Use the information and language from this lesson to answer this Writing Task 1. You should spend about 20 minutes on this task. The line chart below shows the results of a survey giving the reasons why people moved to the capital city of a particular country. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.

Use the information and language from this lesson to answer this Writing Task 1.
You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.
The line chart below shows the results of a survey giving the reasons why people moved
to the capital city of a particular country.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make
comparisons where relevant.
Write at least 150 words.

The line graph illustrates why the number of people who transmigrate to the country town of the specific country from 2000 to 2015.
It is evident that in this period, most of the results in the chart increased except for employment. The main reason for moving was employment.
starting with employment – the reason people move to urban areas. In 2000, more than 60,000 people left the place they were living and that number increased rapidly to more than 92,000 people in 2010. However, looking at the chart, this number decreased by about 3,000 people in 2015. Meanwhile. the number of people choosing to move for study continues to increase continuously. This number reached 25000 by 2000, and by 2015 the number had risen to 3.5 times the number of people in 2000.
Turning to "family/friends" reason, this category climbed gently 11000 in 15 years ( 12000 people by 2000). The last reason is indispensable "advanture". The number of people moving to urban areas for this reason increased slowly, from 11,000 to 16,000 within 15 years.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "The line graph illustrates why the number of people who transmigrate to the country town of the specific country from 2000 to 2015." -> "The line graph depicts the number of individuals who migrated to the rural areas of a specific country between 2000 and 2015."
   Explanation: The original phrase is vague and informal. The suggested revision clarifies the subject and time period, using more precise language suitable for an academic context.

2. "most of the results in the chart increased" -> "the majority of the data points in the chart increased"
   Explanation: "Results" is too vague and informal for this context. "Data points" is more precise and appropriate for discussing statistical information.

3. "The main reason for moving was employment." -> "The primary reason for migration was employment."
   Explanation: "Moving" is too informal and imprecise; "migration" is the correct term for the context of population movement. Also, "was" is too casual; "was" should be replaced with "was" for a more formal tone.

4. "starting with employment – the reason people move to urban areas." -> "Beginning with employment, the primary reason for migration to urban areas."
   Explanation: The original phrase is grammatically incorrect and lacks clarity. The revision corrects the grammar and enhances clarity by specifying the reason for migration.

5. "In 2000, more than 60,000 people left the place they were living" -> "In 2000, over 60,000 individuals relocated from their current residences"
   Explanation: "Left the place they were living" is informal and vague. "Relocated from their current residences" is more precise and formal.

6. "However, looking at the chart, this number decreased by about 3,000 people in 2015. Meanwhile. the number of people choosing to move for study continues to increase continuously." -> "However, as the chart indicates, this number decreased by approximately 3,000 individuals in 2015. Meanwhile, the number of individuals choosing to migrate for educational purposes continued to increase steadily."
   Explanation: The original sentence is awkwardly structured and uses informal language. The revision corrects these issues and uses more precise terminology.

7. "This number reached 25000 by 2000" -> "This number reached 25,000 by 2000"
   Explanation: Adding a comma after "25,000" corrects the numerical formatting to align with standard academic style.

8. "Turning to "family/friends" reason" -> "Moving to the reason of family and friends"
   Explanation: "Turning to "family/friends" reason" is grammatically incorrect and informal. "Moving to the reason of family and friends" corrects the grammar and enhances formality.

9. "this category climbed gently 11000 in 15 years ( 12000 people by 2000)" -> "this category increased by 11,000 over 15 years, with 12,000 individuals in 2000"
   Explanation: The original phrase is grammatically incorrect and unclear. The revision clarifies the numbers and corrects the grammar.

10. "The last reason is indispensable "advanture"." -> "The final reason is the pursuit of adventure."
    Explanation: "Indispensable" incorrectly modifies "reason" and "advanture" is a misspelling. The suggested revision corrects these errors and uses more formal language.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5

Explanation: The essay generally addresses the task, but the format is inappropriate in places. The essay does not provide a clear overview of the main trends in the data. The essay also presents some inaccurate information, such as stating that the number of people moving for study increased 3.5 times the number of people in 2000.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clear overview of the main trends in the data. The essay should also be more accurate in its presentation of the data. For example, the essay could state that the number of people moving for study increased from 25,000 in 2000 to 87,500 in 2015. The essay could also be improved by using more precise language to describe the trends in the data. For example, instead of saying that the number of people moving for employment "decreased by about 3,000 people in 2015," the essay could say that the number of people moving for employment decreased by approximately 3,000 people from 2010 to 2015.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, but there is a lack of overall progression. While it attempts to address the task by summarizing the main features of the line graph, the structure is somewhat disjointed, making it difficult for the reader to follow the flow of ideas. The use of cohesive devices is inadequate, leading to some inaccuracies and repetition. Additionally, paragraphing is not effectively utilized, as the essay lacks clear divisions between different points being made.

How to improve:

1. Enhance Structure: Organize the essay into clear paragraphs, each focusing on a specific reason for moving. This will help improve the overall coherence and allow for better progression of ideas.
2. Use Cohesive Devices: Incorporate a wider range of cohesive devices to link sentences and ideas logically. Avoid overusing or inaccurately using certain phrases.
3. Clarify References: Ensure that references to data are clear and accurate, and consider using more precise language to describe trends and comparisons.
4. Improve Clarity: Aim for clearer topic sentences in each paragraph to indicate the main idea being discussed, which will help guide the reader through the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While it attempts to convey the main features of the line graph, the vocabulary used is basic and repetitive, particularly in phrases like "the number of people" and "the reason." There are noticeable errors in word choice, such as "transmigrate" (which is not commonly used in this context) and "indispensable ‘advanture’" (which appears to be a misspelling of "adventure"). Additionally, the essay contains errors in spelling and punctuation that may cause some difficulty for the reader, such as "continues to increase continuously" (which is redundant) and inconsistent use of commas. Overall, while the essay communicates the main ideas, the lexical resource is insufficient to achieve a higher band score.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource, the writer should aim to use a wider range of vocabulary, including more precise and varied terms relevant to the context. For instance, instead of "transmigrate," consider using "relocate" or "move." Additionally, incorporating synonyms and avoiding repetition can improve the overall quality of the essay. Paying attention to spelling and grammatical accuracy is crucial; proofreading the essay for errors before submission can help eliminate mistakes that impede communication. Finally, using more complex sentence structures and varied expressions will demonstrate greater lexical flexibility and sophistication.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, primarily using simple sentences with some attempts at complex structures. While there are some accurate sentences, frequent grammatical errors and awkward phrasing are present, which can cause difficulty for the reader in understanding the intended meaning. For example, phrases like "the number of people who transmigrate" and "the last reason is indispensable ‘advanture’" contain inaccuracies and awkward constructions. Additionally, punctuation errors, such as the missing comma before "meanwhile," further detract from the overall clarity of the writing.
How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on expanding their range of grammatical structures by incorporating more complex sentences and ensuring that they are used accurately. Practicing sentence variety, including the use of subordinate clauses, can enhance the overall complexity of the writing. Additionally, careful proofreading to catch grammatical and punctuation errors will improve clarity and coherence. Engaging with more varied vocabulary and ensuring precise word choices will also contribute to a stronger performance in this criterion.

Bài sửa mẫu

The line graph illustrates the reasons why people migrated to the capital city of a specific country from 2000 to 2015. It is evident that during this period, most categories in the chart experienced an increase, except for employment. The primary reason for moving was employment.

Starting with employment, which is the main reason people relocate to urban areas, in 2000, more than 60,000 individuals left their previous residences, and this number increased rapidly to over 92,000 by 2010. However, according to the chart, this figure decreased by about 3,000 individuals in 2015. Meanwhile, the number of people choosing to move for study purposes continued to rise steadily. This category reached 25,000 in 2000, and by 2015, the number had risen to 3.5 times that of 2000.

Turning to the "family/friends" reason, this category climbed gently by 11,000 over the 15 years, reaching 12,000 people by 2000. The final reason, "adventure," saw a slow increase in the number of people moving to urban areas for this purpose, rising from 11,000 to 16,000 over the same period.