fbpx

University students should pay the full cost of their studies because a university education benefits individuals rather than society as a whole. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

University students should pay the full cost of their studies because a university education benefits individuals rather than society as a whole.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Many people claim that university students should be responsible for the payment of their entire tuition. While advocates of this idea contend that students reap more significant benefits than society, I strongly believe that it benefits both individuals and the community. Hence, universities should keep awarding scholarships and giving financial supports to their students.

Granted, university education benefits both the community and people individually.Medical universities, for instance, could give scholarships to deserving candidates who have financial problems, allowing low-income brackets to get access to higher education. After graduating, a person who got financial support can be a highly qualified doctor or nurse, saving many lives. This is also the case with other occupations such as police, electrician or machinery operator.By establishing sponsorships for deserving and intellectual individuals, society can also reap many significant benefits.

In addition, education should not turn into business. If it is mandatory for students to pay their educational costs, many intellectual individuals from financially disadvantaged backgrounds who could be trained to be professional employees will refuse the opportunities attending higher education. Thus they cannot apply to the jobs where graduation is the minimum criteria.Many Central Government Jobs, for instance, require a bachelor degree to apply for any positions.Consequently, the number of employed people will decrease, putting a burden on society.

In conclusion, not only do individuals obtain benefits from university, but also the community does. It is thus essential to creating more sponsorships to potential students with financial hardships who can be professional employees, contributing to the prosperity of society.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "Many people claim" -> "Many proponents argue"
    Explanation: Replacing "Many people claim" with "Many proponents argue" introduces a more formal and precise expression, aligning with academic writing standards.

  2. "While advocates of this idea contend that" -> "While proponents argue that"
    Explanation: Substituting "advocates of this idea contend that" with "proponents argue that" maintains clarity while using a more concise and formal term for individuals supporting the given viewpoint.

  3. "I strongly believe that it benefits both individuals and the community" -> "I firmly contend that it confers benefits upon both individuals and the community"
    Explanation: Replacing "I strongly believe that it benefits both individuals and the community" with "I firmly contend that it confers benefits upon both individuals and the community" enhances the formality of the expression and employs more sophisticated vocabulary.

  4. "Hence, universities should keep awarding scholarships and giving financial supports to their students." -> "Consequently, universities should continue granting scholarships and providing financial assistance to their students."
    Explanation: Substituting "Hence" with "Consequently" improves the transition between ideas, and replacing "keep awarding scholarships and giving financial supports" with "continue granting scholarships and providing financial assistance" maintains a formal tone with more precise language.

  5. "Granted, university education benefits both the community and people individually." -> "Indeed, university education confers advantages upon both the community and individuals."
    Explanation: Replacing "Granted" with "Indeed" adds formality, and changing "benefits both the community and people individually" to "confers advantages upon both the community and individuals" employs more formal and specific terminology.

  6. "Medical universities, for instance, could give scholarships to deserving candidates" -> "Medical universities, for instance, could award scholarships to meritorious candidates"
    Explanation: Substituting "give scholarships to deserving candidates" with "award scholarships to meritorious candidates" enhances formality by using a more precise and academically appropriate term.

  7. "This is also the case with other occupations such as police, electrician or machinery operator." -> "This also applies to other professions, including law enforcement, electricians, and machine operators."
    Explanation: Replacing "This is also the case with" with "This also applies to" maintains formality, and specifying professions like "police" as "law enforcement," and "machinery operator" adds precision to the language.

  8. "By establishing sponsorships for deserving and intellectual individuals" -> "By instituting sponsorships for deserving and intellectually gifted individuals"
    Explanation: Substituting "establishing" with "instituting" and "intellectual" for "intellectually gifted" contributes to a more formal and precise expression.

  9. "If it is mandatory for students to pay their educational costs" -> "If students are obliged to cover their educational expenses"
    Explanation: Replacing "If it is mandatory for students to pay their educational costs" with "If students are obliged to cover their educational expenses" maintains a formal tone and utilizes more precise language.

  10. "Thus they cannot apply to the jobs where graduation is the minimum criteria." -> "As a result, they may not qualify for positions requiring a minimum degree."
    Explanation: Substituting "Thus they cannot apply to the jobs where graduation is the minimum criteria" with "As a result, they may not qualify for positions requiring a minimum degree" improves clarity and uses more formal terminology.

  11. "Many Central Government Jobs, for instance, require a bachelor degree" -> "Many positions in the Central Government, for instance, necessitate a bachelor’s degree."
    Explanation: Changing "Many Central Government Jobs" to "Many positions in the Central Government" and "require a bachelor degree" to "necessitate a bachelor’s degree" improves formality and precision.

  12. "Consequently, the number of employed people will decrease, putting a burden on society." -> "As a consequence, the employment rate will decrease, imposing a burden on society."
    Explanation: Substituting "Consequently" with "As a consequence" maintains formality, and changing "the number of employed people will decrease" to "the employment rate will decrease" employs more precise language.

  13. "In conclusion, not only do individuals obtain benefits from university, but also the community does." -> "In conclusion, individuals derive benefits from university education, and the community also gains."
    Explanation: Replacing "not only do individuals obtain benefits" with "individuals derive benefits" and "but also the community does" with "and the community also gains" simplifies the expression while maintaining a formal tone.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses all parts of the prompt. It discusses both individual and societal benefits of university education, acknowledges the opposing viewpoint, and provides a clear stance.

    • How to improve: While the essay does address all parts of the question, it could enhance its response by providing more specific examples or data to support the arguments.

  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear and consistent position throughout. The stance, supporting the idea that university education benefits both individuals and society, is evident in each paragraph.

    • How to improve: To further strengthen the clarity of the position, the essay could include a concise thesis statement in the introduction that explicitly outlines the author’s stance on the issue.

  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents, extends, and supports ideas. Specific examples, such as scholarships for medical students, police, electricians, etc., are provided to illustrate the argument.

    • How to improve: To enhance the essay, it could explore a wider range of examples and elaborate further on how these examples contribute to the overall argument. This would add depth and richness to the essay.

  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains focus on the topic throughout. It discusses the benefits of university education and the potential consequences if students are required to pay the full cost.

    • How to improve: While the essay stays on topic, it could strengthen its coherence by explicitly connecting each example back to the central theme of individual and societal benefits. This would make the essay more tightly knit.

Overall Comments:
This essay demonstrates a strong grasp of the prompt and effectively communicates the writer’s position. To improve, consider providing more specific examples, incorporating a clear thesis statement, expanding on existing examples for a more in-depth analysis, and reinforcing coherence by explicitly linking examples back to the central theme.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization of information. The introduction sets the stage for the argument, the body paragraphs present distinct points with supporting examples, and the conclusion summarizes the main points. However, there is room for improvement in the clarity of the essay’s structure. The second paragraph, while containing relevant information, might be better placed within the body of the essay to maintain a more linear flow.
    • How to improve: Consider reorganizing the content to ensure a smoother transition between paragraphs. Ensure each paragraph contributes directly to the main argument, promoting a more seamless flow of ideas.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to present different aspects of the argument. Each paragraph focuses on a specific point and supports it adequately. However, as mentioned earlier, the second paragraph could be relocated within the body of the essay to enhance the overall coherence.
    • How to improve: Pay attention to the placement of information. Ensure that each paragraph contributes logically to the overall argument. This will help maintain a clear and structured presentation of ideas.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs a satisfactory range of cohesive devices, including transitional words and phrases. However, there is room for improvement in the diversity and sophistication of these devices. While the essay generally maintains coherence, enhancing the variety of cohesive elements can elevate the overall cohesion.
    • How to improve: Introduce a wider array of transitional words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "however," or "consequently," to add nuance and complexity to the connections between ideas. This will contribute to a more sophisticated and cohesive essay.

In summary, the essay demonstrates a commendable level of coherence and cohesion, earning a band score of 7. To enhance this score further, focus on refining the logical organization of information, ensuring the placement of paragraphs contributes seamlessly to the argument, and diversifying the range of cohesive devices used. These improvements will result in a more polished and cohesive essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary. The writer uses words and phrases effectively to convey ideas. For example, terms like "deserving candidates," "financial problems," "intellectual individuals," and "prosperity of society" showcase a commendable effort to employ diverse vocabulary.
    • How to improve: To further enhance the range of vocabulary, consider incorporating more precise and contextually fitting terms. For instance, instead of "financial problems," one might use "economic challenges" or "financial constraints." Expanding the lexical repertoire will contribute to a more sophisticated expression of ideas.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs vocabulary with reasonable precision. However, in some instances, there is room for improvement. For example, the term "sponsorships" might be refined to "scholarships" for greater precision in the context of academic support. Additionally, the phrase "financial support" could be replaced with a more specific term, such as "tuition assistance" or "educational grants."
    • How to improve: To enhance precision, carefully choose words that precisely convey the intended meaning. Thesaurus use or targeted vocabulary expansion can be beneficial. For instance, substituting "financial support" with a more specific term like "educational grants" would contribute to a more nuanced and accurate expression of the idea.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a satisfactory level of spelling accuracy. However, there are a few instances of minor errors, such as "turn into business" where "turn into a business" would be more grammatically accurate. Additionally, in the sentence "Many Central Government Jobs," it would be grammatically correct to use "government" in lowercase.
    • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, proofreading is crucial. Carefully review the essay for typographical errors and grammatical correctness. Utilizing spelling and grammar tools available in word processing software can also be beneficial. Focusing on specific areas, such as correct preposition usage, will contribute to a polished and error-free essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of sentence structures, including complex and compound sentences. The writer effectively employs varied sentence lengths and structures, contributing to overall readability. For example, the use of conditional sentences in "If it is mandatory for students to pay their educational costs" showcases the ability to incorporate diverse structures.

    • How to improve: While the essay generally employs a good variety of structures, there’s room for improvement in incorporating more advanced sentence structures, such as inversion or reduced relative clauses. Consider exploring sentence types like parallelism to enhance the overall sophistication of the writing. This can be achieved by consciously experimenting with different sentence structures during the drafting process.

  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a solid grasp of grammar and punctuation, with few noticeable errors. Sentence structures are generally correct, and punctuation is appropriately used to guide the reader. An example of accurate punctuation is found in the sentence: "Many Central Government Jobs, for instance, require a bachelor’s degree to apply for any positions."

    • How to improve: While the essay exhibits a good level of grammatical accuracy, a few minor errors, such as missing articles or prepositions, are present. For instance, in "it is mandatory for students to pay their educational costs," adding an article before "educational costs" would enhance precision. Therefore, careful proofreading to catch and correct these minor errors is advised. Additionally, consider incorporating more complex grammatical structures, such as using advanced verb tenses or conditional clauses, to further elevate the sophistication of the essay.

Overall, the essay effectively showcases a strong command of grammar and a commendable variety of sentence structures, contributing to its final Band Score of 7. Continued attention to grammatical details and a conscious effort to experiment with more advanced sentence structures will contribute to further improvement.

Bài sửa mẫu

Many proponents argue that university students should bear the full cost of their studies, asserting that the benefits primarily accrue to individuals rather than society. While advocates of this idea contend that students reap more significant benefits than society, I firmly contend that it confers advantages upon both individuals and the community. Consequently, universities should continue granting scholarships and providing financial assistance to their students.

Indeed, university education confers advantages upon both the community and individuals. Medical universities, for instance, could award scholarships to meritorious candidates facing financial challenges, thereby enabling individuals from lower-income backgrounds to access higher education. After graduation, those who received financial support can become highly qualified medical professionals, potentially saving numerous lives. This principle also applies to other professions, including law enforcement, electricians, and machine operators.

By instituting sponsorships for deserving and intellectually gifted individuals, society can also reap many significant benefits. If students are obliged to cover their educational expenses, many intellectually capable individuals from financially disadvantaged backgrounds might decline the opportunity to pursue higher education. Consequently, they may not qualify for positions requiring a minimum degree. Many positions in the Central Government, for instance, necessitate a bachelor’s degree. As a consequence, the employment rate will decrease, imposing a burden on society.

In conclusion, individuals derive benefits from university education, and the community also gains. It is essential to create more sponsorships for potential students facing financial hardships, as they can become professional employees contributing to the prosperity of society.

Bài viết liên quan

Phản hồi

Email của bạn sẽ không được hiển thị công khai. Các trường bắt buộc được đánh dấu *