Traditions are about the past and innovation is about the future, and it has been argued that we need to let go of traditions for the sake of progress. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this? What role should traditions have in our lives? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Traditions are about the past and innovation is about the future, and it has been argued that we need to let go of traditions for the sake of progress. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this? What role should traditions have in our lives?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

It is said that tradition belongs to the past and people should put it aside to keep innovating for a better future. I completely agree with this argument because many tradition customs are outdated and rarely verified by any reliable scientific evidence whether it is effective or not. As a result, I believe that people should consider traditional customs as a useful advice to maintain their social relationships.

Most of traditional customs come from the adaptation to the life in the past and be passed down to the next generation orally.The word of mouth is usually misunderstood the reasons behind why their ancestors did it. Furthermore, there are only a few scienfitic experiment in the past to examine the credibility of these traditions. Therefore, most of the traditions may not suitable for the modern life. For instance, Vietnamese woman who are in the postpartum period, follow the tradition of staying in a close room with a hot brazies which is believed that can help the mother recovers quickly. However, this can lead to coal gas poisoning and may threat the mother and baby lives.

People also can benefit from the traditional customs, especially social relationship such as parents and their children, friends and family. To maintain a healthy relationship, people need to set up a list of behaviour rules depending on their situations which the elderly are very skillful at. In fact, the group of elderly people experienced many circumstances throughout many periods of their life. An evidence for this is the value of Filial piety in Confucianism which is passed down to many generations and still being taught in many Asian school today.

In conclusion, while traditional customs are valuable advices in the past, most of it are not approproate the situations today. I believe that people should consider to get rid of these traditions to develop better in the future. However, I also believe that people can take advantage of traditional customs to build a strong social relationship.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

1. "tradition customs" -> "traditional customs"
   Explanation: "Tradition" is an abstract concept, and "customs" is the specific practice or behavior associated with it. Using "traditional customs" is more precise and formal.

2. "rarely verified by any reliable scientific evidence whether it is effective or not" -> "rarely verified by reliable scientific evidence to determine their efficacy"
   Explanation: This revision clarifies the purpose of scientific verification and improves the flow by restructuring the sentence.

3. "As a result, I believe that people should consider traditional customs as a useful advice to maintain their social relationships." -> "Consequently, I contend that people should regard traditional customs as valuable guidance for fostering social relationships."
   Explanation: The suggested alternative strengthens the statement by using "valuable guidance" instead of "useful advice" and employs more formal language.

4. "Most of traditional customs come from the adaptation to the life in the past and be passed down to the next generation orally." -> "Many traditional customs originated from past adaptations to life and have been orally transmitted to subsequent generations."
   Explanation: This revision improves clarity and formality by rephrasing the sentence and using "originated" instead of "come from."

5. "The word of mouth is usually misunderstood the reasons behind why their ancestors did it." -> "Oral transmission often leads to misconceptions regarding the rationale behind ancestral practices."
   Explanation: The suggested alternative enhances clarity and formality by using "oral transmission" instead of "word of mouth" and restructuring the sentence for better flow.

6. "Furthermore, there are only a few scienfitic experiment in the past to examine the credibility of these traditions." -> "Moreover, historically, only a limited number of scientific experiments have scrutinized the credibility of these traditions."
   Explanation: This revision corrects the spelling error in "scienfitic" and enhances formality by rephrasing the sentence for clarity and precision.

7. "most of the traditions may not suitable for the modern life." -> "Most of these traditions may not be suitable for contemporary lifestyles."
   Explanation: The suggested alternative maintains clarity while using more formal language and rephrasing for better flow.

8. "For instance, Vietnamese woman who are in the postpartum period, follow the tradition of staying in a close room with a hot brazies which is believed that can help the mother recovers quickly." -> "For example, Vietnamese women in the postpartum period often adhere to the tradition of secluding themselves in a confined space with hot braziers, believed to expedite maternal recovery."
   Explanation: This revision improves clarity, correctness, and formality by correcting grammatical errors, specifying "Vietnamese women," and restructuring the sentence for better flow.

9. "However, this can lead to coal gas poisoning and may threat the mother and baby lives." -> "Nevertheless, this practice can result in carbon monoxide poisoning and pose a threat to the lives of both the mother and the baby."
   Explanation: The suggested alternative corrects the terminology ("coal gas" to "carbon monoxide") and improves formality and precision.

10. "People also can benefit from the traditional customs, especially social relationship such as parents and their children, friends and family." -> "Moreover, individuals can derive benefits from traditional customs, particularly in nurturing social relationships among family members and friends."
    Explanation: This revision enhances formality and clarity by rephrasing the sentence and specifying the relationships involved.

11. "To maintain a healthy relationship, people need to set up a list of behaviour rules depending on their situations which the elderly are very skillful at." -> "Maintaining healthy relationships necessitates the establishment of behavioral guidelines tailored to specific contexts, a skill often mastered by the elderly."
    Explanation: The suggested alternative improves clarity, formality, and precision by rephrasing the sentence and specifying who possesses the skill.

12. "In fact, the group of elderly people experienced many circumstances throughout many periods of their life." -> "Indeed, elderly individuals have amassed a wealth of life experiences across multiple epochs."
    Explanation: This revision enhances formality and clarity by rephrasing the sentence and using more precise language.

13. "An evidence for this is the value of Filial piety in Confucianism which is passed down to many generations and still being taught in many Asian school today." -> "An exemplar of this phenomenon is the enduring value of Filial piety in Confucianism, transmitted across generations and still imparted in numerous Asian educational institutions today."
    Explanation: The suggested alternative improves formality, correctness, and clarity by using "exemplar" instead of "An evidence," rephrasing the sentence, and correcting grammatical errors.

14. "most of it are not approproate the situations today." -> "many of them are not suitable for contemporary circumstances."
    Explanation: This revision enhances formality and clarity by using "many of them" instead of "most of it" and rephrasing for better flow.

15. "people should consider to get rid of these traditions to develop better in the future." -> "individuals should contemplate relinquishing these traditions to facilitate future progress."
    Explanation: The suggested alternative improves formality and precision while maintaining clarity by rephrasing the sentence.

16. "However, I also believe that people can take advantage of traditional customs to build a strong social relationship." -> "Nevertheless, I posit that individuals can leverage traditional customs to cultivate robust social bonds."
    Explanation: This revision enhances formality and clarity by rephrasing the sentence and using more precise language.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses all parts of the prompt. It acknowledges the argument that traditions belong to the past and argues in agreement with the idea of letting go of traditions for progress. Additionally, it discusses the role traditions should play in our lives by emphasizing their value in maintaining social relationships.
  • How to improve: While the essay adequately covers all aspects of the question, providing more specific examples to support the argument could enhance clarity and depth.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear stance throughout, agreeing with the notion of letting go of traditions for progress. This stance is evident in the introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
  • How to improve: To further strengthen clarity, the essay could explicitly state the position in the introduction and reiterate it in the conclusion for emphasis.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas coherently, providing examples to support arguments. It discusses the origins of traditions, their relevance to modern life, and their impact on social relationships.
  • How to improve: To enhance the development of ideas, the essay could delve deeper into the examples provided, offering more analysis and connecting them directly to the central argument.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay predominantly stays on topic, discussing the relationship between traditions and progress, as well as their role in social relationships. However, there are minor instances where the focus shifts slightly, such as the mention of Confucianism.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, the essay should ensure that all examples and arguments directly relate to the central theme of traditions and progress. If introducing tangential topics, they should be seamlessly integrated to avoid detracting from the main discussion.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a logical organization overall. It begins with a clear introduction, stating the author’s stance, followed by two body paragraphs presenting arguments supporting their viewpoint. Each paragraph focuses on a distinct aspect: the outdated nature of traditions and their role in maintaining social relationships. The conclusion provides a succinct summary of the main points. However, transitions between paragraphs could be smoother to enhance the overall coherence.
  • How to improve: To improve logical organization, ensure seamless transitions between paragraphs. Use transition words or phrases (e.g., "Furthermore," "In conclusion") to guide the reader through the essay’s progression and enhance coherence.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph dedicated to a specific point or aspect of the argument. However, the structure within paragraphs could be strengthened. For instance, the second body paragraph could be divided into two separate paragraphs to clearly distinguish between the discussion of traditional customs’ outdated nature and their role in maintaining social relationships.
  • How to improve: Consider breaking down longer paragraphs into smaller, more focused ones to improve readability and clarify the progression of ideas. Each paragraph should ideally address a single main point or aspect of the argument.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes some cohesive devices to connect ideas and maintain coherence. Examples include transition words like "Furthermore," "In fact," and "However," which help signal shifts between different arguments or perspectives. Additionally, the repetition of key terms such as "traditional customs" and "social relationships" enhances cohesion by reinforcing central themes throughout the essay. However, there is room for improvement in the variety and strategic placement of cohesive devices.
  • How to improve: Expand the range of cohesive devices used, including synonyms for repeated terms and a wider array of transition words and phrases. Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are strategically placed to create smoother connections between sentences and paragraphs, enhancing overall coherence and cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonably wide range of vocabulary, incorporating terms such as "customs," "outdated," "credibility," "postpartum," "recovers," "poisoning," "benefit," "behaviour rules," "skillful," "circumstances," "Filial piety," "appropriate," and "advantage." These terms contribute to conveying the writer’s ideas effectively.
  • How to improve: While the essay employs a variety of vocabulary, enhancing the sophistication and precision of word choice can elevate the lexical richness further. Integrating more nuanced synonyms and avoiding repetition of common phrases could enhance the overall lexical resource.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates both precise and imprecise usage of vocabulary. For instance, the term "credibility" is used accurately to discuss the reliability of traditions, whereas phrases like "may not suitable" could be refined to "may not be suitable" for grammatical precision.
  • How to improve: To improve precision, ensure that each term is used accurately and in context. Avoid vague or ambiguous language, and strive for clarity and specificity in expression. Additionally, pay attention to grammatical accuracy to convey ideas effectively.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The spelling in the essay is generally accurate, with only a few minor errors such as "scienfitic" (scientific) and "approproate" (appropriate). However, these errors do not significantly impede comprehension.
  • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, consider utilizing spelling and grammar checking tools, proofreading carefully, and practicing spelling through regular writing exercises. Additionally, reviewing common spelling patterns and words frequently misspelled can help in improving accuracy.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of vocabulary with some room for improvement in precision and spelling accuracy, further refinement in word choice and attention to detail can enhance the lexical resource and overall effectiveness of the writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. However, there is room for improvement in terms of sentence complexity and sophistication. For instance, while there are examples of complex sentences, they could be more frequent to enhance the essay’s flow and coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, aim to incorporate more complex sentence constructions such as using subordinate clauses, relative clauses, and varied sentence beginnings. This can help to create a more engaging and cohesive essay, demonstrating a higher level of language proficiency.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates a fairly good command of grammar and punctuation. However, there are instances of grammatical errors and punctuation inaccuracies throughout the essay. For example, there are errors in subject-verb agreement ("there are only a few scienfitic experiment"), punctuation misuse ("Vietnamese woman who are in the postpartum period, follow the tradition"), and spelling errors ("scienfitic" instead of "scientific").
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy and punctuation skills, it’s essential to review and practice grammar rules and punctuation conventions regularly. Specifically, focus on areas of weakness such as subject-verb agreement, punctuation marks usage (commas, periods, etc.), and spelling. Proofreading the essay carefully after writing can help identify and correct such errors, leading to a smoother and more polished piece of writing.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a satisfactory level of grammatical range and accuracy, there is room for improvement in diversifying sentence structures and enhancing grammatical precision. By incorporating more complex sentence constructions and refining grammar and punctuation skills, the essay can achieve a higher band score in the Grammatical Range and Accuracy criterion.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is often argued that tradition belongs to the past and should be set aside to pave the way for innovation and progress. I wholeheartedly agree with this viewpoint because many traditional customs are outdated and lack reliable scientific evidence to determine their effectiveness. Therefore, I contend that while some traditional practices may hold value as guidance for maintaining social relationships, many are not suitable for contemporary life.

Many traditional customs originated from past adaptations to life and have been passed down orally to subsequent generations. However, oral transmission often leads to misconceptions regarding the rationale behind these ancestral practices. Additionally, historically, there have been limited scientific experiments to scrutinize the credibility of these traditions. Consequently, most of these traditions may not be suitable for modern life. For example, in Vietnam, women in the postpartum period often adhere to the tradition of secluding themselves in a confined space with hot braziers, believed to expedite maternal recovery. However, this practice can result in carbon monoxide poisoning, posing a threat to both the mother and the baby.

Despite this, traditional customs can still offer benefits, particularly in nurturing social relationships among family members and friends. Maintaining healthy relationships necessitates the establishment of behavioral guidelines tailored to specific contexts, a skill often mastered by the elderly. Indeed, elderly individuals have accumulated a wealth of life experiences across multiple epochs. An exemplar of this phenomenon is the enduring value of Filial piety in Confucianism, transmitted across generations and still imparted in numerous Asian educational institutions today.

In conclusion, while traditional customs have provided valuable guidance in the past, many are not suitable for contemporary circumstances. Therefore, individuals should contemplate relinquishing these traditions to facilitate future progress. Nevertheless, I posit that individuals can leverage traditional customs to cultivate robust social bonds, thereby enriching their lives in the present and future.