Tourism is one of the fastest growing industries and contributes a great deal to economies around the world. However, the damage tourism can cause to local cultures and the environment is often ignored. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Tourism is one of the fastest growing industries and contributes a great deal to economies around the world. However, the damage tourism can cause to local cultures and the environment is often ignored. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

It is clear that many developed countries rely mostly on tourism to thrive their economies, but some individuals argue that conventional cultures and natural environment are impacted negatively by this trend. Personally, I firmly agree with this statement.
On the one hand, tourism have damaged traditional cultures and heritages in various ways. As a matter of fact, when a large number of visitors come to famous attractions, it would be difficult for local authorities to monitor their behaviors. If some irresponsible tourists break the rules or regulations in that destination, they can cause serious harm to the culture. For example, Vietnam boards a wide range of attractive locations, including temples and pagodas. However, some naughty young visitors intentionally painted or wrote on the statues or the walls, this has led to the loss of cultural heritage of the local.
On the other hand, local environment is being devastated by activities of visitors. When people participate in local festivals or recreational activities, which are usually celebrated in well-known places, they throw away irresponsibly garbage, including plastic straws, bags or rain coats. A typical example for this situation is beaches in my country, which used to be clean and spectacular. Nevertheless, holiday-makers went camping and held parties on the beaches, and they left a huge amount of waste behind. This rubbish has polluted the soil, the water as well as the air, leading to the massive die-off of fishes and sea creatures.
In conclusion, although tourism contributes significantly to the economy, this industry is responsible for potential dangers to native culture and environment.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "It is clear that" -> "It is evident that"
   Explanation: "It is evident that" is a more formal and precise alternative to "It is clear that," enhancing the academic tone of the sentence.

2. "thrive their economies" -> "boost their economies"
   Explanation: "Boost" is a more precise and commonly used term in economic contexts than "thrive," which can be vague and less specific in this context.

3. "conventional cultures" -> "traditional cultures"
   Explanation: "Traditional" is a more specific and academically appropriate term than "conventional," which can imply a lack of authenticity or a dated quality.

4. "impacted negatively" -> "negatively impacted"
   Explanation: In formal writing, it is more common to use the passive voice with the adverb after the verb, thus "negatively impacted" is more grammatically correct and formal.

5. "tourism have" -> "tourism has"
   Explanation: "Tourism" is a singular noun and should be treated as such in this context, using the singular verb "has" instead of "have" for subject-verb agreement.

6. "famous attractions" -> "well-known attractions"
   Explanation: "Well-known" is a more precise and formal adjective than "famous," which can be seen as overly colloquial in academic writing.

7. "naughty young visitors" -> "misbehaving young visitors"
   Explanation: "Misbehaving" is a more formal and objective term than "naughty," which is too informal and judgmental for academic discourse.

8. "intentionally painted or wrote on" -> "intentionally painted or wrote on"
   Explanation: The verb "wrote" should be parallel in structure with "painted" to maintain grammatical consistency.

9. "boards a wide range of" -> "hosts a wide range of"
   Explanation: "Hosts" is the correct verb to use when referring to the provision of facilities or services, such as tourism attractions, whereas "boards" is incorrect in this context.

10. "naughty" -> "misbehaving"
    Explanation: As mentioned earlier, "misbehaving" is more appropriate in formal writing than "naughty," which is too informal and judgmental.

11. "irresponsibly garbage" -> "irresponsibly dispose of garbage"
    Explanation: "Dispose of" is the correct phrase to use when discussing the act of getting rid of waste, whereas "irresponsibly garbage" is grammatically incorrect and unclear.

12. "holiday-makers" -> "tourists"
    Explanation: "Tourists" is a more specific and commonly used term in academic and formal contexts than "holiday-makers," which is less formal and more colloquial.

13. "massive die-off" -> "massive die-off"
    Explanation: Removing the space between "massive" and "die-off" corrects a typographical error and improves readability.

14. "native culture" -> "native culture"
    Explanation: Removing the space between "native" and "culture" corrects a typographical error and maintains the formal tone of the text.

These changes enhance the precision, formality, and clarity of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by acknowledging the economic benefits of tourism while also highlighting its negative impacts on local cultures and the environment. The writer states their agreement with the notion that tourism can be detrimental, which aligns with the task requirements. However, the essay could benefit from a more nuanced exploration of the extent of agreement, as it primarily focuses on negative aspects without acknowledging any potential positive impacts in detail.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should consider discussing both sides of the argument more thoroughly. For example, they could mention how tourism can also promote cultural exchange or environmental awareness, which would provide a more balanced view and demonstrate critical thinking.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The position is clearly stated in the introduction and maintained throughout the essay. The writer consistently supports their viewpoint that tourism has negative effects. However, the conclusion could be more assertive in reiterating the stance taken, as it somewhat downplays the earlier arguments by simply stating that tourism contributes significantly to the economy.
  • How to improve: Strengthening the conclusion by clearly restating the position and summarizing the key points made in the body paragraphs would reinforce the writer’s stance. Phrases like "Despite its economic benefits, the negative impacts of tourism on culture and the environment cannot be overlooked" would provide a stronger closure.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents relevant ideas regarding the negative impacts of tourism on culture and the environment, supported by specific examples such as vandalism in Vietnam and pollution on beaches. However, the development of these ideas could be more extensive, as some points are introduced but not fully explored. For instance, the mention of "irresponsible tourists" could be elaborated with more examples or statistics to strengthen the argument.
  • How to improve: To improve the depth of analysis, the writer should aim to elaborate on each point made. This could involve providing more detailed examples, statistics, or even discussing potential solutions to mitigate the negative impacts of tourism, which would demonstrate a deeper engagement with the topic.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the negative impacts of tourism. However, there are moments where the language could be clearer, particularly in the transition between ideas. For instance, the phrase "On the other hand" could imply a contrasting viewpoint, which may confuse readers since the writer is primarily discussing negative aspects.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus and clarity, the writer should use transitional phrases that accurately reflect the relationship between ideas. Instead of "On the other hand," which suggests a counterargument, they could use "Additionally" or "Furthermore" when discussing further negative impacts. This would help maintain a consistent focus on the topic of tourism’s negative effects.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the task and presents a clear position, it could benefit from a more balanced exploration of the topic, deeper development of ideas, and clearer transitions to enhance coherence and cohesion.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The introduction effectively outlines the topic and the author’s stance. Each body paragraph addresses a distinct aspect of the argument: the impact of tourism on culture in the first paragraph and its effects on the environment in the second. This logical organization aids in the reader’s understanding. However, the transition between the two body paragraphs could be smoother, as the connection between cultural and environmental impacts is not explicitly stated.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider adding a transitional sentence at the end of the first body paragraph that links cultural impacts to environmental concerns. For example, you could say, "In addition to cultural degradation, tourism also poses significant threats to the local environment."

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a specific point. The first paragraph discusses the negative impact on culture, while the second addresses environmental issues. Each paragraph contains relevant examples that support the main idea. However, the paragraphs could benefit from clearer topic sentences that encapsulate the main idea of each paragraph more explicitly.
  • How to improve: Strengthen the topic sentences to provide a clearer preview of each paragraph’s content. For instance, the first paragraph could begin with, "Tourism has detrimental effects on traditional cultures and heritage," which would immediately inform the reader of the focus.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "on the one hand" and "on the other hand," which effectively signal contrasting ideas. Additionally, phrases like "for example" and "as a matter of fact" are used to introduce examples, enhancing clarity. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be more explicit.
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate more linking phrases and conjunctions. For example, instead of repeatedly using "however," you could use alternatives like "nevertheless" or "in contrast." Additionally, consider using phrases like "furthermore" or "in addition" to connect ideas within and between paragraphs more fluidly.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of coherence and cohesion, with clear organization and effective use of paragraphs. By enhancing transitions, refining topic sentences, and diversifying cohesive devices, the essay could achieve an even higher level of clarity and fluidity.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "traditional cultures," "natural environment," "cultural heritage," and "recreational activities." However, the vocabulary tends to be somewhat repetitive, particularly with phrases like "local environment" and "tourism." The use of synonyms or more varied expressions could enhance the richness of the language. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "local," alternatives like "indigenous" or "regional" could be employed.
  • How to improve: To improve vocabulary range, the writer should actively seek synonyms and related terms during the drafting process. Utilizing a thesaurus can help identify alternative words that convey similar meanings. Additionally, reading a variety of texts can expose the writer to different vocabulary used in context, which can be incorporated into their writing.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: While there are instances of precise vocabulary, such as "damaged traditional cultures," there are also areas where word choice is imprecise or awkward. For example, the phrase "rely mostly on tourism to thrive their economies" is somewhat clumsy; "thrive their economies" could be more clearly expressed as "thrive economically." Additionally, the term "naughty young visitors" is informal and does not convey the seriousness of the actions described.
  • How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on clarity and appropriateness of word choice. This can be achieved by reviewing sentences for awkward phrasing and replacing informal terms with more formal equivalents. Practicing writing with a focus on clarity and specificity can also help in this area.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "irresponsibly" (should be "irresponsibly"), "boards" (should be "boasts"), and "die-off" (should be "die-off"). These errors can detract from the overall quality of the writing and may confuse the reader.
  • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should implement a proofreading strategy that includes reading the essay aloud, which can help catch errors. Additionally, using spell-check tools and maintaining a personal list of commonly misspelled words can be beneficial. Regular practice with spelling exercises can also enhance overall spelling skills.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a satisfactory level of lexical resource, there are clear areas for improvement. By expanding vocabulary range, enhancing precision in word choice, and focusing on spelling accuracy, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in this criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of conditional structures ("If some irresponsible tourists break the rules…") and introductory phrases ("On the one hand," "On the other hand,") effectively organizes the argument. However, there are instances where sentence structures could be more varied. For example, the phrase "tourism have damaged traditional cultures" contains a subject-verb agreement error, which detracts from the overall grammatical range.
  • How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more complex sentences with subordinate clauses and varied introductory phrases. For example, instead of repeatedly starting sentences with "tourism" or "local," the writer could use participial phrases or relative clauses to add complexity (e.g., "Tourism, which is often seen as beneficial, can also lead to…"). Additionally, ensuring subject-verb agreement and using more varied conjunctions would improve the overall range.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors that affect clarity and coherence. For instance, "tourism have damaged" should be corrected to "tourism has damaged" to ensure subject-verb agreement. The phrase "this has led to the loss of cultural heritage of the local" is awkwardly constructed and could be simplified for clarity. Punctuation is generally correct, but there are instances where commas could enhance readability, such as before conjunctions in compound sentences.
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and sentence structure. Regular practice with grammar exercises, particularly those focusing on common errors in subject-verb agreement and sentence formation, would be beneficial. Additionally, reviewing punctuation rules, especially concerning the use of commas in complex sentences, would help clarify the writing. Reading well-structured essays can also provide insights into effective grammar and punctuation usage.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a clear argument, addressing these grammatical and structural issues will enhance the overall quality and coherence of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is evident that many developed countries rely heavily on tourism to boost their economies, but some individuals argue that traditional cultures and the natural environment are negatively impacted by this trend. Personally, I firmly agree with this statement.

On the one hand, tourism has damaged traditional cultures and heritage in various ways. As a matter of fact, when a large number of visitors flock to well-known attractions, it becomes challenging for local authorities to monitor their behaviors. If some irresponsible tourists break the rules or regulations at these destinations, they can cause serious harm to the culture. For example, Vietnam hosts a wide range of attractive locations, including temples and pagodas. However, some misbehaving young visitors have intentionally painted or written on the statues or walls, which has led to the loss of cultural heritage for the locals.

On the other hand, the local environment is being devastated by the activities of visitors. When people participate in local festivals or recreational activities, which are usually celebrated in well-known places, they often irresponsibly dispose of garbage, including plastic straws, bags, and raincoats. A typical example of this situation is the beaches in my country, which used to be clean and spectacular. Nevertheless, holiday-makers went camping and held parties on the beaches, leaving behind a massive amount of waste. This rubbish has polluted the soil, water, and air, leading to a massive die-off of fish and sea creatures.

In conclusion, although tourism contributes significantly to the economy, this industry is responsible for potential dangers to native culture and the environment.