( Tuyết Mai ) The chart below shows the change in the proportion of population in urban areas between 1950, 2007 and 2050. Summarize information by selecting and reporting key features and making comparisons where relevant

( Tuyết Mai ) The chart below shows the change in the proportion of population in urban areas between 1950, 2007 and 2050.
Summarize information by selecting and reporting key features and making comparisons where relevant

The chart illustrates the percentage of inhabitants among different urban areas.
Looking at the total numbers, the proportion of people living in North America and Africa was highest and lowest in 1950, 2007, and 2050, respectively, among the six metropolitan areas.
In Africa and Asia, the rate of population growth in urban areas soared from 1950 to 2050. In 1950, people who lived in Asia and Africa were very thin, but with the development of the times in 2050, that people will increase strongly, and the ratio will be quite high, with more than 60%.
A little different from Africa and Asia, in 1950, the percentage of inhabitants who lived in North America and Oceania was slightly high, by over 60%. From 1950 to 2050, the number of people in North America and Oceania increased steadily.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The chart illustrates the percentage of inhabitants among different urban areas." -> "The chart depicts the percentage of inhabitants across various urban areas."
Explanation: "Depicts" is more precise and formal than "illustrates," and "across" is more appropriate than "among" for describing the scope of the data.
"Looking at the total numbers, the proportion of people living in North America and Africa was highest and lowest in 1950, 2007, and 2050, respectively, among the six metropolitan areas." -> "Examining the data, the proportion of inhabitants in North America and Africa was highest and lowest in 1950, 2007, and 2050, respectively, among the six metropolitan areas."
Explanation: "Examining the data" is more formal than "Looking at the total numbers," and "inhabitants" is more specific than "people living."
"the rate of population growth in urban areas soared" -> "the rate of urban population growth surged"
Explanation: "Surged" is a more precise term for describing rapid increases, and "urban population growth" is a more formal expression.
"that people will increase strongly" -> "that the population will increase significantly"
Explanation: "The population" is more specific and formal than "that people," and "significantly" is more precise than "strongly" in an academic context.
"the ratio will be quite high, with more than 60%" -> "the proportion will exceed 60%"
Explanation: "Proportion" is more specific and formal than "ratio," and "exceed" is academically appropriate for describing surpassing a threshold.
"A little different from Africa and Asia, in 1950, the percentage of inhabitants who lived in North America and Oceania was slightly high, by over 60%." -> "Differing from Africa and Asia, in 1950, the percentage of inhabitants in North America and Oceania was significantly higher than 60%."
Explanation: "Differing" is more formal than "A little different," and "significantly higher than" is more precise and formal than "slightly high."
"the number of people in North America and Oceania increased steadily." -> "the population in North America and Oceania steadily increased."
Explanation: "Population" is more specific and formal than "number of people," and rephrasing to "steadily increased" aligns better with formal academic style.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5

Explanation: The essay attempts to address the task by providing some information about the changes in the proportion of population in urban areas. However, the essay does not provide a clear overview of the main trends. The essay also focuses on details rather than key features. For example, the essay states that "the proportion of people living in North America and Africa was highest and lowest in 1950, 2007, and 2050, respectively, among the six metropolitan areas." This statement is not relevant to the task, as the essay should focus on the changes in the proportion of population in urban areas, not on the absolute numbers.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clear overview of the main trends in the chart. The essay should also focus on key features, such as the overall increase in the proportion of population in urban areas, and the differences in the rate of growth between different regions. The essay should avoid irrelevant details and focus on providing a clear and concise summary of the information in the chart.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, but there is a noticeable lack of overall progression. While it attempts to compare the urban population proportions across different regions, the connections between ideas are not always clear, leading to a somewhat disjointed narrative. The use of cohesive devices is inadequate, with some phrases feeling repetitive and lacking in variety. Additionally, the paragraphing is not effectively utilized, as the ideas do not flow logically from one to the next, and some paragraphs lack a clear central topic.
How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on establishing clearer connections between ideas and ensuring that each paragraph has a distinct central topic. Using a wider range of cohesive devices, such as linking words and phrases, can help improve the flow of information. Additionally, organizing the essay in a more logical manner, with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion, will aid in creating a more coherent overall structure.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While it attempts to convey information about the population changes in urban areas, the vocabulary used is basic and repetitive, with some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. For example, phrases like "the rate of population growth in urban areas soared" and "the percentage of inhabitants who lived in North America and Oceania was slightly high" indicate an attempt to use less common vocabulary, but the overall expression lacks sophistication. Additionally, there are noticeable errors in spelling and word formation, such as "that people will increase strongly," which may cause some difficulty for the reader.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should aim to expand their vocabulary range by incorporating more varied and precise terms related to urban population growth. This could include using synonyms for "increase" (e.g., "surge," "rise") and more accurate descriptors for statistical changes (e.g., "dramatic," "significant"). Additionally, practicing the use of collocations and ensuring correct word forms will help improve clarity and coherence. Finally, proofreading for spelling errors and refining sentence structures can contribute to a more polished and sophisticated essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, primarily relying on simple sentences with some attempts at complex forms. While there are some accurate structures, frequent grammatical errors are present, particularly in verb forms and sentence construction, which can cause difficulty for the reader. For instance, phrases like "that people will increase strongly" and "the percentage of inhabitants who lived in North America and Oceania was slightly high" exhibit awkwardness and inaccuracies that detract from clarity. Additionally, punctuation errors are evident, impacting the overall readability of the essay.
How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on using a wider variety of sentence structures, including more complex sentences with subordinate clauses. Practicing the correct use of verb tenses and ensuring subject-verb agreement will also help reduce errors. Additionally, proofreading for punctuation and clarity can significantly improve the overall quality of the writing. Engaging with more advanced grammar exercises and reading high-quality writing can further aid in developing these skills.

Bài sửa mẫu

The chart illustrates the percentage of inhabitants in different urban areas.

Looking at the total numbers, the proportion of people living in North America was the highest, while Africa had the lowest percentage in 1950, 2007, and is projected for 2050 among the six metropolitan areas.

In Africa and Asia, the rate of population growth in urban areas soared from 1950 to 2050. In 1950, the number of people living in Asia and Africa was very low, but with the development over time, it is expected that by 2050, the population will increase significantly, with the ratio exceeding 60%.

In contrast to Africa and Asia, the percentage of inhabitants living in North America and Oceania was slightly higher in 1950, at over 60%. From 1950 to 2050, the population in North America and Oceania is projected to increase steadily.