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Video records are a better way to learn about the way other people in the world live rather than written documents. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Video records are a better way to learn about the way other people in the world live rather than written documents. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Opinions remain divided over the efficacy of video records and written documents as a means of learning about the lifestyles of people in other societies, with some claiming that the former is superior to the latter. In my opinion, however, both forms of media are important in their own ways and contribute significantly to our understanding of diverse cultures and ways of life. One of the most significant advantages of video records over written documents is their ability to convey visual and auditory information simultaneously. This enables viewers to immerse themselves in the sights, sounds, and emotions of the subjects being portrayed, providing a more holistic understanding of their experiences. For instance, documentaries can capture the nuances of body language, facial expressions, and tone of voice, which are often difficult to convey in written form. Also, video records can provide a more engaging experience, as the dynamic nature of the medium captures the attention of the viewer more effectively than static text. On the other hand, written documents hold their own merit in the realm of understanding other societies. In-depth written accounts, such as novels, essays, or anthropological studies, can confer a more profound understanding of the historical, social, and cultural contexts that shape a particular community. For example, a well-researched historical book can provide an extensive analysis of a society’s customs, values, and beliefs, which may be inadequately captured in a video record. What’s more, written documents can offer an opportunity for introspection and critical thinking, as readers have the time and space to analyze, interpret, and reflect upon the information presented. In conclusion, both video records and written documents have distinct advantages when it comes to learning about the lifestyles of people from different cultures. While video records offer an engaging and visually rich experience, written documents provide deeper insights into the historical, social, and cultural contexts that shape societies. Rather than prioritizing one form of media over the other, it is crucial to acknowledge and appreciate the unique contributions that each medium offers in enhancing our understanding of the diverse world we live in.


 

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. “Opinions remain divided” -> “There is a divergence of opinions”
    Explanation: “Opinions remain divided” is a common phrase, but substituting it with “There is a divergence of opinions” introduces a more formal and nuanced expression, fitting for academic discourse.
  2. “some claiming” -> “certain individuals assert”
    Explanation: To elevate the language, “some claiming” can be replaced with “certain individuals assert,” offering a more precise and formal tone.
  3. “In my opinion, however,” -> “Nevertheless, from my perspective,”
    Explanation: To maintain formality and coherence, the phrase “In my opinion, however,” can be substituted with “Nevertheless, from my perspective,” allowing for a seamless transition while presenting a personal viewpoint.
  4. “holistic understanding” -> “comprehensive comprehension”
    Explanation: Replacing “holistic understanding” with “comprehensive comprehension” maintains formality while adding a touch of sophistication to express a thorough understanding.
  5. “nuances of body language” -> “subtleties of nonverbal cues”
    Explanation: “Nuances of body language” can be refined to “subtleties of nonverbal cues,” aligning with a more specific and formal description.
  6. “engaging experience” -> “captivating encounter”
    Explanation: Substituting “engaging experience” with “captivating encounter” maintains the idea while infusing a more elevated vocabulary choice.
  7. “In-depth written accounts” -> “Comprehensive written narratives”
    Explanation: This change enhances the formality by substituting “In-depth written accounts” with “Comprehensive written narratives,” which better signifies extensive analysis.
  8. “may be inadequately captured” -> “might be insufficiently conveyed”
    Explanation: The phrase “may be inadequately captured” can be replaced with “might be insufficiently conveyed” to convey a similar meaning while using more formal language.
  9. “Rather than prioritizing” -> “Instead of favoring”
    Explanation: To maintain formality and precision, “Rather than prioritizing” can be replaced with “Instead of favoring,” conveying a similar idea with more sophisticated language.
  10. “crucial to acknowledge” -> “imperative to recognize”
    Explanation: Substituting “crucial to acknowledge” with “imperative to recognize” enhances the formality and reinforces the significance of understanding the contributions of each medium.

 

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

  1. Quoted text: “Opinions remain divided over the efficacy of video records and written documents as a means of learning about the lifestyles of people in other societies, with some claiming that the former is superior to the latter. In my opinion, however, both forms of media are important in their own ways and contribute significantly to our understanding of diverse cultures and ways of life.”
    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The introduction sets a balanced tone, acknowledging the value of both video records and written documents, which is great. However, it lacks a clear roadmap of the subsequent arguments. Adding a concise preview of the main points to be discussed would strengthen the essay’s structure, guiding the reader through the forthcoming arguments.
    • Improved example: “Opinions differ regarding the effectiveness of video records versus written documents in understanding diverse cultures. While some advocate for the superiority of videos, my perspective aligns with the belief that both mediums—videos and written materials—play crucial roles in comprehending the multifaceted aspects of different societies. This essay will delve into the distinct advantages offered by each medium and how they contribute to our nuanced understanding of diverse cultures.”
  2. Quoted text: “One of the most significant advantages of video records over written documents is their ability to convey visual and auditory information simultaneously.”
    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: This statement effectively highlights a key advantage of video records. However, it could be strengthened by providing a specific example or anecdote that illustrates how this simultaneous transmission of visual and auditory information enhances understanding, creating a more vivid and immersive learning experience for viewers.
    • Improved example: “For instance, a travel documentary capturing the vibrant colors of a cultural festival along with the resonating beats of traditional music not only imparts information but also transports the audience into the heart of that cultural celebration. This immersive experience enables viewers to grasp the emotional essence and intricacies of that society in a way that written accounts might struggle to achieve.”
  3. Quoted text: “On the other hand, written documents hold their own merit in the realm of understanding other societies.”
    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: This section acknowledges the importance of written documents but could benefit from a clearer connection between the merit of written documents and how they contribute to understanding other societies. Adding an example or explanation that demonstrates how written documents specifically offer insights into societal contexts would fortify this argument.
    • Improved example: “Written accounts, like detailed historical chronicles or comprehensive ethnographic studies, offer invaluable insights into societal contexts. For instance, meticulously documented historical texts unravel the layers of traditions, governance, and societal norms prevalent in a particular era, providing a comprehensive understanding of how a society evolved.”

Overall, the essay adeptly presents a balanced view but could benefit from more explicit connections between its statements and concrete examples or anecdotes to strengthen the arguments. Sharpening these connections would amplify the clarity and persuasiveness of the essay, elevating it to a more cohesive level of argumentation.

 

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score: 8.0

Explanation: The essay effectively sequences information and ideas logically, presenting a clear central topic within each paragraph. The logical organization ensures a clear progression throughout the essay. Cohesion is managed well, with the use of a range of cohesive devices that are generally appropriate, though there are instances of slight overuse. Paragraphing is handled sufficiently and appropriately, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay.

How to improve: To enhance cohesion, consider fine-tuning the use of cohesive devices, ensuring they are applied judiciously without any hint of overuse. Additionally, maintaining a consistent level of detail and analysis in both the discussion of video records and written documents could further strengthen the logical flow and coherence of the essay. Overall, the essay is strong, and small refinements would contribute to achieving an even higher band score.

 

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 8

Band Score: 8.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a commendable command of vocabulary, utilizing a wide range of words fluently and flexibly to convey precise meanings. Uncommon lexical items are skillfully integrated, contributing to the overall sophistication of the essay. While there are occasional inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, these errors are infrequent and do not significantly detract from the overall lexical quality. The candidate successfully navigates between the advantages of video records and written documents, showcasing a nuanced understanding of the topic.

How to improve:
To enhance the lexical resource, the writer can further minimize the occasional inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. Careful proofreading and revision can help identify and rectify any such errors. Additionally, the inclusion of a few more high-level vocabulary items would elevate the essay’s lexical richness even further. Maintaining this level of lexical control and expanding the range of sophisticated vocabulary will contribute to achieving a Band 9 score.

 

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score: 8.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable command of grammatical structures with a wide range of sentence forms. The writer employs complex structures effectively, enhancing the overall quality of expression. The majority of sentences are error-free, with occasional minor errors that do not impede communication. The essay maintains a good balance between simple and complex sentences, contributing to overall coherence.

How to improve: While the essay is strong in grammatical range and accuracy, a more varied use of vocabulary could further enhance the quality of expression. Additionally, attention to precision in word choice and further refinement of sentence structures can help minimize minor errors. Overall, maintaining this level of proficiency and striving for even more precise language use would elevate the essay to a Band 9.

 

Bài sửa mẫu

There is ongoing debate regarding the effectiveness of video records versus written documents in educating us about diverse societies. Some argue that video records surpass written documents in this regard. However, in my view, both mediums play crucial roles and significantly contribute to our comprehension of various cultures and lifestyles.

One of the primary advantages of video records lies in their capacity to convey visual and auditory information simultaneously. This allows viewers to fully immerse themselves in the sights, sounds, and emotions of the subjects depicted, leading to a more comprehensive understanding of their experiences. Documentaries, for example, can capture subtle cues like body language, facial expressions, and tone of voice, which are often challenging to express in written form. Furthermore, videos tend to captivate the audience more effectively due to their dynamic nature compared to static text.

On the other hand, written documents possess their unique merits in comprehending other societies. Detailed written accounts, such as novels, essays, or anthropological studies, can offer a profound insight into the historical, social, and cultural contexts shaping a particular community. For instance, a well-researched historical book can delve deeply into a society’s customs, values, and beliefs, aspects that might not be adequately conveyed in video records. Additionally, written documents provide an opportunity for introspection and critical thinking as readers have the time and space to analyze, interpret, and reflect upon the presented information.

In conclusion, both video records and written documents have distinct advantages in uncovering the lifestyles of diverse cultures. While video records provide an engaging and visually rich experience, written documents offer deeper insights into the historical, social, and cultural contexts shaping societies. Instead of favoring one medium over the other, it’s crucial to recognize and value the unique contributions that each medium offers in enriching our comprehension of the diverse world we inhabit.

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