fbpx

Topic: Tourism is an important industry in many countries. What benefits do you think tourism brings to individuals and society?

Topic: Tourism is an important industry in many countries. What benefits do you think tourism brings to individuals and society?

Nowadays, the tourism sector is a fast-growing industry, receiving a lot of public attention. I think that tourism activities not only bring numerous benefits about jobs and discovery for individuals but also bring advantages for society and the government.

On the one hand, there are some benefits about jobs and discovery for individuals. Firstly, if tourism develops strongly, employees have a lot of job opportunities, which make them have a stable salary.Hence, hey can focus on jobs and contribute to build the community better. Secondly, travelers will be able to discover many new lands, which allow visitors to accumulate a lot of knowledge and new skills from sightseeing to expand their horizons. For examples, visitors to Hoa Lo Prison would be informed about a historical phase in which Vietnamese has been persevered through hardships, which enrich their knowledge.

On the other hand, the traveling and hospitality industry brings numerous benefits for society and the government. Tourism between other countries helps citizens foster -cultural understanding such as cuisine history and language. This makes foreigners have a positive outlook from one country in general and society in particular. Moreover, the government might earn extra significant income from tourism revenue. Consequently, they can invest in developing infrastructure like construction of roads or bridges in order to become increasingly prosperous

In conclusion, the tourism sector not only benefits jobs and discovery for individuals but also brings numerous benefits for society and the government. the government should widen numerous new tourist areas to increase curiosity and attract a lot of travelers to benefit residents and the society more.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "Nowadays" -> "Currently"
    Explanation: "Currently" is a more formal and precise temporal indicator suitable for academic writing, replacing the colloquial "Nowadays."

  2. "receiving a lot of public attention" -> "attracting significant public attention"
    Explanation: "Attracting significant public attention" is more formal and precise, avoiding the colloquial "a lot of."

  3. "I think" -> "It is believed"
    Explanation: "It is believed" is a more formal expression, suitable for academic writing, compared to the personal and informal "I think."

  4. "numerous benefits about jobs and discovery" -> "numerous benefits in terms of employment and exploration"
    Explanation: "In terms of employment and exploration" is more specific and formal, clarifying the types of benefits discussed.

  5. "employees have a lot of job opportunities" -> "employees have numerous job opportunities"
    Explanation: "Numerous" is more formal and precise than "a lot," aligning better with academic style.

  6. "which make them have a stable salary" -> "which enables them to secure a stable income"
    Explanation: "Enables them to secure a stable income" is more formal and precise, improving the clarity and formality of the sentence.

  7. "Hence, hey can focus on jobs" -> "Thus, they can focus on their work"
    Explanation: "Thus" is more formal than "Hence," and "they" is the correct pronoun usage, replacing the incorrect "hey."

  8. "contribute to build the community better" -> "contribute to the community’s development"
    Explanation: "Contribute to the community’s development" is more formal and precise, avoiding the awkward construction "build the community better."

  9. "For examples" -> "For example"
    Explanation: "For example" is the correct form, avoiding the grammatical error in "For examples."

  10. "which allow visitors to accumulate a lot of knowledge" -> "which enables visitors to acquire significant knowledge"
    Explanation: "Enables" and "acquire significant knowledge" are more formal and precise, improving the academic tone.

  11. "traveling and hospitality industry" -> "travel and hospitality industry"
    Explanation: "Travel" is the correct noun form, not "traveling."

  12. "foster -cultural understanding" -> "foster cultural understanding"
    Explanation: Remove the hyphen from "cultural" to correct the spelling and grammatical structure.

  13. "This makes foreigners have a positive outlook" -> "This fosters a positive outlook among foreigners"
    Explanation: "Fosters a positive outlook among foreigners" is more formal and grammatically correct.

  14. "the government might earn extra significant income" -> "the government may generate substantial revenue"
    Explanation: "May generate substantial revenue" is more formal and precise, replacing the less formal "earn extra significant income."

  15. "Consequently, they can invest in developing infrastructure like construction of roads or bridges" -> "Consequently, they can invest in infrastructure development, such as road and bridge construction"
    Explanation: "Infrastructure development, such as road and bridge construction" is more specific and formal, improving clarity and precision.

  16. "to become increasingly prosperous" -> "to enhance prosperity"
    Explanation: "To enhance prosperity" is a more concise and formal expression, suitable for academic writing.

  17. "the government should widen numerous new tourist areas" -> "the government should expand numerous new tourist areas"
    Explanation: "Expand" is more precise and formal than "widen" in this context, referring to the development of tourist areas.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing the benefits of tourism for both individuals and society. The author identifies job opportunities and personal discovery as individual benefits, while highlighting cultural understanding and government revenue as societal benefits. However, the exploration of these points could be more balanced; the individual benefits are elaborated upon more than the societal ones. For instance, while the mention of "cultural understanding" is relevant, it lacks depth and specific examples compared to the discussion on job opportunities.
    • How to improve: To enhance the response, the author should aim to provide a more balanced discussion of both individual and societal benefits. This could involve adding more specific examples or statistics related to societal benefits, such as how tourism has positively impacted local economies or cultural preservation efforts.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that tourism is beneficial for both individuals and society. The introduction sets this tone effectively, and the conclusion reiterates the main points. However, the phrasing in some areas, such as "I think that tourism activities not only bring numerous benefits about jobs and discovery," could be clearer. The phrase "about jobs and discovery" is somewhat vague and could be rephrased for clarity.
    • How to improve: To strengthen the clarity of the position, the author should use more precise language throughout the essay. Additionally, reinforcing the main argument in each paragraph with a topic sentence that clearly states the benefit being discussed would help maintain focus.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas regarding the benefits of tourism. The points about job opportunities and personal discovery are well articulated, with some supporting details. However, the support for societal benefits is less developed. For example, the mention of government revenue is made, but it could be expanded upon with examples of how this revenue is utilized for community development.
    • How to improve: The author should aim to extend and support ideas more thoroughly by providing specific examples or case studies. For instance, discussing a particular country or city that has successfully leveraged tourism for economic growth would add depth to the argument.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the benefits of tourism. However, there are moments where the discussion could be more focused. For instance, the phrase "to become increasingly prosperous" in the context of government investment is somewhat vague and could be elaborated to tie back more directly to the benefits of tourism.
    • How to improve: To maintain focus, the author should ensure that every point made directly ties back to the benefits of tourism. Avoiding vague statements and ensuring that each sentence contributes to the overall argument will help keep the essay on topic.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents relevant arguments. With improvements in balance, clarity, support, and focus, the author could enhance their score in the Task Response criteria.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, with an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The first body paragraph focuses on individual benefits, while the second addresses societal benefits. This logical organization allows the reader to follow the argument easily. However, the transition between the two body paragraphs could be smoother; the connection between individual and societal benefits is somewhat abrupt, which can disrupt the flow of ideas.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that link the ideas between paragraphs. For instance, at the end of the first paragraph, a sentence such as "In addition to individual gains, tourism also significantly impacts society as a whole" would create a more cohesive transition to the second paragraph.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is a strength. Each paragraph has a clear focus, and the main ideas are presented in a structured manner. However, the paragraphs could benefit from more detailed topic sentences that clearly state the main point of each paragraph. For example, the first body paragraph could start with a more explicit statement about the benefits of tourism for individuals.
    • How to improve: Strengthen the topic sentences of each paragraph to clearly outline the main idea. For example, the first paragraph could begin with, "Tourism provides significant advantages for individuals, particularly in terms of employment opportunities and personal growth." This would set a clearer expectation for the reader regarding the content of the paragraph.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "Secondly," and "Moreover," which help to organize the ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is limited, and the use of conjunctions and linking phrases could be more varied. For instance, the phrase "On the one hand" is effective, but the corresponding phrase "On the other hand" could be enhanced with additional linking phrases to improve the overall cohesion.
    • How to improve: Diversify the cohesive devices used throughout the essay. Instead of relying heavily on "Firstly" and "Secondly," consider using phrases like "In addition," "Furthermore," or "Additionally" to introduce new points. Additionally, using phrases like "This is evident in…" or "For instance," can help to clarify examples and strengthen the connections between ideas.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion, there are areas for improvement. Enhancing transitions between paragraphs, strengthening topic sentences, and diversifying cohesive devices will contribute to a more cohesive and logically organized essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary related to the topic of tourism, such as "tourism sector," "job opportunities," and "cultural understanding." However, there are instances of repetitive language, such as the frequent use of "benefits" and "jobs," which limits the lexical variety. For example, the phrase "numerous benefits about jobs and discovery" could be rephrased to include synonyms or related terms to enhance variety.
    • How to improve: To improve lexical variety, the writer should incorporate synonyms and related phrases. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "benefits," alternatives like "advantages," "gains," or "positive impacts" could be employed. Additionally, exploring more specific vocabulary related to tourism, such as "ecotourism," "cultural exchange," or "economic growth," would enrich the essay.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains some imprecise vocabulary usage, which can lead to confusion. For example, the phrase "bring advantages for society and the government" could be more accurately expressed as "provide economic and social benefits to society and government." Additionally, the term "persevered" in the context of "Vietnamese has been persevered through hardships" is incorrect; the intended meaning is likely "persevering" or "persevered through hardships."
    • How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should ensure that vocabulary accurately conveys the intended meaning. This can be achieved by reviewing definitions and using context-appropriate terms. For instance, replacing "persevered" with "persevering" or "overcoming" would clarify the intended message. Furthermore, using phrases like "cultural exchange" instead of "cuisine history" would provide a clearer understanding of the intended benefits of tourism.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "hey" instead of "they," and "build the community better," which should be "build the community better." These errors detract from the overall clarity and professionalism of the writing. Additionally, "for examples" should be "for example," and "the government should widen numerous new tourist areas" could be more clearly stated as "the government should expand various tourist areas."
    • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular proofreading practices. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help identify errors. Additionally, practicing spelling through vocabulary exercises and quizzes can enhance overall spelling skills. Keeping a personal list of commonly misspelled words and reviewing it before writing can also be beneficial.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of vocabulary related to tourism, there are areas for improvement in lexical range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By incorporating more varied vocabulary, ensuring precise usage, and focusing on spelling, the writer can enhance their overall lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of conditional structures in "if tourism develops strongly" and the complex sentence "which make them have a stable salary" showcases an attempt to incorporate varied grammatical forms. However, there are instances where sentence structures could be more sophisticated. For example, the phrase "which allow visitors to accumulate a lot of knowledge and new skills from sightseeing" could be rephrased for clarity and conciseness.
    • How to improve: To enhance the diversity of sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more complex sentences with subordinate clauses and varied conjunctions. For example, instead of "which make them have a stable salary," the writer could say, "thereby enabling them to secure a stable salary." Additionally, using more varied introductory phrases or transitioning words could help in creating a smoother flow and more complex sentence structures.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that affect clarity. For example, "which make them have a stable salary.Hence, hey can focus on jobs" has a missing space after the period and a typographical error with "hey" instead of "they." Additionally, the phrase "about jobs and discovery for individuals" is awkwardly constructed; "about" is not the best preposition in this context. There are also issues with article usage, such as "the government should widen numerous new tourist areas," where "numerous" could be replaced with "several" for better clarity.
    • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading for typographical errors and ensuring proper punctuation, particularly after sentences. Practicing the correct use of articles and prepositions will also enhance clarity. It may be beneficial to review common grammatical structures and their correct applications, such as subject-verb agreement and the use of conjunctions. Engaging in exercises that focus on these areas can help solidify understanding and application in future essays.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, focusing on the diversity of sentence structures and enhancing grammatical accuracy will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

Nowadays, the tourism sector is a fast-growing industry, attracting significant public attention. I think that tourism activities not only bring numerous benefits in terms of employment and exploration for individuals but also bring advantages for society and the government.

On the one hand, there are some benefits in terms of employment and exploration for individuals. Firstly, if tourism develops strongly, employees have numerous job opportunities, which enables them to secure a stable income. Hence, they can focus on their work and contribute to the community’s development. Secondly, travelers will be able to discover many new places, which allows visitors to acquire significant knowledge and new skills from sightseeing to expand their horizons. For example, visitors to Hoa Lo Prison would be informed about a historical phase in which Vietnamese people persevered through hardships, which enriches their knowledge.

On the other hand, the travel and hospitality industry brings numerous benefits for society and the government. Tourism between countries helps citizens foster cultural understanding, such as cuisine, history, and language. This fosters a positive outlook among foreigners regarding one country in general and society in particular. Moreover, the government may generate substantial revenue from tourism. Consequently, they can invest in infrastructure development, such as road and bridge construction, to enhance prosperity.

In conclusion, the tourism sector not only benefits individuals in terms of employment and exploration but also brings numerous benefits for society and the government. The government should expand numerous new tourist areas to increase curiosity and attract more travelers, benefiting residents and society as a whole.

Bài viết liên quan

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more accessible. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more…

IELTS Writify

Chấm IELTS Writing Free x GPT

Lưu ý

Sắp bảo trì server

Để đảm bảo tính ổn định của web, web sẽ thực hiện backup dữ liệu hàng ngày từ 3h-3h30 sáng

Rất mong quý thầy cô và học viên thông cảm vì bất tiện này