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water pollution. What are the causes and solutions to this problems?

water pollution. What are the causes and solutions to this problems?

In recent decades, the issue of water pollution has escalated significantly in many countries, prompting a widespread inquiry into its causes and potential solutions. This problem has raised concerns among people who wonder about its origins and how to address it effectively. In my view, two primary contributors to this problem are the excessive use of pesticides and fertilizers in agriculture and the unregulated fishing practices contaminating our water bodies.

To commence with, agricultural practices have made substantial contributions to the escalating volume of underwater waste generated daily. In other words, our society has embraced materialism and mass consumption, leading us to excessively apply fertilizers and pesticides in our farming activities. This overuse of chemicals directly leads to water pollution.

Additionally, unregulated fishing has contaminated our water systems further. Several countries engage in indiscriminate fishing practices, which harm aquatic ecosystems and contribute to water pollution. To address this intractable issue, it is crucial for every citizen to take part in reducing the use of fertilizers. For instance, we can establish a reasonable schedule for their application, avoiding excessive usage.

Moreover, adhering to sustainable fishing practices is imperative. This involves fishing within allowable limits, where the government enforces more stringent regulations to protect ecosystems and minimize water pollution. By combining efforts at both the individual and governmental levels, we can effectively reduce the level of water pollution.

In conclusion, the causes of water pollution, such as the overuse of fertilizers and unregulated fishing, are issues that require collective action. If we reduce fertilizer usage and adhere to sustainable fishing practices, we can mitigate this problem's impact. By doing so, we pave the way for a cleaner environment, from which future generations will benefit greatly.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "escalated significantly" -> "increased significantly"
    Explanation: Replacing "escalated significantly" with "increased significantly" maintains a formal tone without compromising clarity. "Escalated" can be seen as slightly less formal in this context.

  2. "raising concerns among people" -> "raising concerns among the public"
    Explanation: Substituting "people" with "the public" adds a more formal touch and aligns with academic style, which often prefers broader terms like "the public" over "people."

  3. "commence with" -> "begin with"
    Explanation: Replacing "commence with" with "begin with" is a more straightforward and formal choice that avoids the somewhat formal-sounding "commence."

  4. "contributions to the escalating volume" -> "contributions to the increasing volume"
    Explanation: Changing "escalating" to "increasing" and "volume" is more precise and removes the somewhat informal connotation of "escalating."

  5. "overuse of chemicals directly leads" -> "excessive chemical use directly results"
    Explanation: Substituting "overuse of chemicals" with "excessive chemical use" and changing "leads" to "results" maintains formality and improves clarity.

  6. "contaminated our water systems further" -> "further contaminated our aquatic ecosystems"
    Explanation: This revision uses more precise and formal language, replacing "water systems" with "aquatic ecosystems" for greater clarity and formality.

  7. "intractable issue" -> "persistent problem"
    Explanation: "Intractable issue" is less common and more complex than "persistent problem," which is more suitable for an academic tone.

  8. "establish a reasonable schedule for their application" -> "implement a well-defined schedule for their application"
    Explanation: The addition of "well-defined" and the use of "implement" instead of "establish" contribute to a more formal and precise phrasing.

  9. "adhering to sustainable fishing practices is imperative" -> "compliance with sustainable fishing practices is imperative"
    Explanation: Substituting "adhering to" with "compliance with" and adding "is" enhances formality and clarity.

  10. "where the government enforces more stringent regulations" -> "where governments enforce stricter regulations"
    Explanation: The plural "governments" and "stricter" provide a more formal and precise description of regulatory actions.

  11. "By combining efforts at both the individual and governmental levels" -> "Through collaborative efforts at both individual and governmental levels"
    Explanation: Replacing "By combining" with "Through collaborative" and adding "at" for "individual and governmental levels" improves formality and clarity.

  12. "pave the way for a cleaner environment" -> "contribute to a cleaner environment"
    Explanation: The phrase "contribute to" is a more formal and precise way to express the idea of making progress towards a cleaner environment.

  13. "from which future generations will benefit greatly" -> "which will greatly benefit future generations"
    Explanation: Rearranging the sentence for better flow and substituting "from" with "which will" maintains formality and clarity.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses all parts of the question. It discusses both the causes and solutions of water pollution, specifically mentioning the excessive use of pesticides and fertilizers in agriculture as a cause and suggesting reducing fertilizer usage and sustainable fishing practices as solutions.
    • How to improve: No improvement is needed in this aspect. The essay fully addresses the question’s requirements.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear and consistent position throughout. It consistently argues that excessive use of chemicals in agriculture and unregulated fishing practices are the main causes of water pollution, and it advocates for reducing fertilizer usage and adopting sustainable fishing practices as solutions.
    • How to improve: No improvement is needed in this aspect. The essay’s position is well-established and maintained.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas effectively and provides adequate support. It elaborates on the causes (agricultural chemicals, unregulated fishing) and extends the discussion by suggesting practical solutions (reducing fertilizer usage, sustainable fishing). Specific examples and explanations are provided, such as mentioning the harm to aquatic ecosystems due to unregulated fishing.
    • How to improve: While the essay is generally strong in presenting and supporting ideas, it could benefit from additional real-world examples or statistics to further bolster its argument and make it more persuasive.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay stays on topic throughout and does not deviate from the discussion of water pollution, its causes, and solutions.
    • How to improve: No improvement is needed in this aspect. The essay remains focused on the given topic.

Overall, this essay demonstrates a strong grasp of the task. It effectively addresses all parts of the question, maintains a clear position, presents and supports ideas well, and stays on topic. To improve further, the essay could consider including more specific examples or statistics to enhance the depth of its arguments. However, it is a well-written response that deserves its Band Score of 8 for Task Response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a commendable level of logical organization. It begins with a clear introduction that introduces the problem and the two main causes. The body paragraphs are structured logically, addressing each cause in turn and providing examples and explanations. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points without introducing new information. The logical progression of ideas throughout the essay aids reader comprehension.
    • How to improve: To further enhance logical organization, consider using transition words or phrases between sentences and paragraphs to guide readers through your argument. For example, using words like "firstly," "secondly," and "in conclusion" can make the structure even more explicit.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay appropriately uses paragraphs to structure its content. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the essay’s argument, ensuring clarity and coherence within those sections. This approach enhances readability and allows for a clear separation of ideas.
    • How to improve: Keep practicing effective paragraphing techniques, ensuring that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and contains relevant supporting details. Additionally, consider varying the length and complexity of your sentences for further readability.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively employs a range of cohesive devices to connect ideas and ensure coherence. It uses cohesive devices such as "to commence with," "additionally," "moreover," and "in conclusion" to indicate the flow of thought and highlight relationships between sentences and paragraphs. These devices contribute significantly to the essay’s overall coherence.
    • How to improve: Continue to diversify your use of cohesive devices. While your current selection is appropriate, you can explore additional transitional phrases and synonyms to add variety and sophistication to your writing. Additionally, ensure that the usage of these devices remains consistent throughout the essay to maintain a smooth flow.

Overall, your essay demonstrates a solid grasp of coherence and cohesion. By incorporating the suggested improvements, such as enhancing transition words, refining paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices, you can further elevate your writing and potentially achieve an even higher band score. Keep up the good work!

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonably wide range of vocabulary, with words and phrases like "escalated significantly," "contributions," "materialism," "intractable issue," and "sustainable fishing practices" contributing to lexical variety. However, there is still room for improvement in terms of incorporating more diverse and nuanced vocabulary throughout the essay.
    • How to improve: To further enhance vocabulary diversity, the writer can consider using synonyms or alternative expressions in place of repetitive words and phrases. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "water pollution," they could use terms like "aquatic contamination," "environmental degradation," or "hydrological degradation" to demonstrate a broader lexical range.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary effectively, with precise terms like "excessive use of pesticides and fertilizers," "unregulated fishing practices," and "indiscriminate fishing practices" accurately conveying the intended meanings. However, there are instances where vocabulary usage could be more precise. For example, the term "intractable issue" could be more specific by mentioning the persistence and complexity of the problem.
    • How to improve: To achieve greater precision, the writer should carefully select words that precisely convey the intended nuances. Using more descriptive terms and providing specific examples can help clarify and refine the essay’s vocabulary.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a reasonably high level of spelling accuracy, with no major spelling errors evident. However, there are a few minor errors, such as "problems" instead of "problem" in the essay prompt and "commence" instead of "commence" (commence should be "commence") in the essay body. These errors do not significantly affect comprehension but should still be addressed.
    • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully, paying attention to commonly misspelled words and ensuring consistent and accurate spelling throughout the essay.

Overall, this essay demonstrates competent lexical resource skills, with a good use of vocabulary, mostly precise terminology, and minor spelling errors. To improve the Lexical Resource score further, the writer should aim for greater vocabulary diversity, more precise terminology, and meticulous proofreading to eliminate any remaining spelling errors.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a commendable range of sentence structures. It employs simple and complex sentence structures effectively to convey ideas. For instance, the writer effectively uses compound sentences (e.g., "In recent decades, the issue of water pollution has escalated significantly in many countries, prompting a widespread inquiry into its causes and potential solutions") and complex sentences (e.g., "To commence with, agricultural practices have made substantial contributions to the escalating volume of underwater waste generated daily") to maintain sentence variety.
    • How to improve: To further enhance the essay’s overall sentence structure diversity, consider incorporating more complex and compound-complex sentences where appropriate. This can add depth and sophistication to your writing. Additionally, be cautious not to overuse certain sentence patterns to maintain a balanced variety.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammar and punctuation. There are very few noticeable errors throughout the essay, and these do not significantly impede comprehension. For example, the sentence "This problem has raised concerns among people who wonder about its origins and how to address it effectively" is well-structured and grammatically correct.
    • How to improve: To further improve grammatical accuracy, proofread carefully for minor issues such as subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and word choice. Additionally, ensure that punctuation is consistently used correctly throughout the essay. Double-check for any potential errors, as even minor issues can affect the overall quality of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

In recent decades, water pollution has become a significant issue in many countries, prompting widespread concern about its causes and potential solutions. This problem has raised concerns among the public who are wondering about its origins and how to effectively address it. In my opinion, two primary factors contribute to this problem: the excessive use of pesticides and fertilizers in agriculture and unregulated fishing practices that contaminate our water bodies.

To begin with, agricultural practices have played a substantial role in increasing the amount of underwater waste generated daily. In simpler terms, our society’s embrace of materialism and mass consumption has led to the excessive application of fertilizers and pesticides in our farming activities. This overuse of chemicals directly results in water pollution.

Furthermore, unregulated fishing has further contaminated our aquatic ecosystems. Some countries engage in indiscriminate fishing practices that harm aquatic ecosystems and contribute to water pollution. To address this persistent problem, it is crucial for everyone to participate in reducing the use of fertilizers. For example, we can implement a well-defined schedule for their application, avoiding excessive use.

Additionally, compliance with sustainable fishing practices is imperative. This involves fishing within allowable limits, where governments enforce stricter regulations to protect ecosystems and minimize water pollution. Through collaborative efforts at both individual and governmental levels, we can contribute to a cleaner environment, which will greatly benefit future generations.

In conclusion, the causes of water pollution, such as the overuse of fertilizers and unregulated fishing, are issues that require collective action. If we reduce fertilizer usage and adhere to sustainable fishing practices, we can mitigate the impact of this problem. By doing so, we can pave the way for a cleaner environment that will be of great benefit to future generations.

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