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Two pie charts show a comparison of the proportion of people with different degrees (first degree, master) and professions (Arts, science) who worked in an engineering company in 1980 and 2008.

Two pie charts show a comparison of the proportion of people with different degrees (first degree, master) and professions (Arts, science) who worked in an engineering company in 1980 and 2008.

Two pie charts illustrate the rate of people with different degrees (first degree, master) and professions (Arts, science) who worked in an engineering company in 1980 and 2008.

Overall, Science witnessed an upward trend while Arts decreased. Additionally, the percentage of people with a PhD Science in the company was the highest in 2008.

The first obvious feature of this 2008 chart is that the number of PhD Science increased by two-fold from 1980. In 1980, PhD Science degrees worked for only 13% of companies, but in 2008, the number of people with this degree was 30%, the highest in the chart. However, within 28 years, First degree Arts has slump from 25% to 11%.

As is illustrated by the pie, in 1980, in an engineering company First degree Science ranked third from the top in chart of degree percentage, but in 2008 it had dropped to only 10%, ranking second from the bottom in chart. It is clear from the pie chart, Masters Science has to be unchanged at 29%. Not only that, Masters Arts only rise 1% and PhD Arts increase 5% compared to 1980.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "illustrate the rate of people with different degrees" -> "depict the distribution of individuals with various degrees"
    Explanation: "Depict" is a more formal term than "illustrate," and "distribution" conveys a clearer sense of how individuals are spread across different categories. "Individuals" is also more precise than "people," which is somewhat informal.

  2. "witnessed an upward trend while Arts decreased" -> "exhibited an upward trend, whereas the representation of Arts declined"
    Explanation: "Exhibited" is a more formal verb than "witnessed," and "whereas" provides a clearer contrast between the two subjects. "Representation of Arts" is more specific than simply stating "Arts."

  3. "the percentage of people with a PhD Science in the company was the highest" -> "the proportion of individuals holding a PhD in Science within the company was the highest"
    Explanation: "Proportion" is a more precise term than "percentage," and "holding a PhD in Science" is clearer and more formal than "people with a PhD Science."

  4. "the number of PhD Science increased by two-fold" -> "the number of individuals holding a PhD in Science doubled"
    Explanation: "Doubled" is a more straightforward and precise way to express "increased by two-fold," which can sound awkward.

  5. "PhD Science degrees worked for only 13% of companies" -> "only 13% of individuals with PhD degrees in Science were employed by the company"
    Explanation: This revision clarifies the subject and improves the sentence structure, making it more formal and precise.

  6. "First degree Arts has slump from 25% to 11%" -> "the representation of individuals with a First degree in Arts declined from 25% to 11%"
    Explanation: "Representation of individuals" is more formal and precise than "First degree Arts," and "declined" is a more appropriate term than "slump."

  7. "in an engineering company First degree Science ranked third from the top in chart of degree percentage" -> "in the engineering company, individuals with a First degree in Science ranked third in the degree percentage chart"
    Explanation: This revision improves clarity by restructuring the sentence for better flow and adding "the" before "engineering company" for specificity.

  8. "it had dropped to only 10%, ranking second from the bottom in chart" -> "it had decreased to 10%, ranking second to last in the chart"
    Explanation: "Decreased" is a more formal term than "dropped," and "second to last" is a clearer expression than "second from the bottom."

  9. "Masters Science has to be unchanged at 29%" -> "the proportion of individuals holding a Master’s degree in Science remained constant at 29%"
    Explanation: "Remained constant" is a more precise and formal way to express "has to be unchanged," and "holding a Master’s degree in Science" clarifies the subject.

  10. "Masters Arts only rise 1% and PhD Arts increase 5%" -> "the proportion of individuals holding a Master’s degree in Arts increased by only 1%, while the proportion of those with a PhD in Arts rose by 5%"
    Explanation: This revision clarifies the subject and improves the formal tone by using "increased by" and "rose by," which are more precise than "rise."

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the main trends in the data, but it does not fully extend the key features. For example, the essay states that "Science witnessed an upward trend while Arts decreased," but it does not provide any specific details about the changes in the proportions of people with different degrees and professions. The essay also presents some inaccurate information, such as the statement that "Masters Science has to be unchanged at 29%."

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more specific details about the changes in the proportions of people with different degrees and professions. The essay could also be improved by avoiding inaccurate statements. For example, the essay could state that "the proportion of people with a Masters Science degree remained the same in 1980 and 2008."

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay presents information in a coherent manner, with a clear overall progression from the introduction to the body paragraphs. However, while the organization of ideas is generally logical, there are instances of awkward phrasing and unclear references that disrupt the flow. The use of cohesive devices is evident, but at times it feels mechanical, leading to some confusion in the relationships between ideas. The paragraphing is present but could be improved for clarity and logical flow.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on using a wider range of cohesive devices more naturally, ensuring that they enhance rather than hinder understanding. Additionally, refining the paragraph structure to clearly delineate different ideas and ensuring that each paragraph has a clear central topic would improve clarity. Lastly, avoiding awkward phrasing and ensuring that all references are clear will help in achieving a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary relevant to the task, with some attempts to use less common vocabulary. However, there are noticeable inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, such as "slump" instead of "slumped" and "rise" instead of "rose." Additionally, there are errors in spelling and word formation, such as "the number of PhD Science increased by two-fold," which could be more clearly expressed. While the communication is mostly clear, these errors detract from the overall effectiveness and precision of the vocabulary used.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should focus on using a wider range of vocabulary with greater precision and accuracy. This includes ensuring correct word forms and collocations, as well as incorporating more sophisticated vocabulary where appropriate. Additionally, proofreading for spelling and grammatical errors would help improve clarity and coherence in the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of a Band 6. While there are some attempts to use complex structures, the accuracy of these attempts is inconsistent. There are several grammatical errors and awkward phrases (e.g., "First degree Arts has slump" should be "First degree Arts has slumped"), which can cause some difficulty for the reader. However, the errors do not significantly impede understanding, allowing the main ideas to be communicated effectively.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on increasing the accuracy of their grammatical structures. This can be done by proofreading the essay for common grammatical errors and ensuring that complex sentences are constructed correctly. Additionally, enhancing the variety of sentence structures and using more precise vocabulary would contribute to a more sophisticated writing style, which is essential for a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

Two pie charts illustrate the proportion of individuals with different degrees (first degree, master’s) and professions (Arts, Science) who worked in an engineering company in 1980 and 2008.

Overall, the data indicates that the proportion of individuals with Science degrees experienced an upward trend, while those with Arts degrees saw a decline. Additionally, the percentage of individuals with a PhD in Science was the highest in the company by 2008.

The most notable feature of the 2008 chart is that the number of individuals with a PhD in Science increased two-fold from 1980. In 1980, only 13% of employees held a PhD in Science, but by 2008, this figure rose to 30%, making it the highest percentage in the chart. Conversely, over the 28-year period, the proportion of individuals with a first degree in Arts plummeted from 25% to 11%.

As illustrated by the pie charts, in 1980, first degree Science ranked third in terms of degree percentage within the engineering company, but by 2008, it had dropped to only 10%, ranking second from the bottom. It is evident from the pie chart that the percentage of individuals with a master’s degree in Science remained unchanged at 29%. Furthermore, the percentage of those with a master’s degree in Arts increased by only 1%, while the proportion of individuals with a PhD in Arts rose by 5% compared to 1980.

Bài viết liên quan

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more accessible. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more…

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