water pollution. What are the causes and solutions to this problems?
Over the past few decades, the increasing amount of water polution has become a major problem in many countries. People have questioned what caused this problem and what can be done to improve the situation. In my opinion, two of the most critical cause of this issue are the increase of the use of pesticides and fertilizers
To begin with, Agricultural practices has contributed greatly to the increasing amount of underwater waste we produce every day. In other words, we have turned into a materialistic and mass-consumption society where we use multipe products. Several countries fishing indiscriminately has contaimnated water systems. Moreover, we used over fertilizer and pesticides that cause water polution
To sole this intratable problem, every citizen needs to participate in using less fertilizer. For example, we can make shedule that is resonable. Besides we also should fish the allowable limit. Which the government enforce stricter laws on people to protect ecosystems while also helping to avoid water pollution.
As discussed above, people and the government can share the responsibility to reduce amount of water pollution.I hope that in future our offspring will be better off with the well-preserved environment.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
"water polution" -> "water pollution"
Explanation: Correcting the spelling error from "water polution" to "water pollution" is necessary to maintain proper spelling and academic credibility.
"major problem" -> "significant issue"
Explanation: Replacing "major problem" with "significant issue" enhances the formality of the sentence while maintaining clarity.
"People have questioned what caused this problem" -> "There is a widespread inquiry into the causes of this issue"
Explanation: The suggested alternative employs a more formal and precise language to express the idea of people questioning the causes of water pollution.
"the most critical cause of this issue" -> "the primary contributors to this problem"
Explanation: Using "primary contributors" instead of "the most critical cause" is more precise and academically appropriate.
"Agricultural practices has contributed greatly" -> "Agricultural practices have made substantial contributions"
Explanation: Correcting the subject-verb agreement by changing "has" to "have" and replacing "contributed greatly" with "made substantial contributions" results in a more accurate and formal statement.
"we use multipe products" -> "we consume a multitude of products"
Explanation: The term "multipe" should be replaced with "a multitude of" for improved clarity and formality.
"fishing indiscriminately has contaimnated" -> "unregulated fishing has contaminated"
Explanation: Substituting "fishing indiscriminately" with "unregulated fishing" and correcting "contaimnated" to "contaminated" improves the overall clarity and academic style.
"we used over fertilizer and pesticides" -> "we excessively apply fertilizers and pesticides"
Explanation: Replacing "we used over" with "we excessively apply" enhances precision and academic tone.
"To sole this intratable problem" -> "To address this intractable issue"
Explanation: Correcting "sole" to "address" and replacing "intratable" with "intractable" maintains a formal tone and clarity.
"shedule" -> "schedule"
Explanation: Correcting the spelling error from "shedule" to "schedule" is necessary for proper usage.
"fish the allowable limit" -> "adhere to sustainable fishing practices"
Explanation: Replacing "fish the allowable limit" with "adhere to sustainable fishing practices" conveys the idea more clearly and formally.
"which the government enforce stricter laws" -> "where the government enforces more stringent regulations"
Explanation: The suggested alternative uses a more formal structure and vocabulary to express the same idea.
"to reduce amount of water pollution" -> "to reduce the level of water pollution"
Explanation: Replacing "amount of" with "level of" results in a more precise and academically appropriate phrase.
"our offspring will be better off" -> "future generations will benefit"
Explanation: Substituting "offspring" with "future generations" and rephrasing "will be better off" to "will benefit" maintains a formal tone and clarity.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5
Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD
Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay partially addresses all parts of the question. It acknowledges the causes of water pollution (use of pesticides and fertilizers) but does not thoroughly explore the solutions.
- How to improve: To improve, the essay should provide a more comprehensive analysis of both causes and solutions. It should also clearly identify and address all elements of the question, ensuring that the discussion is balanced between causes and solutions.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay does not maintain a clear position consistently throughout. While it briefly mentions the causes of water pollution, it lacks a strong, clear stance on the issue.
- How to improve: The essay should establish a clear and consistent position from the beginning and maintain it throughout the essay. The writer should make their viewpoint on the causes and solutions to water pollution explicit.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas but lacks in-depth development and support. It briefly mentions agricultural practices and fishing as causes without providing substantial evidence or elaboration.
- How to improve: To enhance this aspect, the writer should provide more detailed explanations, examples, and evidence to support their claims. Offering statistics, studies, or real-life examples can strengthen the argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay tends to deviate from the topic at times. For instance, the reference to "we have turned into a materialistic and mass-consumption society where we use multipe products" is not directly related to the causes of water pollution.
- How to improve: It is essential to maintain a tight focus on the topic of water pollution. Avoid discussing unrelated societal trends and stick to the causes and solutions related to water pollution.
Overall, the essay has potential but requires significant improvements in addressing all parts of the question, maintaining a clear position, elaborating on ideas with support, and staying on topic. The writer should aim for a more balanced and focused discussion to achieve a higher band score.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7
Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a generally logical organization of information. It begins by introducing the problem of water pollution and its causes, and then it transitions smoothly to potential solutions. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the problem or solution, creating a clear structure.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow further, consider providing a clear thesis statement in the introduction that outlines the main points you will address in the essay. Additionally, ensure that your ideas progress in a logical order within each paragraph, and use transition words or phrases to connect your thoughts more explicitly.
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs effectively to structure its content. Each paragraph addresses a distinct point, making it easier for the reader to follow the discussion.
- How to improve: To further improve paragraphing, make sure that each paragraph has a topic sentence that introduces the main idea of that paragraph. Also, consider using more topic sentences to create a stronger internal structure within paragraphs.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as transition words like "To begin with," "Moreover," and "Besides." These devices help connect ideas and create coherence within the text.
- How to improve: To enhance the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider variety of transition words and phrases. Additionally, use pronouns and reference words more consistently to avoid repetition and improve overall cohesion. For instance, instead of repeating "water pollution," you can use pronouns like "it" or "this issue."
Overall, this essay demonstrates a strong ability to organize information logically and utilize paragraphs effectively. To achieve an even higher score, work on providing a clear thesis statement, refining the progression of ideas, and diversifying your use of cohesive devices. Keep up the good work!
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 5
Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, with some attempt to use varied words and phrases. However, there is a notable reliance on repetitive language and limited vocabulary, which affects the overall richness of expression. For example, terms like "water pollution," "fertilizers," and "pesticides" are repeated frequently, and there is limited exploration of synonyms or alternative phrasing.
- How to improve: To improve this aspect, the writer should aim to diversify their vocabulary. They can achieve this by exploring synonyms and using different words to express similar ideas. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "water pollution," they can use terms like "aquatic contamination" or "environmental degradation" to add variety and depth to their writing.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay struggles with precision in vocabulary usage. There are instances of imprecise language and awkward phrasing. For instance, the phrase "we have turned into a materialistic and mass-consumption society where we use multipe products" lacks clarity and precision. Additionally, the use of "intratable" should be "intractable," and "sole" should be "solve." These errors hinder comprehension and affect the overall quality of the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should carefully choose words that accurately convey their intended meaning. They should also proofread their work to correct spelling and grammar mistakes. It is advisable to consult a dictionary or thesaurus to ensure that vocabulary is used correctly and appropriately.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: Spelling accuracy in the essay is a concern. There are several spelling errors throughout the text, such as "polution," "resonable," and "contaimnated." These errors detract from the overall professionalism and readability of the essay.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should develop a habit of proofreading their work before submission. They can also use spelling and grammar checking tools available in word processing software to catch and correct errors. Additionally, practicing writing regularly and paying attention to spelling rules and common pitfalls can help in avoiding these mistakes in the future.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6
Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures. Most sentences are simple and lack complexity. There are also instances of repetitive sentence structures, such as "we use" and "we also should." The essay lacks variety in sentence structure, which affects its overall coherence and readability.
- How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and sentence structure variety, the author should consider incorporating a wider range of sentence types, such as compound sentences, complex sentences, and conditional sentences. This can be achieved by using transitional phrases and connectors to link ideas more effectively.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical and punctuation errors that impact clarity and accuracy. For instance, there are errors in subject-verb agreement (e.g., "Several countries fishing indiscriminately"), verb tense consistency (e.g., "we used over fertilizer"), and articles (e.g., "the increase of the use of pesticides and fertilizers"). Punctuation, such as missing commas after introductory phrases and inconsistent use of capitalization, also detracts from the overall accuracy.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the author should pay close attention to subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and the correct use of articles. Proofreading and editing are crucial to eliminate punctuation errors and ensure the text flows smoothly. Additionally, the author should work on sentence-level accuracy by reviewing the use of singular/plural forms and verb conjugations.
Overall, while the essay addresses the prompt and presents some relevant ideas, the limitations in sentence structure variety and grammatical accuracy hinder its effectiveness. To improve, the author should focus on developing a wider range of sentence structures and enhancing grammatical precision through careful proofreading and editing.
Bài sửa mẫu
In recent decades, the issue of water pollution has escalated significantly in many countries, prompting a widespread inquiry into its causes and potential solutions. This problem has raised concerns among people who wonder about its origins and how to address it effectively. In my view, two primary contributors to this problem are the excessive use of pesticides and fertilizers in agriculture and the unregulated fishing practices contaminating our water bodies.
To commence with, agricultural practices have made substantial contributions to the escalating volume of underwater waste generated daily. In other words, our society has embraced materialism and mass consumption, leading us to excessively apply fertilizers and pesticides in our farming activities. This overuse of chemicals directly leads to water pollution.
Additionally, unregulated fishing has contaminated our water systems further. Several countries engage in indiscriminate fishing practices, which harm aquatic ecosystems and contribute to water pollution. To address this intractable issue, it is crucial for every citizen to take part in reducing the use of fertilizers. For instance, we can establish a reasonable schedule for their application, avoiding excessive usage.
Moreover, adhering to sustainable fishing practices is imperative. This involves fishing within allowable limits, where the government enforces more stringent regulations to protect ecosystems and minimize water pollution. By combining efforts at both the individual and governmental levels, we can effectively reduce the level of water pollution.
In conclusion, the causes of water pollution, such as the overuse of fertilizers and unregulated fishing, are issues that require collective action. If we reduce fertilizer usage and adhere to sustainable fishing practices, we can mitigate this problem’s impact. By doing so, we pave the way for a cleaner environment, from which future generations will benefit greatly.