- How to improve: To maintain focus and relevance to the topic, the author should ensure that each paragraph ties back to the central thesis. A clear outline before writing could help in organizing thoughts and ensuring that all points made are directly related to the question of technology replacing teachers.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates an understanding of the topic and presents a clear opinion, it requires more balanced arguments, clearer connections between ideas, and stronger support for claims to achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a basic structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the organization of ideas within paragraphs lacks clarity. For instance, the first body paragraph discusses the benefits of teachers but does so in a somewhat disjointed manner. The transition from discussing teachers’ roles in understanding student psychology to their teaching methods is abrupt and lacks a clear connection. Additionally, the second body paragraph introduces drawbacks of teachers but does not effectively link these issues back to the main argument regarding technology’s potential to replace teachers.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, the writer should clearly outline the main points in the introduction and ensure each paragraph begins with a topic sentence that directly relates to the thesis. Using linking phrases such as "Furthermore," "In addition," or "Conversely" can help guide the reader through the argument. Each paragraph should ideally focus on a single idea, with supporting details that are well-connected.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs, but their effectiveness is limited. The first paragraph discusses the role of teachers, while the second addresses their drawbacks. However, the transition between these ideas is not smooth, and the paragraphs themselves contain multiple ideas that could be better organized. For example, the mention of teacher wages and stress in the second paragraph feels somewhat disconnected from the main argument about technology replacing teachers.
- How to improve: The writer should consider breaking down complex ideas into separate paragraphs. For instance, one paragraph could focus solely on the advantages of technology in education, while another could discuss the limitations of teachers. Each paragraph should maintain a clear focus and flow logically into the next, reinforcing the overall argument.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "On the other hand" and "So that," but their use is limited and at times inappropriate. For example, "So that" is used incorrectly in several instances, leading to confusion. The essay lacks a variety of cohesive devices that could enhance the connections between ideas and paragraphs.
- How to improve: To improve cohesion, the writer should incorporate a wider range of cohesive devices, such as "Moreover," "In contrast," "Consequently," and "For instance." Additionally, using pronouns and synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned ideas can help maintain coherence. Practicing the use of these devices in different contexts will enhance the overall flow of the essay.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates an understanding of the topic, improvements in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices are necessary to achieve a higher band score in Coherence and Cohesion. Focusing on clear topic sentences, logical transitions, and a variety of cohesive devices will significantly enhance the clarity and effectiveness of the argument presented.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, but it is somewhat limited and repetitive. For example, the terms "teacher" and "technology" are used frequently without much variation. Phrases like "the best method to teach their student" and "the best way to fix this problem" indicate an attempt to express ideas clearly, but they lack sophistication and variety.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and related terms. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "teacher," alternatives like "educator," "instructor," or "tutor" could be employed. Additionally, using phrases like "innovative teaching methods" or "educational technology" would add depth to the vocabulary.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage that can lead to confusion. For example, "the teacher know how to deal with the problem of students’s psychology" could be more accurately expressed as "teachers understand how to address the psychological needs of their students." Furthermore, the phrase "the teacher is the person who can provide the best method" is vague and could be more specific regarding what methods are being referred to.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on using more specific terms and phrases that convey exact meanings. Instead of "deal with the problem," consider "address the challenges" or "manage the issues." Additionally, using terms that are more academically accepted, such as "pedagogical strategies," would enhance clarity.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "lession" (should be "lesson"), "student’s psychology" (should be "students’ psychology"), and "the teacher easy have psychological problems" (should be "teachers easily have psychological problems"). These errors detract from the overall professionalism and readability of the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular practice, such as writing exercises and using spell-check tools. Additionally, proofreading the essay multiple times before submission can help catch these errors. Reading more academic texts can also improve spelling and familiarize the writer with correct word forms.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a basic understanding of the topic and attempts to use relevant vocabulary, there are notable areas for improvement in terms of vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By focusing on these aspects, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures. Most sentences are simple or compound, lacking the complexity that would enhance the overall quality of the writing. For example, sentences like "In my view, I totally agree with this opinion" and "It is clear that we can not deny the benefits from teachers when they in the classroom" are straightforward but do not showcase varied grammatical forms. The use of phrases such as "So that" to connect ideas is also repetitive and does not contribute to a more sophisticated structure.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer should incorporate more complex sentences, including relative clauses, conditional sentences, and varied conjunctions. For instance, instead of saying "the teacher know how to deal with the problem of students’s psychology," the writer could say, "Teachers possess the skills necessary to address the psychological challenges faced by students." This not only adds complexity but also improves clarity.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its overall coherence. For example, "the technology is becoming extremely popular in our life" should be "technology is becoming extremely popular in our lives." Additionally, the phrase "students’s psychology" is incorrect; it should be "students’ psychology." There are also issues with subject-verb agreement, as seen in "the teacher also have some drawback" which should be "the teacher also has some drawbacks." Furthermore, the use of commas is inconsistent, particularly in complex sentences, leading to confusion.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement, pluralization, and the correct use of articles. Regular practice with grammar exercises and seeking feedback on written work can help identify and correct these errors. Additionally, reviewing punctuation rules, especially regarding the use of commas and conjunctions, will improve the clarity of the writing. For instance, restructuring sentences to avoid run-ons and ensuring proper punctuation will make the essay more readable.

Overall, while the essay presents a clear viewpoint, improving the variety of sentence structures and addressing grammatical and punctuation errors will significantly enhance the writing quality and potentially raise the band score in the Grammatical Range and Accuracy category.

Bài sửa mẫu

Nowadays, technology is becoming increasingly prevalent in our lives. Consequently, many individuals believe that teachers will be replaced by technology in the future. In my view, I fully concur with this perspective.

It cannot be denied that we cannot overlook the benefits that teachers provide in the classroom. Firstly, the teacher knows how to address the psychological needs of students. For example, in a classroom setting, all students are not the same; some may be obedient, while others can be more mischievous, or they may vary in being extroverted or introverted. Therefore, the teacher is the individual who can provide the most effective methods for teaching their students. Today, many teachers do not rely solely on traditional teaching methods; in their lessons, students can learn through engaging images or games. This approach facilitates easier knowledge development for students.

On the other hand, teachers also have some drawbacks when they are in the classroom. It is clear that teaching is not an easy job; they have to manage various issues within the school, including student behavior and interactions with parents, which is why teachers often experience stress. Consequently, they cannot focus entirely on teaching. Not only do teachers frequently face psychological challenges, but their salaries are also not commensurate with their efforts. In public schools, they are often paid around 5 million VND per month, which is too low for them to live on. Therefore, technology is the most effective means of facilitating comprehensive development in children and addressing the issues affecting teachers.

In conclusion, I agree with the notion that technology can replace teachers, as it is the best way to support children’s holistic development and resolve the challenges faced by educators.